Hard Young Child

Hard Young Child

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In This Article

This stage of parenting is really hard. It really is.

Time flies. And yet doesn’t. It’s a mystery to every parent on earth.

But one day, this stage of life will only be a memory.

This stage of life will pass.

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We believe in creating a world in which all mothers are thriving

But this stage doesn’t last forever mama. Promise.

By
Rachel Toalson

September 5, 2017

“How are you today?” one of your mom friends asks as she passes you in the hallway of your sons’ elementary school. You fire back the typical, expected response. “Doing well,” you say, even though, if one were to open up the heart of you, one would see that you are not, in fact, doing well.
But it’s too complicated. Too raw. You don’t know her well enough. These are the excuses you offer yourself as you pass by, on your way back home with four-year-old twins clutching a stroller holding a 19-month-old.
The truth is, you’re incredibly lonely. Not lonely in the sense that your marriage is rocky, or your relationships with your kids aren’t healthy, or you have nobody and no one on the planet. You are lonely in one sense only: You are a parent of young children.
It’s so hard being a parent of young children.
It’s hard to find time for practically anything, especially socializing , because all your time is consumed with kids, and all your nights are consumed with making sure they get enough sleep, and all your days are consumed with signing school folders and folding clothes and tidying up a house that gets ransacked in half an hour of kids being home.
You don’t have much opportunity to make friends or cultivate friendships. Because it’s too much work to get everyone packed up in the car, and then, when you’ve finally got the little ones strapped in and ready to go, you don’t really feel like going anymore, because one fought you for half an hour on which shoes they wanted to wear, and one of the older ones is still packing up all their stuff because they want to take a thousand Pokemon cards with them even though you’ve tried to explain that the kids at your friends’ house aren’t old enough to be interested in Pokemon.
So it’s a very lonely place you find yourself, because no one has time to talk except about what’s simmering on the surface, and you get really used to exchanging pleasantries like, “Hey, let’s get together soon,” and then it never happens, because life is busy and parenting is hard and sleep looks a little more inviting at this point.
And before you know it, you realize that the only real friends you have are a 19-month-old and two four-year-olds, because the others are in school and no one ever calls you anymore, not even your sister, and you don’t go anywhere, because you’re not all that big on play dates, and who needs friends anyway? That’s what you’ll tell yourself, because you’d rather not think about what you’re missing.
Sure, it’s a whirlwind. You’ve heard it said that the days are long, but the years are short. You’ve seen it in motion, because how is it, exactly, that he’s now nine years old? How is it, exactly, that you’re now in your thirties? How is it, exactly, that you’ve gone three months without calling your sister?
You feel lonely, because not only do you never get out, but no one ever talks about the hard parts of parenting. They just all make it look easy. Which makes you feel a little guilty. And probably they feel guilt too. Because, really, they’re just like you.
And let’s talk about this guilt you’re battling all the time.
You feel guilty for not spending enough time with your kids, or for spending too much time with your kids, because your partner needs you too.
You feel guilty about pursuing a career outside the home , or feel guilty about not pursing a career outside the home.
Or you feel guilty about not breastfeeding or not co-sleeping or that one time or four thousand times you yelled.
You try to achieve balance, but it’s always just out of reach. You’re exhausted. You make it to the end of the day, and that’s really saying something.
It’s true that in your reality, as it is today, sometimes you’ll feel a bit too close to crazy.
It will seem like it’s never-ending. But it’s not.
It will feel like your kids will always be this challenging, But they won’t.
Today is not tomorrow and little by little, you will see how things can change. They will need you less and less, and with each new piece of independence they gain, you will gain some back too.
And when it does, you’ll only have your memories. So let’s make them good . And full. And way bigger than the loneliness we feel for a small moment in time.

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What could cause a 6-year-old to blink hard and constantly?

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What could cause a 6-year-old to blink hard and constantly? He reports that his vision is fine and he is not in pain. He says that his eyes are sometimes dry and wet at the same time (yes, strange). I will make an appointment for him to see a pediatric ophthalmologist, but any insight while we wait for his appointment would be helpful.
Several years ago we studied a large number of children who exhibited excessive blinking and/or excessive force of blinking. Our study was published in the journal Ophthalmology .
Most children fell into one of four major categories: (1) The need for glasses or a change of glasses; (2) a habit or a psychological issue such as excessive stress; (3) misalignment of the eyes , including misalignment that is so subtle that it is not easily detected; or (4) a problem with the front part of the eyes such as dry eyes , a foreign body under the eyelids, et cetera. Often, no obvious cause can be determined. If an obvious problem is detected, it should be treated. When no problem is detected and there are no other associated signs or symptoms, observation is usually all that is warranted.
Not every question will receive a direct response from an ophthalmologist. However, we will follow up with suggested ways to find appropriate information related to your question. Medical disclaimer
By submitting your question, you agree to be answered by email. Your email address will only be used to answer your question unless you are an Academy member or are subscribed to Academy newsletters.
Not every question will receive a direct response from an ophthalmologist. However, we will follow up with suggested ways to find appropriate information related to your question. Medical disclaimer
By submitting your question, you agree to be answered by email. Your email address will only be used to answer your question unless you are an Academy member or are subscribed to Academy newsletters.
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CS Mott Children's Hospital | Michigan Medicine

Many parents are alarmed to find their young child engaged in genital stimulation. It can feel as though part of the child’s innocence is lost. However, in young children, genital stimulation is not associated with sexual activity. Genital stimulation can take the form of rubbing with hands or rubbing against other objects such as a pillow, stuffed animal or the bed. Exploring his or her genitals provides a feeling of pleasure, that once discovered, the child will most likely repeat.
Children should never be punished or shamed for playing with their genitals, as this can have major effects on their self-esteem and comfort with sexual activity as adults.
Babies often tug on their genitals, just as they tug on their toes or ears.
Boys often find their penises accidentally, possibly during a diaper change around six to seven months of age and become curious (just like their fascination with other parts of their bodies, such as fingers, toes and ears).
Girls often don’t discover their vulva (female external genitalia) until about ten to eleven months of age.
Potty training can be another time when there is curiosity about the genital area. Boys will play with their penises. Girls may even insert things into their vaginas.
Most children—both boys and girls—play with their external sex organs or “private parts” fairly regularly by the age of 5-6 years. By age 15, almost 100% of boys and 25% of girls have masturbated to the point of orgasm.
Again, it is important to remember that children do not generally associate this activity with sexuality or adult relationships until closer to puberty. Genital play is often used simply as a form of self-comfort.
Most often, genital stimulation is a normal part of childhood development. There are some cases, however, when it may be a signal for something more concerning. In these cases, you should discuss your concerns with your pediatrician:
If genital play becomes a time consuming activity for your child, look for possible underlying reasons. Is your child stressed and in extra need of comfort? Or are they stressed and need time to be calm? Is your child bored? Is the behavior being reinforced by adults over-reacting to activity? If any of these seem to be the case, the underlying reason should be addressed.
Toddlers and preschoolers do not really understand the social implications of genital stimulation, because, as noted earlier, they don’t associate it with private behaviors that occur between adults. To them, it may be no different than playing with their ears, twirling their hair or picking their nose. Don't make a big deal out of it. Children enjoy attention of any sort, whether it is negative or positive. If you make genital stimulation into a big deal, you could end up reinforcing the behavior and actually see more of it. Here are some positive ways for parents to keep their kids from playing with genitals in public:
Reviewed by Sara Laule, MD Updated November 2020

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