Hard Penetration

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Hard Penetration


PENETRATION LIKE YOU’VE NEVER KNOWN IT
PENETRATION LIKE YOU’VE NEVER KNOWN IT, Prince sang about it and the smoothest of lovers have perfected it. LOVE TO THE NINES . When used properly NINES can send any couple to a place that they have never been. The NINES will take you straight to that post-orgasm place that we all dream about.


Copyright 2022 © Intimacy in Marriage
I’m often touting the deep need for healthy communication between a husband and wife about sex. (Well, about all things, but let’s stay on point here with sex).
Without good communication— solid listening and feedback and verbal expression of feelings and thoughts —a married couple is left to rely on assumption to navigate their sexual way.
Assumption does not lay down a solid track to phenomenal sex. It just doesn’t. It’s not hard to see why a married couple would be left sexually disappointed if the only tool with which they are working is assumption.
All penetration and thrusting are not created equal. You don’t have to have sex more than about once to know this, but it still is something a husband and wife may not intentionally talk about. Like ever .
They fall into patterns of “this is just how we do it,” and either it doesn’t occur to them to speak up about what may make the experience more enjoyable for each of them OR they are hesitant to speak up out of concern of implying that their spouse doesn’t know what they are doing.
But maybe they don’t know what they are doing. That’s not a bad thing. It just a revelatory thing. It’s a clue that some coaching may be in order.
Just like all aspects of sexual arousal and pleasure, a fair amount of communication can go a long way. Through giving and receiving feedback and through trial and error, you can better use penetration and thrusting.
Yes, as a husband, your penis is what is penetrating and thrusting in your wife’s vagina. But both of you are participants in those actions.
Well, by right , I don’t mean 90 degrees. I mean there is more than one angle when it comes to intercourse, and the most phenomenal lovemaking incorporates at least a few, that’s for sure!
The angle at which the penis is going in and out of the vagina matters. Some angles are more enjoyable and some can be painful. Key here is try different angles to see what brings about more pleasurable sensations for both of you.
As a woman, your husband’s penis will likely stimulate your clitoris more pleasurably if the shaft of his erect penis is in more direct contact with your clitoris (as opposed to his penis sliding back and forth under it but not on it).
Angle also can determine how well the head of the penis is stimulating the wife’s G-Spot. Various angles also intensify stimulation of the penis in different ways, making sex more pleasurable for a husband.
So how do you try out different angles? Varying positions is one of the best ways, as well as making slight adjustments within each position.
For example, the wife on top gives her a lot of control in determining the angle at which the penis is coming in and out of her vagina. A wife can be on top facing her husband (often referred to as cowgirl) or facing away from him (often referred to as reverse cowgirl). Both allow various penetration angles.
During missionary position, you can adjust angles with a pillow under the wife’s hips or by the husband moving forward so his chest may be more aligned with his wife’s face, as opposed to them being face-to-face.
The husband entering his wife’s vagina from behind also gives them angles that are quite stimulating. Some women particularly find this position stimulates their G-Spot.
There are so many sexual positions that afford you various angles for penetration and thrusting. You won’t know until you experiment a bit and see what you each enjoy.
As a husband, how deep are you penetrating your wife? Have the two of you talked about what you each enjoy? Incredibly deep penetration can be quite arousing for both a husband and a wife. Or it may be painful (particularly for the wife).
Key here is to find the threshold between what is optimal depth without something becoming painful.
And let’s not assume there is no value to shallow penetration being included as well.
In fact, varying the depth throughout a lovemaking session can be quite tantalizing. Arousal and pleasure can build as a husband varies how deep he is penetrating his wife; sometimes shallow, sometimes a little deeper and sometimes very deep.
As I have mentioned a bazillion times, communication is key. Tell each other what feels good. Show each other what feels good.
It’s not unusual as a husband’s arousal is increasing that he wants to go deeper. And it’s not unusual that as a wife feels her husband’s penis within her and her pleasure increasing, she may want him to go deeper, possibly even expressing this by pulling him deeper into her or demanding he go deeper.
Great sex happens in the shallow and in the deep. Learn from each other how to adjust and appreciate various depths to the fullest.
Rate matters. The rhythm and speed at which a husband moves his penis in and out of his wife’s vagina— or how she moves him in and out of her, if she is on top —has a dramatic effect on the sexual pleasure and climax they each experience.
As with everything we have talked about thus far, this really comes down to preference and communication. I will say, though, that I think varying the rate, especially early in a lovemaking session, can enhance arousal and pleasure. It’s kind of like teasing, but in a good way—how a husband can oscillate between speeding up and slowing down.
Yes, of course, there likely will reach a point where the desire to go faster is what you both need to climax hard. But getting to that point affords you room and opportunity to vary your rate. Think of a lovemaking session loosely as both a marathon and a sprint.
Copyright 2020, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.
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I want to keep championing you Julie to encourage us readers to keep those vital communication lines open. Sadly, for my wife and I, we waited far too long before we really started to talk honestly about our sex life, our likes and dislikes and to even talk about the matter of sexual penetration and thrusting. Now, we talk freely and openly and it really had made a great difference to our sex life – even though there hasn’t been a lot of change in our positions or sexual activity. We encourage each other during sex and after sex, we discuss what just happened, what was nice, what was different and what didn’t quite work out. We no longer take sex so “seriously” but are learning to laugh at those things that didn’t work.
We’ve learnt what works and mix things up slightly to add variation. Sadly, because of our age, taking up “challenging” positions really are not on the menu for us and we’re okay with that. Add in my wife’s battle with cancer and the resultant lymphedema and different positions become even more limiting and challenging. But, we are both very determined (and stubborn!) people and so we are still working out what works best and enjoying the process. It really is a learning journey. We still keep experimenting (as long as our bodies allow us too!), trying new things just to see if it adds more fun and more pleasure to our sexual journey and life together. Reading blogs (like yours) help us explore more. We often discuss what we’ve read and if we haven’t tried what was written then we get to work to try it out. It’s all part of the fun!!
Julie, thank you so much for addressing this topic! I prefer this type of topic over any other, as it really gets to the heart of the matter when it comes to sex.
First of all, I just love the word. It’s both a noun and a verb, and such a descriptive word, too. Beyond that, I think thrusting is the essence of great sex, and while a seemingly simple act, it has many variants as you wisely noted.
Second of all, I echo each of the points you said. Rate and pace does matter. Communication is key here, as you said, and the pace can differ depending on position, too, or even the mood of the moment. In my case, I prefer an aggressive pace, especially when getting pounded doggy style.
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https://www.thebody.com/article/soft-penetration-erectile-dysfunction-aid

“Erectile Disorder,” Sex Therapy Herts. https://www.sextherapyherts.co.uk/erectile-disorder
“Physical Activity to Improve Erectile Function: A Systematic Review of Intervention Studies,” Sexual Medicine . April 13, 2018. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5960035/
“Impotence and its medical and psychosocial correlates: results of the Massachusetts Male Aging Study,” Journal of Urology . January 1994. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/8254833/


In case you didn’t know: Erection issues are incredibly common.
Studies have consistently shown that one in three assigned male at birth (AMAB) people will experience erectile difficulties at some point in their lives. And as AMAB people get older, this number rises to over 50%.
A big problem in our erection education stems from our downright wretched sex education and the social understanding of what “sex” means. “Our social narratives about what sex is [and] how sex should look and feel is based on what happens to the penis, and of course, the biggest narrative is that if a man wants to have sex, his penis should always be throbbing and hard, and get hard at the drop of a hat,” Lucy Rowett , a certified sex coach and clinical sexologist, tells TheBody.
Ironically, this shortsighted focus on the importance of erections likely plays a huge role in why so many people experience erectile issues. The message AMAB people get is that if you can’t get a hard wiener, you’re not going to be good at sex. This can create performance anxiety.
We put too much pressure on hard dicks to get any dicks hard.
But what to do about a world that focuses too much on hard dicks and not enough on pleasure?
Enter soft penetration. Yeah, and it’s exactly what it sounds like: penetrating with a soft peen.
Now, this is only one in a long list of interventions that can be utilized for unreliable erections, but we thought it would be helpful to really dive deep here and give you all the best information we have on this very cool (albeit a little weird-sounding) exercise.
Much of the information we’ve gathered on soft penetration is based on clinically backed methodologies from the Contemporary Institute of Clinical Sexology (CICS) in the U.K., where I’m currently studying to become a psychotherapist. So, you know we brought the goods.
Fundamental to this process is understanding exactly how erections happen and the reasons why they can stop seemingly out of nowhere sometimes. Erections are fickle beasts. They are born out of incredibly complex physiological and psychological processes in the body and brain.
Let’s break down how this even happens.
Blood flows into the chambers of the penis and causes the penis to become erect. During an erection, the blood flow stops because of the veins compressing. Keeping the blood in the penis is what makes the penis hard.
This is a complex process that comes from signals in the brain sent to the tissues. When the signal starts in the tissue, the tissue sends a signal to the brain, which sends a signal to the tissue. And on and on.
When it’s time for the erection to bid us adieu, a signal is sent from the brain that says, “We’re good. Go to bed.” And the erection goes down.
Now, when it comes to erectile dysfunction, things get even more complicated. Because when we’re nervous, ashamed, scared, worried, etc., the body receives a message from the brain that says, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING??! THIS IS DANGEROUS! GO AWAY, HARD PEEN!” And away it does go.
So what’s with soft penetration? It’s when you take a soft (or not fully erect) penis and allow it to penetrate a vagina or anus. This is usually used for vaginal penetration, as anuses are very tight, but it can be utilized for either.
The logic behind this is relatively straightforward once you know how erections happen: Soft penetration takes the pressure off of the need to “perform.” It helps clients gain confidence and control over their bodies and pleasure.
You want to take the flaccid penis and “feed” it into the vagina or anus. “What’s helpful is wrapping your fingers around the base of your penis and squeezing it, thereby having a firmer upper half of your penis, which can then be inserted into your partner,” Zachary Zane , a sex columnist and sex expert for P.S. Condoms , tells TheBody.
Be sure to stay mindful and breathe deeply throughout the practice. Remember to check in with your body, because it’s important to communicate with your partner about how you’re feeling. “Grind against each other and [enjoy] each other’s bodies and sexual energy,” Rowett explains. “As the penis owner, focus on breathing deeply and breathing with your partner. You may get hard or not—this is not the goal. The goal is to connect and feel pleasure with each other.”
Learning to penetrate a partner when soft can help you begin to connect with your body and feel more in control. This allows for “a way to have penetrative sex without having a completely erect penis—and considering how many men struggle to obtain or sustain an erection, it’s something that more men should consider when desiring to have penetrative sex,” Zane says.
Practicing soft PIV (or PIA) penetration can increase emotional and sexual connection in the relationship and reduce performance anxiety and goal orientation in sex. By practicing this, you have the potential to develop greater genital awareness, stay present in the moment, and begin to remove concerns about gaining or maintaining an erection.
We’d like to leave you with a message that is always worth repeating: Erections are not the center of good sex. There are so many fun and pleasurable sexual things you can do without the presence of an erection (or a penis, for that matter). “When we expand our definition of sex, we start to experience more pleasure and intimacy,” Zane adds.
Gigi Engle, ACS, is a certified sex educator, sexologist, and author of All The F*cking MIstakes. Her work regularly appears in many publications including Cosmo, Glamour, Men's Health, and Refinery29.
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