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These sex positions will blow you out of the water.
There are few sexual positions more polarizing than 69. Many of us tried the classic position a few times in high school and early college but quickly gave it up, coming to the conclusion that it’s a lot of awkward work for minimal reward. Besides, the person better at giving oral often finds themselves punished for their superior skills, since the receiver starts moaning loudly, taking a break from orally pleasing their partner. That’s not how 69 works! To do the 69 sex position correctly, the two people involved need to both give and receive oral simultaneously.
If you’re someone who wants to just focus on receiving pleasure, that’s totally fine, explains Ashley Cobb , a sexpert for Lovehoney . “You can enjoy being the receiver without having to focus on giving,” she says—but then 69 isn’t right for you. The same is true if you just want to give oral. It can be challenging to do your best work on someone else if they’re also pleasuring you. You may also be someone who simply doesn’t like receiving oral, but loves giving it. Again, this is totally fine—whatever floats your boat—but then you might want to pass on 69-ing and opt for another awesome sex position instead.
Now, as for the people who like 69...they often really like it. “They like that both partners can receive and enjoy pleasure at the same time,” Cobb says. Most people who like 69 have put in the work to become pros at the complicated position. They don’t rush into it. They find a style that works for both of them, where neither are straining their necks to get where they need to go.
With that said, let’s talk about 69, and its many sexy-ass variations.
How it works : Two people align themselves so that each person's mouth is near the other's genitals. This is done by having one person lie down on their back. The other lies on top of them with their knees straddling their partner's head. The two people can then perform oral sex on one another. In opposite-sex partners, the woman is typically the person on top, whereas the man is on his back.
Pro tip : Use a pillow or a sex wedge if you're struggling to reach or find yourself straining your neck or another part of your body.
How it works: It's the same as the classic, however, instead of the woman being on top, the man is.
Perks of variation: While not inherent in the variation itself, the inverted 69 position tends to be a rougher experience. It's an ideal position for women who like to deepthroat because with the man on top, he has more control of his thrusting ability and can go a lot harder and deeper down the throat.
How it works : If you're lucky enough to have a sex swing , then you absolutely need to try 69 while using it. One partner lays back in the swing, with the straps around their back, lower butt, and heels. The second partner, with their legs firmly planted on the floor, bends over. From there, your genitals are in each other's faces, and you can start sucking!
Perks of variation: Typically, sex swing positions are much more about vaginal and anal penetration, so this is a fun way to include oral while on a sex swing.
How it works: Instead of positioning one on top of the other, both participants are lying on their sides.
Perks of variation: If you're struggling to reach each other's genitals with the classic 69, sideways 69 may be the position for you. In my experience, it makes it easier to reach everything. It also requires less work for the person who's traditionally on top. While on top, you're often on your knees and at least one elbow, which can get strenuous if done for long periods of time.
How it works: Instead of having your partner lie on top of you, have them squat over you.
Perks of variation : This will require lower back, glute, and quad strength and flexibility, but if they have it, it's a fun variation on the classic. The squat variation also allows for better ass slapping.
How it works : Rather than lying on a flat surface, you actually hold your partner up-side-down while you're standing.
Perks of variation: You will feel like a god if you're able to pull this off.
Cons of variation: Unless you are a muscle daddy, odds are you won't have the strength to pick up your partner safely. That's why this position is ideal when your partner is particularly petite.
How it works : In addition to orally stimulating your partner, use either your fingers or a sex toy to penetrate them. If your partner has a vagina, you can lick/suck their clitoris while digitally penetrating her vagina. Or, if your partner is into it, you can eat their vagina while you finger their anus (or vice-a-versa). You can do this with men, too. While being blown, have your partner massage your prostate for more intense pleasure.
Perks of variation: With internal stimulation, pleasure rises exponentially for both parties involved.
How it works: While we're on the topic of anal-inclusive 69 variants, you can just eat out your partner's booty exclusively. Or, a variation that is common among two men is when the "bottom" (the one receiving anal) blows their partner, where the top (the man who will insert his penis into his partner) eats out their partner's anus. It's a form of foreplay to loosen and warm up the bottom for penetrative anal sex.
Perks of variation: If you're into anal and/or prostate play, this is for you.
How it works : Well, first and foremost you need to bring a special third in for the threesome 69. While lying on your side with your partners in a triangle formation, each partner performs oral on the next person. In this position, you will perform oral on one partner and receive oral from the other.
Perks of variation: It's hot to have a third person in on all the fun. It's also a threesome position that's equally inclusive of all parties involved.
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Shape.com Lifestyle Sex and Love Everything You Need to Know About the 69 Sex Position
These sex tips will make the double-oral 69 position a 10/10 on the pleasure scale.
By Gabrielle Kassel Updated January 22, 2021
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Everything You Need to Know About the 69 Sex Position
Everything You Need to Know About the 69 Sex Position
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Everything You Need to Know About the 69 Sex Position
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Let's not sugarcoat it: 69-ing can be an incredibly vulnerable, awkward, and intimate sex position.
Your nose is up close and personal with your partner's butt, you're practically practicing yoga with a penis/dildo/clit in or around your mouth, and if your partner has a penis, there are balls to consider as well.
Still, some sexperts say the oral sex position perks are too often overlooked. "What's unique and sexy about this position is that it's a total pleasure equal opportunist," says sex educator Tara Struyk, co-founder of Kinkly , an online sexual wellness resource. "It isn't about one partner pleasing the other and waiting for their turn. It's totally mutual." And mutual pleasure? Undeniably H-O-T.
Many folks with vulvas have a hard time relaxing when receiving oral sex, adds Lisa Finn, a sex educator at sex toy emporium Babeland . So, "69ing can be a great way to take off some of the pressure so that you can and finally melt into the pleasure of oral play."
Want more intel on the 69 sex position? Below, three top-notch sex educators explain what the 69 position really is, how to make it better, and how to do it safely.
"Look at the digits and you've got a pretty decent illustration of what your bodies are supposed to be doing in the positions," says Finn. Can't see it? Think of the circle of each number as the head. So, in this dual-oral position, your bodies are flipped so that your heads are facing each other's genitals.
How you get into this position depends on each person's height, genitals, flexibility, strength, and body shapes. "Finding a position that's comfortable for both of you is most important," says Carol Queen Ph.D., Good Vibrations sexologist and curator of the Antique Vibrator Museum.
However, the classic 69 sex position is still the most common iteration, says Queen. Here's what that looks like IRL "Have your partner lie straight down on their back, then crawl on top of them in the opposite direction, belly-down," says Finn. Your eyes and tongue should be lined up with their genitals, and theirs with yours.
If height variation is an issue, Queen suggests making sure the bigger or taller partner is on the bottom for best comfortability. Incorporating a sex pillow is another option (more on that below).
"69ing takes a little more confidence and coordination than some other oral sex positions, but if you can embrace your body and the configuration, it's worth it," says Finn.
For starters, know this: Vaginas smell, taste, and look like vaginas, not flowers. Many people feel self-conscious about this, but just let that go, says Finn. Sure, there are a few reasons your vagina might smell off , but face it, you know when your vagina's not its usual self, so chances are your vagina is perfectly normal and lickable.
If you're feeling self-conscious about it, here's a tip: Before jumping into the 69 sex position, shower or wipe down the outside (only!) with baby wipes ahead of time. Because, sure, "it is polite to clean-up before oral pay—noses, and faces, and mouths are going to be all up in there," says Finn. Just keep in mind that the vagina really is a self-cleaning machine and you don't need to wash *inside* the vagina (in fact, doing so can upset the vagina's microbiome and increase the risk of infection). Instead, use a fragrance-free soap and wash the outside of your box. (Related: Stop Telling Me I Need to Buy Things for My Vagina ).
Oral sex is great in the 69 sex position because it's an opportunity for your clitoris to get the attention and praise it deserves. But there are so many other feel-good treasures between your legs. The labia and mons pubis can experience pleasure with some pressure and stimulation, according to Finn.
So, if you're giving oral to someone with a vulva she says, "It's okay if your nose is pressed to their bits — that pressure will probably feel good." She also recommends "using broader, less pinpointed strokes on the lips like you're licking an ice cream cone to start before focusing in on the clit."
Likewise, if your partner has a penis, "You don't have to go right for the penis, you can also fondle or lick the perineum, balls, and inner thigh," says Finn. (See More: 8 Male Erogenous Zones You're Probably Ignoring During Sex ).
In the classic 69 sex position the partner on top may need both arms to support their body, but if your hands are available use them. Not only will this give you a breather (literally), it'll also feel good. "Try caressing their inner thigh, their butts, their hips…wherever you know they like to be teased," suggests Finn.
For a fun 69 sex position variation, you might try fingering them as you lick your partner if they have a vagina and enjoy penetration. Her suggestion? Try stimulating their G-spot — the spongy, textured patch along the front vaginal wall— with a come hither motion as you work them with your mouth. (Related: An Insider's Guide To Sleeping With Another Woman or Vulva-Owner For The First Time ).
If your partner has a penis, grab the base of it with your hand to control how deep it's able to go in your throat. Or, try squirting some lube into your palm and giving them a handy while licking and sucking their balls. (BTW: Here's The Average Penis Size In Case You Were Curious ).
"Using your hands is also a good option if you're close to climax and can't focus on performing oral or need to catch a breath," says Finn.
Vibrators , sex pillows, metal wands, dildos, kegel balls, anal beads , and butt plugs, "there's no limit to the 'extras' you can incorporate into the 69 sex position to make it even more pleasurable," says Queen. (See More: Your Guide To The 12 Main Types of Sex Toys ).
But she especially recommends adding in a sex pillow like the Liberator Wedge (Buy It, $75, amazon.com ) or Liberator Heart (Buy It, $66, amazon.com ) to the 69 sex position mix. "These are specialty pillows and wedges that are made for sex that are fairly firm and can be used to support the bottom partner's head or neck," she explains. During the 69 sex position (and really any oral sex position) you want to pay pretty close attention to how your head is positioned and how much weight is on it to avoid injury, she says.
Butt plugs , tongues, and fingers are all fair game when 69-ing, so long as your partner gives their consent. If you get the green light, and the height match-up allows it, tease the nerve-dense ring around your partner's anus with your tongue. In general, "I don't recommend going from the butt hole back to the vulva because you don't want to move bacteria from butt back to the vulva, which could increase the risk of UTI and yeast infections," says Finn. "But if you are planning to perform or receive oral everywhere, just make sure the butt is cleaned really well beforehand, she says. (Have more rimming Qs? Check out this guide to anal sex .)
Another option: Use your fingers or an anal toy during the 69 sex position. Fingers and anal beads are best if your partner enjoys the sensation of an in-and-out motion. Prostate massagers are best if your partner is interested and has a penis. Butt plugs are best if your partner enjoys a full sensation. "[They're] also a good option for people who feel worried about their partner starting into their butt hole," says Finn. A cute little plug makes that a non-issue. (Related: These Are The Best Anal Sex Toys, According To Sexperts ).
If the classic 69 sex position isn't working for you, or you want to switch it up, give these three sex position variations a whirl.
If you're either turned off or triggered by being semi-suffocated by your parter's bits, Struyk recommends this iteration. "A side-lying version of this position where both partners are on their sides gives everyone a little more control over the intensity of what they're giving and receiving, and the opportunity to pull away if they start to feel suffocated," she says. Plus, unlike the OG 69 position, nobody has to do neck sit-ups or cat-cow for it to feel good.
How well this standing 69 sex position works will depend on the height of the bed and the partner who is doing the standing, says Finn. This less common, but easy-to-get-into 69 sex position variation requires one partner to lie on their back on the bed with their head over the edge of the mattress, while the other partner stands on the floor above them, straddling their mouth. "This gives the standing partner a lot of control over the rhythm, depth, and pressure," says Finn. "It also opens up the lying partner's throat which can reduce risk of gagging on the standings partner's cock or dildo."
Because of the vulnerability of the lying partner's position, make sure you establish a non-verbal safe word (like two taps on the outer thigh or raising a hand) so that if the bottom partner needs a breather they can communicate it, suggests Queen.
Sure, you might not be able to get pregnant from 69-ing, but STIs can be transmitted through oral se x. "Oral STIs can be spread to the genitals and genital STIs can be spread to the mouth through oral," says Quen. And unfortunately, orally transmitted infections rarely cause more than a sore throat and most healthcare providers don't test for them unless you specifically request it. (Related: Everything You Should Know About Oral STIs But Probably
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