Happy Slut

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Happy Slut
The Four Levels of Slut Sleeping around carries an unfair double standard, but sluttiness does have levels.
by Nathan DeGraaf | June 21, 2006
Points in Case is a daily literary humor publication featuring enlightening and irreverent comedy from seasoned writers and fresh voices, since 1999.
Main: Man, she’s a whore?
Nathan: How can you say that? She never got paid.
Main: I stand corrected. She’s a slut.
I think it’s unfair that women are often considered sluts for sleeping around. Women say that this perception of them propagates a double standard because men are never considered sluts for rampant sexual activity. (Although, if that were truly the case, then why do so many women I know call me a slut?) And recently, because I just dumped a girl who cheated on me, I have been pondering exactly what it is that makes a girl a slut .
Now, when I get to pondering, well, sometimes I just have to get out a pen and write down my thoughts. This was one of those times. You see, there are many different kinds of sluts, and there is not one hard and fast rule that simply defines a woman as a slut. But there are (at least) four levels of slut.
“Sadly, the Cheating Slut is really what most men mean when they say ‘slut' or ‘whore.' The first two levels are just people being people.”
This woman is not technically, by definition, a slut. She is the woman who gets stereotyped as a slut simply because she likes to fuck around. This woman typically has no boyfriend (or a boyfriend who doesn’t care that she fucks other men) and simply goes out looking to get laid. She doesn’t feel that she should have to settle down, and she thinks it’s unfair that other women degrade her for this. She is right. She is also one of the reasons I get up in the morning.
Of the last four women I’ve slept with, three fall into this category because (as far as I know), they were not cheating on anyone, were not lying about who they fucked, and were not asking for anything more than sex. Women love sex, too; they should not be blamed for seeking it. Stereotypes hurt everyone. Ironically enough, usually other women hate this girl because she can fuck who she wants, while men bare her no ill will. She is, after all, simply doing what she likes. And men, for the most part, respect that.
Unlike the whores that make up the second level of slut.
Much like the Sexually Liberated Woman, this slut has no boyfriend. She does however, and for whatever reason, feel she needs to lead men on. She fucks several different men at one time while tricking the men she fucks into thinking that they are pursuing a relationship. Which is to say that every one of the suckers she fucks happens to think that they’re the slut’s soon-to-be boyfriend. She also loves seeing men fight over her, which may be (at least in part) the motivation for her leading these poor bastards on.
The main thing that separates her from the Level 1 Slut is that she is not honest with the men in her life because she derives pleasure from wrapping suckers around her little finger. The women representing this level of slut usually leave me alone. I’m not sure why, but I’m pretty sure the Garden Variety Slut has a radar for suckers, and because I am not one, I hardly have to deal with these bitches.
I can’t say the same for the sluts in levels 3 and 4.
Cheating Sluts come in three different categories. There are those who simply cheat on a boyfriend they’ve had for a few months and then tell him (no big deal); those who cheat on a guy they’ve dated for a few months, never tell him, and force him to find out from his friends (a slightly bigger deal because these sluts lack honesty); and then there are the worst kind—the sluts who fuck around on a man they’ve been with for years and never tell him about it.
The first girl I fucked after the breakup belonged in last category. The bitch was engaged. She fucked me late in the afternoon and left early in the evening because her man would soon be arriving from work. To her fiancée, I say, “I hope your parents are proud of you for preparing to marry a 21-year-old waitress with no education. Oh, and by the way, I’ve never met a girl who had a tell for her female ejaculation before. I mean, her leg quivers like an epileptic in mid seizure and then she squirts. That’s kind of weird. And yes, I like her body, too.”
Sadly, the Cheating Slut is really what most men mean when they say “slut” or “whore.” The first two levels are just people being people, not people being disloyal bitches. What separates this level of slut from the fourth and final level of slut, is, quite simply, the motivation for cheating.
Fortunately for me, I live in a college community where finding a man with his own car, no roommates and a steady income is like hitting the jackpot for most girls. Unfortunately for me, this means I often get hit on by the Money Grubbing Slut.
The saddest thing about the Money Grubbing Slut is that she really does like (or even love) her boyfriend. She simply expects more from her man in terms of monetary consideration. She doesn’t make her own money and can’t live off her boyfriend’s petty McDonald’s wages, so she seeks out men who will take her to nice places and buy her shiny objects. This is the worst kind of whore because she’s pissing on love and respect all in the name of a few dollars.
I love promising this girl I will take her some place nice, then fucking her and ordering a pizza, explaining to her that I’m broke. After this, I can usually count the seconds until she leaves, feeling used. Then I double check my wallet; you can’t trust a Money Grubbing Slut (at least, not until she starts making her own money, in which case, the nickname gets changed to “Materialistic Shark,” which is unfair—I mean, why blame a girl for wanting money and making it?).
So guys, the next time you take a woman home from a bar, or fuck her in the bathroom at a party, or on the rooftop of a shopping mall, or in the grass median on the side of a highway (you know, whatever works for you), you may want to consider exactly what level of slut you are fucking. Remember, it’s not wrong if it’s just sex for sex’s sake (hell, female sexual liberation was the best thing to come out of the women’s rights movement). But if she’s in a relationship with some other guy (or guys) when you first fuck her, odds are she’s not the kind of girl you want to spend six bucks on.
Then again, few women are worth six bucks.
Nathan DeGraaf graduated fucking years ago with a BA in Creative Writing from the University of South Florida, which he still lives near because college chicks are the best. On... See full profile »
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You are a Slut – is that something that you've heard before? Being called a slut isn't one of the best things in the world. In fact, it's hurtful and in most cases, it isn't accurate. What does it really mean to be called a slut? I know this topic is a tricky, even controversial one. I've done tons of research around the internet, to see how people can just go off and say 'You are a slut'. I've compiled the best list I could that might point to why other people believe you are a slut, so please read through it because I'd love to hear your opinions on whether these reasons are accurate and what you think about the «ground rules» when you are being called a slut!
Your magic number should be something that is personal to you, but a lot of people think that if you don't share it right away, you are a slut . Just because your number might be high, doesn't mean you are a slut at all! Your number is your number and nobody should ever make you feel bad about it!
A lot of people actually prefer to have one night stands. It doesn't mean that you are slutty, in fact, it just means that you like convenience. Sex is sex and everyone needs it, that doesn't mean that you have to be in a relationship to have it. Sometimes, a one night stand can even turn into a relationship!
From the research that I've done, a lot of people associate real dates and the lack of them with a slut. Well ladies, just because you don't go on actual dates doesn't mean you are a slut . Sometimes, you don't want to date a lot, but rather you want to hang out and see if you find a connection with someone. There is nothing wrong with that.
If you have sex on the first date or as soon as you meet someone, you are a slut . If you invent reasons and justifications about why that's okay, you're also acting slutty. It shouldn't be that way ladies! Just because you're having sex soon, doesn't mean you are a slut, it just means you like what you like. Just make sure that you're practicing safe sex.
Just because you don't remember every single hook up that you've had, a lot of people believe that makes you a slut! Well ladies, I don't agree with this label. I don't agree that just because you might have made some mistakes or don't remember a few of the people you've slept with that it makes you a slut.
In the past, it was very taboo to hook up even before marriage. Well ladies, times have changed and I think that if you hook up whenever you go out, that is your business. Nobody should tell you when you can or can't hook up!
Does this mean that if you show some cleavage or even just some leg you're a slut? No! At least, that isn't my opinion. Society has made it so that if you dress the wrong way, you could be construed as a slut. Ladies, I say that you should be able to dress however you want. What do you think?
Coming home the morning after a one night stand, wearing the same outfit from the night before doesn't mean you're a slut. Almost every girl has done it at least once in their life (even Carrie Bradshaw has done it!) and I gotta say, just because you do the walk of shame, doesn't automatically make you a slut.
I'm sure that a ton of you have had this misconception about a girl that has an STD right? Well, what happens if the woman is in a committed relationship and the guy ends up cheating on her and she ends up with an STD because of that? Does that still make her a slut? Just because a girl ends up with an STD doesn't make her a slut!
Finally, the last misconception that a lot of people have when it comes to the '**you are a slut**' label is condoms. If you seem to have an endless supply of condoms, society will usually label you a slut. Well, to me, it's all about practicing safe sex!
Just because some of these are justifications for the '**you are a slut**' label, doesn't mean that the justification is true. Remember ladies, there is typically an explanation for everything and you should never slap that 'you are a slut' label on someone unless you know them. Has anyone ever said that you are a slut because of any of these reasons? Share how that made you feel, why you think other girls are slutty, or why you think the term itself is just totally unnecessary.
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We all fear this label. And the ironic part is, most of us do the slutty slut stuff. We take pics. We sext. We sleep with our boyfriends. Husbands. We get naked. We have vaginas. We use them. Some of us, sometimes, even enjoy using them.
Aug 16, 2013, 12:55 PM EDT | Updated Dec 6, 2017
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I am a slut. A slutty slut slut. So say a lot of people. People who read my blog and disagree with its premise. People who don't like me. Women who think sex is gross. Guys who want the girl you bring home to mom and think because I talk openly about sex, I don't like family dinners or moms.
There are loads of reasons they think that. I've slept with a couple guys. More than 10. More than 20. Want to keep guessing? I wrote about a lot of my sex life. Shared personal stories because I did and still do believe not only do I write well, but that it's a good story. One that I still believe has a happy ending somewhere in all the messed up tragedy between all the hate e-mail I can count and having a note left on my mother's car at a train station parking lot that said "I hope you're proud of the slut you raised."
I recently got into Aaron Sorkin's The Newsroom . Originally, I kind of hated the character of Sloan Sabbith. This exceptionally attractive, insanely smart, always-armed-with-a-witty-retort economics magician anchor.
I watched last Sunday night's episode. Two moments caught me more than anything. Maggie asks a question regarding Sandra Fluke: "What's wrong with sluts?" The second bit that caught me was Sabbith's predicament. She had dated a guy. He took pictures of her she agreed to and then she ended things. He takes the pictures and puts them on a website. The entire world sees Sabbith's body. Her job is at risk. Everyone knows. It's trending. She sits in a dark room, crying and quietly says, "I want to die."
I never thought I would thank Aaron Sorkin. For like, anything. But I quietly thanked Aaron Sorkin.
Later in the episode, Sabbith confronts her ex who leaked the pictures while he is in a meeting. She kicks him in the balls, punches him in the mouth, and takes a picture of his bloody nose.
The slutty slut wins. And that, my friend, is magic. Because the slutty slut never wins, you see. The girls who have pictures leaked, never win. They lose their jobs, they lose their reputations. They are humiliated, shamed. Of their bodies. Apologizing, for being sexual privately. For the things we do in the privacy of our bedrooms that we all aren't and shouldn't be doing but apparently are because hey, there are nine billion people on this planet and they got here somehow. Sabbith sits in a dark room and says, "I want to die." Because she let her boyfriend take pictures, and he released them. Pictures not of her murdering puppies, or punching toddlers, or raping old people. Pictures of herself. Her body. The stuff that exists under her clothes. The body parts that are somehow more offensive than her toes.
Then came Maggie. Maggie said everything I've been saying for years. "What's wrong with being a slut?"
We all fear this label. And the ironic part is, most of us (and maybe I'm wrong here but I'm pretty sure I'm not) do the slutty slut stuff. We take pics. We sext. We sleep with our boyfriends. Husbands. We give blowjobs. We get naked. We have vaginas. We use them. Some of us, sometimes, even enjoy using them. We have boobs and nipples and butts. Which clearly we should all be ashamed of. Because we're the only ones doing it. You hear me, every woman on the planet? You are the only one doing what you're doing with that guy (or girl, or worse, BOTH). And it is so, so, incredibly hurtful and wrong and shameful. What? You wanna know why? Oh. Because... slutty slut?
I got called a slut the other day on the Internet for the like, nine billionth time. Over an article I wrote about bartending no less. Like it is still an insult. I am not a Pulitzer winner. But you know what I am? A good person. Do I screw up? Sure. Do I make mistakes? Absolutely. Big ones? Sometimes. Have I done things I regret? Yes. Have I done things I don't regret but other people think I should? Yes. I am a human. With boobs. And a vagina. And my use of those is not what makes me good, or bad. I once wrote that if a woman discovered the cure to AIDS, but the next day naked pictures of her and a dildo surface, THAT is the story that would make the news. Because clearly, dildos hurt people. (Insert joke here). Because clearly, women having sex hurts people. Women taking pictures of the scary shit under their clothes? I mean, I'm not going to say it's on par with kids with cancer but... yeah.
I quietly thanked Aaron Sorkin to myself not because he sparked some crazy out of the box discussion about sexism and women and double standards. That insanely frustrating double standard will exist for the rest of my life and long after. Sorry to break your hearts, ladies. But I thanked Sorkin for giving the "open" slutty slut the happy ending. For reminding the world that the slutty slut who gets caught doing the things (everyone does) that nobody would dare do, is still a good person. That even with the Internet and gossip blogs and double standards, slutty sluts can still win. And have their moment to kick a guy in the balls and make him feel as sorry for simply having a penis in that moment as a lot of women feel for having a vagina when a text pic of it is posted on the internet.
I refuse to apologize for being the slutty slut and writing about it if it makes one girl in this country not sit in a dark room and say "I want to die" when people call her a slut. To remind the whole world that slutty sluts do good things. They play sports and win awards and help sick patients. They win trials and elections. They love their families. They are good friends who volunteer at animal shelters and send care packages to soldiers overseas. They give the homeless guy everyone else is passing ten dollars. And they aren't doing that to atone for being slutty sluts. They are doing that because they are good people.
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