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Source: Fifty Shades, labeled for reuse, Vimeo
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Austin, TX
Brooklyn, NY
Chicago, IL
Denver, CO
Houston, TX
Los Angeles, CA
New York, NY
Portland, OR
San Diego, CA
San Francisco, CA
Seattle, WA
Washington, DC
Mental Health
Addiction
Anxiety
ADHD
Asperger's
Autism
Bipolar Disorder
Chronic Pain
Depression
Eating Disorders
Personality
Passive Aggression
Personality
Shyness
Personal Growth
Goal Setting
Happiness
Positive Psychology
Stopping Smoking
Relationships
Low Sexual Desire
Relationships
Sex
Family Life
Child Development
Parenting
Talk to Someone
Find a Therapist
Find a Treatment Center
Find a Psychiatrist
Find a Support Group
Find Teletherapy
Trending Topics
Coronavirus Disease 2019
Narcissism
Dementia
Bias
Affective Forecasting
Neuroscience
There are many temptations to organize our life around the experience of earlier trauma. But that may short-change the future—which starts by our envisioning something better.
Posted February 10, 2017
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Reviewed by Devon Frye
This is a guest post featuring my collaborators, Markie Twist and Dulcinea Pitagora .
First, a caveat: We are not advocates of the ill-informed works of either Sigmund Freud or E. L. James (author of the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy), nor do we consider either to be authorities on sex and sexuality . However, it would be foolish to deny the impact they have had on society. Freud, although his theories and therapy were rooted in misogyny and opinion, did something no other psychological professional in the Western world had done before him: He openly talked about sex and sexual identity development. This laid the groundwork for our current sexual world and profession, one in which we can now talk about sex, and in which we have space to assist clients working through sexuality-related concerns.
James has done something similar for the world of Bondage and Domination/Dominance and Submission/Sadism and Masochism/ Sadomasochism (BDSM), or kink: She has opened up a larger discussion around these practices and erotic orientation. This is arguably the one positive outcome of James’ books and the related movie series. These questions and conversations around BDSM are much needed and long overdue. So for this outcome, much like that of Freud’s enabling talking about sexuality in general, we are thankful .
To the point of our caveat: Freud did not base his ideas on research-informed knowledge, leading to harm and misunderstanding by many consumers of his works, and neither did E. L. James, leading many of her readers to have grave misunderstandings of what BDSM is and is not.
While misconceptions about BDSM are not new, some of the most frequently asked questions include: What kinds of personality types engage in BDSM? Do people who engage in BDSM come from abusive families? Why would someone want to engage in BDSM play? Is BDSM abuse? Are BDSM relationships cold, distant, controlling, or abusive? What kind of feelings do people who engage in BDSM experience before, during, and after intense sensation play?
To help elevate understanding and provide answers to these questions, we conducted an ethics board-approved study involving more than 200 participants who engage in BDSM . We recruited subjects via online networks and professional listservs. Information was obtained from respondents via an online survey, consisting of roughly 12 qualitative questions about the individual's motivations and experiences engaging in BDSM, as well as three psychological instruments—the Experiences in Close Relationships Scale-Short Form (ECR-S), which measures attachment style; the Adverse Childhood Experiences Scale (ACE), which measures level of childhood trauma; and The Big Five Inventory (BFI), which measures personality traits. Using these measures, we were able to answer many of the above questions. Our preliminary findings are below. We are currently writing up these findings and will be sending them to appropriate journals for publication.
Why would someone want to engage in BDSM play? What kind of feelings do people who engage in BDSM experience before, during, and after their intense sensation play?
The qualitative section asked about the individual's motivation , as well as subjective experiences before, during, and after engaging in BDSM sensation play. In response to these kinds of questions, many BDSM participants stated that they felt excitement and anticipation ahead of time, a sense of excitement and pleasure during the encounter, and a wave of deep connection to their partner afterward, as well as a stronger sense of self-empowerment and authenticity .
Do people who engage in BDSM come from abusive childhoods or unhealthy families?
Regarding the ACE assessment, we found no significant difference between people who engage in BDSM and those who don't in traumatic childhood experiences such as feeling neglected, having divorced or separated parents, witnessing the abuse of a parent, or living with substance or alcohol abusers.
What kind of personality types engage in BDSM?
Regarding the BFI measure, we found that people who engage in BDSM had significantly higher scores on the BFI Openness to New Experiences subscale. Otherwise, this group was considered "typical" in terms of the standard/normal sample on which the BFI was developed.
Are BDSM relationships cold, distant, controlling, or abusive?
Finally, regarding the ECR-S measure, we found that there was no significant difference between people who engage in BDSM and people who don’t in Anxious or Avoidant attachment styles. This means that BDSM participants are not more likely than others to be uncomfortable with closeness in relationships, nor are they more likely to be the needy stalker type from Fatal Attraction .
In short, those who practice BDSM do not have more pathological personality traits or insecure attachment styles, or substantially more adverse childhood experiences ; nor are most of them experiencing negative feelings or being driven by harmful motivations in their engagement of intense sensation play. Our findings counter much of what is presented in the Fifty Shades trilogy. In addition, our results match much of the previous research around BDSM/kink practices and practitioners, in that our findings mirror recent research showing no connection between BDSM and pathology.
The Fifty Shades trilogy may be good entertainment for some, but by portraying Christian Grey as an enigmatic, avoidant figure, incapable of intimacy outside of sadomasochism due to childhood abuse, the author does a disservice to the BDSM community by portraying its participants in a stigmatizing and pathologizing light. Our research indicates that individuals who practice the intense sensation play of BDSM are just as securely attached as community samples and are no more likely to have suffered childhood abuse. Further, the only significant personality trait that they hold is more openness to new experiences, making them more open-minded and adventurous. Instead of causing pain and distress, BDSM participants report feeling pleasure, excitement, self-empowerment, authenticity, and deep connection to their partners within their experiences.
As the authors of this research , we believe that Fifty Shades has provided some benefit by bringing greater awareness about BDSM to a mainstream audience, but our research shows it's time to put all the myths, misconceptions, and inaccurate portrayals of BDSM participants finally to bed.
Note: The authors would like to acknowledge the invaluable assistance of University of Wisconsin-Stout, Marriage and Family Therapy Program and Graduate Certificate in Sex Therapy student Serenity Curtis for her assistance with our research study of the focus on this blog.
Michael Aaron, Ph.D., LCSW, CST , is a nationally certified sex therapist and clinical sexologist.
Get the help you need from a therapist near you–a FREE service from Psychology Today.
Psychology Today © 2022 Sussex Publishers, LLC
There are many temptations to organize our life around the experience of earlier trauma. But that may short-change the future—which starts by our envisioning something better.
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tip: katekyou "alternate universe" sort:>words
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It is spring. Ganondorf, King and Protector of the Geldo is 20, and it is late in the fifth year of his reign - the eleventh year since the Sands took a child and gave the people a prince in return.
The wars and provincial feuds continue as always, and despite the effort of the best diplomats four nations have to offer during the winter summits, peace remains a distant dream.
The Hylian armies outnumber the Golden Legions a hundred to one. Only a fool challenges such a force in open country, where even if one should break through their lines, one may be all too easily flanked, one's supply severed.
Ganondorf is many things, but he is not a fool.
And on winter solstice, when the forces of chaos reach their highest tide, a Blood Moon will rise in full glory above the ancient Spirit Gate in the depths of the Sand Sea...
Setting: Sideways of and before Majora.
Another smutty Ganlink story, which with any luck will be short. which is apparently not interested in being short.
Chev's training to be a mercenary secret agent, dubbed Mx. Cavalier. They can't tell their boyfriend. Pierre's experimental treatment is doing something strange to his brain. He doesn't want to tell any of his partners, let alone his primary.
Otherwise they're really smart young people with great communication skills, and that'll make it work, right?
[Sequel to Three Days Already. Other previous ones in this series are optional.]
Once upon a time, in a universe not all that far away from the one we know, there was a skeleton bitty named,
A flushed and bare-boned bitty was sitting in a peculiar contraption. He was panting, his tongue lolled lewdly out of his mouth, and eye lights formed into bright red hearts. His bones gave a gentle rattle, but he did not move - for his arms and legs were encased in solid metal, with cushions, because comfort. An ingenius invention; and while not of your own creation, you intended to make full use of it.
// All the Fluff, BDSM and Smut with none of the awkwardness! Also an added pinch of (consensual) violence. :3//
Nicholas wants nothing more than to serve his Queen. And she loves to be served.
Usually, Nadia and Guzmán are both busy with their jobs. So when they do have the opportunity to spend a whole day in bed together, they certainly make the most of it. A bit of fluff, a lot of kink and a dash of anti-capitalist propaganda all rolled into one!
A ficlet about Charlie taking care of Alex.
Arthur has been in love with Eames for a while. Of course, he doesn't expect Eames to reciprocate his feelings, but things do take an unexpected turn when he invites Eames over for dinner...
John Wick pleasures his wife exactly the way she likes. Helen just happens to like being in a lot of pain. Pure smut.
Jack and Annie try bondage for the first time. Kinky fluff.
When Mary Ann has had a stressful day at work, she asks her husband to help her relax.
Tara pegs Winston. A lot of kink and a bit of fluff and literally zero plot. Enjoy :)
Peter Two and Mary Jane take care of Peter Three, both in the emotional way and in the sexual way.
Everyone knows that BDSM is always super serious; submissives suffer with tormented looks of anguish on their faces while sadistic dominants look on with stoic, stony gazes. NOT! BDSM is fun- we...
Humiliated Squirting
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