Handjob Step Son
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Handjob Step Son
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I knew this day would come as I had been warned by those who had gone before me.He's going to ask someday. She's going to have questions. You need to get your story straight.
Jun 14, 2016, 04:53 PM EDT | Updated Jun 15, 2017
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I knew this day would come as I had been warned by those who had gone before me.
You need to get your story straight. You have to be *prepared* because you'll be caught with your pants down when the kids ask about the specifics of sex.
And, in a dark car, on the way home from dinner, it happened: my son and I had a whopper of a conversation.
While I've mostly recovered from the trauma, my friends are still reeling from the advice I gave him.
The evening started out innocently enough. After attending an event as a family, Hubby and I decided to take the kids out for dinner at one of our favorite watering holes (read: drink martinis as the kids consumed large quantities of fried foods and dessert). We spent that time talking to each other, visiting with friends who'd also gone to the restaurant and joking with our favorite bartender. It was a picture perfect moment: warm sweaters, noisy atmosphere, a family smiling together. I had no way of knowing that my son had questions brimming and he'd decided he was going to get some answers on the way home.
As we had taken two cars,my son opted to ride home with me. I should have seen this as a SIGN, people. Of what, I don't know, but I should have seen SOMETHING coming.
Once in the car, and about two seconds after I navigated the car away from the curb, he dropped a bomb on me: there was a sexting scandal at school and he was upset.
Let me repeat that: MY TWELVE YEAR OLD WAS UPSET ABOUT A SEXTING INCIDENT. Twelve. As in, they don't even have the word "teen" in their ages yet, bitchachos.
Pardon me as I try not to drive this people mover right into a tree.
While he was not involved (THANKYOUSWEETBABYJESUS), he was upset about the consequences, the children involved and the general implications that this kind of thing brings. He wondered what would happen if he received salacious texts, who he should tell, why kids would do such a thing. Heavy topics weighed on his mind and he wanted to talk about all of it. WITH ME. As I was driving heavy machinery. In the dark. Without Hubby as a back up.
I'm not going to lie: I was caught with my pants down and I swear, the deer we passed on the road did not look nearly as surprised as I did when I was driving.
But, I made a choice to keep driving, to take the longest way home possible because my tween was talking, openly talking to me about sex. I didn't know when, or if, this situation would ever present itself again. I don't know if it was the dark, country roads I slowly drove, the fact that we weren't facing each other or if the stars just magically aligned to make him open up, but it happened.
As we quieted from the sexting discussion, he coyly and shyly said, "I have one more question" and the tone of his voice made me realize I needed to brace myself.
"Well. You know. Some of the boys, they talk about this thing that involves blowing. And work. Blow work, is it? Something that is like a job and involves blowing. I don't know what that means. Can you explain that to me?".
I'M NOT GOING TO SURVIVE THE TEEN YEARS, YOU GUYS.
Here I was, in a car, being asked a specific question about a sex act from my twelve year old. In the split seconds that followed his question, I debated: do I tell him? Do I push it aside and tell him that's for grown ups? Do I pull over on the side of the road and call Hubby to take over? How hard will I have to junk punch Hubby when I get home? I honestly didn't know what to do and, as I gripped the steering wheel and tried to keep myself from driving into a cornfield, I made a decision.
I told him. I was honest and forthright. And, then it was HIM wearing the deer in the headlights expression.
As the reality of the answer set in, and, realizing these moments with tweens are fleeting, I took it one step further: I told him a committed relationship is a two way street and when you are intimate with someone, it's never one sided. If he's alone with a girl, it's to be enjoyable for both of them and it's never okay to let a girl please him solely.
I told him that if you get one, you give one. Plain and simple. Because no daughter in law of mine is going to stand in my kitchen and wonder why he's such a greedy asshole in the bedroom.
And, judging from the looks of horror on my friends' faces as I've recounted this story, I seem to be in the minority when it comes talking openly with kids about sex. I've been accused of condoning pre marital sex. I've been told I crossed a line by explaining the specifics of a sex act to my child. And, I've been told that I'm asking for trouble by telling him that his eventual girlfriend's needs are important, too. Mostly, my friends have cry laughed at the image of me driving down the street being asked about knob polishing. And, naturally, they all asked how soon I'd be blogging about my drive from hell....
But, for all the judgement, all the shocked outcry, I stand by what I told my son. I stand by my honesty and I hope, that in doing so, I've set the stage for him to want to come back to ask questions, to get good, solid answers from his father and I. And, in that moment, he trusted me with his thoughts and was open and honest with me. The least I could do was be honest right back.
Because if you get it, you give it, people.
Christine Burke is a blogger and freelance writer. Her personal blog is keeperofthefruitloops.com and she can be found on Facebook . Her latest book, "I Just Want To Be Perfect" is available on Amazon.
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Savage Love
Mar 11, 2019 at 1:30 pm
Her Son Wants Just One Thing For His Birthday...
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Quick back story: When my son was ten some kids on the bus told him that a French kiss was when you transfer chewed food from your mouth to another's. Gross! After correcting this misinformation I decided it was time to educate him myself. A friend recommended “ It’s Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex and Sexual Health .” It was the right book and the right time, and my son and I can communicate opening and easily about anything. But wasn’t expecting him ask for a sex toy for his birthday—specifically, he asked I would purchase him a “ Fleshlight ” for his 16th birthday. WOW! I told him that seemed pretty varsity/advanced for him and should get some some mileage using his hand and maybe have partnered sex before thinking about toys.
I have no idea what it's like to be a teenage boy and I'm glad (if slightly horrified) that he feels comfortable talking to me. But I worry that if he were to use a Fleshlight before having partnered sex it could negatively impact his experience. But I keep thinking about your male callers who used the " death grip " growing up and then wound up having problems getting off with a partner later in life. I purchased him “ Drawn To Sex: The Basics ” by Erika Moen and Matthew Nolan, which feels like a more appropriate sex positive gift.
Would you purchase a vibrator for a daughter? — Dan
Good question! I have a 13-year-old daughter. And, yes, I would get her a vibrator if she asked, while warning her that too much can lead to desensitization. — SPM
If you would get your daughter an insertion toy—one that vibrates, something flesh-and-blood dicks can't do—why would you hesitate to get your son an insertion toy? Yes, boys have hands (so do girls) and boys can make fists. And boys, unlike girls , usually don't need to be encouraged to masturbate. But if you want your son to arrive at partnered sex without a bad case of death grip syndrome, a Fleshlight is a safer option than a fist. It's awkward, of course, to think about your kid pumping away at an appliance in the next room—and, hey, here's hoping he doesn't leave it in the sink after cleaning it. But I'm often surprised to hear from sex-positive, progressive parents who would purchase vibrators for their daughters—or in some cases already have purchased vibrators for their daughters—but who are squicked out by the thought of providing their sons with insertion toys that work for/with/on dicks. ( Not all vibrators are insertion toys , of course, but many are and many are used that way.) — Dan
When you put it that context I understand! — SPM
Oh, and about that "too much" vibrator use "can lead to desensitization" thing... you should pop over to Bustle and read this myth-busting piece . — Dan
Impeach the motherfucker already! Get your ITMFA buttons, t-shirts, hats and lapel pins and coffee mugs at www.ITMFA.org !
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The only thing more uncomfortable than casting auditions are casting auditions in which you have to give your screen partner a mock handjob while reciting your lines.
Anna Gunn played Skyler White, the woman we all loved to hate on "Breaking Bad." And while she'll never be our favorite on the show, Gunn deserves some brownie points for what she had to go through during her audition process. For anyone who doesn't remember, in the early seasons of "Breaking Bad," Skyler gets handsy with her husband without ever taking her eyes off an eBay auction.
Forgot how cringe-worthy that scene was? Well, we're here to remind you.
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