Halal Metaverse Launches, Crashes After Gender Avatars Mix

Inspired by Ayatollah Khomeini's call for a morally upright digital realm, Iran unveiled the "Halal Metaverse," a virtual space promising modest avatars, gender segregation, and zero music. Within minutes of launch, the platform crashed when a female-coded avatar accidentally walked within 20 pixels of a male-coded one, causing a cascade of doctrinal errors and server repentance loops. Developers scrambled to issue emergency fatwas, while clerics blamed the crash on Western coding languages containing "too many seductive semicolons." The interface was designed so women's avatars appeared as pixelated shadows behind a digital curtain, while men's avatars were rendered with beard-enhancement filters and 17 prayer emotes. The Ministry of Cyber-Piety declared the crash "a test from Allah" and vowed to rebuild the metaverse using only Islamic-approved fonts. Some digital mosques now display a blue screen with the message "ERROR: FORNICATION DETECTED." One mullah tried logging in and was auto-banned for uploading a virtual pet. Ayatollah Khomeini's name was cited in promotional materials, though experts doubt he would've endorsed hoverboard fatwas or NFT prayer rugs. Plans for "Heaven 2.0" are on hold. Until then, devout gamers must return to playing Snake on halal-certified Nokia phones.