Hairy Schlong
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Hairy Schlong
By TopTenz May 28, 2008 Updated: February 19, 2019 14 Comments 6 Mins Read
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This top ten list is a bit racier than previous lists, but the subject matter, doesn’t change the fact that there is a rating system. If you are sensitive to such things read our list of top ten hats . So how does one get listed as having the most famous penis of all time? Well, it should be or have been a point of discussion, culturally relevant and probably bigger than the average. Of course it helps if thousands or millions of people have seen it. Of course being small and yellow wouldn’t hurt either (see no. 8).
Little Donny was a character in a comedy sketch from the comedic troupe, The Upright Citizen’s Brigade , starring Amy Pohler. In the skit Donny was said to be suffering from magnimus-obliviophallocytis which caused him to have a large penis at a young age. Through digital blurring, the tv show was able to give a vague, blurred outline of his member as it flopped around with a life of its own – hilarious and disturbing to watch. Quite similar to a car wreck that you just can’t look away from. Amy Poehler got her big break here.
During the wedding scene in The Little Mermaid it has been reported that the Minister is a little overexcited about the nuptials and you can see an erection under his robes. It has been dismissed as only being his knee. I can see both sides of the argument, but even so, it “stands up” as a male member of recognition.
In probably the most unlikely nude scene since Kathy Bates in About Schmidt, Bart Simpson exposed his taliwacker in The Simpsons Movie. It was the first time such an exposure in a movie was not given an “R” rating. His yellow twig and berries made a brief but audacious appearance.
The movie Boogie Nights features Dirk Diggler a dimwitted high school dropout with a 13-inch penis who is recruited into the porn industry. While this movie focuses on Dirk’s life within the porn industry it waits strategically until the very end to show the “goods”. The famous scene in which Dirk Diggler reveals his huge, flaccid member has drawn questions from the star Mark Wahlberg . Suffice to say, it is not his natural body part, but a prosthetic penis.
Joey Stivic is a fictional character who first appeared on All in the Family . Joey Stivic was the son and only child of Mike Stivic (played by Rob Reiner ) and Gloria Bunker Stivic (played by Sally Struthers). The character first appeared, as a newborn baby, in a two-part episode of All in the Family airing in December 1975. Such was the popularity of All in the Family that in 1976 the Ideal Toy Company released a 14-inch “Joey Stivic doll” (called “Archie Bunker’s Grandson”) which was billed as the “first anatomically correct male doll.” The doll inspired mild controversy at the time, and is a collectors’ item today.
Wilt’s nickname, “Wilt the Stilt” was aptly given to the Hall of Fame basketball player . If there existed a Hall of Fame promiscuity he would have surely been inducted on his first try. Wilt traveled the globe while playing basketball which put him and his member in contact with thousands of women. In fact, the lifelong bachelor claimed he had sex with 20,000 women. For this to be true, he would have had to had sex with 1.14 women per day from the age of 15 up until the day of his death, a rate of almost eight women a week. I won’t even mention his basketballs.
John Holmes or Johnny Wadd (after the lead character in a series of related films), was one of the most famous male adult film stars of all time, appearing in about 2,500 adult movies in the 1970s and 1980s. He was best known for his exceptionally large penis, which was heavily promoted as being the longest in the porn industry. Although claims have been made that his was actually between 10 – 14 inches, his ex-wives both stated he measured 10 inches. While not the gargantuan 16 inches some reported, he reputation puts him solidly at #3 on this list.
Considered one of the greatest, if not the greatest works of sculpture, Michelangelo’s David is regarded as a symbol both of strength and youthful human beauty, including a clear view of the figure’s penis. There was controversy over the statue’s supposed Biblical reference, since the statue seemed to portray an uncircumcised male, whereas the historical King David was undoubtedly circumcised. It was also suggested that this was a conscious decision in Michelangelo’s effort to emulate the ancient Greek aesthetic ideal, which regarded the circumcised body part as mutilated. While conservative groups have sought to categorize the statue’s brazenness with soft pornography the statue is still held as a great work of art, pubic hair and all.
John Wayne Bobbitt and Lorena Bobbitt made Mr. Bobbit’s male member the most famous one on the planet in 1993 during an incident in which Lorena severed John’s member with a kitchen knife. John arrived home intoxicated and, according to testimony by Lorena, raped his wife. (Note: He was tried and acquitted for this alleged spousal rape in 1994) Afterward, Lorena went to the kitchen for a drink of water and saw a knife on the counter. She grabbed the knife and entered the bedroom where John was asleep; and she proceeded to cut off almost half of his penis. After assaulting her husband, Lorena left the apartment, with the severed body part. After driving a short while, she rolled down the car window and threw it out into a field. Realizing the severity of the incident, she stopped and called 911. The body part was located, packed in ice, and brought to the hospital where it was re-attached by doctors during a nine and a half hour surgery .
what about tommy lee , lou christie.
One name: Porfirio Rubirosa. You know those huge pepper grinders at restaurants? .
I think the Statue of David is the most sad excuse for a penis I have ever seen in my life! It's a very famous work of art, and I respect that, but I still laugh every time I see it. I've changed diapers of babies with bigger winkies than that.
What about the baby's penis from the NIrvana "Nevermind" album cover?
How about Grigori Rasputin's? There's a rumor (or urban legend) that he had more than 10", and that's not yet erected. Also, it was preserved in a museum, therefore, if confirmed, it could also be included in '10 most preserved body parts'.
What about Catharine the Great's stallion?
She wasn't call "the Great" for nuthin!
But then, I am just a lonely Lithuanian lad…drunk on Pinoqachole again.
As anyone who's seen the original can verify, the Statue of David is DEFINITELY an uncircumcised male. Apart from the aesthetic reference to ancinet Greek sculpture, I can't help thinking that Michaelangelo may never actually have seen a circumcised one. I can't imagine they were that common in medieval Florence, and certainly not often on view. Maybe he just chose to model what he knew?
I can't believe the animators sneaked such a scene into the wedding ceremony of the little mermaid. Pretty cool though.
Well, i guess John Wayne Bobbitt junk must be working fine cause he's in a couple of pornos…some movie called Frankenpenis.
I'm sure Wilt's basket"balls" were orange after 20,000 women. 😉
Who knew Milton Berle was so well endowed. I hadn't heard of that "rumor" before.
I seem to recall something about John Dillinger's penis being on display at the Smithsonian, but this web page would seem to refute that: http://www.snopes.com/risque/penile/dillinger.asp
Tom Jones…or as he's also referred to – Tom and his Jones. A friend of mine saw him in Vegas and said he could see the bulge from the 20th row.
Our newest biography website and YouTube channel. Biographics – History, One Life at a Time.
Type above and press Enter to search. Press Esc to cancel.
By TopTenz May 28, 2008 Updated: February 19, 2019 14 Comments 6 Mins Read
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More stories to check out before you go
Click on 'Allow' to subscribe to the Toptenz.
This top ten list is a bit racier than previous lists, but the subject matter, doesn’t change the fact that there is a rating system. If you are sensitive to such things read our list of top ten hats . So how does one get listed as having the most famous penis of all time? Well, it should be or have been a point of discussion, culturally relevant and probably bigger than the average. Of course it helps if thousands or millions of people have seen it. Of course being small and yellow wouldn’t hurt either (see no. 8).
Little Donny was a character in a comedy sketch from the comedic troupe, The Upright Citizen’s Brigade , starring Amy Pohler. In the skit Donny was said to be suffering from magnimus-obliviophallocytis which caused him to have a large penis at a young age. Through digital blurring, the tv show was able to give a vague, blurred outline of his member as it flopped around with a life of its own – hilarious and disturbing to watch. Quite similar to a car wreck that you just can’t look away from. Amy Poehler got her big break here.
During the wedding scene in The Little Mermaid it has been reported that the Minister is a little overexcited about the nuptials and you can see an erection under his robes. It has been dismissed as only being his knee. I can see both sides of the argument, but even so, it “stands up” as a male member of recognition.
In probably the most unlikely nude scene since Kathy Bates in About Schmidt, Bart Simpson exposed his taliwacker in The Simpsons Movie. It was the first time such an exposure in a movie was not given an “R” rating. His yellow twig and berries made a brief but audacious appearance.
The movie Boogie Nights features Dirk Diggler a dimwitted high school dropout with a 13-inch penis who is recruited into the porn industry. While this movie focuses on Dirk’s life within the porn industry it waits strategically until the very end to show the “goods”. The famous scene in which Dirk Diggler reveals his huge, flaccid member has drawn questions from the star Mark Wahlberg . Suffice to say, it is not his natural body part, but a prosthetic penis.
Joey Stivic is a fictional character who first appeared on All in the Family . Joey Stivic was the son and only child of Mike Stivic (played by Rob Reiner ) and Gloria Bunker Stivic (played by Sally Struthers). The character first appeared, as a newborn baby, in a two-part episode of All in the Family airing in December 1975. Such was the popularity of All in the Family that in 1976 the Ideal Toy Company released a 14-inch “Joey Stivic doll” (called “Archie Bunker’s Grandson”) which was billed as the “first anatomically correct male doll.” The doll inspired mild controversy at the time, and is a collectors’ item today.
Wilt’s nickname, “Wilt the Stilt” was aptly given to the Hall of Fame basketball player . If there existed a Hall of Fame promiscuity he would have surely been inducted on his first try. Wilt traveled the globe while playing basketball which put him and his member in contact with thousands of women. In fact, the lifelong bachelor claimed he had sex with 20,000 women. For this to be true, he would have had to had sex with 1.14 women per day from the age of 15 up until the day of his death, a rate of almost eight women a week. I won’t even mention his basketballs.
John Holmes or Johnny Wadd (after the lead character in a series of related films), was one of the most famous male adult film stars of all time, appearing in about 2,500 adult movies in the 1970s and 1980s. He was best known for his exceptionally large penis, which was heavily promoted as being the longest in the porn industry. Although claims have been made that his was actually between 10 – 14 inches, his ex-wives both stated he measured 10 inches. While not the gargantuan 16 inches some reported, he reputation puts him solidly at #3 on this list.
Considered one of the greatest, if not the greatest works of sculpture, Michelangelo’s David is regarded as a symbol both of strength and youthful human beauty, including a clear view of the figure’s penis. There was controversy over the statue’s supposed Biblical reference, since the statue seemed to portray an uncircumcised male, whereas the historical King David was undoubtedly circumcised. It was also suggested that this was a conscious decision in Michelangelo’s effort to emulate the ancient Greek aesthetic ideal, which regarded the circumcised body part as mutilated. While conservative groups have sought to categorize the statue’s brazenness with soft pornography the statue is still held as a great work of art, pubic hair and all.
John Wayne Bobbitt and Lorena Bobbitt made Mr. Bobbit’s male member the most famous one on the planet in 1993 during an incident in which Lorena severed John’s member with a kitchen knife. John arrived home intoxicated and, according to testimony by Lorena, raped his wife. (Note: He was tried and acquitted for this alleged spousal rape in 1994) Afterward, Lorena went to the kitchen for a drink of water and saw a knife on the counter. She grabbed the knife and entered the bedroom where John was asleep; and she proceeded to cut off almost half of his penis. After assaulting her husband, Lorena left the apartment, with the severed body part. After driving a short while, she rolled down the car window and threw it out into a field. Realizing the severity of the incident, she stopped and called 911. The body part was located, packed in ice, and brought to the hospital where it was re-attached by doctors during a nine and a half hour surgery .
what about tommy lee , lou christie.
One name: Porfirio Rubirosa. You know those huge pepper grinders at restaurants? .
I think the Statue of David is the most sad excuse for a penis I have ever seen in my life! It's a very famous work of art, and I respect that, but I still laugh every time I see it. I've changed diapers of babies with bigger winkies than that.
What about the baby's penis from the NIrvana "Nevermind" album cover?
How about Grigori Rasputin's? There's a rumor (or urban legend) that he had more than 10", and that's not yet erected. Also, it was preserved in a museum, therefore, if confirmed, it could also be included in '10 most preserved body parts'.
What about Catharine the Great's stallion?
She wasn't call "the Great" for nuthin!
But then, I am just a lonely Lithuanian lad…drunk on Pinoqachole again.
As anyone who's seen the original can verify, the Statue of David is DEFINITELY an uncircumcised male. Apart from the aesthetic reference to ancinet Greek sculpture, I can't help thinking that Michaelangelo may never actually have seen a circumcised one. I can't imagine they were that common in medieval Florence, and certainly not often on view. Maybe he just chose to model what he knew?
I can't believe the animators sneaked such a scene into the wedding ceremony of the little mermaid. Pretty cool though.
Well, i guess John Wayne Bobbitt junk must be working fine cause he's in a couple of pornos…some movie called Frankenpenis.
I'm sure Wilt's basket"balls" were orange after 20,000 women. 😉
Who knew Milton Berle was so well endowed. I hadn't heard of that "rumor" before.
I seem to recall something about John Dillinger's penis being on display at the Smithsonian, but this web page would seem to refute that: http://www.snopes.com/risque/penile/dillinger.asp
Tom Jones…or as he's also referred to – Tom and his Jones. A friend of mine saw him in Vegas and said he could see the bulge from the 20th row.
Our newest biography website and YouTube channel. Biographics – History, One Life at a Time.
Type above and press Enter to search. Press Esc to cancel.
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Believe it or not, there are downsides to packing a python.
There was Willie Jordan, flanked by a dozen friends and a few curious strangers in the back corner of a dimly lit pub.
“Get it out, get it out!” the rowdy spectators screamed. “Not here, not tonight,” Jordan answered. He liked this bar, and he didn’t want to get banned for performing his party trick.
Nonsense, they said, as they formed an ironclad circle around Jordan to protect him. He had found himself in this situation so many times before, and he knew when it was time to admit defeat.
So Jordan took a breath, carefully unbuttoned his pants, and pulled out his penis.
The audience erupted, delighted to catch a front-row glimpse of the biggest penis in Newcastle. It was a legendary penis in the North East England town, and its owner had become a quasi-celebrity because of it.
In his 20s, Jordan ate up the attention, showing off his super-sized schlong to whoever wanted to see it—and as rumors spread, his crowds ballooned.
“I understand human curiosity,” he says. “If I had a friend who had six or seven fingers on each hand, or two heads, I’d be curious to see them, too.”
But Jordan was now pushing 40, and the novelty of being a carnival attraction had long worn off. Desperate to get on with the night, he instinctively swung his big penis around like a piece of rope—the usual act—and stuffed it back into his briefs. The show was over.
Or so he thought. One inebriated fan—the same man who had repeatedly asked Jordan to sleep with his girlfriend that evening—demanded an encore, asking the performer to “just let it hang.” Fine, Jordan thought. Whatever will shut him up.
But as soon as he brought his prized possession back out, the groupie grabbed it. “He literally tried to pull it off my body,” says Jordan. “Maybe he was on drugs, trying to drag a man’s penis off like that.”
Jordan fell down and sprinted home. Within 10 minutes, his whole shaft—base to tip—was black and bruised, as if it had been through battle.
Flabbergasted, Jordan flocked to Facebook to post about his crazy encounter. Ten thousand miles across the Atlantic, his friend Jonah Falcon —himself the owner of an abnormally big penis, reportedly the biggest in the world—was the first to comment.
“You’re not trying to catch up to me, are you?”
Sometimes you’re left scrambling for the bar exit after a drunken stranger has seized your dick, and other times, you rupture a cyst on your girlfriend’s ovary during intercourse. That’s what happened to Todd—who requested anonymity for this story—back in high school, the first of many sexual mishaps caused by his big penis.
“She was doubled over in pain after we finished,” says Todd, 36. “Looking back, I don’t know how we avoided the emergency room.”
The repercussions of packing a python aren’t always so sev
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