Guys Getting Pegged
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More and more men are opening up to the joys of being penetrated. Is it time you got onboard? Sex blogger Girl on the net explains how
In a recent interview, Tom Ford argued that every guy should get penetrated at least once in their lives. According to Tom, getting penetrated allows you to empathise with women, and understand how vulnerable we are during sex .
While I have to disagree on the latter point (more on why later), even if you never try it I do agree you should at least understand the possibilities: your prostate can give you a kind of pleasure that your penis never could.
Tom isn't alone. More and more men are waking up to the joys of being penetrated. The film Deadpool and more recently Broad City (pictured above) both had scenes in which women shagged men with strap-ons – known colloquially as 'pegging.'
Perhaps in part thanks to this representation, sex toy website Lovehoney say strap-on searches have increased by 195% year on year, with November 2016 being their most popular month for strap-on sales. So if you want to try pegging, know that you're definitely not alone.
But although it's tempting to plough straight in (pun very much intended), pegging isn't quite as easy as they make it look on TV. You only get one shot at your first time, so here are a few tips to make sure it goes smoothly.
The first time I ever pegged someone we made all the classic mistakes: we bought the cheapest strap-on we could find, rushed in too eagerly, and didn't have a clue which position would be best. But despite that it was a roaring success, as measured by the fact that it made him come so powerfully I had to wipe the wall down afterwards.
If you're intrigued by penetration, the obvious first place to start is with gentle anal exploration – a finger or two, with a lot of lube. You're hunting for a spot a couple of inches inside you, just behind the base of your penis , and it should feel good when you press it gently.
I've had some guys who find anal penetration uncomfortable, but they enjoy the psychological aspect. Others like the sensation of feeling 'stretched', and some just want a short burst of pinpoint prostate stimulation to push them over the edge at the end of a blow job. Our bodies all respond differently to stimulation, so it might be that you try this and discover it's not for you, but if a finger or two does the trick, then full-on pegging might be next on your bucket list.
The first thing you'll need is pegging equipment: a solid strap-on harness and a decent dildo. Lovehoney's most popular item is their unisex strap-on kit , which comes with a slim 7 inch dildo. The golden rule with dildos is to always go for something slightly smaller than you think you'd like. Picking too big a dildo for your first time is like trying to run a marathon before you've finished your couch-to-5K, and a bad experience could put you off for life.
Some guys aren't keen on dildos that are too 'lifelike', so dildos are available in a variety of different colours, textures and patterns. You can even use silicone moulding kits to clone your own penis, creating a fun Inception -style shag. That's probably an advanced move, though, so I'd recommend a soft silicone dildo for your first time, with a wide flared base. That way it'll sit snugly in the strap-on harness and you won't risk it falling out and flopping onto the bed at a crucial moment.
When you get going, use plenty of lube and go slowly. Pegging has one crucial disadvantage over standard anal sex: the person wearing the strap-on has no sensation to guide them. Consider how hard penetration is sometimes for you, then multiply that by a thousand, because your partner can't feel the end of a dick that's made of silicone.
When you're in and ready to go, experiment with a few different positions. Doggy always seems to be the default on TV and in porn , but it's not the one I'd prefer. From a selfish perspective I want to see my partner's face at the peak of his orgasmic bliss, and from a practical perspective the angle of entry can be much easier with you lying on your back, knees pulled up to your chest. Even hotter – and easier for a first-timer – is to get your strap-on wearing partner to lie on their back, so you can ride them cowboy-style. It puts you firmly in control of both the angle and speed of entry.
The cowboy position, in my opinion, also puts paid to Tom Ford's theory that being penetrated makes someone 'vulnerable.' Perhaps the most common question from straight guys about anal penetration is what enjoyment of it means for their masculinity . They often see penetration as something passive or feminine, because depictions of sex often put the penetrator in the dominant role.
As someone who's been on both the giving and receiving ends, I can tell you that this is rubbish. Power play during sex is all about the atmosphere you create - you can be vulnerable one minute and powerful the next, regardless of who's inside who. And personally, I think there are few things more powerful and hot-looking than a guy riding a silicone penis that I've chosen, lubed up, and strapped on myself.
And perhaps that's why pegging is growing so rapidly in popularity. More people want to experience different kinds of sex than the ones they were taught about in sex ed. Guys are increasingly recognising that being penetrated doesn't make you 'vulnerable', it's just another awesome sex trick to add to your repertoire.
What is pegging? 4 reasons why it’s on everyone’s sex bucket lists these days
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Ever since we watched Abbi Jacobson try it out on Broad City , we have been fascinated with pegging . In case you missed it, or this is the first time you’re hearing about this empowering sex act, pegging is when a woman wears a strap-on dildo and penetrates her partner anally. Usually, pegging is often reserved to describe the act between heterosexual couples , so it’s a woman flipping the traditional gender dynamic and “banging” the man. But there are tons of lesbians out there who also never leave for a date without their strap-on in their bag so that they can penetrate their partners both vaginally and anally.
So, really, anyone can peg or be pegged . It’s an equal opportunity sex act.
Some feminists are conflicted about pegging. Like, is it about penis envy? We don’t need a penis to have an orgasm, so why try one on? Like so many other sexual acts , we say try not to think about it too much if the idea of it turns you and your partner on. But let’s not ignore the fact that there is definitely a power dynamic between a bottom and a top , or the one doing the penetrating and the one getting penatrated, and being able to flip the roles now and again is sort of tempting — for some! But there are all kinds of reasons you might want to float the idea of pegging with your partners. Let’s get started.
It’s been a rough year to be a woman and no one is going to blame you if the idea of taking charge and being the one to penetrate your boyfriend is the main reason you want to peg him. Seriously! Not in an ANGRY way (you should never, ever have rough sex unless that’s something you and your partner agree to) or in the name of “screwing” all of mankind, but to reclaim some power, at least in the bedroom. It’s a thing.
One woman told Vogue about her pegging journey , “It’s such a shift in the power dynamic. I kept thinking, I’m literally penetrating someone right now. Plus, it’s a vaginal workout because you have to grip the dildo with your vagina while you use it. It’s basically exercise, which I love.”
With heterosexual couples, there aren’t a lot of ways the woman gets to control the pace and pleasure factor . Sure, we’re active partners in penetrative sex, and yes we can be on top, but there’s a vulnerability that comes with being the person on the receiving end of penetration. If the feeling of control and providing pleasure is one of the main draws for you when it comes to blowjobs , you might be into pegging. Plus, rumor has it that the strap-on can often provide clitoral stimulation , so there’s something for everyone.
Because of these traditional gender roles we’re all stuck in, bringing up pegging with your partner is a big deal. Broaching the subject will take some confidence, no doubt. As women, we’re often taught that the mere act of enjoying sex — let alone some kinky sex — makes us “sluts.” It doesn’t. It’s healthy to like sex, just like it’s healthy to know that you don’t like sex. Whenever you can identify and own your desires, you’re on the right track.
Talking about what you want in bed, before, during, and after the act, is so important and makes for better sex in the long run. Having the confidence in the bedroom to talk about your needs is not an easy skill to learn, so kudos to you for trying. Keep at it: Once you start to feel comfortable telling your partners what you need to get off, your entire sexual life will change.
And you shouldn’t just be talking about what you want before sex, but during it, too. With most of your partners, it probably wouldn’t be a great idea to whip out your strap on mid-sex and tell them to roll over. Pegging is something you should go over before you take your clothes off and make sure everyone’s on board with. As you might know, anal sex takes a lot of getting used to. So while you’re pegging someone, you’re going to have to ease into it and communicate with your partner until you find the right flow — just like you should be doing when they’re penetrating you.
Again with the gender roles, right? A lot of men are really not into the idea of butt play at all during sex, even though they’ve never tried it. (Even some gay men , despite the stereotypes!) So your hetero boyfriend might be totally against even thinking about the idea of pegging. However, you might find that your man has introduced some anal action into his own masturbatory routine, since a lot of men can enhance their orgasms with a prostate massage.
The prostate is a gland in the anal canal that only men have. In reality, it’s a walnut sized reproductive gland that helps men make sperm. However, if massaged correctly from the outside (it’s right under the perineum, or the area of skin between the testicles and anus) or stimulated by pegging, it can lead to a phenomenal orgasm . Pegging is one way to get a man off without any other work involved, much like how some women enjoy their orgasms more through anal sex. This should go without saying, but obviously, if a guy says he doesn’t want you near his butt, respect his wishes, much like he should as soon as you say “no” to something.
Your partner might not be into pegging, but the mere act of asking could lead to a better conversation about what they do want. Like, maybe he’s not okay with a strap on, but is totally into trying a prostrate massage with your fingers. Or literally anything else you two might want to try together.
If you do decide to try pegging and are in a relationship with someone who’s down, taking a trip to the sex shop to pick out a strap on and lube together (never forget the lube!) is a super fun bonding activity. When you get back to the house, we guarantee your sex will be way hotter than usual. There’s something about sharing sexual fantasies with your partner that almost always ends up bringing you closer together. Pegging is definitely not for beginners, but it’s something to think about for sure. If anything, it’s worth trying just to get in touch with your sexual fantasies and learning how to talk about them.
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Home » I pegged my boyfriend and now he wants to be ‘the girl’
Kinky sex can be wonderful, but it won’t fix your relationship.
by
Dan Savage
February 11, 2020 August 18, 2021
Chicago’s alternative nonprofit newsroom
Q: My boyfriend and I were having relationship issues until we tried something new: pegging. He wanted to try it, but he was afraid and sometimes said the idea disgusted him. Then we tried it, and it was better than normal vanilla or even kinky bondage sex. It was the most emotionally connected sex we’ve ever had. I actually pegged him three times in 24 hours. He says now he wants to be “the girl” in our relationship. He doesn’t want to transition to become a girl, but to be more “the girl” sexually and emotionally. I see this as sexy and loving. I’ve always taken care of him in a nurturing way, but this adds so much more. I feel bad about sending this long story just to ask a simple question, but . . . how do I be more “the guy” for my boyfriend who wants to be more “the girl”? Not just sexually, but in everyday life? — The Boyfriend Experience
A: “It’s amazing these two found each other,” said Key Barrett, a trained anthropologist. “They communicate and obviously create spaces to be vulnerable together and explore.”
Barrett has studied female-led relationships (FLR) and written books—fiction and nonfiction—about them, TBE, and his first concern was your boyfriend succumbing to “sub-frenzy,” or a burning desire to realize all his fantasies at once. You guys aren’t new to kink—you mention bondage—but you’ve found something that taps into some deep-seated desires, and you don’t want to move too fast. “Pegging opened up a huge box of shiny new emotions and feelings,” said Barrett. “That’s great, but they should take it slow, especially if they want this dynamic to be a part of the day-to-day relationship.”
You also need to bear in mind that pegging, while wonderful, won’t solve your underlying “relationship issues.” Unless, of course, the issue was your boyfriend feeling anxious about asking you to peg him. If he was worried about walking back his previous comments, or worried you would judge, shame, or dump him over this, that could have been the cause of your conflict, and the pegging—by some miracle—was the solution.
But, hey, you didn’t ask about those other issues, so let’s focus on your actual question: you being “the guy” and your boyfriend being “the girl.”
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“The boyfriend wants TBE to be ‘the guy’ in the relationship to reinforce his desire to be ‘the girl,'” said Barrett, “and she seems okay with this, although she does acknowledge that this would require more than the nurturing and caretaking she’s already showed toward him. That’s a valid concern. His desire to take the kink out of the bedroom and merge it with the day-to-day risks turning her into a kink dispenser. There’s also the aspect of the boyfriend’s gender stereotyping. Being dominant isn’t unique to men, and being submissive isn’t a ‘feminine’ trait. There are a lot of alpha men in FLRs who shine in support roles for the women they trust. Female-led relationships don’t rely on stereotypes. Indeed, they often flout them by relying not on stereotypical behaviors but on what is a natural dynamic for the couple. In that sense, each FLR is unique.”
While it’s possible that “I want to be the girl” are the only words your boyfriend has to describe the dynamic that turns him on, for some men, sacrificing their “male” power and privilege is an intrinsic part of the eroticism of submitting to a dominant woman. And that’s okay, too.
“If he legitimately wants to take on a role of supporting her and being her adoring submissive partner while thinking of that role as ‘feminine,’ it could work for them,” said Barrett. “He might really enjoy supporting her decisions and being more of a domestic partner. She might enjoy the support and validation that comes from having a partner who revels in her successes and strength. This could fulfill the ‘caring for him as if I were the boyfriend’ portion (what a loving a statement!) while still feeling natural for TBE.”
So how can you get started as “the guy” in this relationship?
“They should, again, start small,” said Barrett. “Maybe delegate a few tasks that were ‘hers’ to h
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