Guy Trans Sex

Guy Trans Sex

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Lee Hurley Wednesday 8 Oct 2014 12:47 pm
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To Lee from Bournemouth, out in Brighton on Saturday night with his pals,… Tall handsome blond boy with blue eyes. Think your name is Alex…
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Let’s face it, you all want to know about the whole penis issue.
You’re wondering, ‘what the hell do I do with one that’s *different*?’ That’s why you’re really reading this.
So just how does it work with one that’s not quite the same as all the others you’ve encountered?
Quite well, actually, but, that tends to depends on the individuals involved.
Sex from person to person is different and that’s the same case when it comes to sex with trans guys.
What turns one on will have another thinking you’re some sort of pervert, so where you’re going to have to step up your game is in the communication department if you want the bedroom department to work for both people involved.
A lot also depends on your own starting point and what you think sex involves, but there’s no denying that sex with a trans guy, especially one who is pre-op or has opted for no lower surgeries at all, is going to be different than with a CIS guy.
However, different is not necessarily a bad thing.
In fact, in that difference, you can often find some great surprises, such as guys who have more interest in making sure the woman enjoys herself rather than focusing solely on his own pleasure.
Of course, there are prosthetics than can be used and, for the most part, are incredibly realistic and can provide similar sensations for the woman if not for the guy, but these are a personal choice and not everyone is happy using them.
For me, pre-transition, sex was a minefield due to the levels of discomfort I felt with my own body.
Now, as I change, I find myself becoming more comfortable than I ever thought possible, but there’s some distance to go.
Sex recently has involved a lot of talking before, and after, and thankfully that’s been with someone who is open-minded, patient, and prepared to alter how she previously saw sex.
Before that, the majority of my sex was focused solely on what the woman wanted and my own discomfort was shunted to the side or ignored.
That was down to me, not them, I should stress.
Like with anything in life, if you don’t understand, the best course of action is to simply ask.
If you’re attracted to the guy in question, how his body is when you meet him will likely be a bigger issue for him than for you, especially in the early stages of transition.
Talk it out when you get to know him and you both feel like you’d like to take the relationship to the next level.
This doesn’t mean that you just dive in and ask him to describe his genitals as soon as you find out he’s a trans guy.
Ask yourself first ‘would I ask a CIS guy this after just meeting him?’
If the answer is ‘no,’ you’d probably be advised just keeping your mouth shut.

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A support and community oriented space for binary FTM men.
I'm a cis guy, concider myself to be bi. I have a crush on a trans guy and he wants to hookup but I've got some questions /concerns and don't want to make him uncomfortable or upset him by asking. How do I refer to his genitals if at all? Do I tell him that I've only been with guys so far and not played/penetrated a vagina before? Does trans guys prefer anal or vaginal penetration? He identifies as a a guy so I am still correct for calling myself bi right?
Do I tell him that I’ve only been with guys so far and not played/penetrated a vagina before?
No way, a trans guy is a guy, so before anything else work on your wording when speaking with him. As for vaginas… not all trans men have vaginas, and he might not either.
Any questions you have in regards to preferences and how he’d like his genitalia to be referred to (IF he has that genitalia in the first place), you absolutely should ask him those yourself. We’re all adults here, we can have mature conversations and communication is always key. We can’t answer those questions for your crush.
As for being bi… If you thought of yourself as gay before, you’re still gay because yes, he’s a guy.
You just have to ask him. And please do not make assumptions based on his birth sex, it doesn’t have to mean very much.
you’re still bi, trans people are not a seperate gender entirely. A straight woman can date a trans guy and still be straight.
how you refer to his genitals is also up to him. Not all trans men mind, but a lot of us would get dysphoric if you use words like vagina and such. Some trans guys just say front hole, and some refer to their clitoris/ bottom growth as a dick.
if he does prefer front penetration, you can tell him that it’s new to you, and he can help guide you. But some trans guys dont want that area messed with. Some only do anal, and some are tops. He might be strictly a top, or maybe not into penetration at all. This is again where you have to ask him
Good luck with it, i hope you have fun with him!
Like everyone says: you need to talk to him about it.
Be mindful of your wording. When you say things like "he identifies as a guy" that can come across as undermining his gender. No one ever says a cis guy "identifies as a man", we just say "he's a man". It's subtle but it can make a big difference to a trans person hearing it one way vs the other. So, your crush is a dude. Just another guy like the other guys you've been with before. Two bros chilling in a hot tub etc.
On to how you ask him: maybe tell him you're excited to hook up but you want to hang out and chat first. This is the convo where you just chill and talk about protection, boundaries, stuff you like and don't like. The best way to approach it is to start talking about your own preferences first. "I like to top" or "I don't mind switching" or "I hate being tickled but I'm okay with some light restraining". Idk whatever you're into. Tell him you've done an sti test and talk about condoms and lube. You know. Matter of fact stuff. That naturally opens up room for him to talk about his stuff. Cos then it's just normal, you're telling him not to touch the soles of your feet or whatever, he can tell you his stuff at the same time.
If you approach it like "you are a trans guy so now I need to ask Special Trans Guy Questions about your body" you can risk making him feel singled out and different. In reality you should have open conversations with all sexual partners about what they like and how you can respectfully interact with their body. So treat it like that. You're two guys talking about how you can make a hookup fun and sexy for each other, it's just one of you happens to be trans. Ask him in general terms if there's anything he doesn't like or you should avoid and I'm sure he'll jump at the opportunity to tell you what he needs from you.
It’s best to ask him directly what he would like his genitals called and how he likes to have sex. Different people like different things and there’s no one way trans guys like to have sex (and no one word trans guys prefer to reference their genitals).
Whether you’re with a man or woman (cis or not), you’re still bi.
When hooking up, let him lead you to what he likes. Ask him, "What do you like?" Do not assume he wants to be penetrated at all-- whether in front (if he still has a v; he may not) or in the ass.
Trans men are not a monolith, so it's impossible for any of us to say what trans men prefer during sex.
Rid yourself of the "identifies as" language. He's a man, just like a cis man is a man. "Identifies as" makes it sound like he is less "real."
Some guys do not refer to their natal genitals at all. I would not use the word "vagina" with him unless he does-- it can be a very dysphoria inducing thing for some trans men. But ask him "What do you like to do? What gets you hot and bothered?" You can ask these questions the way you would any other sex partner, as you learn each other's turn-ons and offs. Share your own-- I really like ___ but I don't like ___. How about you?" Make it part of sexy pre-hook-up talk.
"Trans" is an adjective. He is a man same as a white man is still a man. His being trans does not change the fact that you're "still bi."
if you only like men you are gay, if you like men and women you are bi. if you only like cis men and trans men you are just gay. 2. did you even ask him if he has a vagina or a penis? or are you just assuming? he very well may want you to bottom as many of us have phallo and we're tops but you wouldn't know if you dont ask. 3. ask him how he wants you to speak about him and his body.
Language: words I use for my body parts are not necessarily the words other people use. And some guys use terms that give me massive dysphoria. Only he knows which words he likes to use.
Forms of penetration: some trans guys enjoy front hole penetration, others only do anal and some don't bottom all. As already mentioned in another comment, he might have had lower surgery and not have his natal set up.
these are questions you need to ask him.
Everything other than yes you’re nice because he’s a man, you need to ask him. All of those questions are extremely individual to the person. No person is the same, being trans doesn’t change that.
A huge part of having sex is communication and negotiation. If you want to have sex, you have to be comfortable having these conversation and he has to be as well. Sit him down and have a heart to heart about your questions and concerns.
All the questions you’re asking vary depending on each person. I know guys that are ok with having their genitals referred with the ‘regular’ terms (vagina, clit…), others are more comfortable with other terms (dick, front hole), some guys are ok with vaginal penetration some are not and some other guys don’t even want you to see or touch their genitals so to be honest you gotta ask him because that’s the only way you could know.
I just wanted to add…its pretty rad of you to seek out this community prior to broaching this subject with your crush. Good luck to you
Not all trans guys like the same stuff, so honestly that is something you'll have to ask him about. Some of us like anal, some like PIV, and some like neither and/or prefer to top. And the words he uses are, again, entirely up to what he personally is comfortable with.
Furthermore, you need to really work on how you word things before you even speak to him. Like, of course you're still bi if you're attracted to men (both cis and trans) and women (both cis and trans). We are men, just the same as you. We aren't some third gender just because we're trans. I get it's probably unintentional, but it can be very hurtful when you say some of that stuff. Shit like: "I've only been with guys so far and not played with/penetrated a vagina" really makes it seem like you're not seeing him as a man, and only seeing him for his genitals. He IS a guy, so you'll still have only been with guys. Better way to say that would be, "I've only been with cis men."
Edit: would also like to mention, some trans guys don't even HAVE vaginas anymore, so don't
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