Guy Fucking Things

Guy Fucking Things
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FALLING IN LOVE WITH INANIMATE OBJECTS
After a Malaysian boy got his todger stuck in a drainpipe, The Sun decided to look back at other sticky situations blokes have got themselves in
THE horny Malaysian teen who got his penis stuck in a sewage pipe is not the first to be caught with his pants round his ankles in a VERY compromising position.
The 16-year-old lad had to be freed with a circular saw after romping with a waist-high toilet pipe at his home in Johor, Malaysia.
After suffering swollen genitals and a bruised ego, the youngster joins a long line of unfortunate fellas who came a cropper trying to get their kicks in peculiar ways.
So in honour of the randy young lad we have compiled a list of the best examples of men being caught getting frisky with weird and wacky objects.
The weirdo apparently slashed the bike's tyres before masturbating while they deflated.
Police in Osterlund believed he may have even had links to similar string of crimes dating back to 2007.
One bike owner, Per Edstrom, who caught the crime on CCTV said: "I am not scared of him, just irritated over all the punctures I have had to fix.
“This man is probably completely harmless – bicycles are just his thing."
One randy motorist in Newcastle, Australia, was nabbed by cops as he was driving down the motorway with his penis in a PASTA JAR.
Police in the Aussie city thought Keith Roy Weatherley, 46, had a weapon in his hand when they pulled him over but the truth was far more shocking... and disgusting.
The frisky fella was found with a 750mm pasta jar around his penis and reportedly continued to masturbate as he re-fusilli-ed arrest.
Officers also found pornography, a homemade sex aid, women's stockings and a Jack russell terrier.
This electrician decided to do some unique plumbing of his own.
The oddball dressed in bathrobe, jeans and trainers was caught thrusting his junk into the drain cover at 11am as passers by looked on confused.
Police in Romford, Essex, issued an arrest warrant when he failed to show for his hearing.
Some 24 years earlier Karl Watkins was charged with a similar crime - as seen on The Sun's front page with the headline: "The man who made love to pavements."
One oddball in Wiltshire was arrested for allegedly having sex with a lamp-post.
Police in the town of Westbury arrested the deviant in February 2008. He was released on bail but recalled after further interviews with witnesses.
Police had to be called in 2008 when reports of a man having sex with a garden table were submitted to them.
A neighbour reported that Art Price Jr, from Ohio in the US, lifted a round metal table and proceeded to perform a sex act on it, in broad daylight.
Price Jr was arrested and faced charges for public indecency.
Police Captain Matt Johnson said at the time: “He was completely nude. He would use the hole from the umbrella and have sex with the table.”
This American took the furniture theme even further by having sex with a sofa.
The hotel worker was caught by an off-duty cop having his way with the couch on the side of the road at 11pm.
The crime earned Streator a charge of lewd and lascivious behaviour in Waukesha, Wisconsin.
Calum Ward was seen making love to an ambulance after he had set fire to a packet of peanuts.
Devon police collared the lad after he was seen performing the odd nut stunt in a telephone box.
The 25-year-old was said to be in 'relatively high spirits' and according to the prosecuting counsel, police at the time said: "He looked as though he was attempting to make love to the front of an ambulance."
Ward was sentenced to a community order after admitting taking drink and drugs before seeing the error of his ways.
Last year a man in Kansas, US, was tasered by police when he refused to stop having sex with a car exhaust.
Ryan Malek, 24, pleaded guilty to "lewd and lascivious behaviour" in the car park of an apartment building.
When police arrived at scene they found Malek trying to put his penis into the car exhaust.
To make matters worse, he was seen by six witnesses, but only ended up with a $200 fine.
Taking an inflatable raft out of the water generally makes it useless.
But not for Ohio man Edwin Charles Tobergta, who was jailed in 2013 for having sex with a lilo - in broad daylight.
To make matters worse, it wasn't the first or even second time he'd been arrested for his bizarre blow-up fetish.
In 2011 he was nicked for bonking a pink swimming pool raft, and way back in 2002 he romped with an inflatable PUMPKIN from his neighbour's Halloween display.
A Polish builder was caught out after being caught red-handed with a Henry the hoover.
The stunned site security guard was supposed to be locking the site when he discovered the man with his pipe stuck in the, er, pipe.
Shocked and appalled by the man's actions the guard demanded the man 'clean himself and the hoover'.
Once questioned by his bosses, the bloke reportedly told his bosses it was a common practice in Poland.
THE term objectum sexuality was invented 30 years ago by a woman who married the Berlin Wall.
Eija-Riitta Berliner-Mauer, whose surname translates as Berlin Wall, married the concrete structure in 1979.
She and fellow objectophile, Erika Eiffel, who married the Eiffel Tower, founded the OS Internationale support network and educational site.
The site states: "We love objects on a very significant level and many of us, in an intimate way.
"Objectum sexual love comes for most in a similar awakening as other sexualities at the start of puberty.
"This is often followed by an acute awareness that we do not relate to peers due to the source of projected feelings.
"Often objectum sexual people feel outcast or pressured by mainstream sexuality with a helpless feeling that we cannot change what comes naturally to us."
In 2010, clincial sexologist Dr Amy Marsh published out what is thought to be the first study into OS, in the Internet Journal of Human Sexuality .
After speaking to 21 people who claim to be objectum sexual, Dr Marsh spoke on US television revealing she supported OS as a legitimate sexual orientation.
Dr Marsh said: "The most striking feature of this research was the discovery of the array of emotions and depth of connection that OS people feel for their objects.
"OS appears to be a genuine, though rare, sexual orientation.
"The emotions and experiences reported by OS people correspond to general definitions of sexual orientation."
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The best part: These are just as satisfying for you too.
Hi, yes, your daily PSA: Stop catering to men's needs as if yours don't matter. Especially in the bedroom. It’s the year 2021. As women channeling major Lizzo energy, it's just as important to seek your own pleasure as it is your partners.
So first off: Lose the regressive trope of needing to please your man, and only your man, because that’s totally backwards. Your orgasm matters just as much as your partner’s does (no matter what your genitalia looks like). We good? Good.
Now, if you’re just in the slightest curious about what your man may crave in the bedroom, totally get that. Highly recommend you initiate a sex talk since great sex = great communication. But if you also just want to do your research first (you know, to figure out what you want to talk about before talking about it), we’ve gotchu.
Here are 21 things men may be into the bedroom, per relationship and sex experts:
Men are verrrry much visual learners. Show him, literally with your hands, how you like it. “Don't be afraid to move his hands, position your body, and use verbal and nonverbal communication to ensure a good time for you both,” says Vanessa Geffrard, sexpert for Lovers adult wellness brand and retailer. (Sexy role play tip: Lay on the bed and touch yourself while you order him to look but not touch. A sexy, easy way to show and tell).
“Men love variety. Keep it exciting by exploring new places to play, such as the kitchen table, laundry room, in the car, or even outside,” says Jacqueline Misla, sex expert and COO of Curious Fox , a community for the polyamory-curious. “Having sex in new areas can also lead to more fun and creative opportunities to roleplay.”
Yup, sometimes it’s all about that ~emotional~ connection. “Men want to see how their partner is feeling and reacting to what they're doing,” says relationship expert Chloe Ballatore . “The more women can lose themselves in the moment and enjoy what their man is doing to them, for them, the better.”
Humor takes the pressure off of, well, pretty much everything. Same thing applies to sex. “I’ve spent years in encounters and relationships where everything in the bedroom is so serious. It’s like when we toss aside our clothes, our senses of humor get thrown out as well,” says Bryan T., 28. “Having a good laugh can improve intimacy and relieve some of the pressure I feel to perform. This makes it easier to be spontaneous and let loose,” he says.
Yeah, sex is cool and all, but so is a more intimate physical connection with a partner you really love. Sexologist and sex therapist Shamyra says that in her practice, she’s found that while the term “making love” isn’t often initiated by men, they usually mention it after their partner has brought it up first. After getting over the stigma of the corniness of “making love” as a term, Shamyra says these men do want to make love, as in have sex slower, more intentionally, and more passionately.
One of the most common complaints Shamyra hears in couples therapy is that male partners in hetero relationships feel like they often have to initiate sex with their female partners. “Men like to be seduced, they like to feel desired and attractive,” says Shamyra. “Initiating sex sends the message to your man that you want him, which gives him a major confidence boost.”
A pointer: Ask him how he’d like you to initiate. And if you’re initiating sex in your own way by rubbing his back or something, clue him in to what you’re doing so he knows that’s you trying to get it on.
“If you’re a screamer, scream. Don’t hold back your moans, groans, screams, and growls of pleasure,” says Shamyra. “Men love to hear this—it’s erotic and really turns them on.” Not to mention, it’s liberating for you too. Don’t hold back if you’re really feeling it in the moment; It’s just like communicating, only way sexier.
“Many men like to have sex with women who actively participate,” says Shamyra. Actively participating just means meeting his thrusts with your own thrusts, grinding your hips, and flexing your PC muscles (the muscles that stretch from your pubic bone to the tail bone. These are all things you can do from whatever position you’re currently in.
You can also use your hands to squeeze your guy’s arms and and pull his body closer to yours, or use your lips to explore more of his bod—all these moves will let him know you’re loving the action.
This goes two ways because he should be expressing his desires with you, too. But a partner who can explain exactly how they want to be touched is endlessly sexy and helps him deliver up some honesty too.
If you’re a couple who does it missionary on the bed a few nights a week, it could be possible that both you and your partner are craving something different every now and then. After all, part of the reason something like hotel sex is so damn appealing is because humans crave novelty. No one is suggesting you go out of your comfort zone just to please some dude, but hey, if the idea occurs to you that it might be hot to have him spin you around and bone you from behind against your kitchen counter...well...then...do that.
Imagine sex is like a group project and you are obviously very invested in getting an A (...or having an orgasm). Your group members might be all talk, but when it’s 3 a.m. the night before something’s due and you’re not any closer to that A, you might need to take control if you really wanna see it through.
So take charge. Show him the moves you use to get yourself off when you’re alone and let him in on the fantasy. He’ll love the idea of his own private peep show and he’ll be learning exactly what it is you need to get off. Honestly, this is basically just investing in your future orgasms.
While he might act like he knows exactly what’s up, no one ever wished for *less* direction in bed. Save the ambiguity for pre-hookup sexting, and don’t be afraid to ask for what you really want.
If you’re worried about offending him (trust, you won’t), just focus on the positives to tell him what you are and aren’t into. Don’t be afraid of telling him, “Ehh, that’s not doing anything for me,” but “I really liked it when you were doing this before,” will also help send a message. Positive reinforcement always works wonders.
“Tell him how good it feels when he does something right or remind him of a technique that always gets you off,” suggests Gloria Brame, PhD, a sex therapist in Georgia. “If he’s not giving you enough foreplay, ask him to use his hand or mouth to warm you up, saying that you want to draw out the experience.”
For men, what they see is almost as good as what they get, so make sure to give him an eyeful if you're feeling it too. “One time during sex, my girlfriend led me over to a mirror so we could see ourselves in action,” remembers Tyler, 21. “I found it really sexy, but what made it hotter was how into it she was.”
Being open about what you like, even if you’re worried about what someone might think, is the best way to connect with each other ~in bed~. Don’t be ashamed that he might think it’s “weird” that you need a vibrator to get off or you’ve always wanted to go dutch on a set of bed restraints. “Women are often afraid to get naughty in a relationship, because they don’t want to shatter any ‘good girlfriend’ image he has or they don’t want him to think they’re weird,” explains Brame. “But men want to see that no-holds-barred side of you—they just don’t want to offend you by asking for it.”
It’s easy to fall into a rut, but there’s nothing like spontaneity to keep things fresh in a hookup. You may also want to do something unexpected, like initiating a new position or trying a passion prop. “My girlfriend and I were out shopping when she suggested we check out this sex-toy shop,” says Nick, 27. “We ended up buying this thing called a penis sleeve, which is basically a thick, bumpy condom. Not only was it fun to use, but I loved how eager she was to try it.”
Repetition can make a once 🔥 sex life feel meh. So be open to varying things in bed. Any change in speed, pressure, or position will make the act more interesting and pleasurable. “Variety keeps him in a heightened state of arousal because he never knows what to expect,” says psychologist Joel Block, PhD, author of The Art of the Quickie .
Sure, bingeing Tiger King might not be the hottest thing around, but there’s something to be said about looking to the animal kingdom for a little #Inspo. Dave, 24, was totally psyched when a woman he was seeing asked to get a little wild. “An ex-girlfriend laid down on the bed and begged me to rip off her clothes, which I did. The sex was great, but letting me tear her shirt in half was the best part because it was passionate and intense.”
Which, okay, fine. I get it. For every wild, aggressive bone-sesh you’ve had, your partner would probably welcome a break sometimes too. Brian, 26, says, “I was dating a woman who was sort of a bookworm. But when [we had sex] for the first time, she was wild. Before I could even try to take off her clothes, she threw me back on the bed and blindfolded me with her bra,” he remembers. “Then she gave me the best oral sex ever. I didn’t lift a finger.”
For a softer approach, Brame suggests positions like reverse cowgirl, which prevent him from controlling the rhythm. Aka you can go at whatever speed you like.
To dip your toe into Fifty-Shades- for-beginners territory, Kristie Overstreet, PhD, suggests telling your partner he can’
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