Guide For Christian Teen Dating

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Take an in-depth look at how Christian teenagers should approach sex, romance, dating and marriage.
Dating and sex are some of the most common issues that Christian teenagers want to discuss with their youth leaders.
If you’re a Christian teen, odds are you’ve wondered how dating and sex fit into God’s plan for your life - which is great! It's so important that we wrestle with topics like this, and make sure that we're honouring God with our whole lives.
In this Christian Teen’s Guide to Dating and Sex, we’re going to take a look at what the Bible says about dating and sex, and answer a few of the most common questions about this topic that we've received here on Fervr.
As Christians, we turn the Bible as our primary source of wisdom for how we live, so let’s begin by taking a look at what the Bible says about this dating and sex.
I’ve got some bad news, unfortunately… the Bible says nothing about dating!
In Biblical times, both the Old and New Testament, the vast majority of marriages were arranged by the families of the couple. They didn’t get much of a say in who they married, and there was certainly no dating period in which couples “tried out” the relationship.
That doesn’t mean all Christians should have arranged marriages today. Instead, when we want to think about dating in our modern context, we have to look at what is timeless in the Bible – most importantly, we have to look at what the Bible says about marriage.
In the Bible, marriage is the first human relationship that God creates. After he makes Adam and Eve, they become the first married couple – committed to one another before God.
Even after the fall, marriage remains a key part of God’s plans for humanity. It is still his intention that men and women come together in exclusive relationships, for the purposes of loving each other and growing together in godliness – and to make more people!
Plus, since Jesus, marriage has had another special purpose: representing the relationship between Jesus and the church. Ephesians 5:25-27 explains:
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.
Married couples have a special responsibility: to represent this sacrificial relationship to the world. It’s a great joy but also means we need to take marriage very seriously!
The Bible is very clear about sex: it is for husbands and wives in the security and privacy of marriage.
Inside marriage, sex is a beautiful, bonding activity that connects a couple deeply and can lead to the conception of children. Sex inside marriage is meant to be enjoyable and loving.
Sexual activity outside of this God-ordained marriage is sinful, and the Bible warns strongly about sexual immorality throughout the Old and New Testament. Check out 1 Corinthians 6:13, 1 Corinthians 6:18  Galatians 5:19, Ephesians 5:3, 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 for just a few references.
Because marriage, according to God, is between a man and a woman, that means that sexual activity between same-sex partners is also not ok in God’s eyes, even if they are married in the eyes of the law of a state or country.
Now that we’ve taken a look at what the Bible has to say about dating, marriage and sex, let’s address some of the questions that you might be wondering about, as you seek to follow God in this area.
Since there’s no dating in the Bible, there are no guidelines that tell us exactly what dating is for. But wise Christians have figured out over the past few centuries that dating (or courting or going out or whatever you call it!) should be used for one main thing: to find someone to marry!
Now that we don’t have arranged marriages, dating is what we do instead to find a suitable person to marry. Keeping this end goal in mind is important, because if you’re dating someone you can’t see yourself marrying, you need to ask why you're in that relationship.
Christians don’t just date for fun, or to have someone to hang out with on a Saturday night. We date for a purpose.
Since dating for Christians should look towards finding someone to marry, it makes sense that you shouldn’t date a non-Christian.
2 Corinthians 6:14 says it clearly: "Do not be yoked [joined] together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?"
There are obviously other important things to consider when picking someone to date, including how old they are, your common interests, and of course whether they are nice to you! But if you want to marry a Christian, date a Christian.
If you date a non-Christian, consider what will happen:
Even if you’re young, dating is still preparing for marriage. It's just not wise to date a non-Christian! You can read more about this in this article.
Since dating is preparing for marriage, some people think it makes some sense to save dating until you’re old enough to get married.
His four main reasons to save dating for after high school are:
All that being said… there is definitely no rule around this area. Your church might teach something different, and that’s ok! Since dating isn’t in the Bible, different Christians are going to have different ideas around issues like this one.
If you do choose to start dating a long time before you get married, be aware of the challenges you may face.
The younger you are, the more casual you should keep your relationship. Save serious talks about the future for when you’re older, hang out with friends and family more than alone, and think seriously about your physical boundaries.
Speaking of physical boundaries… this is the biggest question Christian teens seem to have around dating!
But it’s actually the wrong question to be asking. 1 Corinthians 6:18 tells us to “flee from sexual immorality”.
Asking how far you can go with your boyfriend or girlfriend is like playing a game of soccer, and trying to see how close to your own goal you can get the ball. It’s just not what you’re supposed to do – you should try to keep the ball as far away as possible. In the same way, you should try to stay as far away from doing something wrong sexually when you are dating.
That will mean setting some boundaries with your boyfriend or girlfriend. You might consider boundaries like the following:
If you’re serious about your sexual purity, you might like to ask a trusted adult to keep you accountable. If your parents are Christians, you could even ask them. Nothing helps avoid a sexual mistake like a parent who insists on keeping your bedroom door open.
Don’t forget – while physical boundaries are important, emotional boundaries are also significant. Guard your heart as well as your body, taking things slowly. Make sure you maintain your friendships, so you have another person to talk to other than just your boyfriend or girlfriend! You can find out more about this idea in this article.
 If you’re considering dating, or just want to think more deeply about this topic, here are some questions to help you:
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You think about it a lot. You wonder who it will be. You wish it could happen soon but it completely freaks you out. So let’s talk about it: dating.
Marriage is exciting. It’s wonderful, beautiful, and to be desired. It’s also hard, excruciating, joyful, hurtful, and incredibly fulfilling — at least this is what married people tell me, and from watching them, I believe it.
But before anyone can get married they have to go through the process of getting to know a person and pursuing love for them (at least if you practice the Western tradition of pursuing marriage).
Some people call this dating, other people call it courting — there are likely countless terms you could use for the process. In this article I am going to call it “dating” and define it as “the process of finding a spouse.”
I do not claim to be an expert: I realize that many varying opinions about dating float around Christian circles jumping over each other, getting mixed together, and consuming some people. I do not intend to defend a certain set of rules, or refute any. Neither will I pretend like I have the best advice, since I am not even married. Married people have the best dating advice since they have already done it!
My goal is to simply pass on, from one teen to another, some thoughts I have developed from my observations, personal experience, and advice from others.
Your quality and purpose of life is not determined by whether or not you date or get married.
Always pursue God and health (spiritual, emotional, and physical) and you will be fine. If you meet someone who you want to do life with or that God is laying on your heart to pursue romantically, then you will still be fine.
Either way, the quality of your life is what you make it.
Feel free to interact with those of the opposite gender. It is not inappropriate; talking to someone does not mean you have a “crush on them” nor does it mean they have one on you.
Do not flirt: you are a grown up. You do not need to flirt in order to have fun with those of the other sex. Avoid doing anything you will regret once you are married.
One question you could ask yourself is “If I were married, would I mind my spouse knowing ‘that’ about me? And if I wouldn’t, then why am I doing it?”
Do not be self-conscious, but self-evaluate. In other words, do not focus on how you are being perceived, but instead focus on how you are making other people feel.
They really do know more. Not only do they know more about life, dating, and men and women; but they know you pretty good, too.
Whether it is when, who, or how, honor what they think. Honor does not always mean doing exactly what they want, although it does many times. Rather, honor is placing high value on something. In this case, honoring your parents means valuing their opinions, advice, and rules.
Remember, more than likely they have dated at least once before. Furthermore, the honor you show your parents will set a precedent for how your kids honor you.
Stalking breeds infatuation and is disrespectful. Since “what you feed is what will grow” stalking will likely nurture a fantasy of familiarity and romance in your own head, while it may never have even crossed the other person’s mind.
Also, it is just down-right disrespectful. There is a reason we call stalkers “creepy.” Your crush is not an object for you to drool over, nor do you have to know everything about them or always be around them.
Marriage is a worthy pursuit. Unless you have been given the gift of celibacy (which is probably not the case, since you decided to read an article about dating), marriage is for you.
The purpose of dating is to see if two people are a match. Do not be afraid if it does not work out, you have still fulfilled your purpose in dating.
There are no formulas for dating. Just because it happened a certain way for your older siblings or friends does not mean it will be that way for you.
For instance, some people fall in love immediately and they have a smooth dating experience. For other people, although God may be leading them, the feelings for each other take time to develop.
Some people date for many years, others date for months, or even weeks. Like any relationship, dating and marriage should not be put into a box.
Although it is not crucial to be good friends before you start dating, the better you know someone the, well, better.
There will be differences, but they do not have to break the relationship. Enjoy them; laugh at them; be okay with learning. Differences are beautiful.
The reason you are dating is not just to have fun. Pursue the other person and treat them with honor. If you cannot do that, then you should not be dating: it is not fair to either of you. Remember, you are trying to figure out if the two of you are a marriageable match.
Have some fun! Your relationship is not so important that you cannot enjoy yourselves!
Although “to have fun” is not the purpose of dating, dating should be fun. Make memories! Laugh! Do romantic things, do normal things, do things together, and do things with your friends! Marriage will be one of the hardest things you do, so set a joyful precedent.
I mentioned it before, but it’s worth repeating: always pursue health. It will benefit all of your relationships, ministry, career, and potential marriage.
If you want a healthy spouse, you need to be a healthy person right now. Any kind of health, whether spiritual, emotional, or physical, takes time and hard work. Start today.
is the 24-year-old Editor-in-Chief for TheRebelution.com. Originally from Northern Minnesota, he lives with his family in Los Angeles where they moved to plant inner-city churches. He loves sports, travel, and music, but his passion is writing for God and lifting high the name of Jesus through his writing.
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The Rebelution is a teenage rebellion against low expectations—a worldwide campaign to reject apathy, embrace responsibility, and do hard things. Learn More →
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