Group Orgy Party

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Group Orgy Party
Is Boggle night getting a little stale? Spice up your social life with a good, old-fashioned orgy!
Graphic : Karl Gustafson (Images: Shutterstock)
There’s nothing new about sex parties. Bonobos have been holding orgies since before people even existed, and the earliest evidence of human group sex dates back to cave people attending Neolithic fertility festivals. Sex parties were an annual springtime tradition in ancient Egypt, and don’t get me started about how the Greeks and Romans got down, those kinky motherfuckers.
If you’ve decided to join this grand tradition, good for you; but before you send a group invite to your astronomy club, there are some special considerations for hosting this type of ‘do.
I talked to a couple of OG orgy-heads—veteran adult industry journalist Gram Ponante and certified intimacy educator and event organizer Stella Harris —to get the scoop on hosting your very own neighborhood bacchanal. These two have organized dozens of the kinds of parties I never get invited to: orgies, sex parties, near-sex parties, and other outré expressions of sensuality and group identity.
Any party is only as good as its guests, but an orgy has requirements a Kentucky Derby party does not. As the host, it’s your responsibility to keep your guests safe, and to make them happy. So don’t scrawl your address on a bathroom wall or invite all your Facebook friends; you have to be discerning. This is probably not the time to find out if you vibe with someone new. Instead, make sure anyone you invite is within your social circle of trust.
“At house parties…you’re generally only there if you’ve been vouched for by somebody. You’re either a friend of the host, or you’re the date of a friend of the host. So at least one or two people have already vouched for your ability to handle this kind of space,” Harris said.
Harris advises carefully considering the personalities and reputations of anyone you invite: “You want to think about what you know about folks. First, are they even game for this sort of thing? If so, how do genders and sexualities align? Because you want there to be people for everybody to play with...Who are the people who are good, clear communicators? Who are the people you know to be good at consent? Who shows up on time; who follows through with others’ requests?”
Ponante points out that the crowd at his sexy Saturnalias are surprisingly diverse. “There’s a through-line that goes through the type of people who would attend a sex party. For lack of a better term, it is shame-resistance,” he said. “When you get a group of people who don’t necessarily feel constricted by shame as much, it’s not necessarily an indicator of what part of the racial, economic, or political spectrum they might be part of.”
Keep the guest list small, especially if the idea is to have a truly shared experience. “A sex party is almost never an actual free-for-all,” Harris explains. “I would say you can have maybe up to five people, if you want just a pile of bodies all doing things with each other.” More than quintet, and they’ll probably break up into smaller groups, just like people socializing at clothing-mandatory parties.
Do not invite anyone to a sex party who doesn’t know it’s a sex party. Don’t throw a regular dinner party that you hope will turn into an orgy—that shit only works in porn movies. And be straight with your guests about what they can expect right from the start.
“You need to make sure that everybody understands what they’re signing up for, and that starts with the event invitation,” Harris said. “You tell people, like, ‘Hey, friends, maybe this sounds a little strange, but I’m throwing a sexy party, and you’re invited.’”
If you’re anything like me, many of your friends are squares who would balk at attending an orgy—it’s a little intimidating, after all. If that’s the case, Harris suggests an intermediate step between party-party and orgy: A sexy party as opposed to a full-on sex party. “If it’s beginners, and you’re getting folks used to a sexy space, it’s really helpful to have it be an introductory event,” Harris said. “Like, ‘we’re going to watch porn together,’ or ‘we’re going to read erotica together.’”
Unless you’ve attended one, your concept of an orgy is probably based on pop culture portrayals of the practice. According to my group-sex-experts, those depictions are wildly inaccurate: It’s not going to be like a porn movie, and it’s not going to be like Eyes Wide Shut .
“The pornification of sex parties is really a Hague-level crime, a U.N.-level crime,” Ponante told me. “I’ve had porn stars at my parties, and if you watch one of their sex party porn movies, then see how they behave at an actual sex party, it’s night and day. You don’t have people screaming and just crying out at an orgy. The way some porn movies depict these things, they’re deadly serious; but in real life, they’re actually fun. People laugh.”
Once the most charming cads and dashing reprobates in your contact list have RSVPed to your dream sex party, it’s time to get down to specifics: The food, the drinks, and the theme.
Like any party, you should provide your guests with food, but when creating your orgy menu, keep the specific needs and activities of a group-grope in mind. Don’t go with a big pot of chili, for instance.
“If you’re not careful, everybody just brings dessert,” Harris jokes. “It’s kind of a running joke that there are always snacks, and that people do not always think through what foods go well with sex. You want things that are not too messy, more like finger foods style…You definitely need to have proteins and energy foods.”
“We did catered bacon-wrapped something, or other little bits of protein. Nothing garlicky, nothing too dairy. Individually wrapped things, no deli platters or anything like that,” Ponante added.
Whether to provide or allow drugs or booze at a sex party is ultimately up to the host/the law but should be approached with caution. Mind-altering substances can loosen people up, but can also blur boundaries.
“You try not to mix a lot of drugs and a lot of alcohol with orgies,” Ponante said. “One, because there’s a performance issue, and two, because there can be a consent issue… I did white wine once. Because everybody thinks that’s a chick drink. But white wine will give you a nice little buzz and it won’t stain your teeth.”
Whether you want to have a specific theme for your party beyond “it’s going to be a freaking orgy !” really depends on who you roll with. If your friends are into Ren Faires, maybe a Medieval theme would be fun (although, if you’re friends with Ren Faire people, you probably don’t need any help planning an orgy). If you hang with historians, maybe a Roman orgy theme would work?
A final note: No matter the libations or decor, clean your house well. Hire a maid if you’re lazy. No one wants to get down in a pigsty.
Genteel, decorous party hosting may be something of a lost art, but, weirdly, the 1950s-era skill-set of greeting your guests warmly and making them feel welcome is vital to a successful orgy.
“The host should welcome everybody, reiterating whatever the ground rules are for that event, and that would maybe be the way you handle communication and consent,” Harris said.
“I hung out with [a porn star who shall remain nameless] for a little while, who helped me host a couple of these parties. She would go talk to the shy guys, and I would talk to the shy women, but we’d both be available for same-sex reassurance, too,” Ponante said. “I’m talking to the girls to say, ‘Hey, thanks for grooving.’ We would just make everybody as comfortable as possible.”
Try to avoid leaving socially awkward people alone, unless that’s what they want. Both Harris and Ponante suggested the possibility of pairing up greenhorns with experienced hands.
Breaking the ice is vital to a sex party. Don’t wait for your guests to get to know one another and/or get busy: You’re the host and you need to be the catalyst. Both Harris and Ponante suggested a group introduction. This serves a dual purpose—it makes your guests more comfortable, and puts things on a schedule.
“You might say, people can arrive up until 9 p.m., we’re going to mingle, have snacks, cocktails, whatever, until 10 p.m. And then at 10 p.m., the opening circle starts,” Harris said.
At Harris’ parties, the circle is when everyone says their names, their pronouns, maybe their sexuality, and what they hope to get out of the evening. You could also have guests tell you their STI and relationship status, their safety needs, and really any information you think would be relevant to you and other guests.
If your party is for experienced libertines, everyone is going to know the deal, but newbs might need a little help. Harris suggested a variation on the ancient sexy game “spin the bottle.”
“I realize it sounds ridiculous, but spin the bottle is an incredibly good icebreaker,” Harris says, “My group plays an updated consent-focused version of the game. When you land on somebody, you propose something, and they can accept your proposal or make a counter-proposal. So, instead of being pressured to kiss someone, it’s a little practice negotiation, So, I could land on somebody and say, ‘Hey, how about a kiss?’, and they say, ‘Actually, I’d prefer a hug,’ So people learn how to have that little back and forth.”
If you’ve been invited to an orgy, you should feel good about yourself—someone thinks you can handle yourself and/or handle others—but make sure you only attend with the right attitude. Openness to new experiences is good, as is confidence. Sex-positivity is a given. Creepiness is a definite non-starter.
For newcomers, Harris stresses the importance of going in without a specific goal in mind, so you won’t end up disappointed. “You are better off thinking, ‘I’m going to get my feet wet. I’m going to get a sense for this,’” she says. “You’re better off framing it like, ‘Oh, my gosh, I can’t believe I was invited to an orgy, and I get to see all these hot people getting it on!’ That’s already a win. So offer people snacks or pass the lube bottle.”
According to Ponante, another key guest attribute is confidence. “Not braggadocio or anything like that,” he said, “but the understanding that you’re supposed to be there. You got tested, or you answered the right questions on the form... Don’t hide your light under a bushel.”
“Be prepared to go slow,” Harris said. “Be prepared to watch, at least for the first part of the evening, and get a sense for the culture or vibe of this group of people.”
According to Harris, it’s important to scope out how guests are handling communications, and what the rules, norms, and activities of the party are. It’s also important to have a deeper idea of sex than our puritanical culture often provides and a healthy respect for the other guests.
“Just because somebody has come to a sex party doesn’t mean they want to do everything with everyone,” Harris says. “ Someone might go to a sex party and only want to do hand sex, or play with sex toys, so if someone else shows up and only wants to put their penis in people, that limits the kinds of play that can happen, and the combinations of people that can happen.”
To throw a successful orgy, you should invite an interesting group of people who are likely to get along, provide the right snacks and refreshments, be a gracious host/hostess, and make sure fun activities are provided. If that sounds like the recipe for any kind of successful party, you’re right, but there’s a key difference with a sex party. According to fans of the practice, an orgy is a potentially transformative experience in a way that a dinner party almost never is.
“There is no such thing as casual sex,” Ponante explains. “As crazy or as spontaneous as a sexual encounter can be, it’s still fraught with meaning. The idea is that people can change in a safe environment; people can have their minds blown in a safe environment. That’s really exciting. In the way that you want to see stuff happening in the ant colony. You might walk out a different person than when you walked in.”

9:50AM Saturday, October 15th, 2022
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More stories to check out before you go
After years in a relationship, one woman was ready to get raunchy and explore the world of orgies. (Warning: Graphic Content)
After years in a relationship, one woman is ready to get raunchy and explore the world of orgies.
A gorgeous brunette is slowly undressing me. I can’t remember her name, but her face is somewhere around my waist, lips kissing my stomach, her hands grabbing my hips.
We’re sliding over the edge of a black leather couch as she kneels on the floor, slowly slipping my black lace negligee over my head.
Her husband is sitting opposite us. Another woman is perched on the armrest above me, lightly stroking my arm and kissing my neck. Several men and women are standing around watching us.
It’s the hottest thing I’ve ever, ever experienced.
This is my first orgy - and it seems to be going pretty well. More specifically, I’m at an exclusive sex party being held by Killing Kittens. First started in the UK by Emma Sayle (who used to hang with Kate Middleton) these high-end events are all about the ladies – men are only allowed if they’re the guest of a woman.
Female empowerment is central to Killing Kittens approach. Anything goes at these parties, but only when women initiate. Members are put through a vetting process before being allowed into the community and everyone signs a non-disclosure agreement.
It’s hard to believe how different my headspace is now, compared with a few hours ago.
Walking up to the front door of this terrace house in a leafy, conservative suburb in Sydney, I felt a mixture of terror and curiosity. The house’s exterior couldn’t have been further from what I imagined was happening inside. I was surprised to be greeted by two hosts, who were friendly, fully clothed and shook my hand in a very businesslike manner.
The evening’s theme was Moulin Rouge. But instead of the token effort I imagined others would make, when I see my fellow guests milling around the living room sipping champagne, I was impressed. The girls had clearly put in effort. Their hair is curled, breasts plumped up with beautiful corsets and feather boas draped around their necks. The guys are wearing crisp white shirts, black trousers and masks.
I had opted for a black negligee, thigh-high fishnet stockings, heels and a mask - I’d never felt more exposed. I make a beeline for the bar. What the hell am I even doing here? Truthfully, it’s something I need to do. Now perilously close to my mid-thirties, until recently I’d spent my adult life in long-term relationships. Sex has been during those years pretty vanilla. It’s hasn’t been bad, it just hasn’t been this amazing thing.
Eventually any lust or passion disappeared and my relationships came to and end. Either I keep finding partners who I’m not sexually in sync with, or I’m not sexually in sync with myself. What am I even into? I’ve been asking myself since I became single, and that's what brought me here. Orgy first steps Vodka soda in hand, I plunge into the the throng.
The hundred or so attendees are chatting and getting to know each other, like any other party. There are couples, single girls, friends and orgy veterans – all completely normal people. It is so far from the sleazy parties filled with handsy, middle-aged men every woman worries these events will be. Clearly the vetting process is a rigorous one – the first thing I notice is how hot everyone is.
We laugh at the family photos lining the hallway wall and wonder if these poor people who’d listed their home on Air BnB have any idea what’d be happening in their marital beds tonight.
They’d better have charged a hefty cleaning fee. Ages range from early twenties to mid-forties and rather than making awkward small talk about the weather while ignoring the dirty little elephant in the room until drunk enough to make a move, everyone is really honest about their reasons for being here.
Mostly, people are just as curious and nervous as I feel. Some, like me, don’t think they’ll participate, while the veterans speak openly about their experiences.
Watching my coupled-up friends in recent years, the biggest thing I’ve noticed is that their most serious problems stem from their sex lives (or lack of) which often ends up in infidelity. But the couples here tonight are operating on a completely different frequency. They’re not trying to fix something that’s broken in their relationships.
In fact, they say, their relationships are amazing and it’s because they’ve created space to communicate about what they want sexually in a safe and supportive environment. Some of these couples are 10 years younger than me, but they’re decades more enlightened.
Then, the fun begins. A half-naked guy walks up to the bar mentioning that it’s all happening upstairs. So I neck my drink, ask the female bartender for another and climb the staircase. From the room above me I hear laughing and chatting. Down the hall a woman is moaning really loudly.
There are three bedrooms. I take door number one and steel myself.
I enter to find eight people having sex on a bed. They’re pouring over the sides, an erotic mess of moaning. Girl on girl, guy on girl, it’s all happening.
Strangely, there’s a tepee in the corner housing a girl sitting on someone’s face. I don’t know if it’s her partner.
Not everyone’s involved. People are standing around watching, but it’s all pretty casual. The vibe almost feels like that of a group of blokes standing around drinking beers and kicking the tyres of a car. Almost.
It’s through door number-two that I come across a girl who looks like Kate Winslet. She’s having sex with a stunning, petite redhead with alabaster skin. Winslet’s husband is sitting on a chair next to the bed masturbating. A short-haired blonde wearing a black trench coat is sitting at the head. Another couple are standing by the window watching, like seasoned voyeurs.
A voyeur I’m not. Best case I’m dithering in the doorway looking awkward AF, worst case my resting bitch face will make me look like total creep. So, me being me, I make a joke about it.
Everyone laughs and the girls ask me to sit on the bed and relax. By this point I’m four vodkas deep and my heels were starting to hurt, so I oblige.
Wow, these ladies are mesmerising. The room is quiet, all eyes fixed on these two gorgeous creatures as they explore each other. Winslet’s long, dark hair is falling everywhere. They writhe all over the bed, panting and giggling, all the while inching closer to me. They both grab hold of my thighs as the other goes down on her. Before long their heads are in my lap and they’re encouraging me to get involved.
Holy shit, this is turning me on, I realise. What am I even into? I’ve been asking. Apparently, it’s this.
But I chicken out, not wanting to spoil their beauty with my all awkwardness.
Over the next few hours, everyone wanders between rooms, chatting and joking; people chop and change partners; splinter groups form in the living room; I witness folks being rimmed while I eat lollies and oysters on the dining room floor with a few girls.
By 1:30am the questions start from other
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