Greatest Cumshots Of All Time

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Greatest Cumshots Of All Time
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Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth
Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth
Fifty Shades of Dick : The Best Crotch Shots in Mainstream Film
Republicans Pull Out All the Stupid Stops While Debating Abortion
Doja Cat Needs a Little Offline Time
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Republicans Pull Out All the Stupid Stops While Debating Abortion
Doja Cat Needs a Little Offline Time
The sad news that Fifty Shades of Grey will not feature any full-frontal has left many of us devastated. Fear not, however! Jezebel is here to pick up the rubble and distract you with the 50 best (theme, you see?) peens you can see on-screen. Trust us, these pictures will make your mood rise.
As a former video store clerk (with the smug, "unimpressed by your choices" attitude many have come to love and expect from people working minimum-wage jobs that others aren't cool enough for), I have a great fondness for letting people know all about the accidental and not-so-accidental genitals they may see in a movie of their choice. I was never shy about letting customers know if the movie they were renting had an excellent dick shot of a beloved celebrity or an especially good butt scene. I used to do that with porn, too, but stopped after I noticed that one of my customers became visibly agitated when I started talking about how awesome the camera work was in Trunks 2, an excellent pornographic feature all about dudes who love other dudes who love speedos and also taking them off and fucking butts that have just been in speedos.
This is a compendium of the most important bulges and full-frontal peen that one can see in films that are available on Netflix and at their local Redbox. Some I knew, some my Jezebel colleagues helped me with, and some were complete and delightful surprises.
The biggest surprise was that this took me more than four hours to put together.
Please note that the following are not in particular order (except number one, which is self-explanatory), but the photos do tend to get a little more hot the further down you go. Isn't that always the way?
Transparently awesome These earbuds have active noise cancellation, transparency mode to let in outside sound as needed, and active EQ to ensure you get the best out of your audio.
46. Llan Mitchell-Smith, Weird Science
39. Steven Weber, Single White Female
34. These Unhappy Strippers, Magic Mike
33. Mark Wahlberg's Prosthesis, Boogie Nights
31. That One Football Player, Any Given Sunday
29. A Whole Nude Beach of Dick, Euro Trip
25. Some Random Dude All Up In John C. Reilly's Face Tyler Nilson , Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story
24. Giant Dangling Penis, Hall Pass
22. Viggo Mortensen, The Indian Runner
21. Matthew McConaughey, Magic Mike
13. Edward Norton, American History X
12. Heath Ledger, Brokeback Mountain
11. Whoever This Gentleman Is, Goltzius and the Pelican Company
1. Marco Dapper , Eating Out 2: Sloppy Seconds ( Call me, Marco! Also: You can see more of his work here .)
Did I miss anything important? Please post photos in the comments.
Image credits in text, top illustration by Jim Cooke.

Edited by Andy Kryza Thursday 30 June 2022
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Dave Calhoun Global Deputy Editor-in-Chief, Time Out
Dave Calhoun Global Deputy Editor-in-Chief, Time Out
Dave Calhoun Global Deputy Editor-in-Chief, Time Out
Dave Calhoun Global Deputy Editor-in-Chief, Time Out
Dave Calhoun Global Deputy Editor-in-Chief, Time Out
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Dave Calhoun Global Deputy Editor-in-Chief, Time Out
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We rank cinema’s best sex scenes, from steamy silent films to Hollywood’s lustiest comedies and beyond
When it comes to sex, the movie are currently going through a bit of a dry spell. It feels like it’s been a long while since we’ve seen a hot, steamy, taboo-shattering roll in the hay – or hot tub, or midsize sedan, or literal bay of hale – in a major studio film, at least not one that truly shocks the zeitgeist and gets audiences talking. Is it because of society’s general rightward shift recently? Or did filmmakers start listening to those misguided social media debates about the merits of the sex scene?
In any case, it’s far past time the movies got back to getting it on – and here are 101 examples why. Sure, in some cases, sex scenes can seem pointless. In the best examples of cinematic boffing, though, sex tells stories. It develops characters. Sometimes it’s a punchline, sometimes it’s terrifying. Sometimes, yes, it’s simply meant to arouse – but titillation has value, too.
Pour yourself some wine and slip into something a little more comfortable. Here are the 101 best sex scenes of all-time.
Written by Dave Calhoun, Joshua Rothkopf, Cath Clarke, David Ehrlich, Phil de Semlyen, Daniel Walber, Trevor Johnston, Andy Kryza, Daniel Walber and Matthew Singer
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Director: Nicolas Roeg Bedfellows: Julie Christie, Donald Sutherland
The film Working with a Daphne du Maurier short story, Roeg gives us Laura (Christie) and John (Sutherland), a married couple who travel from Britain to Venice for his job after losing their young daughter in a drowning accident.
The sex scene It’s a simple predinner sex scene in a hotel room, but the way Roeg shoots and edits it, and the manner in which the actors perform it, makes it extremely powerful.
Why is it so groundbreaking? It just feels so real. It’s also a rare sex scene that chimes in perfect harmony with the film around it. Their sex feels like both an expression of grief and a welcome respite from it. Most of all, the actors just look like they know what they’re doing. No wonder they’ve been denying the sex was real ever since.
Director: Ingmar Bergman Bedfellows: Bibi Andersson, Liv Ullmann
The film After the catatonic breakdown of stage star Elisabet (Ullmann), she and nurse Alma (Andersson) enter into a fluid, mesmerizing power struggle, also a meeting of the minds.
The sex scene In a semidarkened room, Alma relates a tale of sex on the beach with her girlfriend and a pair of underage boys, an incident with dire consequences.
Why is it so groundbreaking? A classic sex scene with no actual sex in it? That's expert-level, folks. It helps to be Ingmar Bergman, the master director who could wring a heartbreaking monologue out of a shoe. Andersson's matter-of-fact relation of graphic acts makes the scene unbearably hot. The moment was often cut from prints by concerned censors. Famously, Roger Ebert wrote, ‘The imagery of this monologue is so powerful that I have heard people describe the scene as if they actually saw it in the film.’
Director: Ang Lee Tentfellows: Heath Ledger, Jake Gyllenhaal
The film Based on Annie Proulx’s story about the love affair between two cowboys, Ang Lee’s beautiful, swooning film starred Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger as range hands who fall in love. 
The sex scene It gets mighty cold up there in the hills of Wyoming. After a night drinking whiskey, the ranchers huddle up for warmth, and then…
Why is it so groundbreaking? Ang Lee put gay sex in the mainstream. Conservatives accused the film of promoting a gay agenda, but don’t they always? Brokeback Mountain picked up three Oscars from eight nominations in 2006, but not Best Picture (which went to Crash ). Some critics, including Roger Ebert, believed homophobia factored in the voting.
Director: William Heise Bedfellows: May Irwin, John Rice
The film At just 18 seconds long, ‘The Kiss’ (sometimes known as ‘The May Irwin Kiss’) is one of the earliest films to be shown to the public. Directed by William Heise for Thomas Edison, it recreates a kiss from a popular musical of the time, The Widow Jones .
The sex scene To be honest, it’s barely a kiss; there’s definitely no tongues or bodily fluids exchanged as actor John Rice tweezes his moustache in preparation before he goes in for what is more of a peck. 
Why is it so groundbreaking? Officially the first ever film to feature two people kissing, it caused an uproar, with one commentator writing that it was ‘beastly enough in life size on the stage, but magnified to gargantuan proportions and repeated three times over, it is absolutely disgusting.’ Sounds like a film critic to us.
Director: Nagisa Oshima Bedfellows: Tatsuya Fuji, Eiko Matsuda
The film Oshima’s 1976 masterpiece – the crown jewel of a career hell-bent on upsetting the establishment – recounts the true story of the all-consuming sexual obsession that blossomed between a hotel owner and his new employee in 1936 Tokyo.
The sex scene How do we pick just one? A marvel of escalation, In the Realm of the Senses is an almost constant stream of increasingly perverse sex acts. To isolate any moment from the maelstrom of deviant (and unsimulated) behavior would be arbitrary by default. Nevertheless, we’d argue the sequence that most pushes the boundaries occurs when Kichizo (Fuji) inserts a hard-boiled egg into the vagina of his new bride, Sada (Matsuda), in full view of the people serving them dinner. He then instructs Sada to squat like a hen and lay the egg on the floor before he eats it. In most films, the pain that Sada experiences would immediately classify the act as sexual assault, but In the Realm of the Senses renders our judgments irrelevant.
Why is it so groundbreaking? Even for generations raised on free Internet porn, the acts on display in Oshima’s movie are still taboo. In the Realm of the Senses was the first nonpornographic film to include blow jobs, and there’s a very graphic one prior to the scene of food insertion. But it’s only when you watch that egg disappear that you begin to comprehend the full extent of the film’s transgression.
Interrogation roomfellows: Sharon Stone, Michael Douglas, Newman from Seinfeld
The film It’s the erotic thriller that spawned countless pale imitators. Starring Sharon Stone as Catherine Tramell, a novelist suspected in a string of very sexy murders, and Michael Douglas as the cop desperate to get her in handcuffs… if you know what we mean. 
The sex scene Brought in for questioning, Tramell gets a roomful of already sweaty cops even more hot and bothered by casually describing the deviant sex she used to have with her ex who’s recently been ice-picked to death. Then she uncrosses her legs, revealing that being a successful mystery writer doesn’t pay enough to afford her undergarments. Poor thing.
Why is it so groundbreaking? Basic Instinct contains several graphic, often violent depictions of actual intercourse, but nothing made ‘90s audiences gasp more than a fleeting shot of female genitalia. The moment was parodied endlessly, which took some of the scandal out of it - Seinfeld even recreated the scene with a profusely sweating Wayne Knight grilling Jerry about mail fraud. At the time, though, it was genuinely shocking to see a woman’s anatomy weaponized so salaciously. Stone later claimed Verhoeven misled her about the amount of skin that would make it to screen, but she’d get some measure of indirect revenge by participating in the awful sequel, which he had nothing to do with. 
Director: Martin Scorsese Bedfellows: Willem Dafoe, Barbara Hershey
The film Bluntly adapting Nikos Kazantzakis’s novel of the same name, Scorsese’s most controversial film portrays the Son of God as a fallible man, liable to the vices and temptations with which all human beings must contend.
The sex scene While nailed to the cross, an angel appears to Jesus and leads him on a guided hallucination of the life he might have lead. That life includes Jesus fathering a child with Mary Magdalene, and it turns out that sex is the best way to do that. Sure, it’s all a dream, and thus rather theologically protected, but that didn’t stop people from losing their minds over it.
Why is it so groundbreaking? It’s Jesus Christ having sex. That’s not exactly what he’s known for.
Director: Frank Capra Not-quite-bedfellows: Claudette Colbert, Clark Gable 
The film A slapstick comedy starring Claudette Colbert as a spoiled heiress running away to elope with the wrong guy. Clark Gable is the disgraced reporter she meets on the bus to New York City. Her plan changes. 
The sex scene No sex here, just a tricky situation: Colbert and Gable are forced to spend the night together in a hotel room (pretending to be husband and wife) when their bus breaks down. Gable hangs a sheet between their twin beds for modesty’s sake.
Why is it so groundbreaking? Because sheet or no sheet, this was the era of Hays Code censorship, intended to stamp any whiff of misbehavior.
Director: Gustav Machaty Bedfellows: Hedy Lamarr, Aribert Mog
The film Czech director Machaty’s overheated melodrama about an impotent husband, a frisky young wife and the beau who spots her skinny-dipping made an international icon of 19-year-old Hedy Kiesler. US customs burned an uncensored print, but it didn’t stop MGM’s Louis B. Mayer from signing up the starlet, renaming her Hedy Lamarr and launching a new Hollywood goddess.
The sex scene Hedy’s much-cut nude swimming brought her notoriety, though even more groundbreaking is a semiclothed love scene, where the camera rests on her face as passion mounts. Note also the highly symbolic string of pearls falling to the floor.
Why is it so groundbreaking? It’s nothing less than the first onscreen female orgasm.
Director: Lawrence Kasdan Bedfellows: Kathleen Turner, William Hurt
The film A decade before Basic Instinct launched the era of the mainstream erotic thriller, Lawrence Kasdan reinvented film noir for a sophisticated modern audience with this sweaty tale of scheming femmes fatales.
The sex scene After chasing her around for days like a puppy in heat, Hurt’s smug lawyer Ned Racine finally tracks temptress Matty Walker (Turner) to her lair. Enticed by her come-hither eyes (‘You’re not too smart, are you? I like that in a man’), he smashes a window and dives into her waiting arms.
Why is it so groundbreaking? Most movies use sex either as cheap titillation or as a form of punctuation. In Body Heat , it’s all about character. These characters are both playing roles here: he, the mad-with-lust macho man; she, the shrinking coquette. The thing is, only one of them knows it’s all an act.
Director: Kimberly Peirce Fieldfellows: Hilary Swank, Chloë Sevigny
The film Swank won an Oscar for her portrayal of Brandon Teena, a transgender man murdered in Nebraska in 1993.
The sex scene At night in a field so dark and striking it feels like a faraway dream, Brandon (Swank) and Lana (Sevigny) have sex for the first time. Lana tells it in flashback to her friends, her emotional arc doubled by the way the scene bounces between present and past.
Why is it so groundbreaking? Boys Don’t Cry is a tragedy. Yet it is still the most culturally prominent portrayal of a transgender man in American cinema (despite the fact that it does not, in fact, star a transgender man). Its brutal conclusion claws at the memory two decades years after its premiere, but its hopeful moments remain just as important.
Director: Gerard Damiano (as Jerry Gerard) Bedfellows: Linda Lovelace, Harry Reems
The film Possibly the most famous X-rated film of all time, comedic sex-romp Deep Throat stars 23-year-old Lovelace as a woman who discovers her clitoris is in her throat.
The sex scene Linda is unable to orgasm, so she pays a visit to a psychiatrist, Dr. Young (Reems) – a real kook but horny as hell. He discovers her unusual condition. His solution? A technique called ‘deep throat.’ He suggests Linda practice on him.
Why is it so groundbreaking? Deep Throat brought hard-core sex to the mainstream. Celebs like Martin Scorsese, Jack Nicholson and Truman Capote went to see it, as did millions more. The clampdown – Deep Throat was banned in certain parts of the US – only fueled the phenomenon. Shot for $25,500 (of mob money), it made an estimated $500 million at the box office. Years later, the film was still making headlines when Lovelace claimed that her then-husband Chuck Traynor forced her into taking part.
Director: Luis Buñuel Bedfellows: Catherine Deneuve
The film In her most iconic role, Catherine Deneuve plays Séverine, a beautiful and bored Parisian housewife who takes a job working the afternoon shift at a high-end brothel.
The sex scene Séverine and her adoring husband Pierre are curled up in a horse-drawn carriage in the countryside. ‘If only you weren’t so cold,’ he says, breaking the spell. Séverine recoils and Pierre orders the drivers to gag her, tie her to a tree and whip her. Séverine is in ecstasy. Then she awakens: The entire scene is a daydream.
Why is it so groundbreaking? Buñuel’s transgressive exploration of desire and fetishism make this one of the most celebrated erotic movies ever made. And the fact that Séverine is not punished for her double life, puts Buñuel on the side of feminism.
Director: Luca Guadagnino Bedfellows: Timothée Chalamet, Armie Hammer
The film It’s 1983, the shorts are short, and the music is by the Psychedelic Furs. In a summer villa in Northern Italy, sensitive teenager Elio (Timothée Chalamet) comes of age after his academic father invites a grad student, Oliver (Armie Hammer), to stay with them. The flirtation becomes mutual.
The sex scene Up in the sweltering attic, Elio writhes in sexual frustration. He takes a peach, crushes his thumb into it, removes the pit, and finds a cathartic use for the fleshy cavity he’s made. Then Oliver discovers him, and things get even hotter.
Why is it so groundbreaking? Already a sensation in the short time since its Sundance debut, Guadagnino’s emotional adaptation of André Aciman’s revered gay novel does right by its most notorious scene, vaulting the movie into the naughty, adult realm of Bernardo Bertolucci.
Director: Hal Ashby Bedfellows: Ruth Gordon, Bud Cort
The film This is the hippyish story of what happens when depressive, death-obsessed rich boy Harol
Eyes Rolling Back Orgasm
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