Good Porn For Couples

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Good Porn For Couples
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If you and your mate haven't included pornography in your sexual arsenal, there's no time like the present. After all, couples that play together, stay together.
Mar 7, 2013, 11:31 AM EST | Updated May 7, 2013
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Conventional wisdom tells us that porn consumption is not only damaging to our psyches, but also destructive to monogamous relationships. Best friends, parents, clergymen, and therapists -- all folks who have our best interests in mind -- often try to steer us away from temptations such as porn, believing they are saving our relationships. But who says porn is so damaging to monogamous unions? Before we consign it to the relationship deal breaker dustbin, perhaps we should re-examine our prejudices about porn to see if it's really as bad as everyone says it is.
Salon columnist Tracy Clark-Flory recently tackled this very subject in "Does porn hurt relationships?" Clark-Flory cites a highly suspect survey conducted by the folks at Cosmopolitan , who seem to be taking a break from offering silly sex tips, that has determined that watching porn ruins sex because it destroys women's sexual self-confidence. (Unlike their magazine, of course, which is the modern-day version of Naomi Wolf's The Beauty Myth .)
The fact is -- we cannot ignore pornography even if we occasionally find it distasteful. According to Gizmodo , 25 percent of all search engine requests are pornography related. That's 68 million searches a day and a lot of libidinous viewing.
But despite the dubious claims made by the pages of Cosmo , watching porn doesn't have to ruin your confidence and sex life. There is a place in society and in our bedrooms for pornography. And under the right circumstances and in the proper frame of mind, watching porn together can actually do wonders for your sex life.
"Porn can actually help foster emotional and sexual intimacy," says Colorado psychologist David Schnarch, author of Resurrecting Sex: Solving Sexual Problems and Revolutionizing Your Relationship , who runs a couples therapy practice with his wife. "A significant portion of our work in helping couples develop a deeper sexual connection is through erotic images. Erotica, as well as couples' own masturbatory fantasies, can be useful tools for helping them develop as adults," he explains. Fantasy is part of a healthy sex life, and porn adds to the repository of sexy scenarios in our heads. It can also inspire couples to experiment more in the bedroom (or outside of it if that's where their fantasies lead them).
Rather than being threatened by your man's stash of porn magazines or the time he spends gazing at online erotica, how about sharing the experiences with him? First of all, just because your man gets excited by looking at a porn star with silicone implants and a big round booty that doesn't mean that he isn't also attracted to you! Trust that he knows the difference between what is real (you) and what is fake (porn queens). But joint viewing isn't just about his tastes and predilections -- it's about your preferences, too. Be sure to speak up and tell your partner what you want to watch, what turns you on. After all, this should be a mutually pleasurable experience.
Here are five reasons why watching porn together can be good for your relationship:
1. It is a shared experience. Any time a couple can share a hobby, or even better, a sexual experience, they are investing in the longevity of their relationship. Going solo with porn is fine, but why not include your partner? In a memorable scene in The Kids Are Alright , Annette Bening and Julianne Moore played a lesbian couple who had their own fun under the sheets while watching a porn film together. Just make sure the kids are out of earshot before proceeding.
2. It's an easy way to learn about your partner's fantasies. Some people are very shy or ashamed about sharing their sexual fantasies with their partners. Others don't even know what really turns them on, much less what gets their spouses' engines revved. Thanks to the Internet, there's a veritable smorgasbord of video clips with professionals and amateurs playing out any and every possible sexual act. With a simple touch of a button, you might be fortunate enough to see your inner desires being acted out onscreen. For those rendered speechless by the question, "What do you fantasize about?" a video clip may say it all. That may be precious information if your partner really wants to learn how to please you. And a great lover aims to please.
3. It can speed up foreplay. In this modern world when everything and everyone is moving at an accelerated pace, the term "quickie" can take on a new significance. And if you have young children who are perpetually just one knock away from the bedroom door, you may need to expedite your intimate moments. According to New Scientist , "In a 2006 study at McGill University, researchers monitored genital temperature changes to measure sexual arousal and found that, when shown porn clips, men and women alike began displaying arousal within 30 seconds; men reached maximum arousal in about 11 minutes, women in about 12."
4. It shatters the myth that you can (and should) only be attracted to your mate. We need to admit and accept the fact that our partner can be turned on by others. Chances are great that you and/or your mate will be fantasizing about someone other than each other at some point during the course of a long-term relationship. Surely even Brad finds women besides Angelina to be attractive -- and visa-versa. Watching porn together allows you to see your partner's arousal at the image of another woman for what it is -- a biological response to a stimulus. There's no need to feel threatened and insecure.
5. It may lessen the need to act out on sexual desires outside of your relationship. Home is where the heart is, and home can also be the place where all of your sexual needs and fantasies are met. If couples can get down and dirty together, it may obviate the need for "extracurricular activities," and I don't mean the kind you can put on your resume. If you're sexually satisfied by your partner, you're less likely to look for gratification elsewhere. Some think that watching or thinking about another is tantamount to "cheating" on your mate, but this sort of mindset ignores a central fact of human sexuality -- most of us crave variety. Allowing your spouse to look at someone else out in cyberspace won't wreck your relationship, but forbidding him/her to do so might put a strain on it. And since it's probable that porn will be viewed, giving permission allows for honesty and openness about one's habits rather than feeling like they are shameful secrets that must be kept hidden. You won't need to clear your "history" on your laptop anymore.
For many, sex is the glue that keeps relationships together. If you and your mate haven't included pornography in your sexual arsenal, there's no time like the present. After all, couples that play together, stay together.




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Watching pornography is a normal extracurricular activity for many women. Yet, the storylines in most porn movies center on a delivery guy/repair man showing up unexpectedly (eye roll). Why should you sacrifice a good plot for great sex? Get you some female-friendly porn that can do both. The best and most arousing porn films are often the ones that involve drama, relationships, and, ya know, things other than HD penises on the screen. But sometimes they can be hard to find. (Pun intended...?) In an effort to be helpful and sex positive, we've rounded up the best full-length porn movies, from vintage porn to softcore porn and everything in between, with ethical standards, feminist values, pretty cinematography, and good music to boot. (And P.S.: Just in case you need a great new vibrator to go along with these, we've rounded up our favorites there too.)
This 1974 French drama was actually the first in a series of softcore porn films all based on the erotic novel Emmanuelle , which was published in 1967. The plot follows a young woman named Emmanuelle who lives with her older husband in Bangkok, where he's serving as a French diplomat in the country. While abroad, Emmanuelle embarks on a journey of sexual discovery (because would it even be a proper softcore classic without a woman embarking on a journey of sexual discovery?).
In 1975, the Black Emmanuelle series, Laura Gemser, kicked off. The movies focus on Mae Jordan, an investigative journalist and photographer who publishes under the pseudonym Emmanuelle, and her erotic adventures around the world. The first installment was set in Africa and filmed mostly in Kenya.
This ‘70s porn classic is actually based on an off-Broadway play that ran for several weeks in 1971. It follows a tennis match that gets very sexy, and is actually considered as “erotic romance.” Bonus points for the theater beginnings, because it’s not just porn—it’s culture . Plus, keep an eye out for Sylvester Stallone in a pre-fame camera as a repairman (of course). 
Another 1970s classic from porn’s high-ish budget heyday, this one follows the tale of a woman who is rereading her diary and reliving all of the very sexy exploits she’s experienced while in a hotel room. 
This Japanese film from 1977 follows a somewhat classic plot: A beautiful young man is paid by wealthy older women to act as a gigolo who seduces young women so that his clients can watch their encounters from behind a two-way mirror. It’s a “pink film,” a designation given in Japan to films that received a theatrical release but contained nudity and sex.
This 1973 movie deals is all about the school spirit. A group of enterprising cheerleaders takes it on themselves to secure a win for their team’s football team by exhausting the opposing side the night before the big game. You can guess what ensues.
You can’t go wrong with any of Erika Lust films. The director takes on women-centered porn, and the XConfessions films are the result of her requesting subject matter from viewers who want to see their erotic fantasies played out on the little screen. The cinematography is gorgeous, the actors have real chemistry, and the resulting films are as beautiful as they are super hot. 
Follow dinner party guests on an otherwise civilized evening, where the couples present recount—and relive—their twisting romantic and sexy adventures. The sex is told from the points of view of both parties, and the reactions from the guests vary in surprising ways. It’s sexy in a very French way. 
This 2003 film may star some big names like Eva Green and Michael Pitt, but it is pure erotic artistry. It follows the story of an American studying in Paris who gets in too deep with a pair of siblings—yes, it’s extremely taboo—who help him to explore all of his sexual fantasies. 
Another Erika Lust film (she's simply the best!), this one won the 2012 Film of the Year award at the Feminist Porn Film Festival, and for good reason—it’s a female gaze-centered exploration of erotic fantasy told through a “Poetry Brothel” where patrons come to hear sexy stories. Each story is played out in beautifully shot sequences that are individually worth the subscription to Lust Cinema. 
Infidelity is a French film that deals with, well, infidelity. Three couples each have a problem: The men have been unfaithful. But they all handle these revelations in different, very sexy ways. It’s got a real story, where the acting doesn’t feel rote and the relationships have a sense of realism, and even humor, to them. That’s just an added bonus to the very sexy sex scenes, though, of course.
If the sex in this one feels especially realistic (though still very coordinated), there’s a reason for that: Xana and Dax are a real-life couple, and the documentary approach is a hallmark of Comstock Films, who make sure to include interviews prior to any action so that viewers can get to know the couple in a way that makes the sex scenes feel even more authentic and emotionally fulfilling.
This 2012 movie goes for more of a softcore vibe, which in this case makes the tension all the sexier. It follows a woman with a long-held secret—she’s never actually had an orgasm with a man—who, after meeting an expensive escort named Paris, shares more than just a passionate night of same-sex lovemaking. 
A cop and his wife, bored of their tired sex life, decides to spice things up by secretly videotaping her encounters with sexy strangers. If you can suspend your disbelief long enough to avoid the obvious consent issues involved (do these people know they’re being filmed though?), there are some sexy scenes in this classic 1990s softcore movie. 
Your eyes do not deceive you: That is indeed David Duchovny. There are actually a lot of stars in this early-90s Showtime series that stars Duchovny as host Max Winters, who offers payment to women who send in their sexiest stories to his TV show, which then shows reenactments. That’s right, a whole series. It was groundbreaking at the time, and still holds up for being super hot. 
Remember the days of Cinemax porn? There, nestled in with the movie channels in an otherwise perfectly tame cable package, were late-night porn movies that offered classically sexy softcore and something akin to a plot. Hotel Erotica was actually a whole series comprised of porn films that followed couples at a sex-forward resort, each incidental encounter as dubious but sexy as the last
Andy Warhol's Blue Movie was a game-changer: The 1969 movie was the first pornographic movie depicting explicit sex to get a wide theatrical release in the United States, kicking off the Golden Age of Porn. For when you're like "porn, but make it critically-acclaimed."
This movie is not readily available to stream online.
Also known simply as Mona , this 1970 pornographic film was the second porn movie, after Blue Movie , to receive wide release in the United States and it's considered to be the first mainstream pornographic movie with a real plot focused on action, whereas Blue Movie was more of a slice-of-life movie (with sex, of course). Granted, the "action" of plot of Mona is mostly the movement it takes for characters to get to another sexual partner, but still.
In 1971, noted Golden Age of Porn producer Bill Osco brought the world Harlot . Osco got his start in the industry working on Mona , and Harlot is definitely a movie in the same vein (it follows a young woman as she makes her way through various sexual situations—you know, like most '70s porn movies).
One of the great things about the Golden Age of Porn was the explosion in creativity it brought to pornography. Case-in-point: 1974's Flesh Gordon , which answered the question, "Can a movie be a comedy, science fiction, and porn all at the same time?" with a resounding YES.
This 1962 softcore porn comedy was written and directed by famed filmmaker Francis Ford Coppola. The movie focuses on two men who meet up on the Sunset Strip, where they enter the Herald Club and wire the venue's electrical box to blow at midnight. While they wait for their handiwork to pay off, they watch the club's burlesque show, chatting and inching closer and closer to the women on stage.
There are porn movies with "plots" and then there are porn movies with actual PLOTS. For the record, 1973's The Devil in Miss Jones is the latter. The movie is about a depressed woman who commits suicide, only to be told in the afterlife that even though she lived a good life, her suicide excludes her from entering heaven. Faced with an eternity in limbo, Miss Jones requests to be sent back to earth as the embodiment of lust so she can earn her place in Hell instead.
This erotic film is as thought-provoking as it is hot. Camille, a professor at a religious college, meets Petra, a circus performer, on the street one night. What comes next will challenge Camille's job, her religious convictions, and her very sense of who she is—but in an extremely sexy way.
This movie, set mostly in San Francisco's Chinatown, is part porn, part heist suspense drama. The movie follows Johnny Wadd on his search for a priceless 13th century Chinese carving known as The Jade Pussycat, which has been stolen from a museum in Japan. The journey to finding the Jade Pussycat involves a lot of sex-filled situations as well, of course, but the movie succeeds so much as a suspense film that Paul Thomas Anderson reportedly (opens in new tab) recommended that the cast of Boogie Nights see it to prepare for making that film, describing it as being "like Hitchcock doing a porno."
Based on the book of the same name, this 1975 movie was filmed in New York City and follows a radio host named Gilly who likes having fun. Sexy fun. She has sexy fun with her husband, Billy. She also has sexy fun with other people, like friends...and acquaintances. And she has that sexy fun in a lot of interesting places, too, like an old-timey ballroom and the top of a moving, double-decker bus.
Billed as an erotic film for women, 1999's Pink Prison was directed by Lisbeth Lynghøft and produced by Puzzy Power. The movie stars Katja Kean as Mila, a photo journalist who, on a bet from her publisher, breaks into a men's prison trying to snag an interview with its mysterious warden.
In 1984, Reel People hit the porn world and changed the game as the first major pornographic film to feature sex between professional porn stars and amateurs. This led to the launch of the "Pro-Am" genre; the film is seen as paving the way for the reality porn genre, too.
One of the few porn movies in the western genre, 1975's A Dirty Western is, well, pretty much exactly what it sounds like. Orgies and other displays of lust in the Wild Wild West make up the plot of this pornographic classic from the Golden Age. 
If you have an irreverent side and a love for classic animation, then Once Upon a Girl might just tickle your fancy. The movie mixes live action and animation (from actual Walt Disney and Hanna-Barbera animators, at that) and was billed as "bedtime stories for grownups." The film's framing device has Mother Goose on trial for obscenity when she dares to tell the "true" versions of several classic children's stories.
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