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Rebecca Reid Monday 30 Oct 2017 3:17 pm
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For obvious reasons, we’re talking a lot about consent at the moment.
And given that it’s a big topic, it seemed like a sensible time to raise a question that I’ve been wondering about for a while. Sleep sex.
I’ve written before about how I don’t think that people who commit sex crimes are always inherently evil – that they’re sometimes fundamentally decent people who’ve been under-educated about what consent means, and who become victims of that lack of information when they hurt another person.
Is there a possibility that inside a relationship we get so inured to the concept of having another person’s consent that we take it for granted?
And does that mean that we shouldn’t be waking our partners up with oral sex?
The early morning blowjob, or waking your partner up by turning them on, is (when executed properly) a classic move.
It’s like the best alarm clock ever. It puts a spring in your step for the rest of the day and leaves you feeling sad for the rest of the losers on the bus who haven’t already had sex this morning.
But, you can’t ask a sleeping person for consent.
Often in a relationship we rely on implied consent (responding to the other person’s advances, taking their vocal enjoyment as consent) rather than affirmative consent (saying ‘yes, I want to do this’).
But a sleeping person isn’t initially ready to give either type. So, should you avoid it entirely?
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Sexpert Annabelle Knight told Metro.co.uk that while morning sex is great, waking someone up with sex isn’t always the best plan.
‘Waking your partner up with sex can do wonders for your relationship.
‘Post climactic chemicals such as Oxytocin and Serotonin help to combat stress, make you feel happy and improve your general health by reducing the risk of headaches and illness.
‘It also bonds a couple – couples who engage in morning sexual activity are less likely to stray as they feel their sexual needs have already been met and are therefore less prone to fantasies of other people or acting on them. Of course there’s always the issue of surprise sex being unwanted.
‘My advice here is to wait until they’re at least half awake before you try anything. Most people need the toilet first thing and trying to concentrate on having a good time sexually when you’re dying for a wee won’t make for satisfying sex.
‘Successful morning sex comes (pardon the pun) from both partners feeling well rested and fresh, which may mean a quick swig of mouthwash and a toilet trip before you get down to it. The more comfortable you are the more you can concentrate of the experience itself and not external factors.
‘Couples who have been together for a long time can slip into a rut when it comes to checking that the advances are wanted. Even if you’ve been together ten years you still need to make sure sex is consensual.
‘Consent is a huge part of a happy and healthy sex life, being able to talk to your partner openly and honestly is hugely important and not just if it’s a threesome or anal sex that’s on the table. Long-term couples are less likely to view their partner not wanting sex as rejection, so don’t be afraid to say no to them.’
So, if waking someone up with sex isn’t important to both of you, skipping it in favour of a quick pre-sex chat and wee is a good plan.
That said, if you and your partner are both actively aroused by and committed to the idea of being woken up with sex, there are ways to mitigate the potential issues.
As with so many things, the issue here really is about communication.
Talk to your partner about consent, about whether being woken up with oral sex is something that they really want – in reality not just in fantasy. Lots of the things that turn us on in our heads are a bit uncomfortable in real life, especially if (like Annabelle says, you need a wee!)
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Similarly, read the mood of the day. If you had a fight before you went to sleep, initiating make-up sex is not a good plan, in case it upsets the other person, but if you had a conversation the night before about how you want to squeeze in a quickie before work, you’re on more solid ground.
If you do attempt to make morning sex happen and the object of your affection isn’t initially responsive, back off. Don’t get upset with them or imply that they’re being unreasonable, and give them the space they need to decide whether or not they want to have sex with you at that moment.
Giving oral sex is often portrayed at some kind of gift, so having it rejected can feel hurtful. Try to remember that even if the activity is designed to give the other person pleasure, that still doesn’t mean it’s ungrateful or wrong for them not to want it.

By
Holly Riordan ,
December 12th 2016

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1. When he’s playing a video game, sit on the couch beside him and start rubbing his junk through his jeans, but don’t let him press pause. Say something innocent like, “D on’t let me distract you,” and see if he’s capable of beating the level with a hard-on. And if he can handle that, get on your knees and start sucking.
2. Reach over and grab him while he’s driving and you’re in the passenger seat. But once things get intense, make sure he pulls over safely to the side of the road, so you don’t end up in an embarrassing crash.
3. Give him oral during half-time. Or, if you can’t stand the sport he’s watching, you can make time move faster by sucking him in the middle of it. He can still look up to check the score if he wants, so there shouldn’t be any complaints.
4. When he tells you he’s going to take a shower, ask to join him. It’s much easier to blow him in the tub than to have traditional shower sex. And, if you’re worried about his personal hygiene, you can help him wash up before you go down.
5. Instead of waiting until you’re in the bedroom to initiate anything, kiss him when you catch him in the kitchen getting a drink. Then unzip his jeans and go down on him while he’s still standing.
6. If you wake up before he does, pull his dick out of his pajama pants and give him an early morning surprise (as long as he’s given you permission to do so ahead of time). That way, instead of waking up with morning wood, he’ll wake up with an orgasm.
7. When you’re at a party together, find an empty room to pull him into. It can be a bathroom, a broom closet, or your best friend’s bedroom. Just make sure that you’re quick, so you don’t get caught.
8. When you play Mario Kart or Monopoly or strip poker, make it worth your while. Tell him that, if he wins, you’ll reward him by giving him a blowjob. And of course, if you win, he has to go down on you .
9. The next time a sex scene pops on television, tell him it looks like fun and then rip his jeans off. If you’re into roleplaying, then you can even act like you’re the two characters on the screen.
10. Blow him as soon as you walk through his door. He’ll be expecting a hug or a kiss on the cheek. He won’t expect you to drop right to your knees and tell him you missed him with your lips.
11. If you’re willing to take a risk, give him a blowjob the next time you visit a bar or a restaurant. Ask him to walk you to the bathroom and then pull him inside of it to have a little fun.
12. Whenever the hell you want. If you ask your man, anytime is a good time for a blowjob.
Ari has absolutely no interest in visiting the island resort where traumatic memories are repressed. She would much rather deal with her sister’s death the old-fashioned way. Booze. Even though her gut warns her to stay home, visiting the island becomes inevitable—and more dangerous than she ever could have imagined.
Forget Her is the new must-read sci-fi thriller by novelist Holly Riordan that will keep you on the edge of your seat!
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7 Best Sex Positions for Giving a Blow Job

Blow job's might not be a part woman's ideal romantic lovemaking session , but men sure do love them .
To make giving a blow job more enjoyable for you and your husband, we've rounded up the best sex positions for doing the deed.
Whether you haven't been trying your best or he hasn't been enjoying the usual blow job routine, trying one of these positions could help spice up your oral sex life .
The most common blow job position is the kneeling blow job . Many women opt for this position right away, because if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Plus, there are so many different ways you can give head in this position and other things you can try.
The boss's chair blow job position is one that works for every type of couple. Whether you're young and sprite or a seasoned veteran, you'll enjoy giving head in this position. To execute it, have your man sit in a chair and kneel in front of him to give him the best oral he's ever had. He'll feel in charge as you have your way with his member.
For the thigh pillow blow job position , you and your partner will both by laying on your sides in a sort of 69 fashion. You'll use his lower leg as a pillow while you give him a blow job. The key here is to make sure he keeps is upper leg out of the way, so as not to hit you in the face with it. That'll definitely kill the mood!
The doctor blow job position is pretty much exactly what you're probably picturing. Your man will lay down on a sofa with a prop under his head while you kneel to give him a blow job. This is also the perfect position for roleplaying , if that's something you've been dying to try.
Now we're getting into more of the advanced blow job positions. For the jack hammer , your man will stand above you with his penis over your head. You'll then lean your head back and pull his member towards your mouth with your hands.
The lie back blow job position has you lying on your back with your head dangling off the edge of a flat surface. Your man will stand in front of you to be able to insert his penis into your mouth. Go slow at first try, but don't be afraid to ramp up the tempo once you both feel comfortable.
You'll also be lying on your back for the plumber blow job position , but your head will still be on the bed (or whatever surface you'd prefer). Your man's knees will be on either side of your head, with your arms resting on his lower legs. This gives him a lot of the control, so if that's not something you're into, then this position isn't for you.
Have another position you prefer to give a blow job in?
Tweet us @womendotcom or message us on Facebook to tell us all about it!

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