Good Mom And Son

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Reviewed by Carlos Carmona-Goyena (Ph.D, Psychotherapist) Written by Kalpana M (MA (English)) June 8, 2021
As a four-year-old, Tom used to cling on to his mother at every possible chance; fast forward by ten years he wouldn’t want his mom to enter his room; and now, when he is 25, Tom wouldn’t share his problems with his mom lest she gets worried. Isn’t that so typical of sons? A mother-son relationship is an emotionally overwhelming relationship that evolves.
So what makes this relationship so special yet complicated? MomJunction briefs you about the importance of the mother-son relationship, the influence of a mother on her son, and ways a mother can improve the bond with her son.
Men are what their mothers made them. – Ralph Waldo Emerson
Mothers have a significant impact on their sons to the extent that the way they behave in their later years is attributed to their relationship with their mother. No other person understands a child better than a mother. Right from the time he is born till his adult years, a boy nurtures a deep-rooted bond with his mom. And this relationship is imperative for the overall development and emotional health of the child. Let’s see how a mother influences her son:
Dr. Pasco Fearon from the School of Psychology and Clinical Language Sciences, University of Reading, says, “Children with insecure attachments to their mothers, particularly boys, had significantly more behavioral problems, even when the behavioral problems were measured years later.” (1)
A mother is always seen as a loving and caring parent. A mother’s love for her son is more visible than a father’s because she expresses it in several ways. However, the expression of love changes as the son grows from a baby to a man.
The mother is the primary caretaker of a child in his early childhood. The first physical and emotional relationship between the mother and son is established between the two right after birth. The child depends on the mother for almost everything, and this secure attachment with the mother forms the foundation for a strong bond. Let’s see how it evolves in the three different phases of the boy’s life.
When a mother communicates openly with her son and explains the worldly ways, it helps boys differentiate between the good and bad. An affectionate and empathetic mother provides stability and gives moral guidance to the boy.
Teenagers like to be treated as adults. So, when a mother seeks the son’s inputs and suggestions in general or involves him in family discussions, they feel respected. It also helps in increasing his self-esteem and confidence.
When a man shares a strong relationship with his mother, he gains a lot as it directly affects his relationship with his spouse. A man who loves and respects his mother, also loves and respects his wife. Happy marriages are associated with warm and secure mother-child relationships.
While it is essential for the mother to love and support her son at various stages of his life, they cannot be over-protective or possessive of them. So, how would we know if a mother is close enough or too close to her son?
If a man is too close to his mother, he could be labeled a mama’s boy, and if he is not close enough he might be judged for ignoring his mother’s love. How can a mother decide how close or far she should be from her son? Here are some parameters:
It is good to assess your relationship occasionally, or at each stage of your son’s development. The bond is not rigid; it needs to change as per the changing times. Lack of flexibility could bring cracks in the relationship.
Most boys experience conflicts with their mothers during the teen years but they settle in the late teens. The problems could crop up again in the adulthood when the boy gets married and has his own family. Let’s see the typical problems in this relationship.
Once the boy grows up and gets married, here are the problems that could arise between him, his mother and his wife:
Problems are common in a relationship. And if you are serious about it, you can make an effort to resolve the matters. But what if the very bond is dysfunctional?
A mother and son relationship is emotionally overwhelming. It is sensitive too. Shortcomings in the upbringing of the boy or unpleasant circumstances faced by the mother could mar the relationship. Let’s see why unhealthy mother-son relationship develops:
A boy expects similar treatment from everybody when he is a child. After he grows up, he might feel suffocated and would crave for freedom from the clutches of his mother. This results in cracks in the bond.
Likewise, if the son is calling on his mom too many times to seek advice, then the mother can perhaps say, “I really appreciate that you want my advice, but you need to manage things yourself.”
A mother-son relationship is delicate. As long as it is going smooth, the boy can flourish under the care of his mother, but when trouble seeps in, both need to make an effort to fill the gaps.
Son, you will outgrow my lap, but never my heart.- Unknown
Sometimes when I need a miracle, I look into my son’s eyes, and realize I’ve already created one.- Unknown
A man who treats his woman like a princess is proof that he has been born and raised in the arms of a queen.- Unknown
Mother’s love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ― Erich Fromm
Despite the varying dynamics in the mother-son relationship, the bond calls for celebration and is one that is unmatched. A mother’s love is unconditional, and a son’s love for his mother cannot be explained in words.
There’s so much written and yet so much more to be said. Do you have anything to say about the mother-son relationship? Bring on your comments below!
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Good Mom And Son