Golden Fetish
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Golden Fetish
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Everything You Need To Know About Golden Showers
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While it might appear to be a seemingly new sexual activity, being turned on by bodily fluids is a relatively common desire, according to the experts. Golden showers, aka "water sports" are a sexual desire that more people experience that you might realize. The fetish for them is called "urolagnia," meaning "lust for urine."
“It is more common than most people would think. It is as common as any other fetish that people have relating to sex,” psychologist Dr. Nikki Martinez explains. And though it might make you feel a bit grossed out (or get you excited, if that’s your thing), receiving, taking or giving a golden shower is often an exercise of trust within your relationship and being vulnerable. From what a golden shower really is to how to talk to your partner about it, the sex experts give their best scoop:
Most people (and hey, we might argue all people at some point) have peed while taking a shower, either at their home or while on vacation. The color of your urine mixed with the pouring water creates a yellow-ish shade and that’s how you might think about a golden shower. Except instead of swirling down the drain, the sexual fetish includes performing that act on someone else or having them perform it on you.
“It is during the act of foreplay of intercourse when one of the couple — more commonly the female to the male — urinates on their partner as part of the activity,” Martinez explains. “It is a sexual act of dominance and submission, with the person doing the urination as the dominant, and the one being urinated on being the one being dominated.”
If you can wrap your mind around it, just like you might enjoy finishing your load on her face (or her breasts or anywhere) - you might get another satisfaction from her peeing on you or if she’s into it, letting you pee on her. “For some people body fluids are a very erotic thing. Urine is one of the body fluids that is also eroticized, but not as openly as other fluids like ejaculate and spit,” explains sex instructor and expert Hunter Riley .
If the smell, the idea and the visual of this act doesn’t have you reaching for your willy, you may be wondering why in the world someone would willingly pee or be peed on. The experts offer some insight on what it could be a fun - and yes, unique - flavor to add to their sexual routine.
“Some people enjoy the degradation or humiliation component of it, some people enjoy engaging in it because it's taboo. There's no wrong or right reason to engage in it. As long as you and your partners are being safe and consensual, it's normal and healthy to explore your fetishes,” Riley explained.
Especially if your relationship is thrives with a little S&M or role playing, adding in the lubricant of a golden shower could take it to the next level. As sex educator and host of the live sex Q&A variety show Sex Ed A Go-Go , Dirty Lola explains: “The dominant/submissive dynamic and the humiliation aspect sometimes go hand-in-hand with a couple who enjoys golden showers. Peeing on the one you love can be seen as marking your territory.”
It’s true that urine has many healing aspects — it cures a painful jellyfish sting, can act as a natural disinfectant when you’re out of options and if boiled, can actually be consumed to save you from dying of thirst. But it also is full of bacteria, making this particular fetish a curious case for health.
But what works in your favor? The actual composition of urine is 95 percent water (hence why you technically could drink it) and 5% nutrients and minerals like calcium, iron, magnesium and zinc, according to clinical sexologist, Dawn Michael .
“As long as the people engaging in piss play are consenting to it, it is a totally fine fetish to be involved in. Urine is sterile, people can drink their own urine without posing a health risk, so the main concern with piss play to make sure you and your partner negotiate it and get consent on when, where and how of how to engage with this fetish,” Riley explains.
While the actual sex term "golden shower" has been around since the 1940s, Merriam-Webster’s dictionary didn’t sanction it officially in its pages until 1968, as defined as "the act of urinating on another persona, usually as part of a sex act."
"The term made its first most noted appearance in popular culture in former callgirl Xaviera Hollander's best-selling memoir The Happy Hooker in 1972. Since then the term has popped up in music, movies, TV and politics,” Lola notes.
While urolagnia doesn't receive a ton of exposure in popular media, there is an episode of Sex and the City where Carrie dates a politician who requests a golden shower after they’ve been dating for a while. After much deliberation, Carrie decides she can’t go through with it, thus ending their relationship.
But if you’re interested in trying this act and it’s important to your overall sexual happiness, approaching the topic in a meaningful, patient way is important.
Before you go balls-to-the-wall (or ahem, the toilet), Riley suggests talking about sexual fetishes , in general.
“I highly recommend filling out a yes/no/maybe checklist with your partner to get an idea of what you all are interested in. Getting more involved in the kink and fetish scenes in your city might also be a great way to build community with other people who share your fetishes. Asking them how they brought it up with their partners might also help give you ideas of where to start,” she notes.
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Piss play. Golden showers . Water sports. There’s a laundry list of terms that refer to urophilia , which is exactly what you think: getting off on the act of peeing and/or being peed on.
Though this particular kink still seems taboo to many, it has in some ways hit the mainstream (pun intended) —even former president Donald Trump allegedly dabbled in golden showers . In fact, a study from Pornhub showed a huge surge in searches (a 102 percent increase, to be exact) for “golden showers” after Trump’s pee-gate was made public knowledge in 2017.
We’re never ones to yuck someone else’s yum— kink shaming is never cute, folks. So, we decided to chat with Dr. Megan Stubbs , sexologist, relationships expert and author of Playing Without a Partner: A Singles’ Guide to Sex, Dating, and Happiness , to get the scoop on everything you’ve ever wanted to know about pee play, but been too afraid to ask.
Fair warning: After reading this, you may find that pee play tickles your sexual fancy. Go for it, babe.
As stated before, pee play, or urophilia, is exactly what it sounds like: involving urine into the bedroom. “This is when you’re purposely urinating on your partner, or you’re asking your partner to purposely urinate on you,” clarifies Dr. Stubbs. Other names for this fetish includes water sports and golden showers.
Dr. Stubbs notes that there are tons of reasons why someone would be intrigued by the act of bringing pee into the bedroom, but one of the biggest reasons she sees is the overall taboo stigma.
“I think a lot of kinks that we see often come from a forbidden or ‘it’s just not done’ kind of place,” she says. “So for this, obviously, we’re thinking about pee, it’s like an excreting kind of thing, but we’re going to make it sexual. So the taboo-ness of this is that we urinate in private, but now you’re doing it with your partner.”
Other factors that emphasize the appeal of golden showers can include trust, comfort with your partner and even sexual power dynamics , Dr. Stubbs notes. “There’s a lot you can play with around this,” she says. “It stems from being taboo and kinky, but it can also be a fun thing.”
Adobe. Design: Cierra Miller/STYLECASTER.
Though pee is often considered to be sterile, that doesn’t mean swigging your partner’s urine is healthy for you. In fact, on the contrary to what wilderness survival shows taught all of us, pee isn’t actually sterile because it still contains natural bacteria from your body.
Though recent studies have yet to prove whether pee, poop or semen can carry COVID-19 or not, ingesting urine can lead to other health issues like infections, dehydration, irritation of wounds in the mouth or throat and more. However, Dr. Stubbs does note that like many other fetishes ( scat , vomit play , etc.), risks somewhat come with the territory.
“Everything we do is dangerous,” she says. “There’s some risk in place, but knowing those factors of their health and what you’re comfortable with can make this a safer practice.”
In order to stay as safe as possible, Dr. Stubbs recommends talking to your partner about getting tested for the coronavirus prior to any pee play, knowing your partner’s overall health status and disclosing any conditions or medical concerns well in advance of getting it on.
Adobe. Design: Cierra Miller/STYLECASTER.
So, interested in trying out pee play yourself? Before you sprinkle on your partner, Dr. Stubbs recommends having a chat with them about your newfound interest in urophilia, especially if they’ve never dabbled in it themselves. Do not just give someone a golden shower without their consent first!
“I think it’s great to use a third-party thing, like an article, to say, ‘Hey, this is different,’” she says. “Remember, this is different than saying you want to try a new position . This is wanting to delve into the kink world. So, even if you think you know your partner well, this might be a triggering thing for them.” Bottom line —respect their boundaries!
If your partner agrees to try out golden showers, there are a few ways to make your pee a little less smelly and, um, flavorful. Dr. Stubbs recommends ditching notorious pee-odorizing foods like coffee and asparagus and making sure you stay hydrated to keep your urine in tip-top shape.
“Usually, pee-play practitioners are going to do a lot of water drinking,” she says. “It’s going to be a much more dilute solution, unless you’re dabbling in BDSM and want a more aggressive-smelling pee. That’s part of your play. But usually, it’s not going to be aggressive pee. It’s the same as vomit play: People aren’t eating stew and vomiting up carrot chunks. They’re usually eating something like ice cream. Why? It tastes better coming up. Dairy, not going to burn my throat, all these different things.”
If clean-up is what’s deterring you from bringing pee play into the bedroom, then Dr. Stubbs also recommends taking the action to the shower or tub , where it’s easier to clean. “Otherwise, I know a lot of companies do make waterproof sheets, bedding or blankets that can absorb fluids,” she adds. “So, consider that. That might be a good option to keep your whole bed from being a pee pad.”
But, most importantly, Dr. Stubbs says that patience and practice are key. Brushing up on your knowledge of this particular kink is a great stream to follow in order to really master the art of water sports.
“There’s a bit of education you have to do,” she says. “You just can’t suddenly be like, ‘Let’s do pee play.’ There are ways to make it more palatable for both you and your partner, so don’t be afraid to explore and experiment.” If you’re both on board, feel free to make it rain golden showers all night long.
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