Going Down On Wife
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Going Down On Wife
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Gigi Engle
Gigi Engle is a writer, certified sexologist, sex coach, and sex educator.
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"Watching a girl come was the most satisfying feeling."
You're dating an amazing woman. You've held hands, and even kissed. But only one daunting task remains...the whole mouth-meets-vagina thing. ,>
If you've never gone down on a woman before, it's easy to be intimidated. ,>But rest assured, you're far from alone in your nervousness. And that's okay! Reality is, it's probably going to be awkward, just like any first-time sexual encounter. You’re not going to be some wanton oral sex goddess right off the bat when you have zero experience, after all.
But just go for it! You’ll be glad you did. If you’re curious what it might be like, we’ve got some very savvy ladies here to tell you about their experiences going down on a woman for the first time.
"I had just come out as bi and wasn't sure what to expect. I had heard stories from some women like, ‘Going down on a woman made me realize this is how sex is supposed to be,’ and from others who were like, ‘Yeah, not for me after all.’ I very much enjoyed it but to be honest it didn't feel all that different from having sex with men. I enjoyed it equally and it just felt like sex. Bisexuality confirmed." — Sophie, 30
"Going down on a woman for the first time wasn't scary at all, because I'd had sex with women before, and I'd even been with the woman before, using hands and toys occasionally. It was definitely something I wasn't ready for until I'd kind of come to terms with my own vagina, and not feeling weird about it.
"When I was younger and less accepting of myself and my sexuality, I was a little squeamish about it, but once I opened up and came to terms with it, it felt familiar and nice, and responding to the woman was so sexy and such an ego boost that I got really into it." — Sarah, 25
"I wasn’t worried about, but probably should have been. I hadn’t been with anyone before, sexually. I was around 17. I had no clue what I was doing. I actually started fingering her pretty aggressively. I was trying to be a dick, I think? She had to stop me. I was super embarrassed. But somehow she continued dating me for three months so, I guess that’s something. I’ve for sure gotten better with time." — Max, 22
"I'd had sex with a LOT of guys in the past, but never women. I felt more self-conscious around women. Men are pretty straightforward, but a woman is more complicated. I guess I also want to please women and seek their approval more than guys. The first time was really scary, but I just tried to mimic what I like when people go down on me. The whole time I was super nervous. After that experience, I started asking women what they wanted me to do or what they liked. That improved my game a lot." — Claire, 28
"I was wrapped up in the taste and smell of a woman. I thought I was bisexual, but after I put my face in a woman’s vulva it was like, ‘Nope. Def gay.’" — Molly, 26
"I think I was trying to do too much at once. I was using my fingers, tongue, lips, everything. I don’t think she had an orgasm. Okay, I know she didn’t. We started doing other stuff instead. I asked friends about it later and now have a new life motto: Just keep your tongue on her clit and everything will be fine." — Bri, 23
"The first time I went down on a girl, I was super drunk. She was a girl that I met on Tinder, and earlier that evening I went out to a bar with her—so the fact that I ended up back at her place wasn’t all that surprising. She was on her period, but was wearing a tampon, so she told me I could still go down on her clit. I remember drunkenly slurring, ‘I KNOW the female anatomy, okay? I’ve had it my WHOLE life!’ I never explicitly told her it was my first time with a girl, but that statement might have given it away.
"I have to say—watching a girl come was the most satisfying feeling. When guys come, they make weird faces and kind of flop around; when girls come, they sort of vibrate, and look like goddesses. I was definitely glad I did it, because I had been questioning—so that validated for me that my girl crushing was legit." — Mara, 26
Gigi Engle is a sex educator and writer living in Chicago. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter at @GigiEngle.
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"It is such an intense, personal, and pleasurable experience. Best part about being a lesbian. Hands down."
It's easy to wonder what a guy thinks when he's going down on a woman, but what do women who have the same parts think about it? In this week's Sex Talk Realness , Cosmopolitan.com spoke with four women who sleep with other women to hear what they really think when they're going down.
How old are you? Woman A: Nineteen. Woman B: Twenty-four. Woman C: Twenty-seven. Woman D: Twenty-eight.
How old were you when you first went down on a woman? Woman A: I first went down on a woman when I was 18. Woman B: Nineteen. Woman C : I believe I was 17, maybe 16 though. Woman D : Seventeen.
Do you have sex with only women? Woman A: I've had sex once with a guy once, but I now only have sex with women. He ended up taking advantage of me and that was the point when I realized I need to stop pretending I like men and accept that I'm gay. Woman B: Yes, since coming out in 2009. Woman C : Yes, only women. Woman D : Yes.
What is your preferred term or phrase for cunnilingus? Woman A: I generally call or "going down" or "eating her out." Woman B: I like "eating out" but it seems most people prefer the slightly more subtle "going down," but whispering, "I want to eat you out," sounds a lot sexier to me than, "I want to go down on you." Woman C : "Going down" works for me. Cunnilingus sounds like a terrifying medical condition. Woman D : "Going down" if I'm actually going to talk about it. Occasionally "eating out" but mostly that skeezes me out to say.
How did you learn how to go down on women? Woman A: The first time I was going to see my girlfriend I asked some very close friends of mine what to do over text messages. I had a general idea, but my friend basically told me to just go slow and feel it out. That sounds broad, but it really is the best advice I could give. Woman B: The first woman I ever slept with went down on me but I didn't return, so it wasn't until a few months later when I slept with someone else that I tried it. And she had an orgasm right away, so I think it's just something natural for me. Woman C : You learn from experience, trial and error. Since women are so different there's no way that you can really learn from tips or sharing stories. You just have to be open with your partner and talk about what you both like. Woman D : Never traded tips with anyone, no. I don't really have any close queer female friends and it's not really something I talk to my guy friends about. Way too personal for me. I think I learned how with my first girlfriend, though, same way I learned to kiss well — lots of patient practice.
What is the first thing you notice about a new vulva you encounter? Woman A: The first thing I notice is whether it's long or short, or even on both sides. My girlfriend's looks like it's pulled taut from top to bottom, but I have more skin and tissue than she does and one side of my labia is longer than the other side. Woman B: Outer lips. My eyes treat it like a bull's-eye and move outside to in. Woman C : Honestly, I am not really staring it down. I'm focused on pleasing my partner. Woman D : Oh my god ... I honestly don't know! Probably just the level of overall maintenance.
Do you have preferred level of pubic hair maintenance? Woman A: Obviously I wouldn't shame a woman for her personal pubic hair choices, or force her to change them. But I prefer it to be short enough that it doesn't go up my damn nose when I eat her out. It's relatively annoying to try and pleasure a woman when her hair is constantly tickling you. Woman B : Honestly, no, it all works for me. I think vajazzling would probably be a turn-off though. Woman C : Just as long as it doesn't get in the way, I'm fine. Woman D : Not really. I'm pretty good with whatever she's comfortable with, as long as I can find my way around. Although I will say that completely bare kind of freaks me out, because you're a grown-ass woman, you know? There should be something there. But ultimately it's yours to maintain whatever way you like best. I'm not even going to pretend that I can tell you how to do that.
Have you ever looked a vulva and thought, Nope ? Woman A: No, not that I know of. I have never really seen a vagina that I would turn down, as weird as that sounds. I'd turn down a person, not a vagina, if that makes sense. Woman B: No, but I will say that I don't go down on a one-night stand. It's just too intimate an act. Woman C : Ha. No, that's never happened and I can't imagine why it ever would. Woman D : Not so much "nope" as "Oh, hell, what do I do with that?" I got down to one that I wasn't aware was pierced once and was like, "How do I even...?" But for the most part, it's all been good.
Do you ever compare their vulva to your own? Woman A: I have compared mine to other girls' right before I go down on them because I'm weird and curious. The vulva is such an interesting body part. Woman B: No. Is that a thing people do? Woman C : Ha. No, I've never really compared, but I will notice some obvious differences if there are any. Woman D : Not like, "Hey, let's check these things out side-by-side," but mentally? Definitely.
How do you feel about cunnilingus when a woman's on her period? Woman A: I've only gone down on my girlfriend when she was on her period once, and it was light flow even at that. The only thing that happened was I got a tiny amount of blood on my two fingers from fingering her, and she tasted just slightly more metallic than usual. Woman B: I'm totally fine with it. If she's comfortable, I'm comfortable. I've earned my red wings. Woman C : I am not entirely comfortable with that, but I don't see anything wrong with it if the person is into it. Woman D : Not my thing, but more power to those who are into it.
Is there any singular oral sex move that seems to work on every woman you've slept with? Woman A: When I try to make it go fast and get her to come quickly by oral sex, it generally ends up with a bad orgasm. The best thing I do is take my time to enjoy it, which in the end creates a better orgasm for her. Woman B: I'm going to brag right here and say that I have a reputation for being very good at oral sex (I've been told I should insure my tongue) so I'm not going to give away too many secrets. But I think that a firm grasp on her hips to firmly hold her to you adds an extra sensation. Also, pro tip: Pay close attention to your rhythm and what gets the most response from her. Woman C : Nope, no magic bullet. Women are all very different. Woman D : Consistency, in general. Mostly I'd say consistent pressure or contact with the flat of your tongue. Lot of people think it needs to be pointy, but not so much. Also, consistency should never be mistaken for "constant."
How do you feel about kissing your partner after you've gone down on them? Woman A: Ha. The first time I did it to my girlfriend she gave me a weird look, but now I do it all the time and I don't mind when she does it to me. It's just another hole in her body that I put my mouth on. Woman B: It's kind of a must for me. I find it really sexy. Woman C : It usually happens. It doesn't bother me at all either way. Woman D : If she's good with it, I'm good with it. I'll usually grab the sheet to clean my face off first though.
Have you ever gotten feedback from women you went down on? Woman A: Yes, my girlfriend tells me what she does and doesn't like. Most of the time it's just in conversation after sex or in general, but sometimes she'll tell me while I'm in the process. Woman B: The best and funniest was one girl who said, "Holy WOW." Woman C : Yes, it has been (thankfully) positive. Woman D : Yep, both during and after. I'm all for constructive criticism. I'm doing this to make you feel good, you know? So it's helpful to know what works and what doesn't.
How do you feel about being asked to do things differently? Woman A: I like to think I'm pretty open to try new things. Especially if it will result in my girlfriend having better or more orgasms and better sex for us in general. Woman B: I listen and accommodate. I want her to do the same for me. Woman C : If it means a better experience for her, I'm all for it. Woman D : Totally good with it, as long as they can float the idea gently. It's a vulnerable place to be for both parties, but I want to make sure she's enjoying it, so if I need to change something up I'm absolutely OK with that.
More often than not, is oral sex mostly foreplay or is it the main event? Woman A: Personally, I start by just eating her out, then after a while of that, I'll introduce my fingers or a dildo given that she's down for that. To finish, I end up using both penetration and cunnilingus most of the time. Woman B: That changes all the time. However, I usually prefer to end with it because going down on a woman is my favorite sex act, so it's a grand finale for us both. Woman C : It's evenly split. Woman D : Mostly foreplay for me, or sort of a middle-of-the-game kind of deal.
What do you like best about going down on women? Woman A: It might sound weird, but I do love the taste. I also love being in control and having precise movements to help her toward her orgasm. Woman B: The fact that I can watch her whole body while it's happening and that I can give someone so much pleasure from something I also really enjoy. Woman C : Oh my god, so many things. It is such an intense, personal, and pleasurable experience. Best part about being a lesbian. Hands down. Woman D : Everything. Haha. But if you want detail, it's probably the moments I'm able look up at her while I'm busy. It's a perfect thing. I also like to be able to hold onto her hips. It's good stuff.
Is there anything you don't like about it? Woman A: Mostly just when she comes and my tongue gets tired, then on top of that, she'll clench her legs and actually suffocate me for a few moments. It's difficult for me but I know the only thing she's focused on is orgasming. I also hate when she shoves my head down while I'm already eating her out. It might just be a dominance thing and the way our sex works, but I just like being in control. Woman B: Honestly no. Woman C : No. Woman D : I guess it can be kind of messy? I also have a bit of PTSD from an old GF who would force me into doing things much longer than I was comfortable with, so I can be a little squirrelly about the whole thing, but I generally enjoy it when I'm able to relax about it.
Is there anything you love a woman to do when you're going down on her? Woman A: Not in particular. Sometimes I'll eat her out just because it feels good and not necessarily with the intent for her to have an orgasm. In that case, I don't care if she's on her phone or watching TV. But if we're having hot and serious sex, I love when she pulls my hair while I'm going down on her. Woman B: I like it when she grabs the sheets and I actually like her to grab my head as she's about to come. Woman C : I love when I can feel her legs shake. Woman D : Relax, haha. Seriously though, when she's able to relax and not feel too vulnerable or exposed, it's amazing. To me, it's a really intimate thing to do, and when you've got that level of trust and comfort with someone where you're able to relax into it, it can make it 10 times better.
Anything you'd prefer she never do when going down on her? Woman A: Yeah, really just forcing my head harder into her clit. She claims she needs more pressure but all it does to me is make me accidentally grind my teeth into her clit and that always ends up weird. I don't like my head being shoved places. Woman B: Not that I can think of. Woman C : Pull my hair. Not into that. Woman D : I wouldn't say never, but squeezing my head with your thighs can sometimes get kind of scary, haha. Like, I'm glad this is feeling good but I also kind of need to breathe down here.
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Home » Love & Relationships » What It Really Means When A Man Loves Going Down on A Woman
It is every woman’s secret desire to have their man go down – and down for a good long while. There indeed are some men who love going down on a woman, but it just isn’t everyone’s thing.
Against all the odds, there could be a hidden meaning to why he would go down on you and only look to rock your world.
Despite the fact that no woman would ever complain about a man going down on a woman – it may be surprising that he is doing it a lot often these days and it is something you have wondered about while screaming, ‘Oh! Wow!! Don’t stop!!’
It is likely that you and your man were apart for a while and he just wants to give you all the pleasure in the world! And he has decided to do that.
But these are often just instances, what does it mean when a man loves going down on a woman too often?
One of the most likely reason is that he now thinks you are bored and feels that there is a significant lack of excitement in bed. He has this insecurity that you may feel more inclined or interested in better-looking dudes, and you talk about them often.
From a guy’s perspective, it may not be the best feeling – and he wants you to feel special, extraordinary. More so, women have often complained about not
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