Going Down On

Going Down On
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Is there a bigger bedroom bummer than when someone doesn't know how to go down on you properly? Nope, there sure isn't. That's because cunnilingus — even so-so cunnilingus — is awesome. So on the occasion that your partner just clearly has no idea what they're doing down there, it really is disappointing. Nobody wants to be that person, but unfortunately, knowing how to go down on a girl (or more accurately, people with vaginas) isn't exactly part of our sex ed curriculum. (Though, it should be.) Fortunately, giving head is a skill where you can totally up your game, whether you're new to it or are a V-eating vet. Yep, there is always room for improvement. Here's the good news: The homework is amazing .
The first step to being amazing at giving head is to familiarize yourself with the anatomy. I mean, you're not going to win any battle without first understanding the terrain. But let's assume you know where all the hotspots are and want to know how to take your techniques to the next level. Well, in that case, it's time to call in the experts. Here's what they had to say about how to earn an enthusiastic thumbs up for going down.
According to Jessica O’Reilly, PhD, creator of the Drive Her Wild With Pleasure, the first thing you want to do when you’re going down on the V is to slow it down . After all, it's an orgasm, not a race. "Most of us move more quickly than we intend to when we’re excited, nervous and aroused," says O'Reilly. "Whatever your inclination is with regard to speed, cut it in half and then cut it in half again. Trust me!"
When you’re turned on, you might be tempted to rush to the finale, but you're only selling her short. Create delicious tension by slowly turning up the heat. Don't make the mistake of rushing and going "straight for the goods," warns O'Reilly. Instead, she advises, "Build anticipation by touching, caressing, feeling, licking, kissing, and breathing all over their body — slowly. Make them wait to intensify the impact once they finally get what they’re begging for."
According to O'Reilly, most of us overlook one of the best weapons in our sexual arsenal: our breath. Not sure what that means? O'Reilly explains how to use your breath to its greatest and most pleasurable potential by controlling its temperature — "by exhaling slowly with a wide-open mouth to release warm air or purse your lips and breathe gently to release cool air." Once you've mastered that technique, she suggests, "Lick a line from the fourchette (the fork in the road where her lips meet at the very bottom of the vulva) to the head of the clit at the top — slowly — and then breath subtle, warm air over the wet path you’ve created!"
Once you've built up the anticipation and driven your sex partner wild with your breath, don't blow it (pun intended) with poor clitoral technique. While everyone's vagina is different, you don't want to begin with a full-frontal assault. Or, as O'Reilly says, "Don’t press it like an elevator button!" Instead, continue teasing by "slowly [circling] your tongue around it to tease and tantalize before pressing your flat, wide tongue against it gently to allow the pressure to build."
When your partner climaxes, they will experience pleasurable contractions that begin in the pelvic area and radiate out. O'Reilly says you can give them a helping hand to heighten their pleasure . "Press a wide, flat surface (for example, your tongue, the palm of your hand, or a flat, vibrating toy) against the length of her vulva or the head of her clitoris and pulse gently," she explains.
If you really want to blow their mind, you need to know what works for your partner, so don't be afraid to ask for feedback. You may be capable of making miracles in the bedroom, but you don't have to be a mind reader. O'Reilly advises to ask simple yes or no questions while you learn what works best for them, as well as watching for the non-verbal cues, like the rhythm of their hips.
If all of this sounds like a lot of work, well, yeah, it can be. But anything worth doing in the bedroom is worth doing well. Clinical Sexologist and Relationship Coach Dr. Martha Tara Lee suggests doing regular oral exercises to get your tongue in fighting form —after all, your tongue is a muscle. Because "tongue stamina is key," according to Dr. Lee, open your mouth and move your tongue up and down, side to side, and then all around. "With consistent practice over time, one can do them longer and more easily," she continues.
Well, there you have it — techniques directly from the pros. If you're still worried, I'll leave you with this advice: Techniques aside, the most important thing to remember when you go down on someone is to do it with passion, curiosity, and the desire to please. If you start there, everything else will follow. Oh, and definitely also do that circle thing. Hot!
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We’ve all seen the stats about how faking orgasms is more common than you would think. And if you’re here, then you’re obviously trying to score some real points in the bedroom.
Sure, pleasing a woman isn’t exactly rocket science, but it does take some rock solid technique. Don’t think you can just go down there and do whatever you want. That’s a waste of energy. Going down on a woman requires a lot of communication and some experimenting.
But before you start performing oral on your girl, it doesn’t hurt to do a little research. Thankfully, plenty of Reddit users are willing to share some tips.
Here are 13 of the best ones we found.
“ Build up is key . Take a looooong time to explore other parts of her body first. When you finally get to the vagina, focus on other parts before zooming in on her clit. Start slow.”
“ Be gentle ! Whether you are going fast or slow, be tender with her lady parts!”
“When it sounds like she is really enjoying it, keep doing what you are doing , don’t speed up or slow down or try something new. She is enjoying what you are currently doing so why change it up?”
“Listen! Be keen on how your girl responds to what you are doing and make note of the techniques that make her twist with ecstasy vs yawn.”
“Tease her. The last place you should go is the clit , and she should be begging for it. Be attentive and enthusiastic. Tell her how good she tastes.
“On clit sucking specifically: Some women like this, others do not. Some like the clit sucked on directly, others it’s best to suck around the entire vagina . Also, if your whole mouth is around the top of her vagina, there will be a natural vacuum when you’re performing tongue tricks anyway.”
“Personally, I find that using fingers can be 1) distracting for her, or 2) gets in the way of my mouth’s rhythm (think patting head while rubbing belly). I actually think the Nina Hartley video does a great job of explaining some fingering options (come hither motion, pinching labia/clit, opposite come hither hold). However, again, because of #1 and #2 above, I typically use only my mouth when it’s time to get her all the way there.”
“ Try and find the g-spot with a finger and apply on-and-off pressure to it while you’re working the clit/labia. The g-spot isn’t hard to find, here’s how: if she’s lying on her back, it’s gonna be on the roof of the vagina. Put a finger in and press up, you’ll feel the pelvic bone through the tissue. The tissue where the g-spot is will feel really spongy and kind of rough. If you can work that spot in tandem with the clit/labia, hopefully you’ll get some good results.”
“ Make her feel totally confident in herself , totally comfortable and not self conscious. I can tell you that worrying if my SO is enjoying it or if he likes how I taste will absolutely ruin it. She won’t pay any attention to what you’re doing because she’s so worried.”
“When you can, breathe out of your mouth . Depends on the girl, but the feeling of heat from your breath can be very stimulating.”
“You take everything you’ve seen in porn and you forget it.”
“The best thing to do is ask , in my experience. Harder? Slower? Faster? You like that?”
“Asking beforehand is good but the best time I find is after (seeing as during is very distracting unless its openly expressed that your both doing it out of experimentational purposes).
“ Ask her how certain things felt . More than likely the most memorable parts will be the ending or the surprisingly good parts. [Then] focus on finding what those were and figure out how to fine tune them to her liking.”

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