Giving A Girl An Orgasm

Giving A Girl An Orgasm

Medically reviewed by
Dr Roger Henderson and words by Sarah Berry

The essential orgasm guide for women
Penile supports and implants explained
Dr Roger Henderson
Dr Roger Henderson is a Senior GP, national medical columnist and UK medical director for LIVA Healthcare
He appears regularly on television and radio and has written multiple books.

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Does your girlfriend struggle to come? We speak to a sex therapist about helping your female partner get off.
If your partner struggles to come during sex, it can be frustrating (for both of you). Self-esteem, anxiety, exhaustion and stress are just some of the lifestyle factors that can impact a woman’s ability to orgasm.
While it’s perfectly normal to not reach orgasm every single time you have sex, if your partner fails to come at all, it can start to take its toll on your relationship .
But before you despair you’re doing something desperately wrong and your sexual prowess is entirely to blame, lots of women struggle to come, and your partner is not alone. A study of more than 52,000 adults found that 95 per cent of heterosexual men almost always climaxed during sex – compared to just 65 per cent of women.
Which begs the question: why are the men hogging all the orgasms and, more importantly, how can you help the woman in your life up her come-quota and join you in the pleasure circle? Psychosexual and relationship therapist Sarah Berry offers her expert tips on how, why and what to do to help the woman in your life come:
I often hear male clients lamenting that they are bad in bed because their female partners can’t come . While there may be other relationship or sexual issues at work, a lack of orgasm does not reflect on your sexual ability, nor is it your sole responsibility.
Most women at one time or another have found it difficult to climax.
While some women orgasm easier than others, most women at one time or another have found it difficult to climax. Some can only climax alone and some have never had the pleasure. There are many reasons for this. It could be down to any one of the following reasons, or many more profound or mundane interferences:
What I would recommend is that you work with your partner to create a space where both of you feel happy and connected and where arousal can ebb and flow. If their arousal is working up to an orgasm, you can help nurture these feelings.
If you are with a woman who orgasms infrequently or not at all, I would ask them how they feel about it. Maybe she is frustrated, maybe she is fine with it and maybe she does actually orgasm, but it’s a less theatrical affair – not everyone does a full on When Harry Met Sally – style performance. Start by asking her how she feels and you might be surprised to learn it’s nothing to do with you at all.
If she does blame your technique for her lack of orgasm, ask her to tell you, or even better, show you, how she likes to be stimulated. You could have a mutual masturbation session where you touch yourselves in front of each other. While this is can feel very intimate and exposing, it can also reduce pressure and performance anxiety for both of you.
It’s worth noting that if your partner is tense, maybe they’re anxious or angry, then your touch is likely to tickle and not hit the spot, so let her lead the way.
Bearing in mind what works for one person may be uncomfortable for another, here’s some ideas for helping your female partner achieve an orgasm which you might like to try together:
It seems the done thing, in far too many heterosexual couplings, that when the man has come then sex is over, regardless of whether the female partner is done or not. Ignoring whether your partner has also finished is selfish. If she would like it, you could do some hand or mouth stimulation . If you are too spent, you hold her while she masturbates.
Yes quickies can happen. If you are both aroused and your genitals are primed for action then that’s great. But if not, foreplay helps all genitals – including penises that, contrary to popular belief aren’t always ready to go as soon as sex is hinted at – to be ready for sex. Without enough of it, sex can be painful, intrusive or simply just boring. Foreplay can include anything from saucy texts, to hand jobs, to oral, to spanking and anything else that feels playful, sensual or sexual.
Some people find sex toys , particularly vibrators, can help them achieve the big O. Others don’t like them; it could be they don’t like how they feel or they don’t like them on principal. There are many, many different sizes , shapes, colours, materials and types of stimulation available, so if you are thinking of getting one, I strongly recommend consulting with your partner.
Many women say that receiving cunnilingus is the most surefire way to get them coming. If you do both want to do this, but you’re not sure what to do, experiment until she starts making appreciative noises or writhing around. Some women prefer a tongue lapping consistently at the clitoris while others like the whole vulva to be slathered over, like you would an ice cream on a really hot day.
I’ve found that there are three main reasons why some women find receiving oral sex a bit uncomfortable:
• The first is that it can feel disconnecting: you’re down there being busy, while they’re up there not feeling in the moment and worrying about you, work, or that stain on the ceiling.
• The second is the fear that it is taking too long; indeed vaginas do generally take longer to get excited than penises.
• And thirdly, many women fear that their vulvas and vaginas don’t look good or smell.
So what should you do? If you are going down on her, being more animated can help. This can include appreciative noises or comments, eye contact, cupping her bum and stroking her body. If you’re tired, try alternating tongue and finger stimulation.
During your intimate time, you might feel awkward, nervous, detached, or any other feelings that could interrupt a pleasurable union. If this happens, I suggest that, rather than powering through, you stop for a moment. Tell them how you feel and give them a compliment, a hug, or something that can help the two of you can find some common ground and establish a bond. It means she may also feel she can do the same when she feels interrupted. Being on the same page during sex is sexy.
If someone feels close to coming but then their clitoris becomes painful or numb, then you could suggest that the two of you take a break. Maybe have a chat, a cuppa or a glass of wine, or a bit of a snog. If you both want to continue, you may be surprised to find that the clitoris is still pretty enlarged and doesn’t need much stimulation to get going again.
heIf s says to keep going in increasingly excited tones, then keep going. As you were. Don’t go faster. Don’t go slower. Don’t throw in some amazing trick. Unless you are in pain or discomfort JUST… KEEP… GOING!
Issues with sex can be a symptom that other things are wrong with your relationship. In this case, it could be that one or both of you is having doubts about your relationship or is harbouring resentment about something. Or they may see you as a good friend but just can’t get themselves to fancy you. Sometimes discussing these issues can be painful but getting through them could lead both to find happier places, either together or apart. Couples therapy can help negotiate this.
For further advice about helping your partner reach orgasm or any other relationship or sexual concerns you might have, try one of the following resources:
Sarah Berry is a psychosexual and relationship therapist. For more information about how she works and to book a session, visit www.sarahberrytherapy.co.uk
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Written by Editorial Team | Updated : November 4, 2018 5:38 AM IST
Just as important as it is for men, it's also important for women to reach climax during lovemaking and experience the peak of pleasure. Even if a woman is adequately aroused, the onus is still on her partner to help her get there. And if you've got what it takes, then why stop at one. When it comes to the female orgasm, two are three are in fact better than one, and what better way is there to express your love, improve intimacy and boost that male ego! It's not difficult to achieve it; here are few tips that can help you give her those epic orgasms that every man likes to think he can and every woman wishes her man could:
Create a romantic atmosphere: Remember stress and sex don't go well together. So if you are planning a sizzling act for the bedroom, it's imperative that you set the right mood for her. Gauge her emotions before you ask or initiate a lovemaking session. Is she in the mood for it or is she too stressed or tired? Knowing her mood is the key to start the night right. If you are oblivious to the emotions of your partner, then it's foolish to expect an exciting climax from her, forget multiple orgasms.
To get her in the mood, put in some effort. When it comes to a woman, the importance of conversation cannot be understated, so make it a point to talk to her and reassure her about your feelings for her. Take her in your arms and ask about her day. Hold her by the waist and bring her close; look deep into her eyes and talk. But don't forget that just because you are in the mood doesn't necessarily mean that she is too. Don't try to patronise her; it's not going to work. Instead tell her that she needs a much deserved break and lead her towards the bedroom. Candle lights, aromatic fragrances, dim lights, all can help you to create a light, stress free, romantic mood for the night. If you can offer her a relaxing massage just for a few minutes, even better. While this may seem like too much effort, relationships are built on the premise of unconditional love - giving without expectation of returns, besides the returns can be quite amazing! Also read how casual sex can improve overall well-being.
Help her prepare before the act: Once you have laid the groundwork and set the tone for the night that lies ahead, it's time for some team work. It's her turn to get ready for the act. Kegel exercises are the best way to help a woman last longer in bed, as it strengthens the vaginal muscles and makes her ready for more pleasure and helps to withstand pain too. Not every woman wants to get it on with a drill sergeant though, so don't just order her to do Kegels, instead help. Move your hand to her erogenous zone, she will go into spasms. Give a gentle thrust; let the act of squeezing and relaxing the muscles go on for some time, in this way you will be able to sustain the mood, stimulate her and get some of those helpful Kegels exercises into the mix. Read how Kegel exercises can improve your sex life.
Give importance to foreplay : Keep in mind that intercourse alone cannot lead to an epic orgasm. You need to dedicate enough time to foreplay. This is not a race, so don't be in a hurry to dive in and get to the end of the act. If you can master the art of arousing her in a slow and steady manner, chances are that she will last longer in bed and find the experience to be a lot more pleasurable and satisfying. Use your hands and tongue for the same. To help your woman get multiple orgasms, help her to get aroused with manual and oral stimulation. For many women oral sex is the ultimate way to get aroused, so get into the act before the real action. Here are some best sex positions if you're trying to get pregnant.
Make sure you know the tricks to arouse her naturally. By using your index finger stimulate her clitoris. The movements should be gentle and in circular motions. Be receptive to feedback and be attuned to both her verbal and non-verbal cues. Her little moans and inviting body language will tell you that you are on the right track. Once you have stimulated the clitoris move to the G-spot. It is believed that this spot , located atop the vaginal cavity, gives a woman the greatest amount of pleasure. Once she is aroused, getting into the act would be more fun, intimate and satisfying for both of you. Also read about the six fun facts that you need to know about the vagina.
Have little pep-talks: Most men are averse to conversation, but you don't need to have deep meaningful conversations; just talk or whisper in each other's ears. That sleepy heavy voice that emanates during such moments is what makes the act a lot more sensual and intimate, both for you and your woman. Also know exactly how women can fake an orgasm.
Use lubricants if needed: For a woman to have multiple orgasms she must be comfortable and find the experience to be pleasurable, more than painful. The vaginal area is extremely sensitive, so if you are going to make love not once or twice, but a couple of times, use a lubricant to lubricate the area. Soreness of the vaginal area will diminish any pleasure and can make intercourse so painful that she may not even reach a single orgasm.
Change positions : Get creative here. If you are in favour of the missionary position, don't expect her to like the same. Instead, try new positions. This will help you keep the novelty and passion alive and allow your partner to reach an orgasm with the excitement and experimentation of a new love position. Read about an exciting sex position: the sitting cowgirl .
Take a short break: That said, don't leave the bed. If you both have reached your orgasm and plan to continue lovemaking, stay in bed. To revive your energy levels, hug, cuddle, kiss and talk. Remember, lovemaking is not just a physical act and it requires a level of emotional bonding too. Once you've reached climax don't just turn your back on her or flip onto your back; look deep into her eyes and reassure her about how attracted you are to her and how much you cherish your time with her. Do this and odds are you wont need to work too hard to stimulate her for a continued session of love making.
Don't forget the power of kisses and caresses: Kisses and caresses go a long way to keep the desire within you at a peak during your lovemaking session. Kissing and caressing your partner makes sure that you both are stimulated enough to move deep into the act. Also read types of kisses - how many have you tried.
Allow her to take the lead: If you really want her to get more epic orgasms, then don't call all the shots. Allow her to take the lead as well and control the rhythm of things. Give her a chance when you have aroused her enough to get into the act. This will really help her be her best in bed and you should find the experience to be a lot more satisfying than you could possibly imagine.
Appreciate her performance: Tell her, literally tell her how good she is and how she makes you go weak in your knees every time you see her. Complimenting her performance in bed will make her more interested and keen on sustaining the act with vigor and passion.
Click on the picture below to view photos on - 8 mindblowing facts you didn't know about breasts.
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