Give Spank

Give Spank
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It’s not often that thanks to Victorian-era erotica, a 15-year-old girl experiences a sexual epiphany. But that’s exactly what happened to Katherine* during her sophomore year of high school.
When her debate team stopped at a bookstore on an out-of-town trip, a friend purchased a book of 19th century sex stories. You know what happens next: on the bus ride home, a wide-eyed Katherine pored over one tale about a man and his female servant.
This sexcapade, though, had a special twist: It involved lots of spanking .
“I thought, ‘Oh my God, this is an actual thing ! I’m not the only one who thinks this is interesting!’ ” Recalls now 40-something Katherine. She’s thought about spanking since she was young, but it wasn’t until she became aroused reading that story that she’d desired for a man to spank her in bed.
Women like Katherine aren’t alone: Lots of people are into love taps — over-the-knee or tangled up in intercourse, one item on the foreplay buffet or the main event. “For some people, a good hard smack is going to bring nerve endings to life,” says Dr. Yvonne Fulbright, sexologist and author of Touch Me There: A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots .
It’s tricky to find out how many people are into it, but you don’t have to look further than pop culture to see we’ve got spanks on the brain. Paddling makes appearances everywhere from old episodes of I Love Lucy to the 2004 flick Along Came Polly and Broadway’s hit show Spring Awakening .
Back in 1996, essayist Daphne Merkin shocked New Yorker readers with a frank article about her desire to be spanked by a man; even Justin Timberlake promised in his 2006 single SexyBack , “I’ll let you whip me if I misbehave.” ( Woah , were you talking to Britney Spears, Cameron Diaz, or Jessica Biel when you said that, Justin?
The posterior is full of its own nerves, and the bum is also located near the body’s sensory hot spots — a man’s scrotum and a woman’s vulva. A kinky maneuver like spanking is a great way to send ripples through the skin and stimulate that entire area, Fulbright says.
Thomas Roche, a 39-year-old erotica writer in San Francisco, says spanking is “hot, emotionally charged and so intimate” all at once. But for him, the allure of spanking a woman is all the “bodily contact” — a submissive woman’s rear end and all the parts around it.
Spanking is appealing to everyone for different reasons. “Some people like the punishment, role-playing thing, some people just like the spanking part of it. For some people, it’s more innocent,” says Rachel Kramer Bussel, editor of Spanked: Red-Cheeked Erotica , who wrote passionately about her love of a good spanking on her former Village Voice sex column.
“You have to figure out what part of it you’re interested in exploring so you can explain it to the other person.”
Once you’ve figured out your fantasy, how do you ask for a spanking — or to give a spanking? Well, try renting Secretary , the 2002 movie starring Maggie Gyllenhaal and James Spader, and watching it with your sweetie, suggests Bussel. If indie films aren’t your bag, she suggests you find a YouTube video or a site that contains spanking, showing it to your partner and asking what they think about trying it.
Whether you’re the spanker or the spankee, Bussel says to approach the “hey, can we try this” discussion forthrightly but without pressure. Since the subject can sometimes be off-putting, approach the act as something you and your partner just trying, she says, not something you want to do every night (even if you do).
As for how to perform the spanking, there are lots of ways to do it! First, pick a position that feels comfortable for you. For beginners, Roche suggests lying across someone’s lap on a bed so that the spankee’s head is supported. The receiver can also bend over a chair or stand against a wall if that’s more enticing. You can use hands or spank with an implement like a wooden paddle. Sex shops have lots of fun instruments — if your paddle’s covered in fur it becomes a “joke-y, funny prop” and will inject humor into the bedroom, says Bussel.
“It’s not exactly painful, depending on how it’s done,” says Roche. “But if you go too hard, too fast, too far, you can cause a lot of pain. You just want to start soft and explore!” The fleshy part of the rear end, of course, is a great place to start — the backs of the thighs can be more painful and love-tapping the genital area is an “advanced” move beginners should steer clear of, Roche warns. Other areas that you should not hit under any circumstances include the backs of the knees, the tailbone and the spine. “Use common sense,” he says — or just stick to what Roche calls the “sweet spot,” the sensitive area where the butt and upper thigh meet.
In between blows, the spanker can caress the spanked area, fondle the genitals, or gently tug the spankee’s hair — if that’s what the spankee would like. “Afterward, you should talk about it to see if you read [your partner’s] body properly,” he says. Find out if those whimpers of pain were in ecstasy or regret.
But like lots of choices on the kink sexual buffet, spanking is not embraced by everyone. You’ll find that the butt is off-limits for a lot of adults, Fulbright warns. While some people find it exciting to have that area touched, others grapple with the psychological element of letting someone access a “taboo” area, even if your partner isn’t touching anywhere near your anus.
Katherine knows this taboo all too well: Although her interest in sexual spanking dates back to her childhood, it wasn’t until age 37 that she incorporated spanking into her sex life in a way that felt healthy. Her biggest hurdle? Katherine had a physically abusive relationship as a young adult and the first time a sexual partner hit her butt was out of anger, she says. For years, Katherine wrestled with an internal conflict about asking a man to spank her in the context of sex.
Indeed, it’s not hard to see how people who were spanked as children (or physically abused in at any point in life) may cringe at spanking during sex. For lots of us, hitting is scary, angry, and unpredictable.
That’s why trusting your partner is crucial. Roche has been spanking women since he was 17 and he’s seen more than a few “emotional moments” over the years, from women for whom spanking exhumed powerful memories. Therefore, trust goes both ways. “You need to know she’s going to let you know if something is not right,” he says.
One idea? Establish a word or phrase, something other than “stop” or “no” (which people sometimes say when they mean just the opposite), that signifies all spanking must cease immediately. “Let’s do something else,” or, “I’m done with this,” are both good suggestions.
Toying with power dynamics can be as alluring as it is discomforting. When it comes to spanking and gender-roles, baggage about power can enter the bedroom on an express train. Although love taps are certainly not exclusively man-on-woman behavior, anecdotally, guys spanking gals is one of the more common manifestations. Some dudes relish lady-swatting, which makes them feel powerful or manly. Roche, for instance, says he loves the “power aspect.” But other dudes are justifiably freaked out by such a request. Men are, after all, taught never to hit women.
“Men are nervous about this, too!” Says Katherine. “Inflicting pain on a woman, even erotic pain, is a little daunting!” She thinks many a man is OK with the act of spanking his lady but he may not be OK with the part of himself that likes it — he might be wondering if there’s something angry, violent, or wrong with him.
If you sense your guy is worried, keep spanking lighthearted: play up the sexiest, most playful parts of a spanking, suggests Katherine, such as the butt being “an erogenous zone prominently displayed,” and the fact spanking entails “a lot of squirming and panting!” You or your partner can even role play or dress up in costumes (bad maid, bad student, bad what-have-you).
It’s possible that your guy may be the one who longs for a spanking. In fact, it’s a hat Bussel has worn many a time before, even with “cocky” guys who are the “opposite of what you might think” when you imagine a submissive man.
But, what’s so hot about spanking a guy? She probably isn’t physically overpowering him, says Bussel, so he is making himself vulnerable to her. Since some guys see wanting to be spanked as emasculating, she adds, this means a guy is being especially trusting.
Spanking can be great fun to introduce into the bedroom. Through lots of communication, individual couples need to figure out all the details of the delivery themselves. Safety is paramount, of course, but timing is everything. If done wrong, says Fulbright, spanking “is the kind of move that can totally kill the moment!” But once you’ve got your partner where you want them, have fun! There’s no one right way to spank someone and if it hurts too much — or too little — to be pleasurable, you’ve got to speak up!
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I’d like to tell you about the first two times I gave a spanking. The first time was when I was only 10 years old – it was definitely not allowed and I suspect that had I been found out, I would have ended up getting rather than giving the punishment.
I was at a sleepover birthday party with my two best friends, and we were playing truth or dare. I chose ‘truth’ and was asked what was the most trouble I had ever been in, and what was the punishment. I told the story, recounted in another of my contributions to this site , of how my brother and I went way out of our established bounds and had received a hard paddling for our misdeeds. Since I was ‘under oath’ in a truth or dare game, I even recounted how the paddling had made me so nervous that I’d wet myself, which sent my girlfriends into a fit of giggles.
My friend Amanda then volunteered that her worst misdeed was taking some money from her mom’s purse. Her dad had ‘whipped my butt until it was redder than a tomato’, which expression set off another fit of giggling.
We both looked at Katie, the birthday girl, for her story. She confessed to getting caught at school cheating on a multiplication test, which resulted in her getting grounded for two nights. I thought this was a pretty lenient punishment. So did Amanda, who wasn’t shy about voicing that opinion. “I can’t believe your mom didn’t spank you for getting in trouble at school. The one time I got in trouble at school, my mom wore me out,” she said.
Katie disclosed that her parents had never spanked her ever, which came as a shock to both myself and Amanda. We let Katie know how lucky she was, and made it clear we didn’t think the situation was fair at all.
We returned to our game, and on Katie’s next turn she chose ‘dare’. Amanda said that since Katie had never been spanked before, she had to take a birthday spanking from both of us. She looked a little nervous but we reminded her what a serious transgression it was to break the rules of truth or dare – so she agreed.
I won ‘rock, paper, scissors’ to spank first. I told Katie to pull down her pants and underwear. She balked at this, but because the rules of sleepover truth or dare are sacrosanct, I soon had a bare bottom over my lap.
Katie was bigger than me so it was a little awkward, but we made it work. I spanked her five times with no reaction from her, so I decided to crank it up a notch. From the sixth spank on, I hit her harder and she began to cry out. I gave her an extra hard one to ‘grow on’ and then a ‘pinch to grow an inch’ on her tush for good measure. She was the tiniest bit pink afterwards.
Then it was Amanda’s turn, and she got much more into it than I did. She gave Katie a lecture about behaving in school and not embarrassing the family – I presume she copied this lecture from her own parents. Amanda then pulled Katie over her lap and gave her ten rapid, hard spanks, with an extra hard one to grow on.
Katie came off of her lap bouncing around and rubbing her bottom, which was now thoroughly pink. She commented on how much it hurt – Amanda and I assured her that she had gotten off easy, and that was nothing compared to what our parents dished out. Katie admitted that she was pretty lucky.
By the second time I gave a spanking, I was a bit older and it was more in an official capacity rather than just kids playing games. I was 16 and had been tasked with babysitting my cousins, six-year-old Emma and eight-year-old Randy.
It was the first time that I had babysat them and they were pushing the limits from the beginning, especially Randy. I had done a couple of time-outs and some threats, but nothing was working. As the night wore on, their behaviour got worse and worse, and they were jumping on the couches and running through the house.
I had had enough. I grabbed Randy by the wrist as he ran past and began to drag him to the couch. “Hey, what are you doing?” “I’ve had enough of your naughty behaviour, young man – you’re getting a spanking.” “You can’t spank me. You’re not my mom.” “I can and I will,” I said as I sat down on the couch.
The childrens’ mom hadn’t said that I could spank them, but she had also not said that I couldn’t. I knew that they were a spanking family and at this point, we had reached the point of no return. I grabbed the waistband of Randy’s shorts and underwear and jerked them down. He clamped his hands down over his privates just as fast as he could.
“You can’t! You can’t!” I tipped him over my lap and began to spank him. I gave him two smacks for each year of his age, so a total of 16. He was kicking and screaming by the tenth swat. I had to hold his legs in place to finish the punishment.
When it was over, I marched Randy to the corner, with him waddling along because his pants were still around his ankles. I told him he had 10 minutes of corner time, with no rubbing. I swatted his bottom one more time and then went for Emma.
While her brother was getting spanked, Emma had had an amused look on her face – but now she looked nervous. “Please don’t,” she pleaded. “I’ll be good.” “It’s too late for that now. You’ve been very naughty young lady.”
Emma’s shorts and undies came down and she went over my lap as well. Like her brother, she got two smacks for each year of her age, for a solid round dozen. Unlike her brother, Emma didn’t kick or scream – she just cried and cried, with big fat tears rolling down her face, leaving a wet spot on the couch.
As soon as we were done, she hugged me and wanted to cuddle. I held her for a minute and then deposited her in the corner like her brother.
After their corner time was over, both children were much better behaved. I did tell their mom that I had spanked them when she got home. She assured me that I had done the right thing and gave me permission to spank the children again in the future. However, the need never arose again, because they always behaved for me after that.
I should add that when Emma was in college, she babysat my own kids a couple of times, and did give my eldest son a few swats on his bare bottom when he wouldn’t settle down.
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The Art Of Erotic Spanking | Quickies

That nice, hard (but not too hard) smack across your girlfriend’s backside might have felt a little risqué the first time you did it, but now it’s such a part of your sexual routine that you can’t imagine not doing it when she’s bent over in doggy style. Right? You’re not quite as kinky of a couple as you think you are, considering 60% of women say they enjoy being spanked. But if your desire to leave a handprint and grab her backside keeps growing, you may be interested in a whole new level: erotic spanking.

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