Girls Laughing At Tiny Dick

Girls Laughing At Tiny Dick
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2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
The city’s least visually impressive pageant is back with some more truly tiny tiddlers
Apparently, the Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant is a grower. The second annual event drew a fat line that stretched halfway down Seigel Street in Bushwick this past Saturday, and those who were lucky enough to fit into the diminutive Kings County Bar were treated to MC Chicken Bitches' sweet and sharp tongue, great music and the effervescence of burlesque performer Cherry Pitz. The main event, of course, was the interaction between the audience, judges and those boys brave enough to bare their modest members. Judges this year included L.A. talk-show host Caroline Fox, sex educator Kendall McKenzie and Bobbie Chaset, the owner of Kings County Bar and mastermind behind the pageant.
RECOMMENDED: Full coverage on the Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant The pool of contestants were whittled down to five after a casual screening process, with the lucky (or unlucky, depending on your point of view) finalists comprising of the somewhat twisted Puzzle Master, the cocky Rufio, returning contestant the incognito “Peter Parker,” all-American blond “Twig N’ Berries" and the benevolent Indian “Raj Kumar.” The group were then asked such revealing questions as their favorite sexual position and their responses were saucily evaluated by the judges. Extra points were handed out for originality (and in some cases, their appreciation of cunnilingus). During this hard-hitting opening round, Raj Kumar got points knocked off for being too cutesy, while Peter Parker—the only masked contestant this year—played the awkward wacko card to great effect. Charisma, wit and sweetness, however, won out over showboating or a pretty face. Astoria comedy band Afterbirth Monkey provided intermission entertainment with songs about—you guessed it—penis size, complete with plastic penis water guns and balloon-art dicks. Once the second round of judging was underway, the guys paraded across the bar wearing dainty mesh tangas. Though always fully covered, this costume change revealed the family jewels most clearly, and honestly, Rufio might as well have been disqualified for not being nearly small enough. Cherry Pitz graced the bar top with two intermission burlesque sets, which provided an appetizer for the talent portion of the afternoon. The Puzzle Master performed a surprisingly smooth tease and tuck routine, which won him high scores with both the judges and the audience. Peter Parker broke a sweat with a characteristically awkward but high-spirited break-dancing number, dressed head to toe in a Spider-Man costume. Rufio read punny jokes from his iPhone with surprising charm, while Twig N’ Berries sang an uncomfortable, flat-falling duet with Cherry Pitz, then tried to get the audience back with some yoga moves. Raj Kumar donned a traditional Indian costume and displayed his agility in a Bollywood-tinged dance routine that seduced judge Caroline Fox, who joined him onstage for a bump and grind. As ever, the act with the lowest score won, and audience favorite and New Delhi native Raj Kumar—a 28-year-old Fulbright scholar who lives on the Upper East Side and works in digital advertising—romped away with the win. Last year’s winner, Nick Gilronan, returned to the stage to present Kumar with the glitter encrusted, penis-spired crown amidst a terrible stench of sewage, which, by all accounts, is a pageant tradition (we didn’t feel like enquiring further). Kumar seemed genuinely touched at the turnout and oddly proud of his new title. See all the photos of the event in the slideshow above (very much not NSFW), or check out the photos from last year's pageant right here .
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Bushwick Daily

Bushwick Daily

“It’s little dicks, not micro-penis,” the reporter from Gothamist was told outside of Kings County Saloon just before the event started
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“It’s little dicks, not micro-penis,” the reporter from Gothamist was told outside of Kings County Saloon just before the event started. And it seems that the distinction between the two is what makes Brooklyn’s Smallest Penis Pageant what it is: a little joke with a lot of pride.

This was the third year for Brooklyn’s most idiosyncratic and irreverent pageant, and based on the crowd that was lining up to pay $10 to see some small dick (when a few probably could have just stayed home and looked in a mirror), it was an outstanding success.

Once again, Kings County Saloon was selling “Penis Coladas” with plastic dick straws to the 100+ crowd of mostly women, many of who seemed pretty eager to be close to the stage when the little fellers made their big debut. When resident drag Queen Chicken Bitches , dressed in her finest, most sparkly and cumbersome Jedi attire (this year was Star Wars themed), asked the audience if they were here to hate or celebrate, they exuberantly shouted, “celebrate!”

Seriously, why doesn’t every bar in Brooklyn have a resident drag Queen? There are certainly enough of them living here. The only answer that I can come up with is that every bar owner and manager in the borough are well aware that no Queen can MC like the witty, cheeky and downright hysterical Chicken Bitches.

After Chicken Bitches warmed up the crowd, out came the competitors in see-through tuxedo-speedos. Two of them were returning for a second shot at the crown, a Mr. Rip Van Dinkle and The Puzzlemaster. The former won the first pageant, whereas the latter was a close runner-up last year . The other contestants, a well-tatted and rotund Chino Loco, the shy and endearing Gentleman and the Tecate-wielding Cromwell all seemed to have a shot at the title when the show started, but after the introductions and pageant walks, it seemed like the bout could only favor one man: The Puzzlemaster.

From the start he brought a flair and confidence that the other contestants struggled to deliver. He had a handful of jokes (last year he lost only by the “smallest margin”), and went all out during the cocksplash segment, when one lucky young woman was invited onstage to spray the dancing contestants with a squirt gun. I knew better from last year than to get too close to the stage. The Puzzlemaster also killed it with a Shirley Bassey cover renamed, “Golddinger.”

So when the Puzzlemaster was crowned and handed the scepter (a toy light-saber tipped with a plastic dick) along with $500 in cash, few people could be surprised. True, The Gentleman delivered a heartfelt poem that made the ladies in the crowd swoon, Chino Loco presented a hilarious and deeply traumatizing striptease in a Stormtrooper outfit, Rip Van Dinkle dropped a poorly timed but amusing rap, and Cromwell killed it with a Braveheart-level rousing speech about orgies in America, but nobody delivered the sincerity and cocksured-ness of The Puzzlemaster.

Confidence, it seems, is truly the key to winning the hearts of Ameri- er- Brooklyn.

I’m much smaller than the winner! Soft 0cm, hard 2cm!

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Over 100 tiny penis lovers packed into King's County Bar in Bushwick yesterday afternoon for the third annual Smallest Penis In Brooklyn pageant, a celebration of, well, the title says it all.
There were considerably more women than men in the crowd for the three hour event, with many small groups of women batched together (photographer Melanie Rieders described it as "a bachelorette girls day vibe"). MC Chicken Bitches welcomed people by reminding them that this event was a celebration of all sizes (but mostly teeny tiny sizes): "If you came here to make fun, you better get the fuck out," she said, adding that the bar hosts the event to "celebrate what you've got," even if what you've got could generously be described as "flyspeck."
En route to judge the Smallest Penis in Brooklyn pageant and engage in some hardcore misandry 💅🍆🔬
— Natalie Shure (@nataliesurely) June 13, 2015
I'm judging The Smallest Penis in BK Pageant. There's a line around the block to get in and shits about to get REAL pic.twitter.com/sdPPAmjRiH
— Krystyna Hutchinson (@KrystynaHutch) June 13, 2015
Thankfully, the crowd was there to appreciate, not mock, the contestants (that included the band Afterbirth Monkey, a music-comedy duo who performed a song about tiny dicks, and also flashed the crowd for good measure). This year there were five brave men who stepped up to the plate: an older gentleman named "Rip Van Dinkle" (who perviously competed in the event two years ago ), "Chino Loco," "The Gentleman," "Cromwell," and the winner, "Puzzlemaster." This year's event was space/ Star Wars -themed, so Puzzlemaster was awarded a victory lightsaber (DJ Syntax got into the theme of the day by dancing robotically).
2015 BROOKLYN'S SMALLEST PENIS PAGEANT WINNER pic.twitter.com/7xrIFU5hmT
Puzzlemaster competed in last year's competition (though he lost), memorably reenacting Buffalo Bill's "Would You Fuck Me? I'd Fuck Me" scene from Silence of the Lambs before dropping trou and treating the crowd to a view of his tucked-away junk. This year, he was given $500 in cash for his victory—when asked what he was going to do with the money, he told us that he has a baby on the way, so it'll go towards costs for the little guy.
Click through to check out lots of NSFW photos of the work.
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Can you remember back to the first time you saw an erect penis?
Probably not – and we don’t blame you, it’s probably not something you’d really feel the need to remember.
But lots of girls do and they’re talking about it over on a Reddit thread after someone asked the question: ‘ Girls, what did you think when you saw an erect penis for the first time? ’
Oh, and if you hadn’t guessed already, this article is incredibly NSFW.
1. ‘I was confused because the typical penis boys draw is very misleading. Before, I always thought that the balls were in two separate sacks. Very confusing indeed.’
2. ‘Before I saw one I’d assumed a penis became erect still pointing down. I’d never seen any porn or anything and yeah, i figured sex would be a logistical nightmare. In my head, when I saw it pointing up, I was kind of like “ohhhhhh that totally makes sense now!”‘
3. ‘I was about ten and saw it on the Internet. Thought it was a diseased finger.’
4. ‘How is that going to fit inside me?!’
5. ‘When I was 18, I walked in on my roommate’s naked boyfriend. When I saw that tiny thing sticking out, I thought ‘Is that IT!?”
6. ‘HE HAS A BONER! Wow, i must be hot after all.’
7. ‘My thought process went a little something like ‘OMG I’m at least somewhat sexually arousing. I like this penis. Wait… he shaved. He was expecting this. I wanna touch it. Yup, this thing is great. And so soft. I have no idea what to do. Why do I wanna put it in my mouth? I’m gonna put it in my mouth. Yup, this is fun.’ D*cks are awesome.’
9. ‘It looks like an alien worm protruding from his crotch.’
10. ‘Is that supposed to be hot? If so, I think I might be broken.’
11. ‘I thought it would be way further down, like where a vagina is.’
12. ‘It really does look like a lollipop.’
13. ‘Wait, is that what a boner is?’
14. ‘Huh. So that’s why I like girls more.’

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Girls Laughing At Tiny Dick

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