Girls Hymen Close Up

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Breaking the Hymen: 9 Facts about Hymens and the Concept of Virginity
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Why “popping the cherry” actually has little to do with sex. 
The concept of "virginity" for people with vaginas has a complicated history, and has often been (incorrectly) linked to breaking the hymen. Bleeding after sexual intercourse was incorrectly thought to be proof of an unbroken hymen, and thus, proof that a person had not had sex before. The reality, however, is that the state of your hymen has nothing to do with sexual activity. 
With the help of Dr. Jessica Shepherd, a board-certified ob-gyn and a spokesperson for Paragard, and Alexandra Eisler, a health and sex educator from Healthy Teen Network, we're going to separate fact from fiction and explain what a hymen is, how a hymen breaks, and its complicated relationship with the historical concept of virginity. Read on for 9 facts you need to know about this tiny tissue. But first, let's get our definitions clear:
"The hymen is a thin membrane that surrounds the opening to the vagina," explains Dr. Shepherd. The hymen is just a portion of the vaginal canal that really doesn't serve a purpose. It has no known biological function and it does not, in any way, indicate whether or someone has engaged in sexual activity. 
The hymen can be broken in a variety of ways. Sexual activity (including penetration, oral sex, fingering, and masturbation) can break the hymen, yes, but so can the insertion of a tampon or even exercising. It's also worth noting that you can break your hymen without even knowing it. Dr. Shepherd explains that it's entirely possible to disrupt the hymen during a weight-bearing exercise and not feel a thing. It's also possible to notice a bit of bleeding and tenderness. It's different for everyone. 
It is possible to engage in sexual activity without breaking the hymen. It's very possible that the hymen could not be broken during fingering or oral sex, explains Dr. Shepherd. It's even possible (though uncommon) to have intercourse without breaking the hymen. 
It bears repeating: the presence or absence of a hymen does not prove or disprove whether someone has engaged in sexual activity.
If you try to look at an intact hymen, it may be difficult to pinpoint. “If you don’t know what you’re looking for, you’d have a really hard time telling the difference, because it will be a fleshy colored membrane in a place where you have flaps and folds and hair,” Eisler says. If you do want to go exploring, though, it's located about about 1-2 centimeters inside your vaginal opening.
Hymens are not one-size-fits-all. There are actually five types of hymen which are medically classified as: 
Normal: hymen with a generally crescent shaped opening.
Cribriform: hymen with several small openings through which menstrual blood can flow.
Imperforate: hymen with no opening at all.
Microperforate: hymen with extremely small opening.
Septate: hymen with a thin band of tissue in the center.
Imperforate, microperforate, and septate hymens interfere with menstrual flow and tampon use. In these cases, you can have a minor surgery (called a hymenectomy) to remove the extra tissue and open up the hymen so period blood can flow through. This is performed by a gynecologist. 
Once a hymen is broken, either naturally or through a hymenectomy, it will not grow back. 
According to Eisler, virginity is a social construct, not a medical condition. “While there is no medical definition for virginity, it is an important concept to many people,” she says. “It's built by social norms and beliefs, even if it doesn't have a scientific basis.” 
So you likely have a definition about what virginity entails based on your friends, what your parents have taught you, and whether or not you have specific religious beliefs. To many, virginity means you haven’t yet had sex, though what is considered sex can vary from person to person. It should also be said that having sex doesn't change anything about you; it doesn't add or take away value, just as not having sex doesn't.
The concept of virginity has long been tied up with the heteronormative idea that when a penis enters your vagina, you’re no longer a virgin. There are some obvious problems with this definition. “It gets ridiculous when you think, okay, if someone is a lesbian, knows they’re a lesbian from day one, and has never had penetrative sex, are they going to be a virgin until the day they die?" Eisler says. "If someone only has anal sex but not vaginal sex, are they still a virgin? I’m really clear with folks, that when we say sex, we mean oral, anal, or vaginal sex.”
You should never feel you have to prove your status, and furthermore, it's not even possible to do so. We would argue that the best way to find out if someone has not yet had sex (if they really care to know) is simply to ask — and it's entirely up to you whether or not you want to discuss it at all!
There are some major problems with the concept of "losing your virginity." The term implies that it isn’t in your control. If you lose your phone, is that a conscious decision? No! We need to change how we talk about the first time a person has sex. It shouldn’t be something that someone takes from you. 
“[I don’t like] this idea that young women should be passive receivers of sex,” Eisler says. In too much of the world, women are still controlled in this way. “The most important thing is to keep yourself safe, and do what you feel good about,” Eisler recommends. “Take it slow and really know what sexual experiences are really comfortable for you and your body, what’s going on down there and relax about a lot of it.” And for sure, don’t worry about your hymen. Or lack thereof.
WATCH: 8 Fascinating Facts About the Vagina That Will Change Your Life
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First-Time Sex: 20 Questions About Losing Your Virginity, Answered
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On Wednesday, rapper T.I. bragged about taking his daughter on “yearly trips to the gynecologist to check her hymen,” implying that if she weren’t a virgin, the thin membrane wouldn’t be intact. Condemnation came quickly and swiftly for the “coercive” and “shaming” behavior, as some called it. In the medical community and among human rights proponents, the practice is considered unnecessary, painful and often traumatic, according to the United Nations, which called for a ban on the practice last year. One 24-year-old woman shared with The Post her own traumatic experience of having her hymen checked by her mother while growing up in Williamsburg. She declined to share her name due to the sensitive family dynamics.
The first time my mom ever checked my hymen was when I was 13 years old. I had stayed out really late, and my parents had no idea where I was. I came back home at about two in the morning after zero contact all night. My mom was a rape survivor, so it was very important to her that my first sex experience was a positive one.
But this accomplished nothing but creating fear and doubt in me.
The first thing that she did was drag me up to my bedroom, toss me onto my bed and tell me to take off my underwear. She held my legs open and looked. There was no touching involved.
The second experience, I was 14 and it was another time when I went M.I.A and wasn’t responsive to her calling me. It was probably about 6 p.m. when I got home. She had me lay down and spread my legs and looked.
That day was actually, ironically, my first kiss. But at the time, I didn’t want to lose my virginity. I wanted to have a level head on my shoulders about it.
The last time my mom ever checked I was 15, and it ended with an altercation.
We were on a cruise. And she found me late at night in the library with another girl and two guys. I was sitting on a couch with a guy at the opposite end. Nothing was happening, but she took me back to our room. When she went to check, I refused. I told her to back off.
“You can’t do this anymore,” I yelled at her. “I’m not a little kid, you can’t just pin me down to a bed and spread my legs.”
She went to strike me. [My stepdad] and my brother just looked at the water while my mother and I tussled on the bed.
That kind of attack just made me want to hide within myself more. And not share myself. It was very confusing for me too, because my mom is a very educated person, and she understands that hymens can break through horseback riding and gymnastics. And horseback riding was something I did on more than one occasion.
I had to wonder, “What is my mom’s image of me?” I felt dirty, unclean.
Rapper T.I. might just be the world's least favorite dad...
A lot of my experiences being with boys after that started with me hiding. When I first started [hooking up], it was usually in the school’s stairwell or public parks where you can just make out somewhere and not be scared. I couldn’t go home. I became an extremely secretive teenager. I didn’t like lying, but at the same time, I had parents who were so intense about everything that I did.
It wasn’t something I wanted to talk about with anyone, besides my best friend at the time. I felt really alone in my experience. And it kept me away [from doctors] as an adult. I didn’t go to a gynecologist till I was 21, and the only reason I went was because I needed to have an abortion. That was the first check I ever had.
My gynecologist was very sweet. She made sure I was okay the whole time, which was a breath of fresh air considering the only other experience I’d had was with my mother.
Now that I’m older, I can talk about it. I’ve heard that with rape victims and people who have survived rape, there’s this feeling of separating yourself from body. It doesn’t really feel like it’s happening to you, and it gets so pushed back and internalized. My experience was similarly traumatic.
I’ve been able to find peace with my mom. She has grown a lot. But I don’t think she thinks about the trauma she’s caused me. I don’t even know if she remembers.
When I heard about T.I., I was appalled. I was confused. It’s very controlling. You would expect a doctor to speak to the father, whether it’s T.I. or not, and explain to them why it’s not possible to see if [a woman’s still a virgin].
When I have my own kids, I do want to be somebody who they can speak to, and I don’t want to know every detail of their sexual experience, but they should have a place where they feel comfortable. Where they don’t have to hide.
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