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Get her number. This might seem like the hardest step, but it's necessary! If she gives you her number, you can safely assume that she's open to texting. Here are a few different tips on how to do it:
Don't get her number in a creepy way. You don't want to come off as a stalker, so try to avoid covert methods of getting her number. This includes getting it from her friends, finding it online, or any other sneaky means. Her phone number is private information, and she should have the right to give it to people she wants having it.
Find an excuse. Don't worry, she'll probably know it's a thin cover for getting her number, but she might be willing to give it to you anyway! If you're out with a group, ask for her number so everyone can coordinate plans. If you're in the same class, ask if you two can exchange numbers to keep up on homework assignments.
"Swap" numbers. Give her your number, and then say "And what's yours?" or "Sorry, I didn't get your number yet?"
Ask outright. If you don't have an excuse, don't sweat it — you can just ask. Stay casual, and start off with something like, "Hey, could I text you sometime?" or the basic "Can I have your number?" This should work well if you're wrapping up a fun date or some interaction that went well.
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Pick a good time for your first text. Text her too soon, and you'll seem desperate; wait too long, and you'll seem disinterested. When is the perfect time, then? There's no way to say precisely, but keep these pointers in mind:
Wait at least a day. Getting her number in the afternoon and texting her that night might seem too eager, and "too eager" sometimes translates to "creepy" for some girls. It'll be hard to wait it out, but try. [1]
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Research source
Pick a time when she's likely to text you back. Don't send your first attempt when she's probably at work or at school, and too distracted to text you back. Instead, aim for mid-evening, around 8ish, on weekdays. On the weekend, try any time of day except evening, when she might be out with friends.
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Reintroduce yourself. Don't just assume she'll automatically know who you are.
If you're already good acquaintances, your name should be enough, like "Hey Brianna, this is John. How's your night going? :)".
If you just met her, you might need to provide some context, like "Hey Brianna, this is John. I had a great time talking to you on Tuesday."
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Make small talk. Texting is a perfect medium for small talk, so use it to your advantage! Don't worry too much about saying something really deep and interesting when you're first texting a girl — a willingness to engage in small talk and care about the mundane details of her life is enough for now.
Ask how her day went. It's that simple, and it could open up a whole conversation.
Bring up something you talked about last time you saw her. It could be an inside joke, a common interest, or simply picking up where a prior conversation left off. [2]
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Research source
Ask about her interests. Most people are comfortable talking about themselves, so make it easy for her by asking about what she likes. For instance, you might ask what she does in her spare time or if she has any hobbies. If you already know what she's interested in, ask her to tell you more about it. For instance, "You said the other day that you ride horses, which I honestly know nothing about. I'd love to know more about why you like it."
Stay away from sensitive topics, like past relationships. [3]
X
Expert Source
Louie Felix Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Expert Interview. 5 May 2020.
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Bow out early. Leaving before the conversation gets stale helps her maintain a good impression of you, and eases some of the stress of wondering what to talk about. As soon as you feel the conversation winding down, draw it to a graceful close.
Tell her you enjoyed texting her. As you leave, try to end the interaction on a positive note. Something like, "This was awesome, I'd love to talk to you again."
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Set up next time. Establish the expectation that you'll text her again as you end the conversation. Note that you want to know more about her interests next time you talk, or you're already looking forward to texting her again. A simple "Maybe I'll talk to you again tomorrow?" works, too.
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Open with a compliment the second time (optional). If your first texting session went well, go bold and try a compliment the second time. It's a quick way to both make her feel special and let her know you're interested.
Build it into the opening. "Hey gorgeous" is short, simple and to the point. Or, if you want to be fancy, you could try something like "How's Tuesday going for my favorite girl?"
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Get her number. This might seem like the hardest step, but it's necessary! If she gives you her number, you can safely assume that she's open to talking. Here are a few different tips on how to do it:
Don't get her number in a creepy way. You don't want to come off as a stalker, so try to avoid covert methods of getting her number. This includes getting it from her friends, finding it online, or any other sneaky means. Her phone number is private information, and she should have the right to give it to people she wants having it.
Find an excuse. Don't worry, she'll probably know it's a thin cover for getting her number, but she might be willing to give it to you anyway! If you're out with a group, ask for her number so everyone can coordinate plans. If you're in the same class, ask if you two can exchange numbers to keep up on homework assignments.
"Swap" numbers. Give her your number, and then say "And what's yours?" or "Sorry, I didn't get your number yet?"
Ask outright. If you don't have an excuse, don't sweat it — you can just ask. Stay casual, and start off with something like, "Hey, could I call you sometime?" or the basic "Can I have your number?" This should work well if you're wrapping up a fun date or some interaction that went well. [4]
X
Research source
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Time it right. Timing can make all the difference between a good call and a bad call. Picking the right time can make you seem confident but interested, and up your odds of catching her at a convenient moment.
Wait a day or two. It's a fine line — if you call her too quickly, you'll seem desperate; if you call too late, you'll seem disinterested. Give her a day or two to wonder if you'll call her and build up interest.
Call in the evening. If you ring her up in the middle of the workday or when she might be at school, awkwardness will ensue — she'll be in a hurry to get off the phone, and it'll be hard for you to tell if she's interested or not. Instead, try calling her in the mid-evening, around 7 or 8 o'clock. She might be done with dinner and/or homework, and ready to chat for a bit.
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Relax. Before you pick up the phone, take a few deep breaths and try to calm down. Don't risk mumbling and stumbling over your words because you're nervous. Practice speaking at a reasonable pace and keeping your tone bright and clear.
Find some privacy. If you're really nervous, try to make the call from a secluded space. You'll be less worried about people overhearing what you say or ruining your concentration.
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Practice good phone etiquette. How you respond to someone answering the phone says a lot about your manners and how nervous you are.
If someone other than her answers: Say "Hello, is [girl's name] available?" The other person might ask who's calling. To answer, you can simply state your name, or your name and some context ("This is John, I'm in her Spanish class.") If she's unavailable, handle it calmly and ask if you can leave your number for her to call back later.
When she answers: Say something along the lines of, "Hey [girl's name]! This is John, you gave me your number on Tuesday." Reintroducing yourself like this might seem awkward, but it's an important step so that she knows, right away, who's calling.
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Make casual small talk. How her day went, homework, work, friends and her interests are perfect, easy topics to focus on. Don't worry too much about discussing deep, complex topics at first — what you really want to show her right now is that you're interested in what she thinks and getting to know her better.
Keep the conversation focused on getting to know her. [5]
X
Expert Source
Louie Felix Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Expert Interview. 5 May 2020.
Most people are comfortable talking about themselves because it's a topic they know well, so ask about her interests, what she thinks about something that happened recently, how her day went, and so on. Make it easy by asking about something you already know she likes, such as "So I know you're into watercolors, which I would love to know more about."
Ask about her day. She might need a willing ear to talk about something that happened.
Bring up something you talked about last time you saw her. It could be an inside joke, a common interest, or simply picking up where a prior conversation left off.
In general, remember that honesty is the best policy! If you'd like to compliment her, go right ahead—just make sure that you sound genuine, and not like you're just trying to impress her. [6]
X
Expert Source
Louie Felix Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Expert Interview. 5 May 2020.
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Know when to end the call. It's much better for the call to be too short than too long - you don't want to bore her! Stopping the conversation while it's still lively and interesting can help you steer clear of awkward silences, and get her looking forward to next time. If at any time you hear 3 full seconds of clear silence, it's time to stop.
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