Girlfriend Sleeping And Next To Sex
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Girlfriend Sleeping And Next To Sex
Is it OK to sleep together without having sex?
My girlfriend says sleeping together is something she absolutely needs or she thinks it will be impossible to continue the relationship.
My girlfriend and I have been dating for about a year and a half. Eight months or so in, we fell in sexual temptation and started having sex regularly, along with sharing a bed. Later, I was strongly convicted about our sinful habits and made the choice to stop engaging in them. When I told her about this, she agreed that the sex was wrong but that she needed to sleep with me because the way she shows and receives love is physical touch.
I feel that any act like this (sleeping with each other, cuddling in private or unsupervised) could lead us right back into the sin that we were living in. She says that sleeping together is something she absolutely needs or she thinks it will be impossible to continue the relationship. Thoughts? Suggestions? I want to honor God in our relationship.
Thanks for writing — this question continues to come up a lot. I also want to commend you for recognizing the sexual sin you and your girlfriend were engaging in, repenting of it, and stopping it. Praise God for that! I will pray that whatever else happens, both of you will find comfort in the grace of the Gospel as you faithfully pursue holiness.
As to your question of what that holiness might look like going forward, your question is a little unclear as to exactly what your girlfriend means by “no sex but sleeping together.” Does she mean being in the same bed and engaging in some sort of sexual activity short of intercourse, or does she literally mean just sleeping in the same bed at the same time but not engaging in any physical activity at all (probably less likely given her stated desire to give and receive physical touch). Either way, the answer is the same: you should not be sleeping in the same bed together.
As to engaging in some level of romantic physical activity short of intercourse, I think that would be sin. As I’ve written in this space several times, I believe the Bible to teach that all sexual activity outside of marriage is sin, and all romantically oriented physical activity is sexual activity. God’s design of sex doesn’t merely include the act of sexual intercourse. It’s also everything that leads up to that act, and everything on the sexual continuum is meant to end in that act. It’s called foreplay, and it’s a fundamental part of God’s design for sex.
This truth bears itself out not only in our emotions, desires and common sense, but literally in our physical bodies. The moment two people begin kissing or touching each other in a sexual way, both the male and female body literally, physically, begin “preparing” for sex. God has designed us that way, and when we begin any sort of sexual activity, our bodies act according to that design. To again paraphrase Michael Lawrence ‘s analogy, romantic physical activity is like a downhill on-ramp to a highway. It’s one way, you gather momentum the second you enter it, and according to the Great Engineer’s design of the highway system, there’s only one reason to get on it.
It’s also clear from Scripture, however, that everything I’ve just described is intended to happen within the context of marriage and only there (see, among others, Genesis 1:28 , 1 Corinthians 7:3ff , Song of Songs 2:7 ). Christian women to whom I am not married — including someone I am dating but have not yet married — are my sisters in Christ and should be treated as “sisters, in all purity” ( 1 Timothy 5:2 ). The NIV translates the end of that verse with the phrase “absolute purity.” A practical guideline I often use to counsel Christian dating couples in this area is not to do anything with someone you are not married to that you wouldn’t want your spouse to do with someone else after you’re married. Even if all your girlfriend has in mind is sleeping/snuggling/kissing, such activities won’t pass muster under that standard.
Even if you and your girlfriend don’t agree that just sleeping in the same bed or kissing are sinful per se (as I know some faithful evangelical Christians do not), you’re also exactly right that sleeping in the same bed will expose both of you to enormous temptation. The Bible is full of warnings to take sexual temptation extremely seriously. Rather than attempting to get as close to “the line” as we can without sinning, the Bible tells us to turn and run away from sexual immorality and the temptation to engage in it (see, among others, 1 Corinthians 6:12 and following, 1 Thessalonians 4:1-6 , Romans 13:13-14 , Ephesians 5:3-5 ). Proverbs calls the deliberate courting of sin and temptation “folly,” and it is the exact opposite of wisdom. Especially because you and your girlfriend already know what it is to be in regular sexual sin, you should be particularly cautious and wise.
Finally, I would encourage you to be sympathetic but wise as you talk with your girlfriend about this. For those who mean to live as followers of Christ, nobody’s preferred “love language” trumps Scripture. Try to explain gently but clearly that what Scripture teaches about marriage and sex and relating as brothers and sisters in Christ means that in your relationship, truly “loving” her well means caring for her spiritual good and not engaging in romantic physical activity outside of marriage (see Romans 13:8-14 ; 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 ; 1 Timothy 5:2 ). If she hears the arguments from Scripture and still insists on unwise and (I believe) sinful activity, you may need to consider whether staying in the relationship is wise.
I know these are difficult issues to think through and that they cause emotions and desires to run high. I will pray that the Lord would give you both wisdom as you seek to follow Him in this.
Copyright 2015 Scott Croft. All rights reserved.
Scott Croft served for several years as chairman of the elders at Capitol Hill Baptist Church in Washington, D.C., where he wrote and taught the Friendship, Courtship & Marriage and Biblical Manhood & Womanhood CORE Seminars. Scott now lives in the Louisville, Ky., area with his wife, Rachel, and son, William, where he works as an attorney and serves as an elder of Third Avenue Baptist Church.
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Chances of the Big O are also increased if you haven’t had an orgasm for some time - and if you are tired
SLEEPING in a certain position can make a woman orgasm while she’s asleep.
According to a sex expert, it isn’t just men who can climax whilst getting their Zzz’s.
Sexologist Dr Jess O’Reilly, who also hosts the SexWithDrJess podcast, told the Daily Star that men are twice as likely have an orgasm in their sleep than women – but that sleeping in a certain position could impact the likelihood of having a sensual slumber.
It turns out that, if you do want to increase your chance of orgasm while snoozing, you should sleep on your stomach.
Apparently, this position gives more clitoral stimulation and is associated with more vivid dreams.
Chances of the Big O are also increased if you haven’t had an orgasm for some time - and if you are tired.
Age also comes into play with sleep orgasms.
For women, those in their 40s and 50s experience orgasms in their sleep more often.
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When it comes to the art of seduction and getting a woman sexually excited, Huffington Post sums up the whole conundrum perfectly: women try to avoid being seen as slutty or too forward while men, dogged by the fear of rejection, try to dim their domineering or intimidating selves.
The result? A bunch of sexually repressed women and a bunch of men destined to the “friend zone”.
To get a girl to sleep with you, you need to ignite a sexual spark and turn her on . It doesn’t matter how much she LIKES you; if you don’t TURN HER ON and get her fantasizing about you, it will be extremely difficult to get a woman to sleep with you.
If you’re sexually starved, I know exactly what that feels like. I know how incredibly frustrating it is to always be the “friend” who gets to watch the woman you want run off to bed with some other guy. I understand how easy it is to feel rejected, miserable, and down on yourself when you don’t get frequent sex or when you aren’t sleeping with the woman you actually want.
If she seems interested but isn’t sleeping with you, it’s because you’re not turning her on. To turn things around quickly, use this Fantasy Ignition technique to ensure she gets turned on and thinks about you in a sexual way. This is the best $7 bucks I’ve ever spent to learn how to get a woman into bed with me.
When you know how to turn a woman on, everything else goes out the window. Your age doesn’t matter. Your looks don’t matter. Your job, your money, and the size of your package don’t matter. Start getting her sexually excited and tuned into the idea of sleeping with you by asking her these 3 questions . They work!
When a woman gets turned on, she becomes far less selective and turns her mind almost exclusively to the thought of getting you inside her – and she often becomes quite aggressive to get what she wants. At that point you won’t have to worry anymore about striking out, sleeping alone at night, or being depressed as hell because women aren’t jumping in your pants for sex.
Let me leave you with one more tip. The likelihood of a woman sleeping with you is directly correlated to how much she thinks about you – in other words, how much of her “mind-share” you occupy.
The guy she thinks about the most is the guy she’s most likely to sleep with. You want to be THAT guy.
So how do you do it? One way is to send her psychologically addictive texts.
And you can stop stressing about exactly what to send because right here you can find 5 text messages that trigger psychological addiction . They’re currently available for no cost, so when you click that link, just scroll to the bottom, select Option 3, and let my buddy Christian know where to send them.
Lastly, here are 6 more things to help you get a woman to sleep with you. Apply these and get her so turned on she can’t wait to get under the covers with you!
When learning how to get a woman sexually excited and convincing her to sleep with you, the importance of foreplay should not be overlooked. For men, it’s easy to get up and ready for sex just by looking at an attractive woman. The problem is, most men make the mistake of hurrying foreplay, assuming their woman is ready for sex just because they are.
Generally speaking, the core of foreplay should start as far away from the genitals as possible. Some erotic gestures you can try include cupping her face, rubbing and/or kissing her neck and shoulders, and staring into her eyes. Try to move slowly from her sexually neutral areas to more erogenous zones, instead of jumping straight into penetration.
Women are much more sensitive than men to distractions such as loud music, bright lights, or even dirty bed sheets. At the basic level, creating sexual ambiance involves simple things like turning off the TV, changing the dirty bed sheets, and carefully choosing the music variety and volume on your home theater.
You could go further by lighting scented candles, playing love songs, or serving her favorite drink. Such efforts may seem desperate to some men, but these stimuli, both consciously and subconsciously, communicate to a woman that you care and make it much easier for her to get sexually excited around you.
While it’s true body language is one of the most significant and powerful aspects of seduction, what you say also goes a long way in communicating your interest and getting her to think about sex.
Stay away from topics that are too serious or boring and try to talk about things that get her aroused. Play it “too cute” or “too nice” and you’ll quickly end up in the friend zone because she won’t get that feeling of arousal or see you in a sexual way. If your interest in a woman is to get her to sleep with you, then you should learn to communicate with words and phrases that connect with her sexually .
Like men, women have sexual fantasies. Lots of them. But they usually get repressed, because if a woman is too open about her sexual desires, society may label her as a slut, whore, or worse.
Instead of getting worked up over her fantasizing about Brad Pitt, use it to your advantage. Make her feel safe and encourage her to open up about her fantasies. Then, try to fulfill them for her. Role playing is one of the best ways to get a woman sexually excited, especially if you’ve been with her for a while and sex has gone stale.
Remember, if you want to get a girl to sleep with you, focus on arousal and anticipation. For many women, kissing is a huge turn on, and it’s a great way to get her sexually excited…if you do it right. Bad kissing, on the other hand, is a huge turn-off.
It is no secret that women love kissing. But just because a girl lets you kiss her, doesn’t mean she’s ready to jump in bed with you. Too often, men trip up at this hurdle because they go about kissing the wrong way, and don’t take the time to get her extremely turned on and motivated for sex.
The secret to a great kiss is anticipation. Relax, go slow, and start out by simply brushing your lips against hers. Pause briefly and let her really experience what it feels like to have your lips pressed against hers. Let her anticipate what’s coming next.
Don’t lead with your tongue. Let that happen naturally. Always avoid drooling or sucking too heavily, especially if it’s a first kiss.
Never ever EVER use the following two kisses if you want to turn her on and excite her sexually:
1. The Sword Fight Kiss – this is when a guy doesn’t use any lip and just rapidly flicks his tongue all around a woman’s mouth. Ewww!
2. The Shiv Kiss – this is when a guy leans in to kiss a woman with his tongue already part way out and he just kind of rams it into her lips or face. It often happens when a man is overly excited to see a woman. It’s a BIG turn off!
Lastly, bad breath is a big turnoff. If you suspect your breath stinks, brush your teeth regularly or chew on mint or lemon peel gum to chase away the smell.
According to Psychology Today, body language is the most powerful tool when it comes to seduction, particularly for men. When seducing women, you need to communicate interest, confidence, and dominance.
Use these 7 ways to instantly turn on any woman . Even if you don’t feel particularly attractive, your body language can convince women you’re the hottest man on earth.
Keep in mind that she has to be showing a minimum of 4-5 signs mentioned below for you to even think of her wanting to have sex with ya!
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Signs a Woman Wants to Sleep with You
So… You’ve been out on a couple of dates and you’ve really hit it off. Everything seems perfect – you’re into her and she’s into you (obviously) but you guys haven’t had sex yet，which makes you a little nervous, because you don’t know when she’s gonna decide to sleep with you. I mean, a man’s gotta be prepared for that special night, right?
Meaning that she’ll find ways of being seductive without really being seductive. Like, wiping a piece of food from your chin, or cleaning some cream on your upper lips… with her fingers… and then eating it. Or, you know, just staring at you seductively.
And no, I did not mean she’ll touch your dick, you perv. No woman’s ever gonna do that. No.
Intimate places are your thighs, behind your ears, neck and even your chest. If she touches you in those areas, whether accidentally or on purpose, then she’s signaling that she wants to get physical with you. Another way of touching you would be with her feet, where she’d playfully rub her feet on yours.
One of the easiest signs a woman wants to sleep with you will be her physical proximity to you. It signifies a certain emotional proximity as
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