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Ask Amy: He parades around nude in front of my girlfriend
By Amy Dickinson | Tribune Content Agency
DEAR AMY: I attend a small college in Wisconsin. I live in a dorm. My girlfriend lives in the same dorm on a different floor.
I stopped in to see her this morning. My girlfriend and her roommate have bunk beds. My girlfriend sleeps on the top bunk, and her roommate sleeps on the bottom.
As I entered my girlfriend’s dorm room, I noticed that her roommate was still sleeping. She had a companion with her in bed. It was a guy I did not recognize. They were both covered with a blanket.
I could tell that they were topless and probably naked. As I was talking to my girlfriend, the guy woke up. He got out of bed and was indeed naked. He got dressed and left. I am concerned that a naked guy is sleeping in the same small room as my girlfriend.
I am upset that she has seen him naked more than just this one time. I know she is not doing anything with him, but he parades around in what is essentially my girlfriend’s bedroom nude. When I asked my girlfriend if he had ever seen her totally naked, she admitted that he had seen her with nothing on. What should I do?
DEAR BOYFRIEND: What should you do? You are not called upon to do anything. This situation does not seem to bother your girlfriend. (It would bother me to be forced to cohabit in a room with someone having sex with her boyfriend.)
If you were invited to enter the room and your girlfriend’s female roommate were walking around nude, would it bother you? Would it bother your girlfriend?
I’m trying to step back and describe a scenario in which the people involved are exposing themselves or at the least not bothering to cover themselves.
If your girlfriend does not like this situation, she should contact her resident adviser and complain to the dean of housing.
This makes you uncomfortable, and you are feeling jealous. You and your girlfriend need to talk.
You two may have different nudity comfort levels. You might also have different values, and values are nonnegotiable.
DEAR AMY: I am writing a novel under a pen name. My family has been reading what I’ve written, and when my dad saw that I was using a pen name, he insisted I use my real name. I tried to explain my reasoning, but he keeps trying to make me write it under my own name.
I am going to school to become an elementary school teacher. My book has cussing and features graphic and disturbing adult situations.
I don’t want parents of children I teach reading my books and deciding I’m unfit to teach their children. Am I right to use a pen name?
DEAR ANONYMOUS: You should write under any name you want. Given the circumstances, I agree with your judgment.
Most importantly, you are learning a basic lesson about sharing your work with others: When you do so, you open yourself up to their criticism and “helpful” (and unhelpful) feedback. Keeping your work private until you are ready to publish might be a better choice.
Send questions to askamy@tribune.com or Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
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