Girlfriend Humiliation

Girlfriend Humiliation

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My girlfriend humiliated me in front of my friends

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By
rob12 ,
May 27, 2013 in Relationship Advice

I have been with my girlfriend for a year and a half and we have a good relationship for the most part, but I always get a bit embarrassed when we are with my friends because I feel like she likes attention and she likes to talk about sex. I am so reserved and uncomfortable with that stuff, I believe it should not be public discussion and it should remain in the bedroom. I don't even talk about details of my own sex lives with my friends; some of my friends talk about the details of their sex lives, but I just personally hate talking about any of my own sexual experiences, it makes me so embarrassed. Also, I feel like when we are with her friends, which is alot, she doesn't talk about sex or raunchy subject matter that much, but when we are with my friends, she goes on and on about it. I am a man, and I hate being emasculated. Sometimes I wish I had a submissive girlfriend that will only speak when I let her, it really ****s with my sense of masculinity when she talks about this stuff that I clearly have a problem with. When I told her I get uncomfortable, she says, "Well it's who I am and you can't change me!" Fine, well if that's the case, then she can't change me either, and I will always feel uncomfortable and we will never be able to resolve this issue so I am seriously pissed off right now and I sort of don't want to see her for a while! Perhaps I get overly worried about what others think of me, but it truly bothers me and I am losing sleep over it. I just feel like I have a voice here and apart from that, I should be able to have some control over her when it comes to her conduct around my friends. After all, I don't act like an ass in front of her friends, although she says that if I did, she wouldn't care.

I am wondering if it is worth ending the relationship over this? Should I keep insisting that it bothers me (this will undoubtedly turn into a big fight, which I am fully prepared for).
I don't think you should keep insisting that it bothers you, instead you should show her with your actions. If its making you uncomfortable don't invite her out with you and your friends... she'll start to wonder why and maybe think about how she's hurting you. And saying that you wished for "a submissive girlfriend that will only speak when I let her" is extremely chauvinistic... and probably wouldn't be as great as you think it would be.

I should be able to have some control over her when it comes to her conduct around my friends.

Actually, no- you should not have any control over her. She is right when she tells you that this is who she is. If you don't like it, you are free to leave the relationship. Trying to control what she says and change her is not going to work.

Wishing you had a submissive girlfriend who only speaks when you let her sounds a little alarming, but you are entitled to your desires. The girl you're seeing now sounds very far from that ideal, though.
Did she really "humiliate you?" Or maybe you need to lighten up? If she said something about your sex life, and you are a very private person, I can see why you might feel upset, but I think "humiliate" is going really far. Then again, we don't know what she did/said.

I think that if these people are *really* your friends - they won't judge you for something she said (and if it was a funny sex story, they might even hold you in higher esteem, who knows?!)
From where I'm looking it ain't gonna change no time soon, ain't gonna happen.

Stop inviting her out with the friends, you stay home and don't go or breakup.

Those are your three options. If she's talking about sex just as a subject and not specifically about the two of you then I don't see that in a bad light. I do think that's a bit strange, however. How old is she? She sounds pretty immature and doesn't sound like she has a very good filter for conversation. For me personally, I'm not so sure I'd be willing to trash my relationship over something like that. But again I don't know how much this bothers you and what's being said to your friends about your sex life. But yes it is weird, I agree.
See your friends without her. If she complains, kindly explain that while you'd prefer to invite her along, her ticket to an invitation is voluntary--she can agree to your terms or not. If not, it's okay, but you'll do things without her.

Stay kind. The more hostile you become the less likely you are to get what you want. Learn how to negotiate--I'll bribe you with this if you'll give me that. Perfectly normal and healthy, but its a skill.

Wishing you had a submissive girlfriend who only speaks when you let her sounds a little alarming, but you are entitled to your desires. The girl you're seeing now sounds very far from that ideal, though.

Agree. The submissive girlfriend thing is alarming and smacks of insecurity.
Despite the argument of if it's right or not right for her to be doing this and you not liking it...

What it comes down to, is that you are uncomfortable with her loose lips. You have expressed this to her. She doesn't care.

That's my biggest worry about it. Relationships should have respect for one another's feelings.

If she said that's who she is and you can't change her... and she left it at that... that's sad to me.

There are plenty of people who have traits that aren't very productive, and they work hard to change them.

If my significant other came to me and told me I was doing something that was hurting his feelings, I would keep that in mind and try to stop myself from talking about such private things around his friends. Why? Because I care about him, and deep down, I know it isn't right. It would hurt me to know I hurt him.

If she isn't acting this way, then obviously her feelings are more important than yours. Do you want to be in a relationship where your feelings aren't considered?

The only other thing I would suggest is really trying to talk to her about it, and not from an angry place, but seeing if there's some sort of underlying reason why she would do this. Is she unhappy with your sex life but doesn't want to talk to you about it because she doesn't know how?

Communicate with her. Try. Try everything you could do to save the relationship, and if you've exhausted all methods, you can break off the relationship knowing you've done your best.
She brings up sex around your friends because they are male and she is trying to show off. All attention is on her for being the pnly girl when you all hang out, so she goes straight to sex talk to keep attention on her.

I would sit her down and have a real good talk. If she cant respect what makes you uncomfortable than forget about her.

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

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Home Featured Why Sexual Humiliation Can Be So Damn Hot
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Do you ever find yourself lying in your bed, thinking back to every possible instance where you’ve felt humiliated? Wincing while remembering the most embarrassing and demeaning moments of your life?
Like, maybe you had some toilet paper stuck to your pants when you walked out of your highschool bathroom. It happens, right? But, oh, no , someone noticed it! What’s more, they pointed it out to the entire school! The horror !
Or perhaps your crush publicly rejected and ridiculed you in front of a huge crowd? That’s humiliation. Most people try their best to avoid it. No wonder, right? The negative feelings of embarrassment, shame, and dread that usually follow are a nightmare to most people.
However, some people get off on it. Have you ever felt that delicious pang of sexual arousal while you’ve been remembering those situations? Then you might be into humiliation play.
What pops into your mind when you hear the words “sexual masochism?” Pain, probably, right? But there’s so much more to sexual masochism than mere pain and torture. After all, words can sometimes hurt more than anything else, right?
Sexual humiliation is a form of sexual masochism. It’s usually a part of a dominant-submissive arrangement. The more dominant partner humiliates and embarrasses the submissive one for the sake of sexual arousal and gratification.
In other words, some people simply love being verbally, physically, and psychologically humiliated. This results in enormous sexual arousal that they can’t achieve in any other way.
Now, although erotic humiliation has fascinated people for years, there isn’t much research about it. We don’t know precisely why some people like it. That’s especially weird considering that humiliation is a fairly popular kink. But then again, it doesn’t really matter, does it?
If you like something and your partner is willing and able to give it to you (in other words, if everything is safe, sane, and consensual), then every sexual act you can think of is perfectly fine and acceptable. There’s no kink-shaming in the BDSM community!
Erotic humiliation has to be done with the informed consent of all parties. What’s more, it isn’t something that you can jump into without a lengthy discussion.
Just like any other kink, humiliation demands negotiations. One person might find being called a filthy whore, for example, to be just the right amount of humiliation, while someone else might see that as nothing more than light dirty talk.
So you have to figure out what works for you (and your partner) and set soft and hard limits.
Also, if you’re a complete novice in the world of humiliation, you’re probably wondering what’s it all about. What does it look like? What does it feel like? What do partners say and do to each other?
Overall, we can split humiliation play into two categories — verbal and physical. There are also several levels of intensity when it comes to humiliation play.
There’s the lowest, mildest level, which is embarrassment. Then there’s the run-of-the-mill humiliation, as well as degradation and dehumanization. The latter two are the more intense and not something you should jump into right off the bat.
The thing about the humiliation kink is that it’s extremely specific. You might think that being called a slut in bed is extremely embarrassing. But your partner might not agree.
That’s why negotiating before playing is vital. You have to find the right words and actions that are both erotic (that entice arousal) and embarrassing or humiliation for humiliation play to be successful.
Physical humiliation often includes a reversal of gender roles. Making a man do housework (usually in the nude and on all fours) will probably be a real hit. What’s more, making men wear women’s clothing — short skirts, women’s lingerie, stockings, and even high heels — is another popular form of physical humiliation. Putting men in a cuckold position is another example (albeit an extreme one).
Even something minor can be a form of humiliation. Making your partner wait for ten or more minutes before you open the door to let them in, for example. Or making them crawl instead of walk into your home.
Some popular forms of physical humiliation are:
Although you often don’t even have to speak to humiliate someone, verbal humiliation is still quite popular. If your partner is a man, try calling him a little boy, puppet, sissy, or a pet. And if they are a woman, go for little girl, slut, doll, and whore.
Aside from that, using derogatory language based on your partner’s insecurities will make them divinely humiliating. Maybe they have body image issues? Call them fat and disgusting. Of course, only if you previously agreed upon that.
Even men who have perfectly average dicks are afraid that their manhood isn’t big enough to satisfy their partners. If your partner is into humiliation play, targeting their penis to embarrass and humiliate them is a perfect choice.
What does Science say about the exact penis size for satisfying women? Find out here
Is there anything better than making someone else do your job for you? That’s forced flattery. It’s a form of humiliation where the dominant makes the submissive flatter them while also degrading themselves.
For example, if you’re trying to humiliate your partner, make them act as your footstool. Also, make them say something like, “You’re a goddess, and I don’t deserve you because I’m so worthless!”
The two most extreme levels of humiliation include the dominant partner making the submissive partner feel less than a human. That can include making them feel like a piece of furniture or even an animal (which is an extreme form of pet play).
The question of why some people are turned on by humiliation is not an easy one to answer. The thing is — if you’re into it, then you’re into it. Other people might not get it in the same way that some people don’t get extreme sports. Why risk your life jumping out of an airplane?
Well, because it’s exciting! It’s arousing! On top of that, it’s also a taboo. And every taboo is hot .
If you’re really looking for an answer on why humiliation is sexually arousing to some people, you might find it in prior experiences. Some subs have had experiences where pain, embarrassment, and humiliation occurred at the same time as pleasure. Thus, they might be chasing that high again. You might want to check Sexual Masochism Disorder .
So what should you do if your partner approaches you with the suggestion to try humiliation play? Well, feel free to say no if that’s not your thing. All BDSM practices are huge on consent and mutual satisfaction. So don’t force yourself to do anything you don’t want to.
But what if the thought of humiliating your partner lights that spark deep within you? What if it makes your private parts twitch in anticipation? Well, then sit your partner down to hash out all the details.
Coming up with a safe word as well as a plan for your scene is vital. Both partners also need to be able to enjoy the scene. So there’s probably some compromising coming your way in the future. But, hey, at least the end result will be mind-blowing!

The greatest mistake you could make, when you got a fetish like mine, is trying to hide it.

I've been married to Cynthia for 5 years, and I've never found th
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