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Paisley Gilmour
Sex & Relationships Editor
Paisley is sex & relationships editor at Cosmopolitan UK, and covers everything from sex toys, how to masturbate and sex positions, to all things LGBTQ.

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"She basically had to coach me at first."
Oral sex is something many of us get hung up on because all bodies are different, so eating someone out for the first time can be kinda nerve wracking. Even if you have a clit and vagina yourself, what feels good for you when you're on the receiving end doesn't necessarily do it for someone else. Sure, the best thing to do is ask someone what they like. But for extra comfort, here are LGBTQ+ women and explaining what it was like the first time they went down on another woman or person with a vagina.
1. "My girlfriend at the time was super ticklish. First time I went down, she clamped my head between her legs and flipped me off the bed . It was like WWE up in there." [via]
2. "The first time was so exciting and amazing. I couldn't wait to get down there, and it was even better than I ever expected. It was so warm, soft, comforting, delicious, smooth, wet... Her reactions turned me on so much. Truly unbelievable. I just want more. Always." [via]
3. "My first time going down on a girl was also my first [one night stand]. We get to the deed and it's nice, but I'm inexperienced so I don't know what the hell I'm doing - and she basically had to coach me at first. After a while, she asked me to stick a finger in her ass (and I think she saw the look of fear on my face), but I obliged. Eventually, I got the hang of it, but I still [didn't] know what I [was] doing, so I [couldn't] tell if she came or not. So I just kept going, then I looked up and saw she was asleep. So I laid down for a bit, then decided to call a cab because I felt awkward. Lots of regrets from that night but all the other times have been amazing." [via]
4. "My first time going down on a girl was years ago. I was incredibly nervous, because I had no idea what I was doing, but I loved it! And the response was incredible, such a turn on. Might have been a little less awkward if it hadn't been in a tent in the middle of a busy camping site." [via]
5. "My first time was with my ex wife and I felt really confident for some reason. In my mind, I felt like I should have been nervous but I acted like I knew what I was doing and after a minute down there she was like, 'Are you sure you haven't done this before? Cause it doesn't seem like it'. I felt hella confident." [via]
6. "My first time was so painfully awkward, but I will re-live it just for you. I'd just started my undergrad as a brand new student in a brand new city. I'd also just finally admitted to myself that, yes, I am in fact very gay, when up until I was 18 I'd only ever had boyfriends.
"First, I had to get drunk because I was so nervous. That state of inebriation meant I had major difficulty getting her clothes off. When I finally got it, all that I could manage was clumsy fumbling around. I couldn't even find her clitoris, I think it was so small (like seriously what am I supposed to be licking here). I noped out of there so fast. It was a disaster. But, I am happy to report that all my future encounters after that night have been infinitely better." [via]
"I am officially on the dark side now, give me pussy"
7. "Finally met another girl who was into chicks and we'd been talking for a bit, but we [were] both so new so it took us a little bit to get some traction. But holy crap guys! We finally did it, and damn! I couldn't get enough of her, and going down on her was unbelievable! Why some people don't like doing it, I will now never understand . I am officially on the dark side now, give me pussy." [via]
8. I don't remember my first time going down on a girl. But my first time being gone down upon was in college up in the rafters of our main auditorium, while some play was being performed down below. This is why it took me seven years to graduate. Sorry dad!" [via]

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Be a Cunnilingus Master: How to Go Down On a Girl

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Depending on your familiarity with the term and the sex act it describes, “cunnilingus” might sound incredibly daunting, or just plain hot.
Cunnilingus is a latin term for oral sex performed on a vagina. Typically, that means on a woman, but it can also be on a non-binary person who was assigned female at birth, or a transgender person with a vagina.
So what does that entail, exactly? Well, like any sex act, it sort of depends on the two people involved.
There are certain actions and moves that are more common, but the important thing is that you and the person you’re going down on are on the same page in terms of what feels good. Things that feel incredible to one person might feel uninteresting — or even painful — to another partner. The only way to know for sure is to talk to each other and try things out.
But in short, cunnilingus is typically focused on one partner licking the other person’s clitoris — or rather, the clitoral head, which is located directly above the vagina. Just in terms of what you can do with your mouth, it can also involve sucking on the clitoris, sucking on or licking the labia minora, or inserting your tongue into your partner’s vaginal opening.
Thought experiment: Imagine a woman rubbing your testicles against her clitoris until she climaxes. Then she turns to you in a post-coital fog of pleasure and says, “Was that good for you, too?”
There’s a pretty good chance that’s never happened to you, but it’s not a completely alien concept to women, many of whom are used to sex being about a guy’s pleasure first and foremost — or in some unfortunate cases, exclusively about the guy’s pleasure. The upshot of that is that the central pleasure location on a woman’s body — the clitoris — still gets ignored by many guys.
To put that in perspective, it would be like if during sex, the glans of your penis never touched any part of your partner’s body. In the testicle-rubbing-clitoris scenario above, you might feel some pleasure; after all, the testicles do have nerve endings and it can be deeply arousing when they’re touched.
Also, you might be turned on just to be naked with another person, and it might be exciting to know that she’s aroused in your presence. But without any stimulation of your penis, you’re almost certainly not going to orgasm, and you’re probably going to be at least a little bit disappointed.
The good news is, making sure your partner doesn’t experience the female version of that scenario isn’t particularly complicated — you just need to start incorporating clitoral stimulation into sex with the same regularity as penetration. And the best way to do that is through oral sex — aka cunnilingus.
It’s all well and good to decide to start engaging in cunnilingus, but without knowing what you’re doing, it can be daunting or, worse, wildly unsuccessful if and when you do start.
To help prevent you from ending up with your head between your partner’s legs, gripped by a deep feeling of panic or confusion, we spoke to some sex experts about the basic tips you should know before you start eating someone out.
As mentioned above, for many people, the main thrust of cunnilingus is licking the clitoral head, which pokes out from under the clitoral hood, just above the vaginal opening. Whether you’re looking for it or feeling for it by touch, finding it is an important first step in performing cunnilingus.
For some people, it’ll be a little bit harder to find, depending on their body type, pubic hair, and the size of their clitoris and hood, but the hunt will be worth it.
Once you’ve located your partner’s clitoris, well, start licking it! There are lots of different ways to lick your partner’s clit — quickly or slowly, using the whole length or your tongue or just the tip; softly or more powerfully.
Here, you should be trying to figure out what your partner likes, so in the early going, it’s worth testing out different licking styles. Often, different techniques will feel good at different times; sometimes a method of licking that feels very good at one moment can be too intense the next, and so forth.
The important thing is to be sensitive to anything your partner says (“Go faster!” or “Ooh! Too hard!”, etc.) and to pay attention to their breathing patterns or moaning.
Often, when you hit a certain rhythm, it’ll be obvious that it’s working even if your partner doesn’t say a word, since sexual arousal is often translated unconsciously into physical responses, like heavier breathing, muscles tensing and back arching, among others.
Would you enjoy oral if you sensed your partner was struggling with the concept of putting your penis anywhere near their mouth? Probably not. Sex is more fun when everyone’s enjoying it — so try to bring that same energy to cunnilingus.
“The more you enjoy yourself, the more your partner will enjoy the experience,” says Jess O’Reilly, Ph.D., host of the Drive Her Wild video course. “Your partner may have received negative messages about their genitals growing up (and into adulthood) and while it’s not your job to undo all of the damaging effects, if you show appreciation and admiration for their vulva, it may help them to relax and be more present.”
One part of cunnilingus that sometimes gets overlooked is playing with your partner’s labia minora, colloquially known as “pussy lips.”
“Remember that you can stimulate the internal erectile tissue of the clitoris via the lips,” O’Reilly notes. “Rub, grind and press against the lips on the outside and you’ll likely stimulate the internal clitoral complex.”
This might not be as pleasurable as licking or sucking on the clitoris, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a fun part of the equation, and it’s a good option if you want to throw in some variation here and there.
“Every vulva is different,” says O’Reilly. “What worked for a previous partner may not work for your current partner(s), so don’t make assumptions.”
Kayla Lords, sexpert for JackAndJillAdult.com , agrees. “Not every partner wants oral sex in the same way,” she says. “Even if your previous partner loved that thing you did with your tongue, your next partner could hate it.”
So if assumptions are off the table, how do you know what to do? Simple. You ask. “Ask for feedback and follow their lead and guidance,” says O’Reilly.”
“Always ask what your partner likes. Always,” Lords adds. “Don’t guess or assume. Ask.”
Asking about what your partner likes or wants can seem daunting if you’re not used to it — but it’s a good habit to get into. For starters, caring about your partner’s experience is one of the cornerstones of sexual consent ; second, being able to navigate those conversations, both during sex and outside of the bedroom, will make for better sex for both of you.
You might be focused on what you’re doing — and your partner might be the one making the majority of the noise — but being too quiet can actually be a little bit disconcerting.
“Your lover wants to know that you’re enjoying yourself, so let your sounds emanate without inhibition,” O’Reilly suggests. “Breathe deeply, moan if you like it and allow your sounds of enthusiasm and pleasure to vibrate throughout their body.”
You can also take a moment here and there to talk to your partner — telling them how much you’re enjoying yourself, or how much you like how they taste, or even talking dirty .
You might have pictured all of this occurring in a missionary-style position, with your partner on their back, legs spread, and you lying or kneeling in front of them. But while that is a common and simple way to approach cunnilingus, it’s far from the only way to make it work.
“Cunnilingus can be done in many positions — from the typical missionary style to face-sitting to licking her from the back,” Lords notes. “Feel free to change things up.”
It’s also something that can be done in standing or sitting positions — meaning you can still go down on your partner even if you don’t have a flat surface like a bed or couch to work with.
Unfortunately, sexual education can be pretty spotty — and one area that it’s often significantly lacking is in terms of pleasure.
A lot of the time, the information that you get growing up is more about basic bodily functions, avoiding getting sexually tra
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