Girl Message First Online Dating App

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11 Online Dating First Message Examples That Get Responses


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Tired of not getting responses to the messages you send on online dating sites and apps?
Whether it’s Match.com , OkCupid , POF , Tinder , or Hinge , sending that first message to a girl you really like and getting no response is one of the worst things about online dating.
Especially when it happens over and over.
That’s a big reason why many online daters give up entirely within just a few months.
But don’t throw in the towel just yet – we’ve got 11 online dating first message examples that work like magic to get responses, and you can use them today!
Not only will you get proven-to-work examples you can use right now, you’ll also get the online dating message tips you need to come up with your own unique conversation starters – and the best times to send them.
Just follow the expert advice in this short article and watch your inbox fill up with women who are excited to meet you in person!
Funny online dating messages get responses because women naturally find guys with a sense of humor attractive. It’s true – scientists have proven it.
But the key to having a successful first message, of course, is actually being funny .
On Tinder, you can pair an attention-grabbing GIF with a humorous message…
On a dating site like Match.com or POF , you could make a joke about the shared experience of scrolling through profile after profile…
Finding common ground is a pro move, because if you can make her think the two of you are similar she’s more likely to respond.
Women are simply more comfortable around people who remind them of themselves.
Which brings us to our next examples of opening lines…
Travel makes an awesome subject for a first message because it’s something most women enjoy doing, or at least enjoy dreaming about.
And who doesn’t like to at least think they have a great sense of adventure? It's a topic you'll find mentioned in just about every person's profile .
Many online dating sites have keyword searches, so you can filter for women who also enjoy a certain hobby.
So if you’re into skiing, you can send a “stock” message about a certain topic to any interesting women who mention it in their profiles.
On a dating app like Tinder or Bumble, you can take a quick glance at her photos and bio to see if any common interests jump out.
For instance if you find you both love dogs, this would be a good first message for online dating …
You’ll save a ton of time once you have a “go-to” copy and paste message for any hobby that you’d like to share with your matches. (Skeptical about the effectiveness of copy & paste? Read this article .)
( Note: A long message like this example is a better fit for dating sites like Match, OkCupid or POF. You’re going to want to keep your messages quite a bit shorter on apps like Tinder and Bumble.)
Certain words are attention-grabbing because they sound delicious. Chocolate, cheesecake, ala mode… who wouldn’t want to keep reading?
Notice how it starts off with a light compliment.
Complimenting her will often give you points, but only if you focus on intangible qualities like intelligence or her accomplishments.
Don’t make the rookie mistake of praising her physical appearance, especially when you're trying to start a conversation with a girl online for the first time.
Tons of guys do it, and she gets tons of messages with some variation of “you’re hot”. Paying her a more meaningful compliment is a breath of fresh air for her.
Mentioning something yummy-sounding works just as well on dating apps. In fact, dating app Hinge discovered girls are 40% more likely to reply to messages about food.
Here’s a short, delicious sounding message that’s perfect for a dating app…
It’s basic human nature to love talking about yourself.
In fact, it literally stimulates your brain and makes you feel good .
Ask her an open-ended question that gets her to share something about herself, and she’s instantly in her Happy Place. And the better she feels about talking to you, the more likely she is to share her number.
The example above is more suited for an online dating site where longer messages are the norm, but you can get her talking about herself on a dating app with a short message like this…
Most of your competition is sending her lame first messages like “Hey, how was your weekend?” and “Hi, I’m John.”
That’s great news for you, because it gives you the opportunity to shine by asking her an interesting, funny or creative question like this…
Those three elements are crucial if you want to get a response to your online dating opener.
Miss one of them, and she’s moving on to the next person.
To increase your odds of getting a response to your message, send them at a time it’s likely to be convenient for her to answer.
Weekday evenings are generally the best time to send an online dating icebreaker. Many women unwind from a long day at work by firing up a dating app while catching up on Netflix.
According to Nielsen , activity on both OkCupid and Tinder peaks at 9 pm, and usage starts to rapidly decline after 10 pm. On Bumble, the real action starts a little earlier, with activity peaking at 6 pm .
And if you happen to find yourself stuck inside due to inclement weather like a blizzard, hurricane or rainstorm, put these first message examples to good use.
NBC News did a little investigating, and found that bad weather goes hand in hand with increased activity on dating sites and apps.
In many cases, the increase was pretty dramatic. During winter storm Juno, activity on Hinge picked up by a whopping 47%, which led to a 56% spike in the number of phone numbers exchanged, and an incredible 96% increase in 2-way message exchanges.
On OkCupid, a little rain translates to a 10% increase in activity on the site. On Match, activity typically increases around 33% during snowstorms, and big storms go hand in hand with a 20-40% increase in Bumble activity.
Throw a pandemic into the mix, and there's never been a better time to download a dating app & start trying to meet someone special online.
Of course, there’s no copy and paste message that’s guaranteed to start a conversation every time you send it.
There are a ton of variables involved, like your photos and your online dating profile. If those aren’t top notch, our Ultimate Guide To Online Dating has all the tools and tips you need to bring them up to snuff.
Other variables you can’t control, like what she’s doing when she’s reading your message.
If she’s sneaking a peek at her Match messages in between meetings, she may not have a chance to respond and forget to come back to it later.
So if f you don’t get a response, give her a second chance.
Try a light-hearted follow up message like this one…
But if she still doesn’t bite, move on.
The more messages you send, the more desperate you look. Besides, there’s plenty more interesting, attractive women out there so focus your efforts on them.
Now let’s talk about the elephant in the room: copy & paste messages.
A few online dating “experts” will tell you they don’t work. Online daters are too smart to fall for them. They’re a huge turn off.
Blah blah blah. Those guys clearly haven’t done their homework.
Statistically speaking , you’re looking at an uphill battle.
The average guy has to crank out 114 messages in order to be 99% sure of getting one reply – and spend around 6.7 hours a week doing it.
Given that fact, why would you spend tons of time scanning each and every woman’s profile, then writing a message customized just for her?
That's crazy – you don't have that kind of time, especially when it's a numbers game . There’s a much better way to beat those odds, and boost your response rate at the same time.
Here at VIDA , we’ve been using the copy and paste approach since 2009.
Not only do copy and paste messages work , but we get incredible results for our clients with them. Our in-house data doesn’t lie.
Other industry experts recognize the wisdom of the copy and paste method as well.
OkCupid’s Christian Rudder said using template messages not only saves you time in the short term, but they’re a more effective long-term strategy as well.
And even if a woman calls you out on sending a template message, so what?
You’ve gotten a response that you can turn into a conversation. And many intelligent daters recognize the wisdom of using them, like this woman who weighed in on a Quora forum discussion:
When your first message is interesting and creative, the odds are good she’s going to reply to it.
Why? Because when you ask her a question that’s fun to think about and respond to, you’ve sparked an emotional connection.
That’s the reason you’re not getting good results (if any) with first messages like “Hey” and “Hi there”.
Where’s the fun in writing a response to that?
And even worse, you’ve put the burden of continuing the conversation on her, so coming up with a response is work for her.
The hotter she is, the more burdened with messages she gets, so she’ll only respond to the best messages in her inbox.
Nothing kills your online dating game quicker than being dull, assuming she's on a dating app just to hook up, or sounding just like every other guy who's messaged her that day.
We’ve shared 11 first message examples that work brilliantly, but that’s only the beginning. You’ll be getting a ton of responses, which means you’ve got to keep the online dating conversation going and ask her out .
You have to keep her attention every step of the way, and build attraction with every message. Yup – there’s a reason so many guys complain that modern dating is exhausting .
You can skip all that stress, and go straight to the dates.
With VIDA , it’s really that easy. Our online dating experts handle your profile, your photo, and all that tedious back-and-forth messaging. All you do is show up for the dates! Click here to find out more.
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Downloading a dating app is the easy part. What’s not easy is sweating over the pictures that best represent you (or the ones you want to present to hundreds of single women). It’s also not easy to painstakingly craft a bio that’s equal parts informative and humorous.
But toughest of all? Coming up with that first perfectly witty message the minute you match with someone decent. These days, now that women have seen and heard it all on dating apps, making a lasting first impression seems freaking impossible.
So we asked 20 real women to divulge the perfect one-liners, questions, and messages they wish men would send on mobile apps or dating sites. Oh, and by the way: ‘Hey, what’s up?’ isn’t cutting it. But cheese references might. (No, we don’t get it either.)
“I like when a guy tries to get off the app immediately and says something like, ‘Hey, I’m interested in getting to know you. If you’re down, shoot me a text (insert #).’” – Cara J.  
“Run with something I have on my profile. Personally, I’m obsessed with cheese. The perfect first message would be something like ‘Saw you’re a cheesehead. I’ve been dying to go to this Italian place that serves four-cheese gnocchi—or pairs wine with half a dozen local cheeses. Interested?’ Um, yes, yes I am. Because A) who wouldn’t be into that? And B) you took the time to be unique. Even if we start messaging and I come to find you’re a wackjob and cancel the date, you still astronomically upped your chances than the guy who sent ‘Hey.'” – Victoria G. 
“Something related to my profile or picture that’s relatable. I’ve had a guy say: ‘I’ve been skydiving before, but how incredible was jumping in New Zealand?’ because of a photo I had. I feel like that’s the easiest way to connect with someone—through shared interests.” – Rae P. 
“‘Top 3 things you can’t live without—ready, set, go.’ Disarm me, throw me off (without being creepy), and be original. I’ll be way more inclined to play along. And this shows you actually have a personality…or at least a semblance of one.” – Anne S. 
“I’m actually totally cool with ‘Hey! How’s it going?’ It’s more grown-up and confident than ‘What’s up?’” – Sasha B. 
“Bring up something that’s in my bio or one of my pictures you relate to. Perfect example: ’Hey, What kind of race were you doing? I’m big into fitness, too.’ It shows you’re interested in learning about me (rare among dudes). Remember, the conversation shouldn’t be one-way. And we get to skip the small talk and get right into the conversation.” – Marie L. 
“I’ve actually gotten funny memes as a first message. The one that made me die laughing was a cartoon with pounding heart eyes—basically saying he thought I was attractive but not in a completely weird way. It’s just a better icebreaker than ‘Hey.’” – Samantha M. 
What gets you swipes—and what doesn't.
“Start with something like: ‘Totally into your profile and interests. Where were you traveling to?’… or, ‘How long did you live in San Francisco for?’ Target bits and pieces of my profile. I chose to highlight them for a reason!” – Caitlin D. 
“I honestly like a simple ‘Hey, how’s your day going?’ Ultimatums like, ‘Coffee or sleep?’ or ‘You’re gorgeous.’ annoy and freak me out.’” – Amy S. 
“Send a question that relates to something from my profile. It shows you actually took the time to craft a response and didn’t just send a generic ‘Hey, what’s up?’ to every girl on the app. For example, if one of my photos was of me at a concert, make a connection to a concert you recently went to.” – Caroline T. 
“I think the perfect first message is direct. ‘Hey, you seem really interesting. Would love to go out sometime.’ Stay away from stupid pickup lines.” – Rachel D. 
“Point out how awkward dating apps are and poke fun at yourself without being too self-deprecating and blindingly insecure. Say something like, ‘Trying to come up with a clever one-liner to hit you with gave me more anxiety than the SATs. So I’m just gonna go out on a limb here and say I would love to get to know you outside the confines of this app.’ You seem sincere and I’m WAY more likely to want to get to know you, too.” – Brielle A.
“Always something witty or about food. Or, start with a question about my pictures or bio. I have a lot with my nephew because he’s important to me.” – Laura W. 
“Something that makes fun of the app and the situation. Like, pretend to be a character from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia and say, ‘Hey, I’m Charlie. I like cheese and live with a guy named Frank.’ I would respect that. Though if I didn’t get the reference, then this would just flop.” – Amanda H.
“I like when a guy is engaging. It might be a little overdone, but asking for two truths and a lie is still, to me, a great conversation starter.” – Laura Q.
“Something unique and also relevant to my life via my profile. Ask, ‘Hey, what kind of nurse are you?’ It shows you’re generally interested in getting to know me as a person—not just what I look like. Anything beats ‘Hey, good lookin’.’” – Vanessa P. 
These are the hotspots across the nation.
“‘Your perfect Sunday morning: workout, movie, or brunch?’ Depending on my answer, ask: ‘If I play my cards right, would you like to join me for X, Y, or Z sometime?’ This is PERFECT. It’s clever and not too demanding or creepy, because it’s on me to decide when or if it actually happens. If our conversation goes well and I’m feeling you, then I can initiate picking a date.” – Candice H. 
“I like for a guy to show his personality and humor. My now-boyfriend initiated a conversation with: ‘I don’t break apart Kit Kat bars. I eat them whole. Is that a deal breaker?’ I thought this was so weird and funny, I responded immediately.” – Marissa D. 
“Anything that makes you seem not like a complete stranger. Make a connection. I’m a law student, so if a guy draws a connection to the fact he’s in grad school or asks about it, it creates instant dialogue.” – Marianna B. 
“Compliment me on anything but my appearance. Say I fascinate you or you love that I’m really outdoorsy. Guys need to stop defaulting to cheap wins. We see past that—especially if we’re on here to find an actual relationship.” – Rose T.
Topics for your first date—and beyond—that'll keep things interesting.
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