Girl Accidentally Shits

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Girl Accidentally Shits
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IT'S one of the most important days of your life - so it's only natural that most brides want all the attention on them on their wedding day.
Unfortunately for one newly-married woman, she attracted focus for all the wrong reasons after suffering an unfortunate accident right before her first dance.
Discussing their worst wedding horror stories on Reddit , the American bride's wedding planner revealed the newlywed had "s**t herself" after downing some detox shakes to fix last minute bloating.
Up until this point, the planner says she had been "quite a Bridezilla" and the "wedding of the two fairly wealthy families took place on a family property in a historic barn".
As a result of this "shabby chic, rustic" setting, the planner had been forced to install portable toilets around the side as there was no electricity or running water in the building.
But despite the obvious difficulties the venue presented, the planner claims everything was going smoothly - that is, until she noticed "the most curious blend of expressions pass over the bride's face" as she was having her professional photos taken.
She wrote: "It turns out the bride had gambled on a fart and lost in a BIG way."
As the bride was wearing a £12,000 "huge, full ball gown" with a Cinderella-style "fitted, bones strapless top", the planner quickly realised that "there was zero way of getting her to the bathroom" to clear herself up.
"We had issues getting her into a limo", the planner added.
We can't exactly say we blame the wedding planner for asking her assistant to take the bride to the temporary loos around the corner to, erm, assess the situation.
In the meantime, the planner told guests to "expect a fifteen minute delay" as she guided them in the direction of the tent where the reception would be taking place.
She added: "The fifteen minutes pass. Then twenty. Finally my earpiece beeps on.
"'The previous issue is more than we anticipated.' I ran over to find my assistant looking horrified."
I was speaking to the caterer when I happened to glance over and see the most curious blend of expressions pass over the bride's face. Turns out, she had gambled on a fart and lost in a BIG way
The detox shakes combined with the cocktails she'd had earlier in the day resulted in a "substance no human body should emit".
Without going in to too much detail, the wedding planner also claims the "smell was unrivalled".
And to make matters worse, the bride's bad bout of diarrhoea had collected in her shapewear - like some kind of "water balloon of horror".
The planner added: "My assistant had opened up the snap crotch and just released the evil trickling down the bride's thighs.
"Now I have a shell shocked assistant and a crying bride. You can smell her four feet away."
Amazingly, the bride insists that the show must go on and "she has a choreographed dance waiting to happen".
For reasons we'll never understand, the planner gives the signal to start the introductions and describes how "the groom looks vaguely disconcerted by his new wife's odour."
Sadly, this horror story only gets worse as the groom accidentally "squishes the poo up on the inside" of his bride's dress as he's spinning her around.
"To our horror, we watch as a oily stain spread across the mid-back of the gown," the planner wrote. "As we are still cringing from this, the groom sets his hand firmly in the middle of the poo stain."
I was sponging down a sobbing, naked bride while I questioned every life decision that led to this point
After cutting the cake and "feeding each other with s**t-stained fingers", the planner then whisks the bride away to the service tent and washes her down with a tub of clean water.
"She walked in to find me in dish gloves and a poncho, like American Psycho," the planner joked. "I was sponging down a sobbing, naked bride while I questioned every life decision that led to this point."
Describing it was "the most disgusting thing" she has ever dealt with, the planner revealed that the diarrhoea had "spread in a thin layer across the bride's whole body".
Having sent the bride back out to enjoy the reception, the planner tossed the soiled shapewear and "scrubbed down the [£12,000] wedding gown in a plastic basin."
She added: "The inner lining was a loss and I cut it out completely."
Although the groom had his suspicions but "never directly said anything", the planner added: "The support tent smelled like a sewer and was closed for the remainder of the event."
In fact, the lavish wedding was so extravagant that it was featured in a glossy magazine.
The woman concluded: "Still, photos - away from that smell - were beautiful."
Needless to say, other user users were astounded by the story - and labelled the wedding planner a total "hero".
One replied: "An actual s**t show. I have no words. You're the MVP for sure."
Another added: "This perfectly illustrates why you NEVER deviate from your normal routine before a big event."
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My girlfriend accidentally shat on my carpet and I don't even know how to begin processing this.
My girlfriend accidentally shat on my carpet and I don't even know how to begin processing this.
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Tonight, my girlfriend went out to the bar with her graduating class as a senior bar crawl. I DD'd and picked her up late at night and took her back to my place. She was drunk and pretty upset about how one of her good guy friends was macking on her at the bar even though he knew she had a boyfriend of four years (me).
I have seen her upset-drunk a good amount of times in the past, so I knew she probably just needs to sleep it off; the chances that she even remembers it in the morning are pretty slim. After she's at my place for like an hour, she's doing her normal extremely drunk thing. She is on the ground, just wearing underwear, head on her knees, going "oh man" now and then. I am on my bed.
At some point, she asks me "Oh man, did I throw up?" to which I say, "Yeah, you threw up a little bit ago in the toilet." Then she apologizes and heads to the bathroom in my room and turns on the shower. I get out of bed and try to intercept her because I think a shower is a bad idea for her right now consider how drunk she is.
However, when I get up, I see what she thought was "throw up". It is a massive, messy shit. Like a softball's worth of excrement and not all in a solid log or anything. And it is all over her feet and legs as well, so she tracked it more on my carpet and into my bathroom. I say, "uhh that's not throw up dude".
I am shocked. I have no idea how to handle this. While I initially thought it was a little humorous, I then realized it was up to fucking me to clean this poop. I go to the shower, check her status, dump some soap in her hands and instruct her to clean her feet thoroughly. It is covering her toes.
The smell is starting to hit me. This is 100% poop. I run to the kitchen to grab some grocery store bags, a trash bag, and a roll of paper towels. I start by cleaning and bleaching the tracked poop in my bathroom as this is the easiest and most intuitive. It's not so much either. Like what would be an eight-wiper if it was on your butt cheeks.
Then I turn to the poop pile on my carpet. Fuck. I move out of this place in like four days. My parents will be here as well for graduation tomorrow. Fuck. There's my girlfriend's poop on the floor.
I start to get a little angry at my gf now. How did she get pants-shittingly drunk? I feel like that is extremely irresponsible to do in the first place. When I first picked her up, I knew she was pretty drunk, but this is just insane now. I have a little worry for her now. I check her status in the shower and she seems clean enough, but definitely completely fucked up. I turn off the shower, give her my crappiest towel and tell her to start drying herself off. I really do not think that the gravity of her duece has hit her yet.
I start googling how to get poop of carpets. They all say some combination of vinegar+water+soap. I check the kitchen. Balsamic. Rice. Apple. No white vinegar. I gather up the biggest clumps with the grocery bags like you would a dog poop. Now it's just the stuff down in the carpet. It's 3:30am at this point. The grocery store opens at 7am. I am going to wait until then to act more deliberately on the poop pile. I need that vinegar and also some gloves would be nice. It's a lot of poop here.
I don't even know what to say to my girlfriend about all this. We joke about poop and farting and things of this nature, so I thought I would react pretty calmly. But guys, it's so much poop. I am angry at her for doing this to me, though another part of me knows it's not truly her fault since she was so wasted. But another part of me is mad that she allowed herself to get this pants-shittingly drunk and leave me to deal with the consequences. I don't even know how to begin to have this conversation tomorrow morning. A part of me doesn't even want to talk to her right now. I don't know what to do on a physical shit cleaning level, much less the emotional backdrop. My gf is currently passed out in my bed. I am not sure how much of any of this she will remember. I don't know what to do.
EDIT: UPDATE: Well after about 11 hours of sleeping, she woke up and I was ready to tell her the news. I asked her how much she remembered from last night, and just like I thought, she didn't remember much of anything after leaving the bar. That's when I was like "okay, yeah that's what I thought... Well you kinda had an... accident last night. You shit all over my carpet." Then I gave her the run down of what I pretty much told you guys. As any decent person would be, she was mortified and apologized profusely. I had kinda gotten over it at this point, so I told her that it wasn't really that big of a deal and to not worry about it. I had already cleaned it up. I just asked if she could notice the stain or smell when she looked at the scene of the crime, and she said she couldn't see or smell much of anything from the incriminating excrement.
Then we just laughed it off and she told me that she really owed me one and that she appreciated me taking care of her. I asked if she could send me $9 to cover the cleaning supplies and she said of course. And then we laughed like it would be a funny story in a few years. All said and done, not a terrible end to a poopy situation. Thanks everyone for the supportive words and sensibility in what was a weird night of my life.
This exact situation happened to me a couple of years back, though it was at her place. Do you know what I did? I cleaned up the shit, made sure she was alive every few hours in bed, and teased her about it endlessly for the remainder of our relationship. Do you ever plan on having kids? The shit isn't over my friend. I do agree she should watch her alcohol intake and probably pay for the damages.
Yeah, that's pretty much where I am at. I got it all mostly cleaned up now and she is still alive. I haven't slept, though. Keep wondering how to break it to her.
This. My wife never shit on the carpet...I was unprepared. I ended up finding out pretty late in the game I have a baddddd gag reflex when it comes to cleaning up large blowout diapers in cribs, car-seats, beds... throw-up, stomach flu, diarrhea, it's taken me years and 3 kids to get over it...
It NEVER happens at a good time, and you're always in a rush to get it cleaned up. Heck, sometimes its in the parking lot of target, and you've just got to clean and change your kid and have em sit on a plastic bag until you can get home and tear the carseat down and wash everything, so you've got to drive a half hour with the windows down and the aweful smell of poo/throwup, gagging the whole way.
Sounds like this was good training :p Kids are fun though, and wives...much more-so then they're pooing or throwing up all over the place.
Just wait until the complete anarchy of the whole family having the stomach flu at the same time. Jesus. We just call it 'the event' in our house.
You missed a perfect opportunity to call it a "shituation"
I puked on my then boyfriend's carpet once. He cleaned it up, cleaned me up, and gave me a pair of his pants to wear. I was mortified, he was very sweet. He does still tease me about it, 11 years later :)
Yes. You also get one freebie... :D One embarrassing moment that they have to deal with!!
Roofies can make you shit yourself too.
I'm dying, this is brilliant. As a father of 3 I've been covered in more poop, vomit and pee than, well, this is reddit - you can probably imagine.
I have a 3yr old and a 5yr old, and I've never been covered in poop, or urine, however, I have awoken to my daughter retching out hotdogs and apple juice on my face while I slept. She wasn't feeling well, and wanted to sleep with Momma - how could I say no? About 3am I hear, Momma, Help! , and before I could react my then 4yr old daughter was vomiting in my hair, all over my pillow, and my face. To this day I cannot be in the same room with a hot dog.
well, this is reddit - you can probably imagine.
Been pissed and puked on, knock on wood I won't experience being shit on. Unless of course I am paying for it.
Dude it's just poop. Ever plan on having a dog? Kids? Diarrhea? Poop cleans up, the smell goes away and so does the stain.
I've cleaned up the poop of two kids, dozens of dogs and even my wife once when she was sick. Your gf didn't "do this to you" It was an accident and she was drunk. Your best bet, if you care about her, is to just move on. Yes you can tease her about it later but getting angry is just going to hurt your relationship.
Accidents happen and I'm sure you have done or will do some things that she's not going to be happy about. How do you want her to handle those situations? Do you want her to get all pissy and self righteous or would you want her to be understanding and forgiving?
She does bear responsibility for her level of intoxication though
Honestly, if I were in that situation it would be less about the shit, but man really, shit everywhere... and more about the fact that she got drunk enough to get to a point where you don't really know that you crapped your pants. I would clean it, then have a VERY serious discussion about the amount of alcohol consumed. It's pretty irresponsible to get that 'shit faced'.
If she crapped her pants because of being ill, or otherwise very sick, on meds due to issues, or anything that was generally out of her control, then yeah, OP would be completely over reacting, and would need to take a good long look at a chill pill. But it's not, it's his gf who got drunk enough to lose control over her bodily functions.
Planning on having diahhrea? Someone's had a colonoscopy.
So yeah, you seem like a very sweet man and I like you

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Woman Poops All Over the Club After Having an Upset Stomach


Woman Poops All Over the Club After Having an Upset Stomach

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