Getting Ready For Anal Sex
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Getting Ready For Anal Sex
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Taylyn Washington-Harmon is the associate editor at Health.com. A former social media guru, she's worked for a number of lifestyle and beauty brands and has previously written for SELF and STAT. She loves skincare, anime, and her pitbull Momo.
How many women are having anal sex? Roughly 33% of women have had anal sex with a partner of the opposite gender according to the CDC's latest National Survey of Family Growth . Regardless of the number, anal sex is edging into the mainstream among heterosexual couples. There's a lot of fear-mongering and myths regarding anal sex and we want to clear the air. Here's the proper way to prepare if you're ready to give anal sex a try, according to doctors.
"Water and enemas are on extreme ends of the spectrum when it comes to [harshness]," Evan Goldstein, DO, the founding doctor of Bespoke Surgical in New York, tells Health . "The ideal solution [for anal sex prep] should be right in the middle — isotonic and pH-balanced." Goldstein recommends The Future Method , a disposable, pH-balanced intimate wash to cleanse your intimate parts before anal sex. "The concentration of tap water, store-bought enemas, saline solutions, and other organic and natural soaps can cause irritation, dryness, and/or damage to the delicate cells inside your rectum," Dr. Goldstein says, recommending a solution that's more compatible with your body's composition.
"Before the fun starts, grab a toy (preferably one that mimics your partner's length), lube it up well, insert it (slowly and gently), and then pull it out," Dr. Goldstein says. "Examine the toy for any residual stool. If there's some present, you'll either want to douche again or take a rain check, but if it comes out clean, you know you're ready to go." This is also a great way to help relax your sphincter muscles before the fun begins.
When you feel comfortable enough to move on to your partner's penis, start off slowly, and make sure you communicate how you feel and if he needs to put on the brakes. The more relaxed your body is, the less clenched your muscles will be. "Women (and men) may experience discomfort the first time they have anal sex, but this is often related to not being relaxed," Nebraska-based certified sex therapist Kristen Lilla tells Health . "Breathe so you can relax your pelvic floor and any tension you might be feeling."
Experts can't stress enough the importance of using plenty of lubricant. "The rectum doesn't have its own self-lubricating ability," explains Sherry A. Ross, MD, author of She-ology: The Definitive Guide to Women's Intimate Health. Period . Since water-based lubes tend to break down quicker and there's no natural moisture in the rectum, it's crucial to use a thicker, silicone-based lube so tearing doesn't occur. Even tiny tears in the anal area can allow bacteria and viruses into your system, potentially leading to infection.
Speaking of infection, anal sex can spread the same STIs you can pick up from vaginal sex. Except this time the infection is in your rectum, where your gyno won't know to test you. "People think you can't get HPV, herpes, syphilis, and even hepatitis A and B," says Dr. Ross. "You can still get all those STDs from anal sex, which is why it's important to stay protected."
That means using lots of lubricant to prevent tearing, and always using a condom unless you know for sure (like really for sure) that your partner is STI-free. And it bears repeating: Anal sex is the riskiest type of sex when it comes to transmitting HIV, according to the CDC .
"This question gets asked the most: w ill I poop everywhere?" says Dr. Ross, adding that it's hard to give an answer, since it depends on so many factors, including when you last went number two. But in general, anal sex could put added stress on the anal sphincter muscle, and that could " prevent you from having a bowel movement on your own terms or a normal consistency to your bowel movements," she adds. To reduce the likelihood of this happening, go slow, hit the bathroom first, and ask your partner not to go too deep. Dr. Goldstein also recommends adding fiber to your diet to ensure a smooth bowel movement before anal prep.
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FWIW, you could be doing it all wrong.
For a lot of women, just hearing the words "anal sex" can make them clench their cheeks and change the subject quicker than they can say "no, thanks!"
But it's 2019, people! If it feels good and you like it, what's with the negative stigma around a little lovin' in the booty hole?
Newsflash: Anal sex can feel good, ladies. Your anus is full of sensitive nerve endings that can make your orgasms so much stronger and more amazing than just a normal O, says Susan Block (aka Dr. Suzy), PhD, sexologist and owner of the Dr. Susan Block Institute.
So if you think you might be open to giving the ole booty-loving a test run, here are some things you’ll want to do to prepare yourself first.
Remember girl, this is your body and you are fully in-charge of what happens with it. "Just because your partner wants to experiment or try something new doesn't necessarily mean you're obligated,” says Block.
It's great that your S.O. is so open about their wants and desires, but if you're feeling uneasy about anal sex, talk it out to see if you can find some common ground. Maybe you're not ready for actual penetration, but perhaps you're open to the idea of starting with fingers and/or experimenting with toys until you feel ready (or not!) for more.
Incorporate anal play into your masturbating sessions, suggests Block. After all, you're the only person who knows what feels good and what doesn't. "Try to fantasize not necessarily about anal sex, but about the things that turn you on," says Block.
To get your body revved up, you have to get your mind right. So breathe deeply and relax, and think sexy thoughts as you're exploring back there. When you get to the point during your touch-yo-self sesh when it starts to feel really good, you'll have a better idea of what to try with your partner.
"If fingers are going to be involved, always make sure they’re cleaned, trimmed, and filed with no hangnails," says Block. It also wouldn't hurt to incorporate a ~sexy~ foreplay shower to not only get your juices flowing, but to also freshen up back there.
And as for the hair sitch? Totally up to you, girl. (As a kid, my father used to always tell me that if you look good, you feel good—and while he definitely wasn't referring to the grooming habits of my asshole, I think it totally still applies.)
If you feel sexy AF completely waxed, keep your bald eagle shining. If you feel like a boss beyotch au naturale , then that's your prerogative. If you're confident about the way you look down there, you'll be more likely to relax and enjoy the sensation you're feeling—regardless of whether or not you have a little hair in your crack.
There are times when alcohol makes sense—like, when you're ripping shots on your 21st birthday or drowning out your conservative uncle's political views during Thanksgiving. But your first anal sex experience is not one of those times. "It's best that you're in a sober mindset so you can not only fully consent, but also recognize what you can and can't handle," says Block.
If you know anything about the digestive system, you know it's probably best to not try anal sex right after you've housed a Chipotle chicken and cheese burrito.
“If you just had a big meal, it's not the best time to do it..." warns Block. This is your kind-of-stretching-but-still-trying-to-make-a-point-here excuse to not eat your vegetables (or any other high-fiber snacks) before anal sexy time.
You're not a GD porn star who's able and willing to take it up the ass sans lube or foreplay, mmk? Your booty deserves some prodding and attention before you go for a home run.
“Before insertion, there should be a lot of play with the outside of the anus, as it’s very sensitive,” says Block. After that, try inserting one finger at a time. “The first time might just be fingers—and maybe not even the whole finger," she says. Either way, take it slow.
Just because it's anal sex doesn't mean you have to take it from behind. In fact, for some women, doggy style can be the most painful position, since it's reportedly the position where men can penetrate the deepest. For your first time, Block recommends lying on your back with a pillow under your butt, similar to a comfortable missionary style. You can also try it while spooning, but be prepared for some awkward falling out and re-adjusting.
Although the vagina is self-lubricating, the backdoor unfortunately doesn't have that same luxury. Silicone lube is your friend since it will last the longest (but if you're using a condom, go with water-based lube, which won't break down latex). The more you use, the more slidey, glidey, easier, and less painful the experience will be.
“Just because you're having anal sex doesn't mean the rest of your body is not involved,” says Block. Make it more fun by stimulating other areas of the body because, like, it doesn't have to be entirely all about ~dat ass~. Encourage your partner to pay close attention to your clitoris, nipples, neck, and anywhere else that feels good—as these erogenous zones can help distract from the pressure you're feeling in your booty.
Make sure you’re practicing safe sex, says Block. You’re obviously not going to get pregnant from anal, but there’s plenty of other stuff that you definitely don’t want transferred...like a potential STI. If your partner has a penis, make sure he’s wearing a condom and opts for water-based lube.
Let your partner know how it's feeling—the good, bad, and ugly. “You should always let your partner know if they need to stop, pull back, keep going, or if it hurts. And you should also let your partner knows if it feels good for good measure,” says Block.
11 Tips for How to Prepare for Anal, According to Sex Experts
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I first wondered about how to prepare for anal sex when I was in college. At the time I was with my first real boyfriend, who was also my first real love—a man I thought I’d be with forever. I was 21, an age when everything is sort of do-or-die.
I had a couple of friends who had tried anal sex, but I ignorantly judged them for it. What can I say? I was 21, and 15-something years ago anal was still next level taboo. It was something I had no interest in, vowed I’d never do, and that was that. Like Sex and the City ’s Charlotte York, I had zero plans on becoming “up-the-butt-girl.”
Then my boyfriend, my darling, that first love of mine whom I dramatically assumed I’d be with until I died , suggested anal sex and my mind started to wander into anal territory. Should this be a frontier that he and I should explore together? If I were ever going to do it with anyone, it would be him, of course. And so, because young love trumps everything, even a fear of pain and poop, I gave anal sex a try one night and it was…not fun. (Don't worry, subsequent experiences were way better and now I genuinely love anal sex .)
Today anal sex is more mainstream than ever—results of a 2016 National Health Statistics Reports by the CDC found that 35.9% of women and 42.3% of men had had anal sex at least once in their life—but the taboo around this particular sex act still very much persists. Because of that, many people aren’t getting the appropriate information they need to prepare for anal sex let alone have a good time doing it—which you absolutely should!
Because no one should be blindsided by anything sexual, here are 11 tips for how to prepare for anal sex
One of the first steps in preparing for anal sex, is educating yourself, letting go of any shame that might be surrounding anal for you, and basically, rolling your eyes at the taboo factor. Because breaking news: anal is nothing new.
The ancient Andean civilization of the Moche, who lived in Peru between 100 C.E and 700 C.E., left behind pottery and other artifacts that depicted mostly anal sex imagery . Even before that, anal sex was a normalized act in Ancient Greece and Rome. While it’s easy to make a joke here about Caligula, who was the third Roman Emperor, because of his hedonistic reputation when it came to sex and pleasure, the reality is that sex during that time, all forms of it, were socially acceptable— anal sex included . If it was normalized before, we can normalize it again by having it and not feeling ashamed about it.
Before we can delve into any aspect of anal sex, anal play, butt plugs, or any of the like, it cannot be stressed enough just how important lube is in preparing for anal sex. Lube is a must; water-based lubes are best if you’re using silicone toys, as silicone-based lubes will eventually destroy those silicone toys.
“There are some things to remember when it comes to the anus,” says Laurène Dorléac, CEO and co-founder of Climax , an educational video series that teaches people, those with vulvas in particular, how to enjoy pleasure without shame. “Unlike the vagina, the anus is not self-lubricating. Without lubrication, friction may cause tiny tears, which can increase the risk of STI transmission. A lubricant can make anal play more pleasurable, and also protect these delicate tissues.”
Research has found that this transmission is most commonly the case with HIV and hepatitis . While both are manageable viruses that people live with, and HIV is no longer the certain death sentence it was just a couple of decades ago, avoiding STIs in general is obviously preferable and should be a goal every time you have sex.
When it comes to anal sex, at least in conversations I’ve had with experts and friends alike, the two main concerns that come up are pain and poop—we’ll get to the poop part later. And, to be quite frank, anal sex can hurt like hell if it's not done right. Not only is lube paramount in any type of anal penetration, but so is relaxing.
“If you’re worried, angry or stressed out, the pelvic floor and the internal anal muscles tighten up,” says Alicia Sinclair, CEO and founder of COTR , the sex toy company that makes Le Wand, b-Vibe, and The Cowgirl brands. “It’s the same reflex that makes a scared cat or dog tuck their tail between their legs. And it’s the reason that someone who’s angry all the time is sometimes called a ‘tight ass.’ It’s literally true!”
In other words: RELAX. For some, relaxing means finding their center by breathing and keeping an open mind. For others, and something that has worked for me, anal sex after I’ve had an orgasm, when I’ve pretty much melted into a pool of butter, makes anal sex sublime. While for others, being fully aroused, thanks to extended foreplay, is what’s going to help the mind and body relax. Whatever it takes to get you into relaxation mode, go for it.
Whether it’s vaginal penetration or anal penetration, it’s something you want to work your way up to, so you’re not taken by surprise. A great place to start is with your fingers, exploring the anal opening and understanding how the anal sphincter works. In doing so, you not only get a sense of what it feels like, but what feels good to you.
“My go-to suggestion for newbies is to play with yourself first and start with your fingers,” says Sinclair. “Playing with yourself allows you to be both the giver and the receiver, controlling the depth and intensity of your play safely.”
As Sinclair explains, this allows you to familiarize your body with these sensations, as well as give you an idea of what it will feel like when someone else is engaging in anal play with you too.
We’re fortunate enough to live in a time where, not only is anal sex more accepted, but there are loads of sex toys for the anus from which to choose. From anal beads of varying sizes and shapes, to butt plugs, these toys can be used as a means to “train” your anal opening for what’s coming. It is that anal sphincter, after all, that’s sort of the wall you nee
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