Getting Cuckolded

Getting Cuckolded
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This is the latest accepted revision , reviewed on 8 July 2022 .
This article is about the term. For the 1997 novel by Kiran Nagarkar, see Cuckold (novel) . For the 2015 South African film, see Cuckold (film) .

^ Steven M. Platek; Todd K. Shackelford, eds. (2006). Female Infidelity and Paternal Uncertainty: Evolutionary Perspectives on Male Anti-Cuckoldry Tactics . New York: Cambridge University Press . ISBN 9781139458047 .

^ Davidson, Thomas. "Whitlow to Wyvern" . Chambers's Twentieth Century Dictionary 1908 .

^ "Online Etymology Dictionary" . Retrieved 19 December 2016 .

^ Jump up to: a b c Williams, Janet (4 July 2009). "Cuckolds, Horns and Other Explanations" . BBC News . Retrieved 11 February 2013 .

^ Geoffrey Hughes (26 March 2015). An Encyclopedia of Swearing: The Social History of Oaths, Profanity, Foul Language, and Ethnic Slurs in the English-speaking World . Taylor & Francis. pp. 191–. ISBN 978-1-317-47677-1 .

^ Coleman, Julie (1 January 1999). Love, Sex, and Marriage: A Historical Thesaurus . Rodopi. ISBN 9042004339 . Retrieved 22 November 2016 – via Google Books.

^ Williams, Gordon (13 September 2001). A Dictionary of Sexual Language and Imagery in Shakespearean and Stuart Literature: Three Volume Set Volume I A-F Volume II G-P Volume III Q-Z . A&C Black. ISBN 9780485113938 . Retrieved 22 November 2016 – via Google Books.

^ Oxford English Dictionary

^ Stack, Liam (August 15, 2017). "Alt-Right, Alt-Left, Antifa: A Glossary of Extremist Language" . The New York Times .

^ E. Cobham Brewer 1810–1897. Dictionary of Phrase and Fable. 1898.

^ LaGuardia, David P. (2008). Intertextual Masculinity in French Renaissance Literature . Franham, UK: Ashgate Publishing. p. 133.

^ Sommer, Matthew Harvey (2002). Sex, Law, and Society in Late Imperial China . Stanford: Stanford University Press. p. 218. ISBN 0-8047-4559-5 . Retrieved 2008-07-27 .

^ Brian Joseph Levy (2000). The Comic Text: Patterns and Images in the Old French Fabliaux . ISBN 9042004290 .

^ William Beck (December 1968). "Arnolphe or Monsieur de la Souche?". The French Review . 42 (2): 255. JSTOR 386804 .

^ Oxford English Dictionary (3rd ed.). 2010.

^ John Stephen Farmer (1903). Slang and Its Analogues Past and Present . p. 15.

^ Sallo, Ibrahim Khidhir. "A Sociolinguistic Study of Sex Differences in Mosuli Arabic in Mosul-Iraq."

^ Shahawi, Majdi Muhammad Ash (2004). Marital Discord - Causes & Cures . Darussalam Publishers.

^ Semerdjian, Elyse (2012-03-01). " 'Because he is so tender and pretty': sexual deviance and heresy in eighteenth-century Aleppo". Social Identities . 18 (2): 175–199. doi : 10.1080/13504630.2012.652844 . ISSN 1350-4630 . S2CID 145004098 .

^ Hamamra, Bilal Tawfiq (2018-04-03). "The Containment of Female Linguistic, Spatial, and Sexual Transgression in Arden of Faversham: A Contemporary Palestinian Reading" . Comparative Literature: East & West . 2 (2): 88–100. doi : 10.1080/25723618.2018.1546474 . ISSN 2572-3618 .

^ Elizabeth Weiss (2017-08-09). "The Cuckolding Fetish Explained: Why Some Men Actually *Want* to Be Cheated On" . Marie Claire Magazine . Retrieved 2022-06-27 .

^ Calhoun, Ada (2012-09-14). "You May Call It Cheating, but We Don't" . The New York Times . ISSN 0362-4331 . Retrieved 2022-06-27 .

^ Ley, David (2009). Insatiable Wives: Women Who Stray and the Men Who Love Them . Rowman & Littlefield. ISBN 978-1-4422-0031-9 .

^ Jump up to: a b Kort, Joe (13 September 2016). "The Expanding Phenomenon Of Cuckolding: Even Gay Men Are Getting Into It" . Huffington Post . Retrieved 19 December 2016 .

^ Harris, Lynn. "What do you call a female cuckold?" . Salon . Retrieved 19 December 2016 .

^ Klein, Donald C. (1 Dec 1999). "The humiliation dynamic: An overview". The Journal of Primary Prevention . 12 (2): 93–121. doi : 10.1007/BF02015214 . PMID 24258218 . S2CID 43535241 .

^ Rufus, Anneli (July 29, 2010). "The Intellectual Sex Fetish" . The Daily Beast . Retrieved November 20, 2021 .

^ Betchen, Stephen J. (November 18, 2014). "Sexually Dominant Women and the Men Who Desire Them, Part II" . Magnetic Partners blog post . Psychology Today . Cuckolding can also be mixed with other non-monogamous relationship arrangements with which it has substantial overlap such as swinging, open relationships, and polyamory. Again, it is distinguished from these concepts in that cuckold's thrill in their partner's acts is specifically masochistic

^ Baumeister, Roy (2014). Masochism and the Self . New York: Psychology Press. ISBN 978-1138876064 .

A cuckold is the husband of an adulterous wife; the wife of an adulterous husband is a cuckquean . In biology , a cuckold is a male who unwittingly invests parental effort in juveniles who are not genetically his offspring. [1] A husband who is aware of and tolerates his wife's infidelity is sometimes called a wittol or wittold . [2]

The word cuckold derives from the cuckoo bird, alluding to its habit of laying its eggs in other birds' nests. [3] [4] The association is common in medieval folklore , literature, and iconography .

English usage first appears about 1250 in the medieval debate poem The Owl and the Nightingale . It was characterized as an overtly blunt term in John Lydgate 's "Fall of Princes", c. 1440 . [5] Shakespeare's writing often referred to cuckolds, with several of his characters suspecting they had become one. [4]

The word often implies that the husband is deceived; that he is unaware of his wife's unfaithfulness and may not know until the arrival or growth of a child plainly not his (as with cuckoo birds). [4]

The female equivalent cuckquean first appears in English literature in 1562, [6] [7] adding a female suffix to the cuck .

A related word, first appearing in 1520, is wittol , which substitutes wit (in the sense of knowing) for the first part of the word, referring to a man aware of and reconciled to his wife's infidelity . [8]

An abbreviation of cuckold , the term cuck has been used by the alt-right to attack the masculinity of an opponent. It was originally aimed at other conservatives , whom the alt-right saw as "insufficiently committed to racism and anti-Semitism", according to The New York Times . [9]

In Western traditions, cuckolds have sometimes been described as "wearing the horns of a cuckold" or just "wearing the horns". This is an allusion to the mating habits of stags , who forfeit their mates when they are defeated by another male. [10]

In Italy (especially in Southern Italy , where it is a major personal offence), the insult is often accompanied by the sign of the horns . In French , the term is " porter des cornes ". In German, the term is " jemandem Hörner aufsetzen ", or " Hörner tragen ", the husband is " der gehörnte Ehemann ".

In Brazil and Portugal, the term used is " corno ", meaning exactly "horned". The term is quite offensive, especially for men, and cornos are a common subject of jokes and anecdotes.

Rabelais 's Tiers Livers of Gargantua and Pantagruel (1546) portrays a horned fool as a cuckold. [11] In Molière 's L'École des femmes (1662), a man named Arnolphe (see below) who mocks cuckolds with the image of the horned buck ( becque cornu ) becomes one at the end.

In Chinese usage, the cuckold (or wittol) is said to be " 戴綠帽子 " dài lǜmàozi , translated into English as 'wearing the green hat'. The term is an allusion to the sumptuary laws used from the 13th to the 18th centuries that required males in households with prostitutes to wrap their heads in a green scarf (or later a hat). [12]

A saint Arnoul(t), Arnolphe, or Ernoul, possibly Arnold of Soissons , is often cited as the patron saint of cuckolded husbands, hence the name of Molière's character Arnolphe. [13] [14]

The Greek hero Actaeon is often associated with cuckoldry, as when he is turned into a stag, he becomes "horned". [15] This is alluded to in Shakespeare's Merry Wives , Robert Burton 's Anatomy of Melancholy , and others. [16]

In Islamic cultures, the related term dayouth ( Arabic : دَيُّوث ) can be used to describe person who is viewed as apathetic or permissive with regards to unchaste behaviour by female relatives or a spouse, or who lacks the demeanor ( ghayrah ) of paternalistic protectiveness. [17] [18] Variations on the spelling, including dayyuth , dayuuth , or dayoos. [19] The term has been criticised for its use as a pejorative while also suggestive of acceptance of vain paternalistic gender roles, stigmatization of sexuality or overprotective intrusive sexual gatekeeping. [20]

Unlike the traditional definition of the term, in fetish usage a cuckold (also known as "cuckolding fetish") [21] [22] is complicit in their partner's sexual "infidelity"; the wife who enjoys "cuckolding" her husband is called a "cuckoldress" if the man is more submissive. [23] [ page needed ] [24] [25] The dominant man engaging with the cuckold's partner is called a "bull". [24]

If a couple can keep the fantasy in the bedroom, or come to an agreement where being cuckolded in reality does not damage the relationship, they may try it out in reality. However, the primary proponent of the fantasy is almost always the one being humiliated, or the "cuckold": the cuckold convinces his lover to participate in the fantasy for them, though other "cuckolds" may prefer their lover to initiate the situation instead. The fetish fantasy does not work at all if the cuckold is being humiliated against their will. [26]

Psychology regards cuckold fetishism as a variant of masochism , the cuckold deriving pleasure from being humiliated. [27] [28] In his book Masochism and the Self, psychologist Roy Baumeister advanced a Self Theory analysis that cuckolding (or specifically, all masochism) was a form of escaping from self-awareness, at times when self-awareness becomes burdensome, such as with perceived inadequacy. According to this theory, the physical or mental pain from masochism brings attention away from the self, which would be desirable in times of "guilt, anxiety, or insecurity", or at other times when self-awareness is unpleasant. [29]

Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
"The Powerpuff Girls" and "Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends" are returning
Daniel Kaluuya is still making that "Barney" movie
"The Powerpuff Girls" and "Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends" are returning
Daniel Kaluuya is still making that "Barney" movie
I am a bi, white, married man—35 years old and living in a big Midwestern city. I’d like to know what’s going on in my psyche—from a sex-research perspective. I’ve been hung up on cuckold fantasies with my female partner for years now. I’m a creative person and I’m especially fond of creative fantasizing in bed, and my partner enjoys this as well. But 9 times out of 10, I’m spinning a yarn about her fucking other men, whether it’s a threesome, cuckolding with me watching, or her going out on dates and coming home a delicious mess. These fantasies took an unexpected turn when I asked her to share stories about people she fucked in the past. She obliged—and holy shit, was I turned on. The only unfortunate thing is that she did not have many great sexual experiences in the past, so she feels like there is not a lot to share. Anyway, we have an amazing sex life, obviously, and I feel no shame whatsoever about these fantasies or how turned on her memories make us. I’m just curious as to why it turns me on so much. I know others have similar kinks, but it seems so antithetical to the heteronormative expectations of what I should be turned on by. Any ideas? Fantasies Reliably Enhance Every Dalliance
“‘Why am I like this?’ questions are always rabbit holes,” said Dr. David Ley, a clinical psychologist, author, and sex researcher. “We create rich, satisfying stories that are really just a form of mental masturbation—no bust on masturbation—when the truth is, at least at this point, we really have no clear idea why people have any of the unique sexual fantasies they do.” (Dr. Ley literally wrote the book on cuckolding: Insatiable Wives: Women Who Stray And The Men Who Love Them .)
One popular explanation for why being cuckolded might turn a man on—why knowing his wife or girlfriend had fucked someone else (or was fucking someone else in front of him) might turn a guy on—was the “sperm competition” theory. To quickly summarize: A man who suspects his female partner recently had sex with another male—and whose reptile brain believes the other man’s semen might be “present” inside her—will have a more powerful and voluminous orgasm when he next mates with his female partner in an effort to “flood out” his competitor’s semen. For a time, many sex researchers theorized that male swingers and cuckolds were subconsciously inducing “sperm competition” reactions—i.e., they were in it for the more powerful orgasms.
“Unfortunately, much of the research into sperm competition is now suspect, due to a failure to replicate many of these findings,” said Dr. Ley. “So to a degree, we’re now saying, ‘You know, it’s complicated, everyone is different, and there are no simple answers.’”
And now that we’ve said that, FREED, Dr. Ley, who has worked with many cuckold couples, has noticed patterns and he’s willing to put out some alternative theories of his own.
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“Many cuckolds have a desire to engage bisexually with other men, using their wife’s body as a sort of proxy,” said Dr. Ley. “Given that FREED is a bi male in a heterosexual relationship, these cuckold fantasies might be a way for him to express his bisexuality while including his wife. Additionally, vicarious erotic fulfillment is often a central component in many cuckold fantasies. This goes beyond simple voyeurism—and FREED’s comment about his wife’s regret at not having enough sexual experiences to share offers us a clue in this direction. Many cuckolds celebrate their partners being sexually unrestrained. FREED might just be turned on by the idea of his wife cutting loose and sharing that supercharged erotic energy with other partners—past, present, and future.”
Finally, FREED, I wanted to add a “ding, ding, ding” to something you mentioned at the end of your letter. The erotic power of doing something that seems antithetical to the heteronormative and/or vanilla-normative expectations heaped on us by culture, religion, family, etc. should never be underestimated. While not everyone is turned on by the thought of transgressing against sexual or social norms, a significant percentage is. So long as our normative-busting transgressive turn-ons can be realized with other consenting adults, we should worry less about the “why” and more about the “when,” “where,” and “how.” (Now, in private, and safely!)
Follow Dr. Ley on Twitter @DrDavidLey .
I’m a 35-year-old married man with two beautiful small children. I knew I was a cuckold before I met my wife. As soon as things got somewhat serious, I made this very clear, as I had learned repeatedly that my desire for a cuckold relationship almost certainly spelled doom. While we were dating, she cuckolded me multiple times and seemed very accepting of the idea. I was in heaven, as I finally felt accepted for me. I remember very clearly on the day of our elopement discussing that this was more than a kink for me—it was central to my sexuality and I needed her buy-in before committing for life. We played a time or two after we got married, but my wife’s interest in the lifestyle greatly decreased. After we had children (first child four years ago), her interest in cuckolding evaporated. It’s entirely gone. I accepted this for some time due to having young children. When I broached the subject recently, she expressed legitimate concerns around STIs, pregnancy, and being “found out” by friends/family. But this is something I need, as I made clear before we married. It’s not just a “kink” for me. I love my wife and I don’t want to pressure her into having sex with others, but I’m hurt and frustrated. I can’t help but feel like I had a bait and switch pulled on me. What do I do? Be thankful for the things I do have? Ask to go to a sex-positive therapist? Ask for a divorce? I’m lost, hurt, confused, and angry. Cuckold Has Understandable Regrets Now
Cuckolding may be something you need, CHURN, but it’s something you’re asking the wife to do. And the doing presents more risks for her—the risks of STIs and pregnancy fall entirely on her, as she pointed out. And if people were to find out (or suspect) she was sleeping around, the “shame” and potential social ostracism would fall entirely on her, too. Even if you were to tell anyone who found out that it was consensual and/or that you were a cuckold, it’s not like she wouldn’t still be shamed or ostracized. Judgmental family and friends would just heap equal portions of shame on you, too.
To your credit, CHURN, you acknowledged the legitimacy of your wife’s concerns. And I’m going to acknowledge the legitimacy of your frustrations: You told her before you eloped that you needed this to be happy, and she didn’t just agree to it, she was (or seemed) enthused about it. I might be inclined to see this as a bait and switch myself if you didn’t have children. Even the most adventurous people—sexual or otherwise—tend to become risk-averse when their children are young, and I imagine your wife is currently some combo of highly risk-averse and completely overwhelmed. (Hey, are you doing your fair share of the housework and childcare?) Instead of threatening to divorce her (which would amount to pressuring her), I would encourage you to find a sex-positive counselor who can help you two talk about what your sex life can look like once your children are a little older.
If she can express it without being expected to act on it tomorrow, my hunch is your wife can see cuckolding you again once your kids are older. Since finding women who are into this isn’t easy, as you already know, it would be in your own self-interest to take the long view and be patient. In the meantime, CHURN, content yourself with hot memories of all the times the wife cuckolded you in the past and hot dirty talk about all the times she’s going cuckold you in the future.
On the Lovecast , summer sex toys with Erika Moen. mail@savagelove.net Follow Dan on Twitter @fakedansavage ITMFA.org

How To Cuckold My Husband? Easy Steps

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Anderson, Davina "How To Cuckold My Husband? Easy Steps."
How To Cuckold My Husband? Easy Steps .
15 Nov. 2010 EzineArticles.com.
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Davina Anderson |

Submitted On November 15, 2010

You ask: How to cuckold my husband? What follows are very easy steps that have proven to work time and time again for thousands
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