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So if there's one question I hear way too often it is: how do I get my dick sucked? Well friends, I am more than happy to help solve this conundrum. After months (minutes) of research, I have compiled the end-all be-all list of surefire ways to get your dick sucked . Put these time-tested methods to work, and you won't need to dip into your spank bank quite as often:
Chicks love printers, especially if it prints photos. For my money, Canon is where it is at, but don't think this is brand specific - it's all about the printer, not the name.
If you can't speak from experience, how can you recommend it? You don't tell your friends to check out a new restaurant unless you've dined there already, so why should this be different? Plus, you might be able to find out what you really like, and guide her through the process.
Ladies love smooth balls. There's nothing more aggravating than a chick getting ready to chow down on your manpiece, only to stop after she scopes out the organic planet growing around your nuts.
You see it everyday - chicks sucking dick for crack - and it's not a new phenomenon either. Look back at videos from the 1980s, and you'll notice time and time again that women will just about suck the skin off your shaft for a little taste of sweet sweet crack. As you may or may not know, crack is highly addictive, so you're basically guaranteed to getting your dick wet (not to be confused with getting wet via PCP) as long as you can supply the good stuff.
Let's face facts: Liberace was the biggest pimp to ever live. If after visiting his museum, you don't get some inspiration that will directly result in dick-to-mouth resuscitation , then there is seriously no hope for you.
Better yet, just buy a drum set from Costco. Set it up in your living room (don't throw away the packaging) and bring the chick back to your place. She'll undoubtedly ask you to play, at which point you merely lie (too tired, neighbors get pissed if you play at night, etc.). Either way, dick will be in mouth . When all is said and done, kick her out of your pad, and put it back in the box. The guy at Costco will understand when you go to return it - believe me, he does it too.
Chicks like real men. Real men work hard, play sports, and get their dick sucked. If you consider yourself a real man, but are not afforded the luxury of on-a-whim dick sucking, then your big mistake is that you shower. It is that musk of sweat, body odor and dirt that screams THIS DICK IS FOR REAL. Hook, line and sinker.
So many girls are just chomping at the bit - waiting, hoping, praying - that you will let them suck your dick while you drop a deuce. Even so much as saying, "blumpkin" in their presence gets the party started; see how fast after you drop the B bomb tha their eyes light up like you offered to buy them a pony, diamonds, or crack.
If there was an order to this list, this would surely be at the top. Nothing says, "come suck this dick" like the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Something about their green skin, and love of pizza that makes the ladies just open wide.
When all else fails, do it like your daddy did, and pay for it upfront. As they say, there is no free lunch, so no need to get any hang-ups about it. You're paying for it one way or another (dinner, a show, crack), might as well make it tax deductible and pay for a session with a thorough hooker.
Well, that's it, folks! Now go out there and make that dick proud!
Wow. I realized that this article is a year and a half old, and seemingly no one reading it (or I should say, commenting on it) got the gist that it's completely satire.
So that being said, I'm tired of reading these cybersex-esque comments, so comments have now been disabled. If you really want me to know how you retardedly feel about this article, feel free to email me.
Yeah, I agree with shaving your balls, becoming a musician, and offering drugs. The hooker thing should only be used as a last resort because there's no thrill in hunting poon without the hunt, right? BTW, I got a girl to suck my dick simply by telling her that ingesting semen will help her look young and vibrant...girls buy into that vanity shit like you wouldn't believe!!!
All you have to do is get her hand on your cock, get her to stroke it up some till it gets hard while you're making out with her or something (rubbing her clit right now would be advisable)
Then:
1. whisper "suck it baby" into her ear
2. put your hand on her back and start pushing down slightly (she'll get the idea if you do it lightly even, you don't have to sever her spine)
3. stand up, grab your cock and stroke it some with the head near her mouth
Don't offer to eat her in exchange for head, that will A. make you look like a bitch and B. girls are supposed to suck dick anyways. We keep them safe, buy them ridiculious junk and have to put up with their bullshit going down on a fella is the least they could do. Act as if she dosen't start sucking you'll grab your shit and go find someone who will, afterall when the smoke clears bitches know who daddy is.
p.s. also don't let them know you're dieing for some head, obviously let them know you want it but act like its no big deal but be stern enough to give her the impression that you may leave otherwise. chicks use stuff like "my boyfriend wants head really bad" as leverage, the less you inform her of the better off you'll be.
im a girl...And these ideas suck, i agree with "Lex" though ;)
Open her mouth with your thumbs then insert your dick.
All you got to do is tell her to suck your cock or you are going to ask your ex to do it. Then start to tell her how your ex sucked you up for 2 hours and that will work for sure. Well it does for me all the time.
BUY HER A NECKLACE, A COFFEE AND A NEW DRESS WHICH SPARKLES. always works. unnless she has a nut allergy.
these are all really good ideas, but i think the best one is what lex said. when you and a girl are all alone she already knows the buisness. so just whip that shit out and what is she gona say? no? ha! yea right
all you have to do is tell her you will eat her pussy and BAM she will suck you off in a second and allow you to blow your load down her throat....I guarantee you!!!!!!
who wants to suck my cock i live in england u want more just contact me
ok so we no how to get r cocck sucked on by girls my god if u need advive just be gay everyguy loves a bj ok im getting my cocked sucked on right now by a guy and were both loving it omg it feels so good dont u want it right now im going to suck his dick al nightand imma fall asleep with it in my mouth if u suck on ur own dick u can suck on onother guys sure girlls r hot but so r guys hel i wont turn down a bj if anyone here nos how to get a straight guy in bed let me no cuz dieing to no how to get even more gay
What's her phone number, Nahak? Me and Mr. Johnson will be right over.
an easy way to get your cock sucked is just to ask my wife, she rarely says no. in fact, you don't even have to ask her. just take out your dick and leave it to her.
Hey ladies... If you're reading this and want some dick in your throat... email me at mystuffisalso@gmail.com Cum suck me off! Peace, Chris.
Wow... You straight guys never cease to amaze me with your ever-increasing idiocy. Let me elaborte: 1. A printer? really? Wow... what have you been smoking? 2. Sucking your own dick -Now, you ACTUALLY have a point there, I mean, I can do it, and practically everyone I know thinks it's hot (except for the degenerates who pretend to be grossed out by it, simply b/c they want o/s to think that they're "pure"... -pussies) but anyway... 3. Shave your balls? -Once again, I agree. -same situation as with autofellatio (self-sucking). 4. Sell crack? um... maybe if you want a skank, or a bitch with STDs, sure go for it. 5. Liberace museum?... I'm not sure who that is, but maybe you're right? 6. Starting a band: excellent idea (although I don't think that it guarantees you head) 7. Not showering? -Um, no go ahead and shower... -BUT, natural body odor and musk IS extremely sexy! -So just go over to your girl's house after working out or something... 8. Is Blumpkins a card game or something? 9. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles... well yes, if you want nerdy girls (But don't fret; there ARE a lot of hot female nerds out there!) And finally: 10. Pay a hooker? ...Well they're your balls. -If you want them to rot off, be my guest. -Hope any of this was helpful or whatever.
Hi Im 23 and I was just looking to see if my bf wanted one. This made me sooo hot!!! I relize that I should cause it my duty to suck a dick becasue I love to!
Jus fuckn whip out ur cock an stick it in her face, she'll have no choice but 2 start gobling ur rejected dick till it gets hard. Bitches love wen u take addvantage, so treat that lil whore wit a cockmeat sandwich, an dick slap her across the face (cheek 2 cheek) acouple of times.. remember make it count, bust aload in her mouth!
I have a printer...Does a rock band drum kit count? I got one of those too...Maybe, I should stop showering.
RedMan! Genius! Easily the best top 10 of 2009. Personally, either the drum kit or the Canon would do me in...followed very closely by a guy touring the Liberace Museum in Ninja Turtle PJ's. Can you hear that?...Yep! It's suckin'! Mmmmm!
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The answer to the question “How does it feel to get your dick sucked” is very personal and will depend on the man who will be doing it. While the act itself is a pleasure, getting sucked is a more stressful and painful experience. There’s a fine line between being happy and suffering from anxiety. It may take up to thirty minutes for one guy to complete the task, and a bit longer for another. Regardless of the length of time, it is important to remember that the majority of the sex stuff is mental.
While the act of getting one’s dick sucked is a stressful and uncomfortable experience, it’s also one of the kindest things a man can do for you. Even though blowjobs are a big deal, they are actually not that difficult to perform. It’s as simple as putting your penis in another person’s mouth. And that’s the most painful part.
Getting your dick sucked is the most common form of sex and the most enjoyable type. It can be stressful and exhausting, but it is the ultimate gesture of kindness. Despite its complexity, blowjobs are one of the most pleasurable experiences and a lot of men would kill to have it done. The only real question is, how does it feel to get your drick sucked?
Fortunately, there are many different methods of getting your dick sucked. A blow job is basically the same thing as having your clit placed in another person’s mouth. But the best method is to do it without a partner. It’s a powerful and intense experience. So, be prepared to let someone else take control of your penis. And remember that it can feel a little awkward, but that’s the point.
The best way to get a blowjob is to put yourself in a position where you’re comfortable and vulnerable. If you’re getting a blowjob, make sure your body is in a comfortable position. It’s easier to make a woman clit suck if you’re lying down with your clit up against the person giving the blowjob.
During a blowjob, the woman should hold the penis while the man moves his mouth. A blowjob involves the blowing of the penis, which should be done with a warm breath. You should caress your penis with your tongue. It’s better if you’re the one doing the blowjob than to have a man do it. It’s also important to hold the penis tightly to make sure it’s not flubbed off.
In order to get a blowjob, you have to be in a position that makes you feel good. You should have the right body position for it to be effective. This is the only way to get a good blowjob. It’s best to be comfortable with the person you’re having the blowjob. A male should always be in a position where he can breathe fully and make the process as easy as possible.
A blow job is an exciting experience that most men and women enjoy. During the process, the man should caress his penis with his tongue or warm breath. The tip of the penis should be moist and warm. The man should twist his penis and keep his mouth closed while the woman should squeeze the penis in order to get the best effect. It should also be able to smell like a woman’s dick.
Getting a blowjob is a stressful and painful experience, but it doesn’t have to be. A blowjob is the most intimate and kind thing a man can do to a woman. It’s a little different from a meal. If you’ve never had a blowjob, you should try it. This way, you’ll have a better chance of getting a dick sucked.
If you've ever had sex with a guy who's sucking your dick, you've probably wondered what it feels like. It can be a very pleasurable experience, but there's a fine line between enjoyment and anxiety. It takes different men different amounts of time to cum. Some guys take as little…
What Does Getting Your Dick Sucked Feel Like? What does getting your dick sucked really feel like? Although it is difficult to describe, a blowjob feels like a dick sucking where the mouth creates friction and suction to the erogenous area. Often ending in an orgasm, a blowjob is very…
There is a common misconception that suckling a dick will give you strep throat. Although this is not true, it is worth noting that it can cause throat pain. In fact, there are other conditions that mimic strep throat, such as a viral infection. If you feel a itch in…
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