Games Like Tits
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Games Like Tits
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As everyone knows in just about any field, sex sells. Whether you're selling underwear, cakes or video games, throwing a scantily-clad man or woman (depending on the product) into the mix is a sure way to keep people's eyes fixed on the item and get them talking. In this day and age, it's rather cynical and sometimes even patronising to pander to people in this way, but given that sex is one of our most basic biological needs, it shouldn't be too surprising that gamers are frequently targeted in this way. Of course, it opens a huge can of worms regarding sexism and the objectification of women especially, and as such this boob-related approach to video game marketing has calmed down considerably over the last 5 years or so, even if these infamous games, which thrusted large female chests in our eyelines at every opportunity, have lingered long in our minds ever since release. Whether the final product was actually worth playing or not, however, is a different matter entirely... These 12 video games, whether inherently sexual in tone or simply sexed up because it sells, were marketed almost entirely on mammary glands and little else, because predictably, when you've run out of good things to say about your game, "it's got boobs in it!" is about as enticing as you can get.
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When you've run out of good things to say about your game, "it's got boobs in it!" is about as enticing as you can get.
Stay at home dad who spends as much time teaching his kids the merits of Martin Scorsese as possible (against the missus' wishes).
General video game, TV and film nut. Occasional sports fan. Full time loon.
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Home » BEST OF » Top 15 Best Video Game Boobies of All Time
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With gaming becoming more and more popular and it’s player base growing , it is expected to have at least a couple of games that are eye catching with their nude content. And even more so, as we know that sex sells, video gaming companies know that as well and try to use that to their advantage to make something that will boost their sales and at the same time make someone blush. Here is a list of the best video game boobies you could play and enjoy wasting your time on.
With Team Ninja deciding to make a game based on beach volleyball, they focused their energy to try to make it as realistic as possible. They achieved this by devoting a whole department to studying breast physics and accurately making them beautiful.
This game is a multiplayer trivia game that was based on answering questions, and the more questions you answer right the more revealing videos of young women stripping you could see. This was the only game released by Top Heavy Studios and was rekt by critics for focusing only on nude content and little else.
As a piece of an emerging technology it was expected that Oculus Rift would be used for something sexual. Combining the Rift with a few pressure sensors, this is a game that boob lovers would definitely expect open-handedly.
Kaileena, one of the characters in this game has potentially one of the best video game boobies. Known as the Empress of Time, she has perfectly made boobies for an empress and is sure using them to good purpose.
As the main character in Tomb Raider, Lara Croft catches the eye thanks to wonderful and masterfully-made boobies that will make your jaw drop. Even though you wouldn’t expect something like that in a Tomb Raider game, you got it and it isn’t bad at all.
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Ivy Vallentine is one of the characters in the fighting game series. But, unlike all the other characters, she is recognizable and iconic for her big breasts, revealing clothing and sexy silver hair.
Described as one of the more supporting characters in the game, Sorceress has a breathtaking look and is so sexy that you would like to play with her even though she is a supporting character. And in the end, she definitely has one of the best video game boobies that you would love to see.
In this fighting game series there are a few beautiful boobies to see. The character Jade for sure is carrying the most beautiful of them. She is shown as a dark-skinned female assassin wearing a green skin-tight uniform.
In this game Quiet is the most beautiful character. A female assassin defeated by Venom Snake in the 1980s, she is known for wearing a minimal amount of clothing because she could only drink and breathe through her skin. Surely something to look forward to seeing, a beautiful character wearing as little as possible.
As the daughter of the former president of the US, you would expect her to be beautiful. Ashley Graham surely is that and more. Very sexy and with great boobies, this is one of the better characters to see and enjoy during this pretty scary game.
Wearing only a skin-tight black catsuit at all times, you won’t be able to take your eyes off her. And with the best video game boobies, she definitely deserves to bear the mark of the selling point of this action game.
The name of the game says it all. You play as Hugh Hefner in his prime and try to reach the commercial success that Playboy has today. With lots of girls and boobies, this game will get your attention and keep you playing for a while.
A game focused on driving BMX bikes. But that’s not all, you are a woman and you drive the bikes naked. Interesting game with a lot of nudity in it. Worth a try if you like to see some good boobies, for sure.
A game that is selling mostly thanks to nudity and sex appeal, with the main character Juliet Starling wearing a cheerleader outfit and showing off her body during fights with hordes of zombies. Even though it is a zombie game, almost the entirety of the promotional content for this game was based on ass and boobies.
The video game version of a famous Japanese game, this is essentially strip rock-paper-scissors, where winning is rewarded with a poorly shot video of a Japanese woman taking her clothes off to cheesy music.
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Marina Reimann
March 27, 2017
Here’s a list of some excellent mouth sounds with rad meanings.
Move over 'More Cowbell,' there are some new sheriffs in town.
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No movie is perfect. No, not even 'Die Hard.'
As you're mindlessly decapitating the undead, ripping out evil ninjas' spinal cords, or running over a father of two who just wanted to get to work, it's easy to forget all the time and effort that goes into our video games. There are countless digital artists, programmers, voice actors, and more behind each and every part of these interactive masterpieces. Even those games you had to hide from your mom starring the voluptuous space marines. Here are those brave game developers whose devotion to the perverted arts is so great, if they were alive in the 1400s, they'd be painting a fresco of Lara Croft's butt on the Sistine Chapel.
When fighting games like Street Fighter II , Fatal Fury , and Mortal Kombat became all the rage in the early '90s, the developers had a startling revelation -- since they only had two characters on the screen at any time, they could devote more memory to adding extra animations to their bodies . More specifically, the upper middle sections.
And so was born the video game industry's infamous breast bounce , which is practically its own mini-industry by now. The makers of the Soul Calibur fighting game series go one further and have a whole system devoted to achieving jiggly perfection, complete with charts.
And they're not alone in their zest for busty verisimilitude. In an interview with Kotaku , a developer named "Alex" (who very understandably would prefer to remain anonymous) revealed that his studio's models are tested by a focus group, which includes women (mainly because they don't employ many of them in the studio). The focus groups make sure that heaving polygons are at least passably recognizable as real human breasts, instead of, say, pillowcases filled with gravel.
And how did the focus groups react? When faced with initial digital breast animations, the women in the focus group tended to be creeped the hell out. After all, they were staring into the uncanny valley of boobage, and that is not a fun place to be when you have actual breasts attached to your torso.
After "accidentally" blowing up a group of NPCs with a gas explosion, a Watch Dogs 2 player noticed something odd about one of their groins, it wasn't the smooth area of Barbie-esque nothingness, we've grown accustomed to. Quite the contrary, actually. It had more detail than went into most video game protagonists' personalities.
Somebody at Ubisoft had coded a very realistic vagina into the game, raising the question: Did they hire, like, Andy Serkis to do the motion capture for this or what? And if you think this is a hacker or something (which would be quite meta, given the game's plot), other players soon located the same character.
Nevertheless, the guy who first discovered "it" took a screenshot and uploaded it to Twitter via his PS4 ... whereupon he was banned by Sony for being a dirty pornmonger. Ubisoft responded by chickenshitedly nuking the realistic crotch from the game, before presumably heading round to players' houses and smashing their mirrors before they glimpsed anything that might traumatize them.
That's not to say that they excised all vaginas from the game. They're simply a lot less visceral and, therefore, a lot less likely to offend Sony. They are presumably filled with ammunition and health packs.
It's literally impossible to get through the Witcher franchise without getting laid. As a "witcher" -- think magical mutation, Jedi training, and lots of drugs -- you can be pretty cavalier with your womb raider. All witchers are sterile, immune to disease, and highly resistant to toxins ( except alcohol , conveniently), so they don't have much reason to keep it in their pants. The original books say witchers are made to hunt monsters, but the games suggest that's more of a side-gig to their incessant genital-smashing .
But The Witcher 's creators don't simply drop their characters into Microsoft Kids 3D Movie Maker , apply some pre-made positions, and call it a day. They actually go through the trouble of recording real motion capture movements for each scene. For the third game alone, that translated into 16 hours of steamy, awkward data. How? Well, they insist that the game had to start with a sexual scene in order to establish a reason for the protagonist to be searching for his girlfriend. Yeah, why else would he give a shit about her?
On top of that, our brave protagonist uses an extremely repetitive set of moves on the ladies, so it's a little hard to wrap one's mind around 16 hours of mo-cap. The developers did clarify that this doesn't mean 16 hours of sex scenes, probably to prevent a wave of angry refunds.
The real heroes, to us, are the voice actors who spent hours recording their characters' coital eruptions. They never actually met one another, so they had to moan and pant with dead silence for a partner, the way one does when making "running" or "I've-just-been-stabbed" sounds. Doug Cockle, the gravelly voice of the titular Witcher, said it was like being caught mid-wank by your mom. That sounds almost as bad as her catching you playing this game.
We don't want to put all the blame on developers here. It's well known that every time a game allows players to create their own levels, the servers will be flooded with dicks. And like in every area where there's high competition, some of them really put in the effort to stand out.
In Minecraft , for instance, it's not enough to chisel yourself a Lyndon B. Johnson from rock. That shit might fly in LittleBigPlanet , but you're playing for the Harlem Globetrotters of penis artwork now, son. If your wang doesn't tower above the skyline like an angry totemic idol , spewing white-hot goo all over the staggered populace, what's the point?
Throughout antiquity, penises were worshipped as symbols of fertility and the basis of new life (or the center of all life, depending on your age group). In SimCity , you can take this literally and have your penis form the basis of a whole new fucking civilization.
In Call Of Duty , you can sculpt a dick-shaped emblem and have it replay over and over again as you cut your enemies down.
Not to be outdone, Battlefield 3 allows you to blow a phallus-shaped crater into the fabric of the planet , like Dirk Diggler's eco-terrorist brother.
Even Nintendo games aren't safe from this dick epidemic (epidemdick), as Super Smash Bros. continually proves .
The master of this entire genre, however, is Besiege -- a video game wherein you're tasked with constructing medieval-era siege engines and blowing/tearing shit apart. The good news is, that's what most players do. The bad news is, the medieval era they're recreating is decidedly Game Of Thrones y .
At the beginning of 1998's Fallout 2 , you can alter your character's S.P.E.C.I.A.L. stats: Strength, Perception, Endurance, Charisma, Intelligence, Agility, and Luck. These stats have an effect on absolutely everything you do. Including, amazingly, your ability to go heels-to-Jesus without disappointing your partner and shuffling to the nearest chem slinger for some shitty future drugs and scotch.
This discovery was prompted by a sidequest in the game in which you seriously get to be a porn star (by starring in some post-apocalyptic adult entertainment ).
Sometimes, however, your character would get rejected from his porn audition. It wasn't until much later that players figured out exactly why: There's a secret formula that takes four stats and weights them in accordance to what the development team thought were the most sex-ssential attributes. Charisma accounts for half of your score (no pun intended), while Endurance counts for 25 percent and Agility/Strength make up the rest.
The resulting number is then divided by 100, any relevant special abilities or attributes are factored in ...
... and voila! This gives you your Cosmopolitan -esque "how good are you at sex" score, and if you're a nine or higher, you're awarded the "Gigolo" reputation title . So in conclusion, now you finally understand what the point of high school algebra was.
Character creation screens have never truly been about creating a character. You're creating a new version of you, from changing your boring-ass business haircut into a radass party mullet to, fuck it, seeing what your right arm would look like if it was replaced by a chainsaw. Obviously, as in real life, there's always certain "things" you can't change -- or at least that was the state of things before Conan Exiles came along and afforded you the ability to crush your enemies with the contents of your underpants.
As always, there's the option to change race, eye color, and hairstyle.
But if you choose to play as a dude, you can also give your character a wang that could bulldoze an apartment building.
Or, if you want, a schlong that suggests your player style is less "aggressive tactician" and more "sympathy vote."
Note that choosing to play as a black guy gives you the longest default length of all other races, which ... err, yeah. Also, we'd be bereft if we didn't mention the realistic dick dangle physics , which we can't show you in motion , but if you've ever been inside a gym locker room you probably have a pretty good idea of what we're talking about.
Whilst female characters don't have the same level of customization, you can equip your character with a rack that also comes with its own gravitational field. You can stop reading, as this article has now come full circle.
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