Game Of Thrones Naked
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Every Game of Thrones Nude Scene, Ranked by Whether Anyone Really Needed to Be Naked
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Which sex scene on Game of Thrones is most relevant to its plot?
Not all sex on Game of Thrones is created equal. Sure, the HBO fantasy drama has (not unfairly) developed a reputation for gratuitous violence and sexual relations of all configurations—man on woman, man on man, sorceress on man, brother on sister—but some of that stuff matters.
Sex is wielded in Westeros, like everything else, as a form of power. If you're demanding it the way Daenerys tells her bearded underling to strip, it's a good sign you're in charge. (Though if the power-sex turns into sadism, à la Joffrey or Ramsay, you might be headed for a precipitous downfall.) Of course, sometimes bare boobs are just bare boobs. The showrunners are not above giving us some Emilia Clarke fan service to keep our attention while guy-whose-name-we-can’t-remember rambles about a subplot we’ll quickly forget. And sex is often a relief—for the characters and the viewers. You need something to break up all the beheading, impaling, and disemboweling. In a very dark world, it’s just about the only bright spot, as Tyrion would happily tell you while drunkenly nuzzling several prostitutes.
As an admirer of Game of Thrones’s more primal pleasures, I rewatched every moment of nudity and sex (including more incest than anyone asked for)* on the show so far—all 79 of them—and ranked them based on narrative value. You’re welcome.
*For the purposes of this list, nudity and/or sex must last at least several seconds and be clearly in focus.
79. A Faceless Man's Ass (Season Two, Episode Seven)
Jorah Mormont talks to a woman about dragons as she tattoos the back of a man whose ass crack is in public view and who contributes nothing to the conversation.
As relevant as: Demi Lovato's app to people older than 14.
78. A Prostitute Shows Off Her Ass (Season Five, Episode Three)
Tyrion and Varys are drinking inside the Game of Thrones equivalent of Hooters, and a woman who's proffering her services walks by in a risqué outfit. "Curious...hair," Tyrion says.
As relevant as: Rebecca Black's "Friday" to Mick Jagger on a Wednesday.
77. Littlefinger's Whorehouse Gets Raided (Season Two, Episode One)
Prostitutes run around naked and screaming before a baby is unceremoniously killed. Sometimes Game of Thrones mixes in sex with its gore.
As relevant as: A lesser Nicholas Sparks novel to a non–Nicholas Sparks fan.
76. A Prostitute Distracts Jory Cassel from the Task at Hand (Season One, Episode Five)
Ned Stark is trying to get some intel in Littlefinger's whorehouse, but his right-hand man is distracted by a woman's ample breasts.
As relevant as: Eminem and Mariah Carey's beef to Rihanna.
75. Dany and Khal Drogo Take a Prisoner in the Buff (Season One, Episode Seven)
A nameless man is tied to a horse and his flaccid penis swings in the breeze.
As relevant as: Eminem and Moby's beef to 2017.
74. A Dead Maester’s Penis Is on Display (Season Seven, Episode One)
Samwell Tarly and the Archmaester make small talk while performing an autopsy, pulling out the late maester’s giant liver, and in classic Thrones fashion, we get a hint of genitals with our gore. You don’t get this kind of action on CSI.
As relevant as: John Mayer to pop singles charts after 2013.
73. The Sand Snakes Elaborately Screw with Bronn's Head (Season Five, Episode Seven)
A Sand Snake teases Bronn by stripping after he negs her and says she's not "the most beautiful woman" he's ever seen. It turns out she poisoned him with her dagger, and to get the antidote from her, he's forced to change his opinion about her looks. As with all the Sand Snake scenes, I have no idea why this is happening.
As relevant as: Vanilla Ice's acting career to the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences.
72. Oberyn and Ellaria Have More Group Sex in King's Landing (Season Four, Episode Three)
The liberated bisexual couple makes it clear to everyone how liberated they really are by fooling around with young, supple prostitutes of both genders, before their sex is rudely interrupted. (That happens a lot on Game of Thrones.)
As relevant as: The guy Paris Hilton sleeps with in her sex tape to Koko the gorilla.
71. Stannis Hires a Pirate Who's Preoccupied (Season Four, Episode Six)
Stannis tries to persuade a pirate to help him as said pirate happens to be engaged in a bathhouse threesome. The bathhouse is tastefully designed.
As relevant as: Bella Thorne discussing her bowel movements on social media to anyone who's not Bella Thorne.
Lucas Hedges Breaks Down His Iconic Characters
70. Introducing Littlefinger's Whorehouse (Season One, Episode Three)
Naked prostitutes languidly wander around the establishment, and Catelyn Stark is not fine with it.
As relevant as: Kanye and Wiz Khalifa's feud to Wiz Khalifa.
69. The Hound Takes a Piss (Season Six, Episode Eight)
The Hound pulls out his penis to urinate while socializing with the Brotherhood Without Banners.
As relevant as: Katy Perry's four-day livestream to a Taylor Swift fan.
68. Tyrion Takes a Piss Off the Wall (Season One, Episode Three)
Tyrion pulls out an obviously prosthetic penis to demonstrate how steep the drop from The Wall really is.
As relevant as: Man of Steel to cinema.
67. Grand Maester Pycelle Rambles to a Prostitute About Kings (Season One, Episode Ten)
He has a senior moment while she gets dressed and half-listens.
As relevant as: Katie Holmes in Dawson's Creek to Suri Cruise.
66. Viserys Has Dragon Pillow Talk with a Prostitute (Season One, Episode Four)
Dany's brother is weird and controlling with a woman as he powers through exposition dialogue about dragons.
As relevant as: Lesser 1998 Patrick Stewart genre film Safe House to a Trekkie.
65. Half-Giant Hodor Has a Giant Penis (Season One, Episode Eight)
No one seems to know why Hodor is naked and caked in white powder. This includes Bran Stark, who tells him to put on clothes.
As relevant as: Showgirls to anyone not indoctrinated in the cult of Paul Verhoeven or Gina Gershon.
64. Bronn Enjoys a Naked Woman on His Lap (Season Two, Episode Nine)
As Tyrion's bodyguard is having a low-key night of "women and good brown ale," The Mountain cuts in and creates tension.
As relevant as: Steely Dan's post-'80s output to the rock canon.
63. Melisandre Gets Naked Around Just About Anyone (Season Four, Episode Seven)
The priestess enjoys a bath while nonchalantly asking her boyfriend's wife to grab her a potion.
As relevant as: Bruce Springsteen's Nebraska to a Bob Dylan fan.
62. Pod Walks in on Bronn (Season Three, Episode One)
Bronn gets busy with a woman who tells him to take off her necklace with his mouth, but then Pod makes it awkward.
As relevant as: Logic to the Scarlett Johansson–starring sci-fi film Lucy. (Bless its radical incoherence.)
61. Varys Negotiates with a Prostitute (Season Two, Episode Ten)
The savvy eunuch brings one of Littlefinger's employees to his side, but not before explaining why he's not interested in her bare breasts. "I'm not like most men," he tells her.
As relevant as: Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps to a stockbroker.
60. Cersei Tells Her Waifish Male Lover to Stay Out of Business Matters (Season One, Episode Ten)
When he pries into her royal affairs, she says, "Get back in bed."
As relevant as: Scoop to the Woody Allen oeuvre.
59. A Prostitute in Tears at Littlefinger's Whorehouse (Season Two, Episode Two)
After some violent action that rattles one of Littlefinger's prostitutes, he gives her a menacing, sociopathic lecture about "bad investments."
As relevant as: Bridget Fonda–starring American remake of La Femme Nikita, Point of No Return to the Luc Besson oeuvre.
58. The Poor Daughter-Wives of Craster's Keep Are Raped (Season Four, Episode Four)
The mutineers who have taken over the strangest house in Game of Thrones history also turn Craster's daughters into their property.
As relevant as: Ashton Kutcher's The Ranch to actual ranchers.
57. Khal Drogo Sexually Assaults His Wife (Season One, Episode Two)
While it was already clear he was raping Dany, now it is even more painfully clear.
As relevant as: Plot is to the Transformers movies.
56. Grand Maester Pycelle Dismisses a Whore (Season Six, Episode Ten)
After she requests payment for her services, the dependably creepy grand maester tells her to "go away."
As relevant as: Southern Charm to a casual Bravo viewer.
55. Daenerys's Creepy Brother Fondles Her (Season One, Episode One)
Viserys strips his sister in order to get a look at the goods he's selling off to Khal Drogo, and he and the camera ogle her.
As relevant as: The work of current rumored Pam Anderson boyfriend Julian Assange's WikiLeaks to Tommy Lee.
54. Robb Stark Continues to Be Madly in Love (Season Three, Episode Seven)
He tells Talisa, "If you don't put clothes on, I can't promise I won't attack you again," which sounds scary but is sweet!
As relevant as: The recent work of Mötley Crüe to Julian Assange.
53. Arya Watches Actors Change Backstage (Season Six, Episode Five)
Male and female actors disrobe as Arya stands around trying to decide how to poison one of them.
As relevant as: K-PAX to the Kevin Spacey oeuvre.
52. Ramsay Treats a Woman Like an Object (Season Five, Episode Five)
Reasserting his power after marrying Sansa, he tells another woman in bed with him, "You're mine. You're not going anywhere."
As relevant as: Ray Donovan to "the golden age of television."
51. Daario Continues Serving Dany (Season Five, Episode One)
While Dany is being angsty about her rebellious subjects, her warrior-lover casually struts around naked, as is his wont.
As relevant as: Paul Newman to a millennial.
50. Bronn Tries and Fails to Have Fun (Season Eight, Episode One)
Sex scenes with prostitutes don’t tend to be Game of Thrones’ most meaningful explorations of body-on-body contact, but somehow Bronn with three ladies goes a little deeper. The hired entertainment discuss the men who've been literally dragon-slayed, and Bronn brags about his own dragon-shooting skills, only to briefly start penetration before being interrupted by a proposition to kill Cersei’s siblings.
As relevant as: Chasing Amy to the work of Ben Affleck.
49. An Unsullied Is Seduced (Season Five, Episode One)
When a woman tries to take the pants off an Unsullied, he poignantly tells her he just wants a massage. She obliges, until he gets his throat slit.
As relevant as: "City of Stars" to musicals in 20 years when La La Land is a distant memory.
48. Theon Gets One Last Glimpse of His Favorite Vagina (Season One, Episode Six)
Greyjoy's lady-friend is leaving town and offers him a look at what he'll be missing.
As relevant as: T.J. Miller in The Emoji Movie to Erlich on Silicon Valley.
47. Theon Is Rude, Has (More) Sex (Season Two, Episode Two)
Naked once again and seemingly loving it, Alfie Allen's character is below deck en route to the Iron Islands and tells the woman he's screwing to smile with her mouth closed.
As relevant as: Committed love to the Bachelor franchise.
46. Loras Keeps Seeing Forbidden Fruit Olyvar (Season Five, Episode One)
The Tyrell brother continues his gay love affair a little too openly before sensible Margaery barges in and expresses that this maybe isn't a smart idea. (She is right, as we will learn when they're both thrown in High Sparrow jail for his dalliance.)
As relevant as: Space Jam to discussions about Michael Jordan's greatest achievements.
45. Ramsay Has Terrible, Cringe-Inducing Sex (Season Four, Episode Six)
To no one's surprise, he's into erotic asphyxiation.
As relevant as: Kourtney Kardashian ex Scott Disick to Kylie Jenner ex Tyga.
44. Uninhibited Dany Casually Rules Her People While Naked (Season Three, Episode Eight)
Dany steps out of a tub to talk to her new warrior Daario and is in no rush to put on clothes.
As relevant as: The Danny Boyle–directed Sunshine to space thrillers.
43. Pod Finally Gets Some (Season Three, Episode Three)
Everyone's favorite awkward squire loses his virginity to not one but three prostitutes, including one who "specializes in first-timers." They later refuse payment because of Pod's gifts in bed, i.e., enormous penis.
As relevant as: Freddie Prinze Jr.'s Back to the Kitchen: 75 Delicious, Real Recipes (& True Stories) from a Food-Obsessed Actor to celebrity cookbooks.
42. Jaime and Cersei Have Consensual Sex on a Tabletop (Season Four, Episode Ten)
Showing their reckless sides, they go on with their incest even though Jaime warns that someone will walk in. "I don't care," she tells him.
As relevant as: Jennifer Tilly's poker career to non–Jennifer Tilly, non-poker fans.
41. Faith of the Seven Members Shut Down a John's Encounter (Season Five, Episode Three)
Devout worshippers ambush one of their own in a brothel as part of their mission to purify.
As relevant as: Cooking to Martha & Snoop's Potluck Dinner Party.
40. Tyrion Is Surrounded by Prostitutes (Season One, Episode One)
In the first moment of nudity and sex on the show, Tyrion basks in the glow of his whores and implies he's well-endowed for a little person.
As relevant as: Ian McShane's Game of Thrones performance to Deadwood fans.
39. Lysa Tully Breastfeeds Her Son Who's Way Too Old for Breastfeeding (Season One, Episode Five)
In defense of Lysa, though, we don't know what standards for breastfeeding are in the universe of Game of Thrones, and the show might be trying to break a stigma. In any case, the kid is old enough to read and climb monkey bars.
As relevant as: 1992's Buffy the Vampire Slayer to 1997's Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
38. Tyrion Finds a Lover (Season One, Episode Nine)
Tyrion poetically asks prostitute Shae to be his exclusive companion by saying, "Fuck me like it's my last night in the world."
As relevant as: History to Sofia Coppola's Marie Antoinette.
37. Renly Baratheon Gets a Blowjob (Season One, Episode Five)
The gay lord has a loving and sort of secret relationship with Loras Tyrell, who tells him he'd be a "wonderful king." This is a nice thing to say to someone before going down on him.
As relevant as: Runaway Bride to Julia Roberts fans.
36. Samwell and Gilly Have Sex (Season Five, Episode Seven)
One of the sweetest romances on the show is consummated, with her on top. Curiously, neither actor shows any skin, though the room does look chilly.
As relevant as: Con Air to Nicolas Cage fans.
35. Robb Stark and His Lover Ravage Each Other (Season Two, Episode Eight)
He may be going to war, but Robb has other things on his mind, like having sex with Talisa.
As relevant as: John Wick: Chapter 2 to Keanu Reeves fans.
34. Prostitute Training by Littlefinger (Season One, Episode Seven)
Littlefinger coaches his female employees as they pleasure each other in his creepy, mesmerizing way, critiquing their techniques so they'll be more authentic with customers.
As relevant as: Billy Idol's current Las Vegas residency to Billy Idol fans.
33. Theon Is Seduced by a Wildling (Season Two, Episode Six)
Osha bares herself to Theon and tells him, "We know things…savage things." She is clearly up to something nefarious, but, you know, sex.
32. Cersei Has (Non-Incesutous) Sex with Euron (Season Eight, Episode One)
Euron Greyjoy slips back into his leather pants while he and Cersei have a post-coital interlude. He’s somehow both reprehensible and arrogantly charming as he asks how he compares to the “fat king.” Cersei is preoccupied by the elephants she didn’t get, which means they’ll probably both die.
As relevant as: High Art to ‘90s depictions of lesbianism in popular culture.
31. Cersei and Jaime Give It One More Go (Season Seven, Episode Three)
Cersei, feeling a little too victorious, storms into Jaime's room and blows him. They wake up the next day together, and she refuses to hide their sexual relationship from the staff. Importantly, this may well be their last embrace.
As relevant as: Paul Verhoeven’s mind-scrambling psychosexual thriller Elle to the stanning of Isabelle Huppert.
30. Jaime Rapes Cersei Next to Joffrey's Corpse (Season Four, Episode Three)
Because incest apparently isn't twisted enough for Game of Thrones, Jaime tries to comfort his lover/sister while they mourn her son, then he forces her into sex. She resists, saying, "It's not right." (If Cersei is questioning your morals, you really have problems.)
As relevant as: Wild Things to peak Kevin Bacon.
29. Grey Worm Stares a Little Too Long at Missandei (Season Four, Episode Eight)
Castrated warrior Grey Worm betrays his sexual desire, leading to Dany's confusion about her army of Unsullied eunochs.
As relevant as: Kid A to discussions about Radiohead's greatest albums.
28. Oberyn and Ellaria Visit Littlefinger's Brothel (Season Four, Episode One)
Ellaria picks a female prostitute for herself while Oberyn insists on enjoying the pleasures of Olyvar, the most famous (and possibly only) gay male escort in King's Landing. Asked how he likes it, the very dom Oberyn says, "My way."
As relevant as: Caddyshack to '80s comedies.
27. Dejected Theon Watches His Sister with Another Woman (Season Six, Episode Seven)
Asha, who it turns out is into women, cruelly tells her brother (now also a eunuch), "Some of us still like it."
As relevant as: Romy and Michele's High School Reunion to '90s comedies.
26. Ramsay Rapes Sansa Stark (Season Five, Episode Six)
The sadistic Ramsay reaches a new level of sadism by violating his new bride—and forcing Theon to watch—setting off endless internet hand-wringing.
25. The Faith of the Seven's Raid on Littlefinger's Whorehouse (Season Five, Episode Four)
The High Sparrow sends in his minions to beat and brand people in the brothel in very Euro-fascist fashion.
As relevant as: Lorde to pop music.
24. Loras Tyrell Is Seduced by a Male Prostitute (Season Three, Episode Five)
Loras finds a new dangerous new lover in Olyvar, Littlefinger's male escort, who holds many secrets.
As relevant as: Nirvana to the commercial rise of grunge.
23. Margaery Tyrell Has Failed Sex with Renly Baratheon (Season Two, Episode Three)
Margaery tries to make this relationship work in spite of the fact that Renly clearly reveals himself to be gay by complimenting the gown she takes off shortly after their wedding rather than her incredible lady body.
As relevant as: Phish to the jam-band genre.
22. Melisandre Seduces Gendry for Her Dark Magic (Season Three, Episode Eight)
The Red Woman takes the bastard son of King Robert Baratheon to bed, only to leech his genitals so she can extract the "power in the blood of kings."
As relevant as: Madonna to the ascendance of sexually liberated pop stars.
21. Melisandre Fails to Tempt Jon Snow with Her Body (Season Five, Episo
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Game Of Thrones Naked
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