Funny Sexy Humor

Funny Sexy Humor
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Q: What do you get when you cross a chicken and a vacuum? A: A cocksucker.

One day, little Suzie and her mom are walking down a beach when they see a couple having sex. Little Suzie asks her mother, "What are they doing?" And her mother replies, "They're baking a cake" so that she doesn't have to explain sex to little Suzie. Later that day, after mom has tucked little Suzie into bed, little Suzie's dad comes home. Mom and dad decide to have sex on the couch. The next morning, little Suzie goes up to mom and asks, "Mommy, were you and daddy baking a cake last night?" Mom replies, "Yes we were, Suzie. How did you know?" Suzie replies, "Cause I saw some icing on the couch."

A blonde walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "What do you have on tap?" He replies, "Anheuser-Busch" (And-how's-your bush). She says, "Just fine. How's your penis?"

Q: What is 6.9? A: A really great thing ruined by a period.

Just had a dangerous mole removed from the end of my penis. Definitely won't be shagging one of those again.

Just had a dangerous mole removed from the end of my penis. Definitely won't be shagging one of those again.

One day little Johnny walked out of his bedroom with his suitcase packed. His dad asked him where he was going and Johnny replied, "Last night I heard you say that you were pulling out and mommy said she was coming too. I didn't want to be left behind!"

What do you call men who use the pull out method?

Fathers

Seven year old Lebron was in English class, when his teacher asked him to use dictate in a sentence. So he says,
"Lass night I heard Daddy askin' Momma, 'how do my dictate?'"

Three old women were sitting on a park bench. A flasher ran up and whipped open his coat. Two of the old ladies had a stroke and the third couldn't reach.

Sex is like snow: you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.

A man comes home early from work and shouts, "Honey, I'm home!" No reply. So he goes upstairs and calls from the landing, "Honey, I am home," but still no reply. Frustrated, he goes into the bedroom and finds his wife on the bed, stark naked. "Oh Norman, I didn't expect you this early," she says, holding her chest and breathing heavily. He thinks she is having an heart attack and runs downstairs to ring for an ambulance. He starts dialing the emergency number when his young daughter starts pulling at his jacket. "Dad," she says. "Dad," she says again. "What is it? I'm busy," he says. "Uncle Jack is in the wardrobe with no clothes on," she tells him. He drops the phone and runs back to the bedroom. "You bastard, you f**king bastard," he shouts angrily at Norman. "You bastard! My wife is having a heart attack and you are going around scaring the kids!"

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