Funniest Orgasms

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Funniest Orgasms
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A Victorian film about the invention of vibrators sounds a bit odd, doesn't it? Well, that's exactly what director Tanya Wexler 's unlikely rom-com Hysteria is all about. The movie, in theaters this Friday, follows two determined doctors ( Hugh Dancy and Rupert Everett ) on a mission to find the cure for "hysterical" females with a device that can relieve the source of their deepest tensions. "Hysteria," though? Is that what they were called it back in the day? Nowadays we just call it good old fashioned "sexual frustration."
Before you get too excited, let us be the first to warn you: You are not going to see co-star Maggie Gyllenhaal 's O-face. But you will be seeing tightly-wound old women in stirrups, who (in case you were wondering) apparently have orgasms in a glass-shattering falsetto. And that's just in the trailer.
Something tells us Hysteria will be anti-climactic due to those old lady eruptions, but the film did inspire us to seek out more awkward, over-the-top displays of pleasure. Come along with us as we build up to, not count down, The 10 Most Ridiculous Orgasms In Movies. Get your post-climax cigarettes ready!
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"The second the orgasm came, I was terrified I had done something really wrong and my parents would know."
People of all ages, genders, and sexualities came through with their bumbling, awkward, and hilarious first times. Here are just some of their responses:
I was a young and eager learner. I had a major back surgery when I was 12 that left me bedridden for almost a month, so I was staying with my grandmother who was very much a part of the local church. Her bible study felt bad for me having to be stuck in bed, so they all chipped in and bought me a mini laptop. Long story short, within a day I was feeling myself to porn I had found. I discovered the clitoris and never looked back. Thanks church ladies!
My first? I was like 12, it was late. I scratched my balls, worked my way up, and supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! I was a man.
I was having some relatively steamy thoughts as a late tween laying in bed and I thought, “It feels weird down there. I wonder what would happen if I touched it." So I did, and I exploded immediately. I honestly had no idea what happened the first time — it actually kind of freaked me out. After I familiarized myself with my body and my orgasms however, it was heaven from then on.
My first orgasm was actually during a basketball practice four years ago. At the beginning of the practice we had to run around the court for about fifteen minutes. I started to feel a hot, tingly sensation between my legs, so I started to run faster because it felt so good and I didn't want it to stop. I kept running until it "exploded." I really wanted to moan, but of course I had to be quiet so that my team mates wouldn't realize what had happened. Ever since then I have orgasms while doing exercise, but I have to say those are less intense than the ones I have from intercourse.
I was probably about 10 years old and was laying down napping in the back of an RV. The vibration of my thighs from the movement of the vehicle started to feel really nice and I remember moving my body along with it until suddenly I orgasmed. Of course, I had no idea what had happened, but let's just say I was a fan of car-ride napping from then on.
I was 7 and I was climbing up a really tall pole and it was rubbing against my clitoris, so when I was getting to the top I had a clitoral orgasm. I was shaking so hard and I almost peed myself. I've never had one like that. RIP.
I think I was about 11 or 12, and I had just discovered porn when no one was at home. I had no idea what I was doing, but I sat in front of the TV and rubbed one out. The second the orgasm came, I was terrified something wrong happened and immediately stopped. I thought I had done something really wrong and my parents would know. I still masturbated after that though.
Wrestling with a friend and well... There was inadvertent rubbing that ended in a surprise. Had no idea what cum was until then. I was losing, too. Guess I've always been quite a sub.
When I was a kid, I had a lot of friends who were very sexual to say the least. One day, one of my friends dared me to hump one of my big stuffed animals. I didn't do it, but when she left I got curious. I took off my pants and underwear and started humping my biggest stuffed animals. I kept doing it until I felt this weird, but amazing sensation. Right after, I got this sense that I was doing something wrong. But it felt so right.
I was reading sexy fanfiction as a young teenager and liked the feeling it gave me. Eventually, after some research, I began to touch myself while reading a favorite piece. The romance/sexiness of the situation in the story really did it for me. Super embarrassing to think about now.
I was 9, maybe 10. I found a vibrating back massager in my house (basically a Hitachi wand, but not meant to be a sex toy) and decided, “Hey, why not try putting it down here?” I had no idea what an orgasm was, but I definitely had one. I remember thinking it was the coolest thing ever, like I had discovered something new and amazing. I hid that sucker in my toy box (not a euphemism) and had it all the way through college before it finally stopped working.
I would always put a little washcloth between my legs kind of balled up, then I would cross my left leg over my right leg, and the pressure from that on my clit gave me an orgasm. I liked the sensation, but I was pretty young so I didn't know what I was experiencing. I just knew I liked it and I would do it when my parents weren’t home.
I was 14 years old and I had read so much on Cosmo about masturbation, and I knew I just had to try it. I tried with just fingers, but I wasn't quite doing it in the right place so I decided to try the shower head method. When no one was home, I got into the shower and turned on the removable shower head. I put one foot up on the ledge and turned the stream to the highest and most direct setting. I just sort of pointed it down there and moved it around until it felt good. It tickled and I kept holding it there until I felt a super euphoric and relieving feeling. I was so astonished. I felt bad about it for the rest of the day but started doing it regularly (and now can finally do it with fingers) because honestly, what's so bad about it?!
Jacking off in the shower. Didn't know what I was doing at the time. Freaked out when I finally came. Thought I'd discovered something previously unknown about the human body until a google search basically had the sex talk with me my parents had been neglecting.
Late one night at 14, I had been reading a lot of feminist literature about masturbating, and decided to finally give it a try as I was half asleep. Through my thick, fleece pajama pants and underwear, I rubbed myself until I O'd, and it felt so intense I couldn't wait to do it again. I still felt gross and nervous about actually touching myself without underwear, so I got off that way for forever, and now that's the way I still orgasm, although I love touching myself totally naked.
—18/Woman/Possibly bi and most likely not straight
When I was 12 I stole my brother's electric toothbrush as a revenge for being mean to me and I really wanted to make him mad so I put it in my pants and turned it on. Let me tell you, I didn't know at the time what I was feeling, but it definitely was memorable. I was addicted after that and he never found his toothbrush again.
I first orgasmed on my own with a vibrator when I was 20. I hadn't known women were even capable of orgasm until I got to college and no one I'd encountered in my limited dating experience had ever given a thought to my own pleasure, so I had just assumed women weren't really supposed to get anything out of sexual encounters pleasure-wise. My college roommate helped me pick out my first vibrator and gave me a brief rundown on what to do.
I was 13 and home alone. I had spent the whole day on an online chatroom secretly, until some girl started messaging me how she wanted to devour me. I didn't really know what exactly masturbation was, but somehow my hand ended up in my pants and I was just rubbing my entire hand all over the place. Eventually I came and I shit you not — my entire body bounced up and down and shook for half an hour after. I masturbated every single afternoon for the next month.
Honestly, I had to learn about my clit (and, by extension, how to orgasm) from porn. I was hiding out in my room after school watching (would you believe) some shitty VHS tape with bad acting and worse hair, and I could not for the LIFE of me figure out why this chick was rubbing the other chick that way. Still, they both seemed to know something that I didn't, so I gave it a shot. Suddenly, I was seeing stars. It was such a fantastic discovery that I wound up masturbating my way through the next four years.
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Gigi Engle
Gigi Engle is a writer, certified sexologist, sex coach, and sex educator.


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"I orgasmed at a Grateful Dead concert."
Orgasms can be pretty hard to come by (pun intended) for many women. So when reports about someone accidentally climaxing during an abs workout or even while peeing start to surface — it can prompt some some major question marks.
But accidental orgasms are totally a thing. And they happen way more than you probably realize. Take it from these nine women who experienced the pleasure shock first hand (or, well, via other miscellaneous objects). Prepare to be amazed.
"One time, I was laying alone in the leaves under a really tall tree while raindrops were hitting my face. I don’t know what came over me but I suddenly felt a super-intense connection with the nature around me and realized I was legit orgasming. It was the coolest thing that's ever happened to me." — Ella, 24
"I was grinding against my boyfriend’s leg in high school and wound up coming all over his leg. I even got his jeans wet." — Grace*, 27
"I’m a 43-year-old mother of three who found out that labor and [vaginal] delivery makes for a very memorable orgasm. It’s called ecstatic birth and it’s a little-known ancient secret in our society." — Marev, 43
"I discovered orgasm while jogging for the first time at the age of 15. Something about rubbing legs together. Then it happened again while doing jumping jacks at a dance class and once it happened while dancing jive at a ballroom dance party!" —Celeste*, 37
"I am really into massages. Long story short, halfway through any massage, I have an orgasm. I try to relax and think about something else, but once that feeling is coming over me it feels like there is no way to stop it." — forgedinhades , Reddit
"[I orgasmed] at a Grateful Dead concert. The combination of the music and vibe and various substances in the air, combined with my dancing and swaying just suddenly did it for me. It was surprising, amazing, and, most importantly, made me realize at a young age that orgasm could happen outside traditional sexual experiences." — Jenn, 47
"I hopped in the shower in preparation for an awesome double-date night. In anticipation of some possible sexy times, I began the process of achieving silky-smooth legs. I finish with the right, after some careful balancing and maneuvering, and begin to move on to the left. I shift around, testing different positions for best access. Finally, after a good two minutes of moving around, I find the prime stance. And it just so happened to be the stance where the water was being launched straight at my crotch. And so the battle began.
"It became a race between my shaving abilities and my orgasm control. Much to the amusement of my girlfriend, I lack willpower when it comes to the second. I get halfway through shaving the lower half of my leg when I know exactly what's about to go down: me. I lost my balance, began to slip, and in my pathetic throws of shower head violation-induced passion, ended up smacking my head into the wall. So now, here I sit, a bag of frozen veggies soothing the lump on my head, and half of a fuzzy leg." — creepycreepercreepin , Reddit
"I discovered the wonderful and beautiful showerhead in my bathroom one day while taking a bath. It was this warm, amazing feeling down below. Then, well, it was fireworks. I felt like I was doing something bad, but I guess I didn’t care because I took a LOT of baths after that." — Mia, 31
"I once had the most powerful orgasm you can possibly imagine in my sleep. I woke up drenched in sweat. I had to jump in the shower. It was insanely intense. I’ll never forget it." — Brea, 27
Gigi Engle is a sex educator and writer living in Chicago. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter at @GigiEngle.

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