Fun With Fellatio
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Fun With Fellatio
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Street Blowjobs (TV Series)
Fun with Fellatio
(2014)
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Going down, eating out, rim job, 69, blow job, head — these are all terms you’ve probably heard to describe oral sex . Whether you want to try something new with a partner or you’re just curious, it’s important to have the facts about sexual health and pleasure first. Even if you’re just starting to think about having sex but aren’t ready yet, you can still build up your knowledge about all the things you might fantasize or think about doing for when the time comes.
You are probably somewhat familiar with what oral sex is, but there’s a lot of misinformation, stigma, and shame out there. And there definitely aren't enough reliable resources for young people that are both accurate and inclusive of various gender identities and sexualities. When you’re only taught about penis-in-vagina sex, it’s hard to understand all the possibilities for your sexual likes and dislikes — which is an important part of setting boundaries and establishing consent.
You should never feel pressured to have sex you don’t want to have, and the best way to prepare for that is to have all the tools and knowledge you need to make informed decisions about your body. It’s hard to know what you want to consent to if you don’t have all the information. The most important thing to know about any kind of sex is that communication with your partner(s) is the absolute, number one tool you need to have pleasurable and consensual sex.
We all have different desires — so when it comes to giving you advice for going down on your partner(s), there is no one-size-fits-all recipe. No two vulvas are the same, no penises are the same, no two bodies are the same. However, there are some general tips and best practices to know about beforehand.
Oral sex is medically defined as oral stimulation of the genitals. But that’s a very dry and vague way to define a sexual act that can be exciting, pleasurable, and intimate. This sexual act has been traced all the way back to ancient Egypt — through the myth of Osiris and Isis, when Osiris died and Isis put him back together, she was known to blow life back into him by sucking on his penis — which brings us to a more expansive redefining of oral sex. I define oral sex as the act of orally stimulating your partners' genitals with your mouth, tongue, and lips — which could include sucking or licking of the penis (fellatio), vulva (cunnilingus), or anus (analingus).
There is a lot of stigma around oral sex. It’s often theorized that in American culture people have oral sex before they have penetrative sex because it’s deemed “more acceptable.” For some, however, it's seen as the most intimate of sexual acts. This phenomenon could be because abstinence-only sex education programs primarily focus on penis-in-vagina sex. Additionally, studies have shown that young people often don’t define oral sex as sex. This is definitely a notion we want to undo because oral sex is most definitely sex — and for some people it’s the ~main course~ of their partnered sex. Not seeing oral sex as real sex makes it much more difficult to talk about how to practice safer sex (you can get STIs from oral) and is a subtle way of telling young LGBTQ+ people that the sex they may want to have is not legitimate. Given all of that, it’s important that we unlearn these stigmas so we can have factual conversations about oral sex so we’re prepared to take care of our own health and be considerate of our partners.
How to Talk About Oral Sex With Your Partner
So you’ve decided that you want to try oral sex. Talking about trying something new — or communicating about sex at all — can feel intimidating and vulnerable for people of all ages. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do it, because communication is the best way to have pleasurable and consensual sex with your partner(s). Every time you have sex, it’s a new opportunity to practice consent.
Before you can have oral sex, you want to make sure your partner also feels enthusiastic about trying this new sex act. Talk about mutual pleasure and whether you both want to go down on each other. If you're nervous (that’s normal!), be honest and talk about how you can create a context in which you’ll both feel safe to explore this new sensation. Maybe it means you ~set the mood~ with a massage beforehand or light some candles to create an intimate setting.
It’s also important to keep the communication open with your partner during oral sex — using both verbal and nonverbal cues for ongoing consent . Reading someone’s body language can take time, and it’s best to establish verbal consent about trying something new like oral sex, instead of diving right in. However, even after you’ve talked about both really wanting to try oral sex, consent needs to be continually given throughout any sexual encounter. While you can communicate by saying things like "softer," "harder," "more tongue," "slower," or "right there," verbal communication can be difficult in the heat of the moment. That’s when the dialogue can be had through nonverbal consent and getting to know your partner's body language. As you slowly start to head down south, be aware of how their body is responding to your touch — as you kiss their lower stomach do they moan and lean into you or are they frozen and nonresponsive? If it’s the latter, you should pause and check in with how they’re doing. If you’re having a hard time deciphering their body language, don’t make any assumptions. It’s always best to verbally check in when you’re unsure.
You can also practice aftercare with your partner and talk about how it felt, what you loved, what didn’t feel that great, and what else you want to try. Keeping the dialogue open before, during, and after will help create a safe space with your partner to have a healthy relationship.
Whether you’re performing fellatio, cunnilingus, or analingus — there are some things to keep in mind about exactly how to have oral sex. The best overall advice I can give you is to communicate, build up slowly, find your rhythm, and have consistency.
For many people with penises, the pleasure center is in the glans penis (or the tip/head of the penis) because a ton of nerve endings live there, making it an incredibly sensitive spot for stimulation. While stimulating the glans penis with lips and tongue, you can try wrapping your lips around your teeth so you don’t hurt your partner accidentally. Holding the shaft of the penis during oral stimulation can help keep things steady and also feel good for the receiving partner.
Fellatio can also be performed on a dildo and can be very sensual for both the giver and receiver. Some lesbians, genderqueer, or trans folks who have a vulva might want to receive oral on their dildo when wearing a strap-on. Pleasure for the receiver in this instance can come from watching their partner perform on the dildo or feeling like the dildo is an extension of their body, which could be very gender-affirming for them.
For people with vulvas, the clitoris is the pleasure center as it contains thousands of nerve endings. The clitoral hood is at the very top of the labia minora (or inner lips) — the clitoral hood exists to protect that area, which can feel like a hard pinpoint when someone gets turned on. The clitoris is very sensitive, and that means even the slightest difference in speed or pressure can take something from feeling really good to incredible. However, the entire vulva can feel amazing when stimulated orally; the focus doesn’t have to be entirely on the clitoris. There’s no one way to give cunnilingus.
Analingus can also be incredibly pleasurable to try. The anus is an erogenous zone , and rife with nerve endings to stimulate. However, the butthole is a muscle, and it will clench up when someone is nervous. So if you’re receiving, try to let go of all your jittery feelings and allow yourself to relax completely when your partner is going down on you. If you're curious to try analingus but you're still nervous, you can practice relaxing your muscles when you're alone, or touching the area with your fingers so you're better acquainted with it.
Lockjaw is a real thing when you’re going down on someone. Use pillows and other props to your advantage when you’re giving oral. You can use one under your partners bum to prop up their body. You can use pillows to support your arms and body.
Yes, this is absolutely possible . There is a long-standing myth that oral sex doesn’t spread STIs, but there are many STIs that can be shared from oral-genital or skin-to-skin contact. Chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, herpes simplex virus, HPV, and HIV can all be shared through oral sex .
Chances of giving or getting an STI during oral sex can be drastically reduced by using barriers. For fellatio you can use a latex or polyurethane condom on the penis or dildo before you start giving your partner head. Sometimes latex doesn’t taste the best, so it can be fun to get a flavored condom for this reason.
If you’re giving cunnilingus or analingus, you can use a dental dam, which is a rectangular shaped piece of latex that is placed over the vulva or anus before sex. If you can’t find a dental dam (they aren’t always sold at drugstores the way condoms are), you can cut a condom into a dental dam. You cut off the tip and then up the side of the condom before unrolling it. When you unroll the condom, you now have a dental dam. If you’re performing different kinds of oral in one interaction (i.e., going from analingus to cunnilingus), make sure to get a fresh barrier before starting something new.
When you’re sexually active, it’s a good idea to get tested every three months if you have multiple partners, if you are experiencing symptoms, or at least once a year regardless of any factors. You can often find free testing sites — Planned Parenthood is a good resource to find a testing site near you.
A lot of anxiety around trying oral for the first time comes from nerves about what we smell or taste like down there. I remember when I was a teen and I heard my peers talking about how vulvas smelled like fish, I absolutely refused to let anyone go down on me for years because of this. Trust me, as long as you aren't smelling something abnormal for your body, you smell and taste fine down there.
To ease your nerves, you can shower beforehand if you want. Penis owners can use a little bit of soap when they shower and everyone can use soap to wash their anus. People with vulvas should wash with only water — don’t use anything scented on your vulva or in your vagina — it has natural bacteria that keep it healthy and clean.
Now that you’re empowered with knowledge about oral sex, you can decide if you want to try it or not (when you’re ready). If this is something you want to do, then go ahead on down and have fun!
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