Fun Penetration

Fun Penetration
by Korin Miller Published: Sep 3, 2020
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Staring into each other's eyes and synchronizing your breath for deep, passionate sex can be pretty mind-blowing . But what if you’re looking to literally go deep? You know, as in explore spaces no penis , dildo, or strap-on has gone before with sex positions designed for deep penetration? Well, that's pretty freaking hot, too.
“Deeper penetration can provide multi-sensory stimulation to different erogenous zones on the body, including more friction on the clitoris, stimulation of the G-spot and A-spot , and even cervical stimulation,” says Shannon Chavez , PsyD, a licensed psychologist and K-Y’s sex therapist. But the kind of sex you’re used to and your actual anatomy play a role in how pleasurable deep penetration is for you, she says.
If you don’t do sex positions for deep penetration on the reg, you may want to consider taking a few steps to make yourself as comfortable as possible when you do try them out, Chavez says. She also recommends using “adequate lubrication ” which can help you both get deep and feel comfortable in the process.
Keep in mind that deep penetration isn’t for everyone. “Different anatomy types can make deeper penetration painful,” Chavez says. “Some women have an inverted uterus or cervix which can cause some discomfort with penetration. Other women may experience conditions like endometriosis or chronic pelvic pain that can cause pain through inflammation and tightness in the pelvic floor muscles.”
And, for some women, deeper penetration doesn’t provide as much stimulation as other positions, Chavez says. For others, it’s amazing.
Some sex positions (and some people) are just better suited for serious penetration. If that sounds like you, try these hot moves when you're in the mood for something a little more intense.
The lifted hips offer a low barrier to entry, says New York City sex therapist , Ian Kerner, PhD, author of She Comes First. Plus, this one gives great G-spot stimulation, says Kerner. You can spice this up even more by sharing fantasies while you get busy, Chavez says.
Do It: Lie facedown, with your hips slightly elevated (try sticking a pillow underneath them), and spread your legs out straight. Have your partner penetrate you from behind.
Because the legs are wider here, you’re more open to receiving all your partner has to offer, Kerner says. This one is also great because you’re able to control pace and just how deep you want your partner's penis or strap-on to go. Plus, this position keeps your hands free to wander all over your partner's body (or your own). Throw plenty of deep kissing into the mix. “Deep kissing can be highly pleasurable and arousing which may help the body relax and release tension in the pelvic area so that deeper penetration is more comfortable,” Chavez says.
Do It : While your partner is sitting down on a chair or the edge of a bed, you sit in their lap, facing them.
From this position, says Kerner, you can open your legs wider for a deeper feel. This move also provides ample G-spot action (that spot at the front of the vaginal wall). You can also stimulate your nipples while you ride for added pleasure, Chavez says.
Do It: Have your partner lie down, and you climb on top. Push off your partner's chest or the bed to control your movement.
This gives you some great G-spot stimulation, and you can go as deep as you like depending on your thrusts, says Kerner. Plus, you get the chance to dominate. Since you’re both pretty active in this position, try a little dirty talk to make it even hotter.
Do It: Like classic cowgirl position, you’re on top as your partner lies back, and you push off their body for leverage. The twist here is that your partner assists. By holding your hips or thighs, he supports your weight and rises to meet your movements.
It’s a classic for a reason—this one gives you deep stimulation, combined with intimacy , says Kerner. (Hello, prime making-out position!) To take it to the next level, raise your legs over your partner's shoulders. Try to add in deep kisses for maximum closeness.
Do It : Lie back while your partner lies on top of you, face to face.
The angle of this position allows for deep penetration thanks to the downward angle (and it's great for some G-spot stimulation), says Kerner. Plus, your partner's hands are free to stimulate your clitoris or engage in a little nipple action , Chavez says.
Do It: Get on your hands and knees while your partner kneels directly behind you and enters you from behind.
Since this probably isn't your go-to position, it’ll feel like a whole new world down there, says Kerner. That newness can make the penetration feel even deeper than it actually is. Plus, not being able to see your partner can be incredibly sexy since you don't know what they'll surprise you with next. You can also use an external vibrator to “prime the body for more comfortable and pleasurable sex,” Chavez says.
Do It : Your partner is seated, and you back into their lap, facing away.
Your partner has more leverage and support in this position, so they can move their body in a way that gives maximum depth, says Kerner. Plus, your partner can easily wrap a hand around and stimulate your clit while thrusting, Chavez says. “Clitoral stimulation in addition to deeper penetration provides different points of stimulation and arousal to increase the pleasure potential,” she adds. This one is also perfect for when you’re both tired but still in the mood.
Do It : Lie side-by-side in the spooning position, and bend your knees slightly so that your partner can enter you from behind.
Your legs are spread wide, lending the move to way more depth, says Kerner. Plus, from this position, your partner's pelvis will give you some clitoral stimulation as your partner grinds against you—or you’re free to take that into your own hands. Deep kissing could also kick things up a notch here, Chavez says.
Do It : Lie on your back with legs raised up and out. Get your ankles as far back toward your head as you can. Then, your partner enters you in missionary style.
This position is all about opening yourself up—especially your legs and hips, Kerner says. Here, you can get deep in more ways than one: Lock eyes with your partner as you climax for added intimacy , says Kerner. Try a little deep kissing or nipple play to make things even more intense, Chavez says.
Do It: Your partner sits cross-legged, then you sit on their lap, facing forward. Next, wrap your legs around your partner's back, pull each other closer, and rock back and forth.
With this sex position, you get both the physical and emotional depth. You have the deeper penetration of doggy style , while still being able to make eye contact. Bonus: This position is prime for some extra clit action from your partner, which Chavez says is always a perk.
Do It: Lie on your right side; your partner kneels, straddling your right leg and curling your left leg around his left side.
Similar to flatiron, the lifted hips in this position allows super- deep penetration . And if you add the pillow under your pelvis, that can really help your partner target that G-spot (and give your back a rest). You can have your partner reach around to stimulate your clitoris while they’re thrusting, or do it yourself the way you like it.
Do It: Get on your hands and knees; keeping hips raised, rest your head and arms on the bed. Have your partner enter you from behind.
To really make this position a standout for deep penetration, try putting your raised leg over your partner's shoulder to make for a wider leg opening. If that calls for a bit too much flexibility, this face-to-face position is still a great option. Add deep kissing to get super intimate, Chavez says.
Do It : Standing on one foot, face your partner and wrap your other leg around their waist while they help support you.
With your legs literally locked around your partner's hips and your body at a downward slope, this creates a great deep-penetration situation. Not to mention: It's a serious arm workout. You’ll both be pretty busy in this position, but Chavez says you can engaged in a little fantasy talk to make it even sexier. And whenever you want to give your arms a rest, modify and rest your arms on a table or the edge of the bed.
Do It : Get on your hands and feet and have your partner pick you up by the pelvis. Then grip their waist with your thighs.
Your legs are spread wide in this position, which lends to deep thrusts, says Kerner. You can also try throwing one leg up against your partner's shoulder for even deeper penetration. Or, if you have good balance, Chavez says you can use one hand to stimulate your nipples or clitoris.
Do It : Get into a partial bridge position, with your weight resting on your shoulders. Your partner enters you from a kneeling position.
Korin Miller is a freelance writer who lives by the beach. She has big hopes to own a teacup pig and taco truck one day.
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Because you don’t have to put anything in to get it on.
For many people, 'good sex' is synonymous with penetration – whether it’s vaginal or anal. Heck, some people don’t even define it as ‘sex’ unless penetration is involved, thanks to the heteronormative, ableist and one-size-fits-all attitudes to sex that we’ve been fed through the media and subpar sex education.
But there are so many reasons why we might want to skip the penetration and focus on many, many, many other aspects of sex out there to be enjoyed. Some individuals experience vaginismus which might make penetration difficult and painful, then there’s also the fact that around 80% of women and people with vulvas can’t orgasm via penetration alone and will need clitoral stimulation in order to get there. And then, of course, there's simply the fact that you might not fancy penetration at any given time – it’s up to you to define what constitutes good sex to you.
So, to celebrate the fact that sex comes in lots of different shapes and forms, we’ve rounded up a selection of non-penetrative sex ideas to get you started.
“‘Kunyaza’ is a practice that’s been exercised for hundreds of years between heterosexual couples in central Africa,” says owner of the Whores of Yore sexual history hub, Dr. Kate Lister. “During kunyaza, the man rhythmically and firmly strikes the clitoral glands with his erect penis,” she explains.
“As the woman [or vagina-having person] becomes more aroused and the vulva starts to swell, their partner rubs their penis from the top to the bottom of the vulva, then left to right, and then in a zigzagging motion – always returning to strike the clitoris after each rotation. Finally, as the woman or vulva-haver is brought close to orgasm, their partner simultaneously stimulates the whole vulva area using long strokes... but never penetrating. The technique itself may sound deceptively simple, but kunyaza literally means ‘to make urinate’, or ‘to make squirt ’."
Tenga eggs are soft, stretchy, squishy hollow ovals with a hole at the bottom. You pour a little lube into the hole, pop them over the end of a penis, then use them to give your partner a hella good hand job – each one has a different texture inside it, to caress them in different ways. The ‘hard boiled’ varieties give stronger sensations than the classic editions, and you can also use different lubricants (warming, cooling, or extra helpings for a sloppier, slippier, more blow-job-esque feel and sound).
These aren’t just toys for the boys and penis-having people, either. Try flipping one inside out over your fingers, and using it to stroke the clitoris and labia , again with lashings of lube.
Alternatively, you can use sex toys to stimulate parts of your partner's body other than their genitals, says Kate Moyle, a psychosexual and relationship therapist and host of The Sexual Wellness Sessions podcast .
"Try incorporating a vibrator into a sensual massage by running it up and down your partner's spine," Kate suggests. Or if you do want to go down below you can use a vibrator to externally stimulate yours or your partner's genitals, without actually penetrating.
Clit sucker sex toys are also non-penetrative and provide a totally new sensation. Instead of vibrating, they send out pressure waves that attempt to replicate the feeling of oral sex.
The perineum is the fleshy part between a guy or penis-haver's balls and anus, and it’s chokka with nerve endings. “It also hardens as he does,” explains Topher Taylor of Clonezone sex shop. “The perineum graduates from soft, to firm and back – which gives you a plump area to rub, tug and massage. I find that stimulation using your tongue and your knuckles works well.”
With your partner lying on their back, try holding the first and middle fingers of your dominant hand as though you’re flicking the Vs at their genitals, then pushing those knuckles either side of their perineum, gripping against the firm flesh and rubbing up and down while licking the surrounding areas.
The perineum responds well to moisture, pressure and temperature. Try pressing against it with a heavy, ribbed stainless steel dildo, like the Lovehoney 7 inch beaded glass dildo , that’s been chilled in the fridge or submerged in warm water.
Massage can be a great way to get intimate with your partner without your genitals even getting close to touching each other. Focus on massaging your partner's upper body, their back and shoulders, and making them feel relaxed; the skin-to-skin contact will still help to release oxytocin, the same chemical released during sex.
You can take your massage to the next level by introducing some temperature play, suggests Kate Moyle. "Try something like the Lelo massage candle to mix things up," she says. "As the candle burns it turns into a massage oil which can be used on the skin."
Introducing temperature can also be a simple way to create an element of power play, especially when one partner is in control of the different temperatures. "You can combine the massage with ice cubes to mix up hot and cold temperatures," Kate explains, "and it can be a great way of introducing teasing and giving up control to your partner."
If you usually have penetrative sex with a partner, try setting yourselves the challenge of not doing so for a week or two, suggests Kate Moyle. The time off from penetration will not only build up a tonne of tension, but touching each other outside of penetration might mean that you discover whole new sensations or erogenous zones that you'd never tapped into before.
"Anticipation is one of the best aphrodisiacs that we have, and teasing and sensual touch can play a big part of that," explains Kate. "It will help you to be more playful and imaginative - and it can really revamp your sex life to discover different parts of each other's bodies where you or they like to be touched."
"Plus, it's also important to remember that pleasure is not all about penetration," Kate adds. "In fact, most women [and people with vaginas] orgasm through direct clitoral stimulation, rather than penetrative sex alone," she explains. Try having your partner just massage your clit without actually putting anything inside - and see where else on your body feels good to be touched.
They say that the brain is the most important sex organ - and using your imagination holds endless power when it comes to sex.
Kate Moyle suggests using a prompt like the Pillow Talk card deck from The School of Life to ask each other questions about what you want during sex, whether it's asking what kind of power dynamics you find exciting, or an unusual location you've always wanted to have sex in. And there's no touching required!
"Many of us can find opening up the conversation about sex really challenging," says Kate, "but opening up communication can actually really help with intimacy."
You can also try learning more about sex and exploring different sexual subjects together, Kate adds. After all, knowledge is power!
Try listening to a podcast like The Sexual Wellness Sessions to open up a conversation about sex with your partner, says Kate. You can talk about what you enjoy, what you'd like to try, or any fantasies you might have.
And if you're done with conversation then try listening to some audio porn together. "Apps like Ferly have sensual stories and audio erotica for you to listen to, which can help to spark your erotic imagination," says Kate.
Sarah Berry is a sex and relationships therapist who often works with women and people with vaginas who suffer from dyspareunia, vaginismus and vulvodynia : conditions that make penetration or just touching the external genitals uncomfortable, even excruciating. For such clients who want to enjoy play without pain, she suggests a variety of exercises that don’t focus on the foof – but says they’re also beneficial for couples who find it hard to pause in their busy lives, or who are struggling to get aroused, especially if they feel pressure to perform sexually. They’re spot on for simply switching up your routine, too.
She recommends enjoying a lighthearted, indoor ‘Nil Penetration Playtime Picnic’ on a lazy, loungy Sunday af
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