Fucked Up Shit

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Fucked Up Shit
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Most of these short stories are pretty fucked up, which is why I cleverly titled this page ‘Fucked Up Shit’… so I’d like to warn you, some of this fucked up shit is pretty fucked up. So if you don’t wana keep reading the words fucked up shit cause it’s too fucked up, then kindly move on to Crazy Ass Relationships–actually those are pretty fucked up too. How about my book? Nah that’s even worse. Fuck it, just read.
At 7:30AM I was a bloody fuckin mess. Started out such a good day too. Woke up still tan from Mexico. Still buzzing from good sex. Ready to jack that weight back from all the tacos and shit we’d eaten the week in Tulum. Kept my pajamas on as I went to the guest room...
So I logged onto MySpace while my ex-girlfriend was at work. It was 2005. I was twenty years old and hadn’t seen this girl named Robyn since I was fourteen in this rehab in Louisiana, but now that MySpace had just come out, I wondered if I might be able to find her....
Tina never played sports in school. She was always the girly girl that went to softball practice just to gossip about boys. She was only ten years old when she asked her mom if she could wear eyeshadow to school. All the girls are doing it mom. And so she...
Flower picked up. GREGGY!!!!! I couldn’t believe my ears. FLOWER!!!! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? WHERE’D YOU GO?!?! I’m so sorry Greggy they made me leave and I went to Switzerland and then I ran away with Kiki and then we got tickets to come back here and I’m...
READ PART I READ PART II The bus pulled onto a dark street at midnight, but Flower was NOWHERE to be seen. The Greyhound station was closed. I sat on a deserted street in downtown Providence. No clue what to do. I had nowhere to sleep, I had no direction, I...
I had to get 23 bucks for the bus ticket to providence I was tellin you about yesterday. CUT TO Dinner table. Hey mom? Marks wants to take me to Benihana tomorrow for a late lunch after he gets off work before my visitation is over. Is it cool if I...
I threw the dinner table over and finished that scene from A Streetcar Named Desire where Stanley flips his lid at Blanche for the first time at the dinner table. It was an intense scene and i had teared and grabbed my wife’s tits during the scene in front of the...
So I'm at this bar in Hell's Kitchen with my co-star of a play I was performing in at the time called Tape, by Stephen Belber, when Duane, my co-star, says in a thick New York accent (even though he's from Rhode Island) Don't worry. I'll take care uvit. Take care of...
So i’m a homeless sixteen year-old runaway that had just escaped from Hidden Lake Academy and was now spare changing with my homegirl, Flower, on the streets of Providence Rhode Island when I looked up from my Indian-print blanket, which I was sitting on while burning...
He was wearing three hoodies and two pairs of pants with his hood over his face holding a shopping bag. I couldn't see his face in the dark. We were outside the Flatiron Mall in Broomfield Colorado. I was 18. He told me to "Put the money on the ground" So I put twelve...
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I am a 27/F and I masturbate regularly while fantasizing about having sex with my parents. The thought of eating my Mom’s pussy or sucking my dad’s dick gets me so hot. But I don’t think I could do it in real life.
I still think about the time I did lines off my boyfriend’s dick. We haven’t been together in several years, but at the time we were post original breakup, still emotionally involved, across-state-lines booty calls. We met at a hotel room one night, just for fun. I wore lingerie, he tied me up, and I did coke off his boner before I blew him.
I don’t even like cocaine, but I liked it that night.
I had sex with two Bangkok hookers, without a condom. I came inside one of them while the other was sucking my balls. This was the greatest sexual experience of my life, and I regret nothing.
I like to lick toilet seats in women’s public bathrooms. If I see a toilet seat that looks like its pretty clean has no stains on it, I’ll give it a quick lick. Oh and only in women’s bathrooms. I try to only do it when I know it will be empty or if Im worried about getting caught, I have the excuse that Ill just say I thought it was a mens bathroom.
Only reason I do it is because it gets me off, when I get home I masturbate to the thought, knowing the types of different women that have sat on there. I know its a filthy habit, but I cant really get sick from it or anything, so Im not too worried.
Me and my ex-girlfriends mom hooked up two days after we broke up. I was going to get some stuff I left there and her mum made a pass at me so i went with it — it’s happened 6 or 7 times now and I think I may like her more then i ever like her daughter, her mum is 55 and I’m 19 btw.
I had sex with my friends 17yr old brother. But wait. There’s more. Let me start off by saying I’m only 20 and the age of consent is 16 in my state. But he was a very close friends younger brother, I have always been attracted to him. My friend (Neil) and his girlfriend wanted to go camping and invited me along, they told me I would share a tent with the brother (lets call him Carl) Not a problem, I thought I could control myself.
Well, they didn’t tell me that another friend of ours (Gail) would be sharing the tent with us. Okay, that helps with the urge to bone Carl. Well, it was kind of cold, so I convinced Carl to spoon up behind me. Gail had fell asleep. Carl got a little touchy, I got a little touchy, it lead to me riding him into the ground with Gail asleep not 3ft from us. She’s asleep, so no biggie right? Gail admitted to me the next morning that she wasn’t asleep and had masturbated to us having sex. Nobody has told Neil that I slept with his brother.
I more than likely just killed someone. I was driving along the freeway and someone tried to commit suicide on my car. Fairly long story but I am not at fault and he was rushed to the hospital with a very minimal chance of life. Tonight I killed someone.
I’m in a longterm sexual relationship with my brother. We’ve been sexually active with one another for nearly ten years (he’s my fraternal twin), and although we’ve lived together throughout that period, for whatever reason no one has ever seemed to find anything strange about the fact, or that neither of us is interested in dating other people.
Lately I know he’s been playing with the idea of moving to the other side of the state, which would actually be far away from everyone we know. We could actually make a new start, and introduce ourselves to people as bf/gf, as opposed to brother and sister, and needing to be so cautious about what we do in public.
Which would be… amazing. But then both of us would need to come up with fake stories and maintain a different identity, so no one would suspect? I don’t know. It’s both exciting and terrifying.
I’m 37. I have been married for 16 years, we have three kids. My wife is the most fake, two-faced person I have ever met. She is constantly gossiping about people with friends, and then about those friends once they’re not around.
The thing that pisses me off the most about her is how she treats our kids. She will never fix meals (even though I work in a successful career and support the family). Also, she’s really short with them and just … mean. She’ll call them names, and every time she interacts with them, there is this edge in her voice. I’m pretty sure all my kids have a totally fucked up idea of what a mom should be at this point.
Every time I try and talk to her about anything I’m unhappy with she gets super defensive and goes into bitch mode.
I am a very patient person, but after 16 years of dealing with this I have had enough. I’ve tried keeping it together for the kids because I know she would be an even worse mom on her own.
I can’t even stand being around her anymore. She’s lucky I have kids with her, or I’d be gone tomorrow.
I hate being married! My husband is a whinny asshole! Everyone looks in from the outside, and sees a perfect couple. We are the kind of couple, that other couples wish to be like. I’m told how lucky I am, and etc. I look so happy, and so in love! In reality, I’m so sick of being married! All my husband does is complain, pop pills, and nag. He is emotionless unless he’s fucked on some kind of pain pill that makes him feel good, and I’m sick of it! I have been looking on craigslist for a roommate. It’s a hard choice, because I do love him I just don’t want to be with him anyone.
Disgusted in myself. I gave oral to my boss for a promotion. Told my boyfriend and he’s breaking up with me. Sad part is, boss quit, so nothing came out of it. He moved back to his home country of Egypt to retire, so nothing I can do about it, not that I would even want to do something about it, I don’t want the added stress. There goes 4 years relationship down the drain.
My roommate had sex last night with her boyfriend, thinking I was asleep. I was awake, and watching. I felt perverted about it, but I couldn’t help but watch. it wasn’t even a sexual thing for me. I just thought it was interesting, I guess…
I hate everyone for having love / sex lives. My friends grow distant as I become less of a priority, I see people enjoying that special kind of relationship around me, for all my life, and my inability to procure one has created a very deep resentment , and I hate feeling that way.
I’m a well known American film actor and I’m a closeted homosexual. I will not reveal who I’ve worked with or what I’ve starred in obviously, as I don’t want to be identified. I love my career, and I know I would lose my leading man status if I ever came out. I feel terribly guilty about many different things.
First of all, I feel like I’m misleading my fans. I know a lot of women watch my movies to watch me, and part of that is fantasy, and I feel like it’s all based on a lie. They do a lot market analysis in Hollywood. I get told about which demographics I do well with, and I feel like I’m misleading so many people, or letting them down.
I am dating another well known personality, and we’ve been publicly together for a while now. I know she expects to get married, the press expect us to get married, but of course this would be a great disservice to her. Truth be told I think she knows. She is a wonderful woman and a wonderful person and I don’t deserve someone as loving and trusting in my life, and I truly do love her, but I’m not in love with her, and sex with her, despite her beauty, is difficult for me.
I also feel terribly guilty because I know there are so many gay kids out there and I feel like by not coming out, and not providing that public display of being gay and being successful I’m letting them down. Public figures like Ellen DeGeneres coming out when I was younger made a huge difference to me, and I feel like I should be paying it forward, but I’m too afraid of my whole life being ruined.
I’ve only told a few people. I’ve been with two men since my career has started. Both have been, thankfully, very discrete. My two best friends from before I became mainstream know, and have been supportive. I’ve told two gay actors who have come out because I trusted they would keep it to themselves, having been in the same position. They were comforting and told me to do what I needed to do, but it didn’t assuage my guilt at all. I tested the water with my agent, who basically told me “Faggots don’t make it in this town,” and then went on to basically explain that he would never represent a gay man because the effort versus the money just makes it not worth it to him. It frankly terrifies me. I just wanted to get it out there.
I lost my virginity to an escort last night. I’m 25 years old (turning 26 in September) and I just had sex with a woman for the first time last night. Loneliness is not an issue. I decided it was something I had to try before I get old so for two weeks I’ve been searching for the right escort. I’m not going to give any details but after last night I believe I made a right choice. Done lots of things I never did before. I would definitely go to her again but not until at least two months because I don’t want to make it an expensive habit.
All I can say is that it’s pretty damn easy to lose your virginity and it’s not that much of an accomplishment compared to getting a degree or travelling to new places. I have much more respect for other virgins who have more self control than I do.
The other day, I was raking leaves in my backyard when I noticed that one of our trees had a perfectly sized hole for my penis. I knew that if I went in without any protection I would hurt myself, so I went and got a condom out of my room.
I went back into my backyard (my parents weren’t home at the time) and put the condom on my penis. I started to stick it in the hole a few times to get a feel for it, and it only hurt a little bit. So I proceeded to do this until my condom fell off.
The only problem is that it fell off during the point of no return and I couldn’t help but keep going.
So long story short, my dick is very scraped up from this and I’m not sure what to do. It’s been bleeding for a couple of days now. I’m too embarrassed to tell anyone, but it hurts so much I can barely even walk because it rubs against my pants.
I was in the bathroom at the library trying to poop. I’ve been sick lately so my bowel movements have been really irregular. My stomach was killing me but I just couldn’t get anything out. (It’s about to get really bad) Id heard you can sometimes get yourself going if you massage the area or pull something out. (Gross I know) So I tried that and sure enough I felt like I could pull something out.
When I did, it got stuck to my hand and I basically freaked out. I tried to get it off my hand, but I spazzed and flicked the poop off my hand, into the air and over into the stall next to me :( Worst part, a woman was in the stall. I didn’t wait around to find out what happened next because I ran out the door. I really hope she didn’t notice, but I can’t believe anyone wouldn’t notice poop falling into their stall :(
I slept with my brother on New Years Eve.
We were drinking with our mutual friends at a new years party. Everyone was kind of off doing their own thing. My brother was sitting on a bed and I say down next to him. I (innocently) had my hand on his knew/thigh as we were talking and before I knew it, we were groping each other and kissing like crazy. We were both really drunk as I said before. We haven’t spoken since this happened, only exchanged odd glances at each other. I can only hope that I don’t get pregnant seeing how we didn’t have any protection.
I regularly hire an escort to pose as my girlfriend.
Four years ago, I hired an escort off Craigslist to accompany me at a wedding. I’m such a fucking introverted loser that there is a 0% chance of me securing a date normally, so I resorted to hiring a girl named “Sandy” to spend a day with me with the promise she would be well fed and would not have to fuck me. I initially thought I’d let some people in on it as a joke, but I was worried it’d reach the wrong people, so Sandy became my girlfriend for the night.
Because I’m still a fucking loser, Sandy has become a staple in my life since then. I see her every now and then for corporate functions, parties, et cetera. She’s not my “girlfriend” anymore but “female friend” – AKA “fuck buddy” I don’t fuck. That’s the perception. I actually know her real name now, have been to her house and we occasionally text each other funny pictures. She likes playing with my macaw Hotdog and is the person who taught him how to say “Woof! I’m a dog!”
We even buy each other birthday gifts, too.
I would probably have sex with Sandy, but yes, if you correctly absorbed the above paragraph, I am friendzoned by a hooker.
Luckily for her she cleaned her life up and is some kind of makeup artist for infomercials, but I still enjoy the privilege of paying her $200 to go out to events with me. That’s $300 cheaper than it used to be.
I have not had sex with anyone since meeting Sandy and spend my days ironing shirts, cleaning and playing with my bird. I have no life at all. Fuck everything. I’m living some kind of lie and it has cost me around $7,000.
I fuck Watermelons. It’s pretty sick I know. I buy watermelons, cut holes in them, and fuck them. Im ashamed and I think my girlfriend might find out.
I lied about my work history, experience, and degrees to land my job. I never graduated college. In fact, I barely went to a community college before dropping out. Before working for the company I do now, I never had a job higher than 3rd key manager for retail stores.
I was unemployed and really starting to stress out about finding a job before getting evicted. So one night, in a bout of depression, I made up a fake resume. I gave myself awesome jobs, gave myself a degree from a decent college. Made up some references. Basically made the perfect degree. I then submitted it to what was a dream job for than.
I got an interview. At this point I was thinking it would be a great story to tell me buddies after bombing the interview. But I didn’t. It went perfectly. I’m telling you that I could have done that interview 1000 different times and it would have never come off better. I was simply on fire that day and they ended up offering me the job.
So I accepted. It was for a salary that was almost 3 times I had ever made in my life. I figured at this point what was the worst that could happen? Maybe I’ll get a week or two of paychecks before firing me. But that didn’t happen.
I’ve been promoted 4 times since then, after starting off making around $60,000 a year (almost $40,000 a year more then I ever made before) I now make over six figures a year. Before this job I never had a job outside of retail. I turned in the resume more as a joke then anything else and it kept snowballing.
My wife and I married in the spring of 2010 and we have a great marriage on the surface, however that is not the case. My wife cheated on me a little after a year of marriage but we got through it. Then it happened again and I asked her to leave our home and she temporarily moved back in with her father.
My wife would try to contact me and try to work things out but I refused to answer. She texted me one day saying she needed to come by the house to get her clothes and I finally responded and told her I would leave her stuff outside and she could come pick it up so I wouldn’t have to see her. She disagreed because we don’t live in the best neighborhood and it’s likely her stuff could get stolen. She told me her father would come by to pick her clot
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