Fuck Boy

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Fuck Boy
By Zachary Zane Published: May 18, 2020
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It’s not something you should be proud of...
It’s 2020, and still, somehow, you don’t know what it means when people talk about "fuckboys." It’s awkward because it’s too late to ask what "fuckboy" means (especially if someone’s called you one). Whenever you first heard it, you were too embarrassed to admit you didn’t know what it meant, so you let it go, assuming the word would eventually fall out of mainstream vernacular—but instead, it's become ubiquitous.
Luckily for you, I, too, am often late to the party. So I decided to do a deep dive into where the term "fuckboy" came from, and exactly what people mean when they throw it around today. (I also really wanted to make sure, I am not, in fact, a fuckboy.)
First, let's talk about where the word comes from, because its meaning has evolved over time. As Jezebel notes , the term "fuckboy" originated in African-American Vernacular English and Black slang. It grew popular through hip-hop music, including the 2002 song "Boy, Boy" by Cam'ron, where "fuckboy" refers to a man who's a faker. Fuckboys are also mentioned in the 2014 Run the Jewels song "Oh My Darling Don't Cry." In an interview with Under the Radar , Killer Mike was asked about the meaning of the word in that song. He said: "The way you can identify fuckboys is because they are always doing fuck shit. Just the dumbest, weirdest, lamest possible shit ever."
There was a huge spike in search and usage of the word directly following "Oh My Darling Don't Cry," according to Google Trends . The term peaked between 2015 and 2016.
Around that time, the broader culture (a.k.a. white people) appropriated the word and tried to give it a different meaning—the one you've probably heard before in regards to sex, dating, and relationships.
Believe it or not, dictionary.com offers a definition of the word fuckboy. (Alternative spellings and styles of the word include fuck boy, fuckboi, and fuccboi, but the latter actually has a specific meaning in the fashion world .) Of note, Google Docs also is not giving me that red squiggly underneath, so they, too, apparently know the word is legit.
Can we take a moment to appreciate that dictionary.com dropped all dictionary pretenses, and went ahead and said that (in bold!) followed by an ellipsis?! I have half a mind to believe that dictionary.com was once screwed over by a fuckboy.
But back to the definition, which explains a few key elements of the term:
1) It’s a man who doesn’t respect women.
2) Simultaneously, he’s dependent on women.
3) He engages in selfish behavior without caring whether or not he hurts women.
While this definition is a great start, it only scratches the surface of a true fuckboy's actions. Like, what are these “stupid things” of which you speak, dictionary.com? I need details. Examples. Receipts.
Not to mention, the definition is missing the the most prominent factor that defines a fuckboy's true nature: sex. A fuckboy is all about trying to get his dick wet. (A fuckboy’s words, not mine.)
The third most popular definition of "fuckboy" on urbandictionary.com—the go-to site on all slang—posted by mediocremind on February, 16, 2015, provides a careful analysis of how , exactly, a fuckboy behaves:
ShaBLAM. This was the level of detail we needed. This definition explains how a fuckboy will:
This includes flattery (e.g., "You're so beautiful, baby. You turn me on so much."); saying he has romantic feelings when he does not (e.g., "But I really like you") ; gaslighting ("You always turn nothing into such a big deal!"); and groveling (e.g., "Please baby, I'm so sorry. I miss you so much").
This is the complex irony your 10th-grade English teacher was lecturing about. While all he wants is sex, a fuckboy wants to hang out “in the most whimsical of times.” TBH, I’m not exactly sure what mediocremind was implying by the use of the word "whimsical" in this context, but I’m assuming they meant late-night booty calls. Do fuckboys not get horny during the day? Are they the equivalent of sexual vampires? Unclear. But while their sole goal is sex, apparently they don’t want it that badly. (But, also they do! The fuckboy paradox!)
What’s more, they don’t text back promptly, and if they do, they only answer with a few words. Fuckboys want to have sex on their own terms without putting in any work.
It seems like fuckboys just like knowing that a woman is there, and they could have sex with her if they wanted to. They like having options. I think it's a power thing, IMO.
They seemingly combust at the drop of the pin! Can’t hang out one night? A fuckboy will send you a barrage of texts calling you flakey (if you’re lucky) or something far worse (if you're not). Call them out on their BS? Oh, fuck no, they can’t handle that one bit. These boys are incapable of accepting any responsibility for their shitty behavior.
Dictionary.com started addressing the selfish behavior of fuckboys, but mediocremind really brought it home. These guys literally don’t care about anyone but themselves. Maybe the treat their boys with a morsel of respect, but probably not. They are users. They use women.
After reading this, you may have realized that you are a fuckboy, or that you embody certain less-than-flattering fuckboy-esque qualities. Congratulations, you admitted it! Most fuckboys would never be able to acknowledge it. You, unlike other fuckboys, actually have the capacity to change!
In your recovery, I'd first learn how to have casual sex responsibly . There's nothing wrong with casual sex, but there is an issue with lying, manipulating and taking advantage of your casual partner. Second, get into therapy . You might be struggling with issues related to masculinity, or with internalized sexist beliefs.
Therapists rule. They can help you out.
Zachary Zane is the author of Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto and co-author of Men’s Health Best. Sex. Ever. He writes “Sexplain It,” the sex and relationship advice column at Men’s Health , and is editor-in-chief of the BOYSLUT Zine, which publishes nonfiction erotica from kinksters across the globe. His work has been featured in New York Times, Rolling Stone , Washington Post , Playboy , and more. 
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What is a fuckboy? How do you know if he’s a fuckboy? And how can you avoid being played? Well in this post, we’re going to break it all down – starting with the key signs he’s a fuckboy so that you can then recognise it and know to avoid him!
Now before we get into it, it’s worth mentioning that this isn’t a post to just hate on men. Not all men are fuckboys. And not all fuckboys are actually bad.
Some can be charming as hell, a lot of fun and actually pretty open about their womanising ways! It’s just the way they are right now. They don’t necessarily mean any harm.
The bad ones however, are the Secret Fuckboys. (Terrible buggers!) These are the ones we want to spot and avoid, because they’re manipulative and try to hide their ways. But, you’re going to be fully prepared now, right?
Here’s 10 of the major signs he’s a fuckboy. These qualities alone don’t make a guy a fuckboy. It’s an accumulation of many of these things.
So, if you read this and find yourself saying yes, yes, kinda, yes – then my friends, I really hope it helps you to start to see his true colours.
What to look out for? Let’s jump straight in…
Smooooooth Operatorrrr. Surely I’m not the only person who had this song going through their head?! Pop it on. Because that’s what our fuckboy is!
He’s charming, funny, charismatic. He just knows all the right things to say and do to make you feel special. And he knows it. After all, these are tried and tested on other people too.
The thing is, you can tell when a line is a line, and when someone is actually saying something personal to you. Also weigh up if what he’s saying and doing is fully justified for the length of time that you’ve been seeing each other.
This is so so important and one of the biggest warning signs. If he seems so completely into you, head over heels, before he even properly knows you, it’s got to raise some questions.
On the flip side, a fuckboy also knows how to play it cool – when he needs to right? See he’ll give enough to hook you in, but can equally follow it up with the whole ‘treat them mean, keep them keen.’
And I mean, why does that even work? I guess you know he’s desirable, and the whole ‘wanting what you can’t have’ can start to kick in.
We as women, can also love the thrill of the chase sometimes too . Just remember, it’s no longer a game if you find you’re no longer having fun and will just end up getting hurt. So be careful. He’s not necessarily all he’s cracked up to be.
Oh the classic Fuckboy promises! Fuckboy’s make a hell of a lot of promises – which you’ll soon see – they generally don’t deliver on. Why? Because they’re not really going to put the time and energy into this. They just want you to THINK they will.
Just remember, actions speak louder than words and trust is built over time. You don’t have to live your life constantly being sceptical – just don’t always take everything as truth and try to stay level headed instead of being whisked away by the dream.
This all pulls into love-bombing, or the guy not being genuine. Click here for how to figure him out a little easier. Is it really real? Is he actually being true? Find out…
And sure, maybe he does have a busy life… things to do, places to be, people to see. But remember, the latter is the most important one here, because he WILL be seeing and speaking to other people… even if he’s unlikely to admit it!
There’s only so many hours in the day, and that’s got to be spread between a number of different people. So, sorry ladies, but you won’t be getting all of the attention!
As a result of this, he can also be pretty flakey. Last minute cancellations, a reluctance to firm down plans, a lack of initiating plans (it’s always coming from you.)
But think about it – this guys got to keep his options open. He’ll definitely hit you up if you’re the best option at that time, but you’re not enough of a priority in his life. And yes, I know it hurts to hear. But come on, you know you deserve better than that.
Many men have a tendency to lie – they want an easy life, right? We can all do it at the best of times. The thing is, a fuckboy will lie to keep his player ways in tact.
After all, they have more to hide than most… and it works in their favour to keep certain things hidden!
So, if their story doesn’t match up or they’re saying things and you just don’t quite believe it… don’t ignore the warning signs.
You know the ‘active’ sign on WhatsApp or Messenger? He’s always on it. Yet considering he’s ALWAYS busy – and it’s not always you he’s replying to – it’s got to be a big sign he’s talking to lots of other people. (Even if he does say it’s “just group chat” or family… Pfft!)
You may also notice that he’s still using dating apps. Now, this doesn’t NECESSARILY mean what you think. Click here to find out . But it’s certainly not a good sign – especially when the other signs he’s a fuckboy start to add up!
Alternatively, you might find he’s just pretty attached to his phone during dates. It could be that he’s either hiding what comes through or he has to respond to new messages. (Umm, why?) This leads me onto my next point…
You know those guys that are following like 600 people and when you click onto it, you see 90% of them are girls? Uh huh. Womaniser, womaniser, womaniser … Cue the song !
Let’s not pretend he isn’t sliding into a new girls DM every damn day, or adding new women from different dating apps. Sorry girls, but he’s really not a One-Woman-Man right now. And that’s fine, like I said – so long as he’s honest about it.
What’s worse actually, is the secret fuckboy who doesn’t have social media – but this my friend is going into risky territory of either a potential girlfriend or hidden social media accounts for some crazy arse sh*t.
It sounds mad right? But I’ve come across a fuckboy who had both, so I certainly wouldn’t rule anything out… and you shouldn’t either!
One of the biggest yet simplest signs he’s a fuckboy is when he specifically raises the point to say that he’s NOT a fuckboy. Usually, multiple times.
See, this guys got a reputation. He’s been told it before, which is why he thinks dispersing the myth will remove it. Well no ladies, instead, it should warn you that there’s more of a chance he actually is one. Or at the very least, was once one.
Do old habits die hard? We won’t know. But its something to be wary of.
Why bring it up if it’s something of the past? And what proof actually is there of any changes here to his old behaviour?
Sexual chemistry is a good thing, it’s important. But it’s not everything, and it shouldn’t be made as everything.
If he’s asking for nudes (eww), sending nudes (gross) or talking dirty to you – it shows a lack of respect and makes his intentions pretty clear.
Or let’s say he leaves that out, but is pushy, always making moves on you, wanting things to progress quickly… Then, I’m sorry girls but it’s another one of the classic signs he’s a fuckboy.
Because, what’s the rush? Where’s the romance? Where’s the hard, consistent graft? You deserve more. A lot more.
I’ve come to realise how important it is that all new relationships start right. Do you really want THAT to be the beginning of your love story? I don’t think so.
Last but not least, the relationship you have with a fuckboy is usually actually not 100% fulfilling. You can talk about different things, but sometimes it feels like he’s just saying what he thinks you want to hear.
You can feel like you never truly get to know him and have certainly had deeper connections with other people. Yet, you still believe there’s more to him. News flash: sometimes there’s not.
So now we know the signs he’s a fuckboy, how do we know what to do about it? Well, like I said at the start, if you can see him for who / what he is, then it’s up to you.
It depends what you’re looking for (there’s no judging here!) It also depends on how invested you are in this person and whether there’s a chance you could end up getting hurt here. If so, avoid at all costs, I repeat – avoid at all costs. It’s just not worth it.
When you meet a fuckboy, you don’t have to hate on them. It’s their way of life. Or a stage in their life right now. They’re usually boys, just unable to grow up just yet. (Although some never do!)
But the biggest mistake you can make, is thinking you can change them, or make them commit. You want to be the one they fell for, the one that turned them around. But you can’t make anyone do anything. Yet you’re fighting a losing battle.
Just remember, it’s no reflection on you. It’s not because you’re not good enough. (If anything- you’re too good !) But a fuckboy will lose his ways in his own time, if and when he wants to. So don’t ever try to make anything serious with him, or get your hopes up / kid yourself.
Put your time and effort onto the people who are really worth it. Who will give you what you need and reciprocate your effort, looking for the same things in life too.
A few recommended reads to finish now (if you do find yourself in a sticky situation with a fuckboy…)
BONUS: Want to know why you falling for the wrong people? Then click here to help make sense why you’re naturally drawn to the “players” or “fuckboys” in the first place. There’s more to it than you think!
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Hey, I’m Ell. Your ‘fairy godmother’ for all things love… Joking! Like we believe in that. Click here to read my story or here to get one-to-one support.


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