Fruit Masturbation

Fruit Masturbation

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1/23/20

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Doctors have warned horny young men to refrain from using banana peels to masturbate — the latest bizarre sex trend circulating on social media.
“It’s the closet thing to a blowjob,” wrote one randy Redditor , who claims “he’s been doing it for years.”
However, Dr. Diana Gill of prescription service Doctor-4-U cautions against the perverse practice. “You could develop a rash and sores on the penis which can be painful and might lead to infection,” Gill told the Sun . Not only that, but she claims a person with a fruit or latex allergy could be more susceptible to a reaction from a banana skin.
“A person with a banana allergy is more likely to be allergic to other substances such as latex or other fruits and vegetables,” she said. “So if you’re allergic to latex condoms you may also be allergic to banana skins.”
Gill’s not the only naysayer. One Reddit user recounted a harrowing, cautionary tale where he used a banana skin to masturbate and allegedly ended up “falling in the mess I made, hit my head on the toilet and barely lived to tell the tale.”
However, supporters of the organic orgasm inducer feel it’s too good to pass up. Subscribers to JackInWorld , the self-proclaimed “Ultimate Male Masturbation Resource,” gave the “banana man” 4.5 out of 5 stars with 359 votes cast so far. The site also provides a tutorial on how to perform the act and even advised warming the peel for added effect.
Commenters seconded these sentiments: “I have used the banana skin technique occasionally for many years (I’m now 78),” said one banana skin supporter. “The bigger the banana the better,” added another.
Banana peels aren’t the first unconventional items employed by pleasure-seekers. This past November, gynecologists warned women not to masturbate with electric toothbrushes because it “could cause trauma to the delicate vulval area.”

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Has the recent Internet chatter about grapefruiting piqued your curiosity, but left you with a lot of questions ? Are you intrigued by the idea of a natural, low-cost way to spice up your trips to the bone zone, but fear the possibility of free-flyin' citrus juice ? Does grapefruit give you acid reflux? Do you need those grapefruits for breakfast tomorrow???If you answered "yes" to any of the above questions, don't worry! There's still an easy and food-filled solution to your sexual dilemmas. Even if you think that grapefruits belong on the kitchen table, not on a boner, know that your local grocery store or greenmarket is chock full of fruits and veggies that can, in a pinch, be turned into sexual playthings.And while there are no formal surveys of which fruits and vegetables people use most during sex, there are some clear favorites out there. So let's sit down and survey the most popular (or just most fun-seeming) produce that people use in and around their fun parts. But first, a word of warning: the sugar in fruit can lead to a rather unsexy yeast infection or other problems when placed directly onto your delicate bits. So your best bet is to keep these fruits and vegetables restricted to above (or below)-the-vag play, wrap them in a condom, or otherwise keep them from making full-on contact with the delicate parts of any genitals. And remember to put a towel down!With that noted, let's get down to business. It's summer! Time to make a nice, big salad! And then have sex with that salad!
Even without the use of formal surveying technology, I can tell you that using a microwaved melon with a hole cut in it is one of the most popular forms of food sex — so popular, it’s even got its own Urban Dictionary listing. Obviously, this method has its own dangers (i.e. that roof-of-the-mouth burn you get from eating a too-hot microwaved slice of pizza, except on a penis), so if you choose to experiment with this one, handle with caution.
The most popular fruit to dip in chocolate, drop in champagne, or chew on erotically while making sex faces at someone across the Whole Foods salad bar, the strawberry — with whipped cream, or on its own — is probably the fruit-sex pairing you're most likely to have actually tried (possibly after having gotten too worked up while watching a Cinemax Original Movie). You don't even have to get naked to use this little guy for sexual purposes — the simple act of eating one can be uncomfortably erotic (see above GIF).
I'm always learning new things at this job — like that bananas are not just enticingly phallic-shaped, but are actually used by some dudes as masturbation sleeves. The more you know, right?
The gold standard of sex vegetables, cucumbers will be considered snicker-inducingly sexual long after the earth has fallen into the sun — and for good reason! They pretty much look like penises, and people love to shove them into their orifices. I've heard this referred to as "cuke-ing," and I would not recommend trying this at home.
Second runner up in the "most phallic vegetable contest," carrots remain a favorite among those not bold enough to do some self-exploration with a cucumber. Also, wouldn't having an actual "most phallic vegetable contest" be so fun? Let's do one over Labor Day next year at your summer share house!
Though these are a less obvious one, they should be standard in anyone's food-sex arsenal, especially in this heat. You can grab a handful of frozen grapes and go to town on someone's back/ shoulders/ thighs/ etc the way you would with some ice cubes, with the added bonus that grapes won't melt. Note: your grapes will probably not turn out to actually be Matt Damon in a grape costume, but you know what? It could happen. Don't stop believin'!
While a full pineapple is pretty awkward to hold even while fully clothed, pineapple rings can totally work as a penile garnish. But make sure to wash that penis thoroughly afterward before you bring your holes anywhere near it.
Part of a proud American on-screen sexual tradition that we can trace all the way back to 1999's Varsity Blues (or even earlier ), cherries are more of a topping than a main course, both in life and in bed. But they're neater and a lot less likely to shoot juice everywhere than a lot of items on this list, so they're a low-stakes item to incorporate into an evening of food-bangin'. Just make sure to have a bowl on hand for the pits.
Historically considered by some to be an aphrodisiac , yams aren't really a mainstream sex-food these days. But pureed yams are pretty delicious, and sometimes there's a gain of truth to the foods that people thought were aphrodisiacs in the ye olden tymes...just sayin'.
While you're certainly free to utilize a coconut in any way that your heart/ mind/ throbbing loins can imagine, coconut oil is actually having a moment as an alternative to traditional lube . Though there haven't been any formal studies on its effectiveness or side effects yet, gynecologists have noticed many women with sensitivities to standard lube dig it. Just don't use it with any latex condoms, and also, buy a little bit extra to use as a conditioner, because that stuff is BOSS on product-damaged hair.
The strawberry's smooshier, more pliable cousin, the raspberry is a bit less popular, but ideal for more delicate sexytimes — you know, foreplay that is more about a nibble than a chomp.
OK, fine, this one is all me. I could not find anyone to back me up on the idea of avocado as a sexual toy. But I think avocados are a good idea! They're soft! They're squishy! They're full of Vitamin C! And aren't their inherently sensual qualities what drives you to pay extra for that guac at Chipotle? I'm just saying, consider it.
Images: foodriot.com, Giphy (8), Uproxx , Dispatch.com, drafthouse.com , bossnotboss.com

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I hear jokes about people pleasuring themselves with produce. People don't REALLY jerk/jill off with fruits and veggies…do they?
Just wondering, do the jokes start like this?
“A veggie walks into a vagina, and says, 'What's cooking?'”
OK, bad one, but I had to get it out.
Yes, people actually use cucumbers, carrots, zucchini and other long, hard veggies for insertion alone or with a partner – and I've even seen some of the coolest G-spot cucumbers while shopping the aisles of my local grocer.
Some guys even use melons, like honeydew and cantaloupe, to screw with. While the veggie can't, or won't consent, nobody is actually harmed in the making of masturbation with fruits and veggies, and the most unsafe time to use the veggie would be in the supermarket before you buy it.
If you're going to use a vegetable for masturbation, and want to keep it safe, wash it off before you use it. Using a long veggie, one that would be inserted into the vagina should be covered with a condom for even safer sex, and this will also help avoid getting whatever was sprayed on said veggie up and in you.
You don't want to use a veggie in the backdoor, since what goes up the black hole of “ur”anus won't necessarily (or easily) come back down. But in the vagina, using a veggie once is safe enough.
I wouldn't peel said veggie though before use. And avoid bananas, as they're sweet and sugar can cause yeast infections up there.
The bonus about masturbating with veggies is that afterwards you can cut them up and make a satisfying meal, too.
As for the melons guys may use, I'm not sure I'd eat it afterwards, or at least I'd cut way around the hole they made for fornication, but again, it's not unsafe to try.
Just don't think his penis is going to pop the hole – cut a hole first, before he starts to screw with the fruit. And he can try a banana peel (sans banana) for a cool new masturbation sleeve too.
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