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DEAR DEIDRE: I HAD a night of wonderful, morale-boosting, passionate sex with my son’s friend but now my son won’t talk to me.
I’m 43 and got divorced ten years ago after my husband left for another woman.
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He went on to marry her and start a new family. My son, who is 20, sees his dad and says they are very happy.
When my son moved out to start university two years ago, I thought about finding another relationship.
Friends say I am still an attractive woman, but my husband said some cruel things when he left me — that I’m fat and ugly, that no man would want me and I’m just a lump in bed.
My son invited a uni friend his age over to stay for a few days after Christmas.
At the last minute, my son’s dad invited him to a family party and he was keen to go.
His dad said it wasn’t suitable for his friend to go but this lad said he didn’t mind staying at our place with me.
Once my son had left, his friend and I settled down with some beers and wine.
I had no thoughts of anything sexual. He told me about his problems keeping relationships and I tried to give him some helpful life guidance.
This led to him asking about my marriage and I was honest about how demoralised my husband had left me feeling and how I’d lost all my body confidence.
He said he was surprised, as he found me a very attractive woman. He is a fit, intelligent and good-looking young man so it was great to hear.
I thought he was just trying to boost my confidence but he leaned over and kissed me.
Very quickly we were all over one another, then in my bed having passionate sex. It made me feel great.
We both felt a bit awkward in the ­morning and agreed never to tell my son, as it would hurt him.
My son arrived back at lunchtime and life rolled on.
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My social life still hasn’t gone anywhere — it’s hard with all the virus restrictions — and it’s been good having my son home from university.
But then he met this same friend and a couple of others in our nearest city and they all got very drunk.
The friend blurted out to my son about our night of sex and he is furious.
He stormed back into the house the next day, called me all sorts of names and now won’t talk to me.
He takes his food to his room and slams the door in my face if I try to talk to him.
I feel so guilty and it’s breaking my heart.
DEIDRE SAYS: You are human and this young man offered you comfort.
Yes, it was probably a mistake but we all make mistakes.
Keep telling your son you are sorry to have embarrassed him but, for both your sakes, you need to talk.
No one died and this rift is hurting him as much as you.
You must feel very lonely, so confiding in a counsellor may help. See bacp.co.uk.
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Jessica LindsayWednesday 4 Aug 2021 4:48 pm
Marilyn Buttigieg, 60, from Crawley, West Sussex, met her now-husband, William Smith, 31, when her son brought him over after school in June 2006.
William was 16 at the time and her son’s best friend, and he would regularly be round playing video games.
Marilyn and William ‘naturally gravitated towards each other’ and they started a relationship, before getting married in April 2009.
Now, despite losing most of their friends and family, the couple say they ‘would do it all again’ and are still very happily loved up.
Marilyn, who owns a cleaning business, said: ‘William and I are still so in love. We’re never apart and if we are we miss each other so much. He’s my soulmate.
‘We have suffered a lot of hate over the years and I’ve been called a paedo but we’ve always had each other.
‘We’ve stayed true to ourselves and our feelings and that is what matters.’
William, a film producer, said: ‘I knew we had something special. She was and still is my dream woman.’
After first meeting, William started helping Marilyn around the house as she was suffering from ME – a long term illness causing extreme tiredness and muscle pain among other symptoms.
Before long, their friendship grew into something romantic, but they were both hesitant – after already being mocked by their family before they were a couple.
‘I didn’t want to take away William’s life,’ mum-of-seven Marilyn said.
‘I didn’t want to have any more kids, but I didn’t want to stop William having a family if he wanted.
‘My family had also already judged us for being friends and thought we were something more before we were – just because William helped me out.
‘I think that made us gravitate towards each other, to be honest.’
William says that he was the one who ‘convinced’ Marilyn to begin the relationship: ‘She quizzed me to make sure I was sure this was what I wanted. I was 100% sure it was.’
After a long chat they decided to give it a go, and moved in together quickly.
Marilyn says all but one of her children ‘disowned her’, but the couple stuck by each other and fell head over heels in love.
William has also since lost touch with his family.
In February 2009 William proposed and the couple got married soon after in April that year. They enjoyed a honeymoon to Gibraltar – where Marilyn is originally from.
‘We’ve struggled a lot with hate over the years,’ William said.
‘And lost our families too, but we are now family.
‘People hurl us abuse and it’s affected my jobs in the past, but it is getting better now.’
‘I’ve been called a paedo more times than I could remember,’ Marilyn added.
‘We’ve been to hell and back and even now we get nails in our tyres. People just can’t just leave us alone.’
Marilyn now says she’s stopped worrying about what people think, not shying away from kissing while out and saying ‘let them stare if they want to’.
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The couple are now raising money to make a film about their story.
‘We want to tell our story our way,’ William said.
‘And to change the judgement surrounding an age gap relationship.’
Marilyn added: ‘I think people’s perceptions still need to change. I couldn’t imagine anyone else loving me more than William does.
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William and Marilyn have been disowned by much of their family (Picture: Jon Rigby/SWNS.com)
The pair on holiday (Picture: Jon Rigby/SWNS.com)
They’re now planning on making a film about age-gap relationships (Picture: Jon Rigby/SWNS.com)
William and Marilyn on their wedding day in 2006 (Picture: Jon Rigby/SWNS.com)
Marilyn says she has been called ‘paedo’ countless times (Picture: Jon Rigby/SWNS.com)
It has also affected Marilyn’s job (Picture: Jon Rigby/SWNS.com)

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