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DEAR DEIDRE: I HAD a night of wonderful, morale-boosting, passionate sex with my son’s friend but now my son won’t talk to me.
I’m 43 and got divorced ten years ago after my husband left for another woman.
Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.
You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.
He went on to marry her and start a new family. My son, who is 20, sees his dad and says they are very happy.
When my son moved out to start university two years ago, I thought about finding another relationship.
Friends say I am still an attractive woman, but my husband said some cruel things when he left me — that I’m fat and ugly, that no man would want me and I’m just a lump in bed.
My son invited a uni friend his age over to stay for a few days after Christmas.
At the last minute, my son’s dad invited him to a family party and he was keen to go.
His dad said it wasn’t suitable for his friend to go but this lad said he didn’t mind staying at our place with me.
Once my son had left, his friend and I settled down with some beers and wine.
I had no thoughts of anything sexual. He told me about his problems keeping relationships and I tried to give him some helpful life guidance.
This led to him asking about my marriage and I was honest about how demoralised my husband had left me feeling and how I’d lost all my body confidence.
He said he was surprised, as he found me a very attractive woman. He is a fit, intelligent and good-looking young man so it was great to hear.
I thought he was just trying to boost my confidence but he leaned over and kissed me.
Very quickly we were all over one another, then in my bed having passionate sex. It made me feel great.
We both felt a bit awkward in the morning and agreed never to tell my son, as it would hurt him.
My son arrived back at lunchtime and life rolled on.
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My social life still hasn’t gone anywhere — it’s hard with all the virus restrictions — and it’s been good having my son home from university.
But then he met this same friend and a couple of others in our nearest city and they all got very drunk.
The friend blurted out to my son about our night of sex and he is furious.
He stormed back into the house the next day, called me all sorts of names and now won’t talk to me.
He takes his food to his room and slams the door in my face if I try to talk to him.
I feel so guilty and it’s breaking my heart.
DEIDRE SAYS: You are human and this young man offered you comfort.
Yes, it was probably a mistake but we all make mistakes.
Keep telling your son you are sorry to have embarrassed him but, for both your sakes, you need to talk.
No one died and this rift is hurting him as much as you.
You must feel very lonely, so confiding in a counsellor may help. See bacp.co.uk .
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'At 33, I was 16 years older than him'
- by
Kim Willis
08 Feb
2019
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Lauren Gore, 36, went around for a coffee and came out with a fiancé.
Here, Lauren, tells the story in her own words.
Sitting in my best friend’s kitchen, we were chatting about our days.
I’d met Sarah two years earlier after our youngest children started at the same pre-school. And from the moment we got talking, we’d clicked.
Like me, Sarah was a single mum. She only lived five minutes away with her five children, while I had a big brood of my own – Cameron, then 15, Ebony, 11, Nathan, nine, Rhyan, four, and Elliott, 15 months.
Soon, we began taking turns doing the school runs and having the kids over for dinner.
As we gossiped over our coffees, a young man walked in. I had to do a double take when I realised it was Sarah’s 17-year-old son, Ryan. I hadn’t seen much of him over the past year because he’d been busy working – but now I had to stop myself from staring at him. He’d become absolutely gorgeous!
He’s also your best mate’s son, I told myself, as I tore my eyes away from him. And a teenager!
At 33, I was 16 years older than him. But over the next week, Sarah kept dropping hints that he fancied me.
‘You do realise Ryan has a big soft spot for you, don’t you?’ she grinned. ‘Don’t be stupid,’ I laughed.
Then a few days later, Ryan and I were alone in his mum’s kitchen when he just came out with it.
‘I really like you, Lauren,’ he said. ‘You’re gorgeous, but far too young,’ I replied with a smile.
I didn’t tell anyone about what he’d said, but I couldn’t stop thinking about him.
And a week later, back in Sarah’s kitchen, she brought him up again.
‘Ryan’s really serious about you and if you like him too, I don’t have a problem with it,’ she said. ‘I just want you both to be happy.’
I couldn’t believe she was giving me her blessing to date her son!
‘Age is just a number,’ she said. ‘I like you and know you’ll treat him well.’
‘But what if things ever went wrong between Ryan and me? I don’t want to risk our friendship,’ I said.
‘I think of you as a sister and nothing will ever change that,’ she promised.
So, I texted Ryan and we agreed to go to dinner.
As well as being good looking he was also really funny and we couldn’t stop laughing.
At the end of the night we kissed and it just felt right.
Over the next few days, we messaged each other constantly and met up to steal kisses when we could.
We agreed to take things slowly before telling my kids.
Then one evening, after I’d put the young ones to bed, Ryan came over and we snuggled up on the couch.
I didn’t expect Cameron to come home early, so when he suddenly walked into the room, Ryan couldn’t move away from me quick enough.
‘What’s going on?’ he asked. ‘Nothing,’ I fibbed, as he laughed, not believing me.
I knew he was going to find out sooner or later, so I decided to come clean. Amazingly, Cameron was fine about it – all the kids were!
When we’d been together a month, Ryan and I slept together for the first time and it was amazing.
‘I love you,’ he said soon afterwards. And I felt the same.
Neither Sarah nor the kids blinked an eye when Ryan and I kissed or held hands, but walking down the street, I’d clock strangers staring.
It left me feeling extremely self-conscious, but as it didn’t bother Ryan, I gradually learned to care less.
His mates were brilliant when he told them and, thankfully, my mum was supportive, but she was concerned about the future.
‘What happens if Ryan wants kids one day?’ she asked. I couldn’t have any more after a hysterectomy and I’d explained this to Ryan. ‘He’s adamant he doesn’t want children,’ I said.
When we’d been together a year, Ryan proposed and I said yes.
Now two years on, we still see Sarah all the time and I’m closer with her than ever – though I obviously never go into too much detail about my love life!
We still get strange looks, but it doesn’t bother me now – even if I do sometimes get mistaken for his mother.
The other day we were at the supermarket when the cashier smiled at Ryan.
‘Are you helping your mum with the packing?’ she asked.
Ryan and I just burst out laughing before swiftly correcting her. She was mortified!
Ryan is my soulmate. Some people might think that our relationship is inappropriate but to us, age really doesn’t matter.
Read more in this week's issue of that's life, on sale now.
https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/12708591/i-had-sex-with-sons-best-friend/
https://www.thatslife.com.au/im-marrying-my-best-friends-son
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