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"I'm having an orgasm," came the shout heard around the quad. It was clear. It was unmistakable. It was unavoidably audible. And timed perfectly to cause maximum shock value.
Author, Keynote Speaker, Food Humorist©
Apr 30, 2012, 09:41 AM EDT | Updated Jun 30, 2012
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Author, Keynote Speaker, Food Humorist©
"I'm having an orgasm," came the shout heard around the quad.
It was clear. It was unmistakable. It was unavoidably audible.
And timed perfectly to cause maximum shock value.
My teen-aged daughter and I were on our sixth and final college campus tour. By now, the routine had become familiar. After an admissions counselor dutifully presented the college's credentials and outlined the admissions requirements, a hyper-enthusiastic student, as well-practiced in the school story as in walking backwards while telling it, gave us a tour of the campus. If "admissions" was a team, the student tour guides would be its cheerleaders.
This one started innocently enough, passing venerable academic buildings, the majestic library, a state-of-the-art athletic facility. There was something so familiar, but that's because this was my alma mater . Yep, I spent four years on this campus and received my degree from Lehigh University . Indeed, as we passed Maginnes Hall, it brought back vivid memories of HR 41, formally known as Human Sexuality.
It felt good to be back after such a long absence. Now I remember: I had a really good time here. That included a certain amount of debauchery that goes with college. And I'll be damned if I'm gonna drop serious coin for my daughter to experience that.
On the other hand, being out from under her parents' wing will be one of the most enriching growth opportunities of her life, not only to learn, but to meet all types of interesting and different people.
As joyful recollections danced in my head, our group of about 20 sixteen-year-olds and 30 parents was directed by our perky guide to the campus residence halls. As a father, particularly of a daughter, I can only hope that she won't be doing what I did, right here in these same residence halls, when the drinking age was still 18.
In what sounded almost like a public address announcement delivered by a male voice from a room nearby, broadcast to the surrounding vicinity: "I'm having an orgasm."
He wasn't the kind of "interesting and different people" I had in mind.
To say that our group response was muted is an understatement. Although every single one of us heard it, silence prevailed as if trying to pretend it didn't happen. Our tour guide's reaction could best be described as mortified.
Awkward doesn't do the scene justice; this was a conspiracy of awkwardness. Or, as a teenager might say, " ewwww ." Other than walking in on a couple of students actually having sex, what could be more uncomfortable to a co-ed group of teenagers with their parents in tow, just about to enter the dormitory where they might potentially spend the next four years, than to hear someone loudly proclaim their orgasm?
I should have stayed quiet. But the former standup comedian in me instinctively took over, yelling back to the orgasmic shout-out as I would have to a heckler at a nightclub: "You're always too soon." The result was awkward on steroids.
Our tour guide led us inside the "co-ed" dorm, making sure to inform us that the bathrooms were not co-ed. Oh, what a relief.
I couldn't help but notice that she later failed to point out the health center, where I recall that they dispensed birth control as readily as band-aids.
I decided that our next tour will be women's colleges.
Author, Keynote Speaker, Food Humorist©
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WPIX's Frances Rivera falls in high heels while talking about orgasms.
We've all had an "oops" moment when we've put our foot in our mouth or done the wrong thing. When you're on television, that moment gets magnified, and if it goes viral, well, the moment could last forever.
The latest on-screen gaffe, courtesy of morning news anchors Sukanya Krishnan and Frances Rivera on New York's WB-affiliate, WPIX, wasn't so much a verbal blunder as it was an actual misstep.
While discussing a story Wednesday about the correlation between the pain of wearing high heel shoes and orgasm, Krishnan and Rivera walked around their anchor desk showing off their four-plus inch heels.
That's when Rivera, while joking that the pain from her high heels "feels so good," lost her footing and went down on the studio floor, laughing out loud.
Krishnan, unsure whether her co-anchor was still joking, got up to help Rivera. "I thought you were doing one of your jokie-jokes," Krishnan said.
"No, I fell on live TV," Rivera said, blaming it on the makeshift studio they were in and not the size of her heels.
Keep reading to see other on-air bloopers:
New York Fox 5 news anchor Ernie Anastos had his 2009 "oops" moment memorialized. During the 10 p.m. newscast, while bantering with weathercaster Nick Gregory, Anastos dropped the F-bomb .
Their exchange went something like this:
"I guess it takes a tough man to make a tender forecast," Anastos said to Gregory.
"I guess that's me," a bewildered Gregory replied.
Both men shared a chuckle, then the 66-year-old anchorman shocked his colleagues and the audience at home when he said, "Keep f***ing that chicken."
Stunned co-anchor Dari Alexander grimaced straight into the camera before going to commercial.
Exactly what Anastos meant was not clear, but Thursday afternoon Fox 5 issued a statement to ABCNews.com: "We are disappointed with Ernie's comment on the air last night. He will apologize for his use of inappropriate language tonight during 'Fox 5 News at 10 p.m.'"
Halfway through Thursday night's newscast, Anastos, once again sitting between Alexander and Gregory, turned to the camera and said: "I misspoke during last night's newscast. I apologize to anyone who might have been offended."
Apparently, the legendary co-anchor has had his share of on-air blunders. Once, he mispronounced the station's own Web site as "myFoxNY.c**k."
Comedian D-lister Kathy Griffin was naughty on New Year's 2009 during a live broadcast on CNN with Anderson Cooper.
Talk show legend Larry King didn't exactly blunder when he told PBS host Tavis Smiley that his son wanted to be black after President Obama was elected. But Jimmy Kimmel milked it for laughs anyway.
You would think that TV-savvy guests would learn never to trust a microphone as long as it's still clipped to them. But it's during those unsuspecting hot-mic moments that you can really hear what newsmakers think.
Just think of Obama's recent off-the-cuff comments about Kanye West or Jesse Jackson's off-color comments about Obama during the election.
At the end of last year, Peggy Noonan and Mike Murphy, a former aide to Sen. John McCain, took their turn to get caught when they were overheard criticizing McCain's VP pick, Sarah Palin.
MSNBC talk show host Joe Scarborough had a slip of the tongue one morning on his political show. He accidently dropped the F-bomb when meant to use just the first letter of the word. When his co-host pointed out what he had said, Scarborough stopped the show to apologize. Perhaps he knew he was going to be in trouble with more than just the FCC. He had to face his wife when he got home.
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Have you’ve ever seen a woman have an orgasm in porn? No, sorry, definitely not the time you’re thinking of. And oh God no, absolutely not when they were using that thing. And no, not then either, they were probably faking.
It’s a sad and curious thing that in the whole internet of things – where every whim, fancy, morbid curiosity and spot-picking fascination is indulged with a click – it’s so difficult to find women just genuinely having a good time on camera.
The lack of authentic female-pleasure online is a well documented phenomenon .
Famous journalist and feminist writer Caitlin Moran has written and spoken at length about the effort involved in trying to find one solitary woman appearing to have a genuine orgasm online.
In her book How to Be a Woman she talks about the nightmarish frustration of trying to find, anywhere, footage of a woman coming.
Perhaps Moran hadn’t got the memo – female ejaculation on camera has, shockingly, been banned by the government .
Anyone looking for good (read: authentic) female porn online, must do battle with the sex-nightmare of internet content, which is filled with horribly sharp acrylic nails and painful positions that are more likely to send you fleeing to a nice nunnery than get you in the mood.
It’s hardly a surprise that while some studies couldn’t find a single man who hadn’t watched porn, estimates show that approximately only a third of women are going online to find what they want.
You can read more here about how almost all porn involving women has been shot from the male viewpoint – up until the 1980s, at least.
Enter Hysterical Literature , the art-porn crossover made by filmmaker Clayton Cubitt that involves no graphic images, and no nudity at all in fact.
There’s nothing to be found but a comfortable woman enjoying headphone-shakingly loud sexual pleasure, shot attractively in black and white.
Hysterical Literature launched back in August 2012 on YouTube with Session One.
In it, alt-porn star Stoya sits primly behind a desk, all alone, reading a book to camera.
Dressed in the kind of cutesy, off-the-shoulder striped top that wouldn’t be unwelcome at your Grandmother’s barbecue, Stoya’s reading is increasingly interrupted by splutters and gasps, until six minutes into the reading session she has an orgasm on screen, and the whole thing comes to an end.
Only the occasional ‘buzz’ of sound lets you know that under the table lies an artist with a vibrator.
Session One became an immediate internet sensation when it first launched, garnering over 16,000,000 views, which – gratifyingly – is thousands more than most pieces of explicit online pornography might ever expect to receive.
Today, Hysterical Literature includes twelve short videos of women across a range of ages and ethnic backgrounds, each having the time of their lives whilst reading from a book of their choosing.
Collectively, these twelve women and their twelve orgasms have been watched over 60 million times (which adds up to approximately ‘123 years and 144 days’ worth of footage, according to the website ).
Cubitt’s exploration of “feminism, mind/body dualism, distraction, portraiture, and the contrast between culture and sexuality,” doesn’t require fleshy close-ups or physical gymnastics to be erotic.
You’ll find nothing fake, exploitative or uncomfortable here.
Instead – as many of the women have themselves pointed out in interviews and articles including Toni Bentley’s in Vanity Fair – the video’s eroticism lies in the battle between the pull of physical pleasure and the girls’ determination to keep reading.
Celebs you didn’t know have an LGBT sibling
It’s in the laugh at the end of the session that inspired the name hysterical in the title, and in the smiles throughout, which show genuine, female pleasure on screen.
There’s a whole page on the website dedicated to the experience had by the women in the videos, labelled as essays: “PS: to my parents (who I know will read this), I hope that you are as proud of me as I am of myself.
“I pray that you see the merit, the revolution that I am part of, the importance of this project,” writes the artist, writer and performance artist Solé.
Beautiful, honest, celebratory and miles away from the choreographed, fleshy moral quagmire that constitutes so much of online pornography, Hysterical Literature is the art-porn cross over that offers genuine pleasure with a smile.
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