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Key points
According to one study, 62% of women admitted to fantasizing about being forced to have sex.
One explanation for women fantasizing about forced sex is that it bolsters their feelings of seductiveness and desirability.
Women who have rape fantasies do not want to be sexually assaulted. Rather, they feel comfortable with their own sexuality.
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Mental Health
Addiction
Anxiety
ADHD
Asperger's
Autism
Bipolar Disorder
Chronic Pain
Depression
Eating Disorders
Personality
Passive Aggression
Personality
Shyness
Personal Growth
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Positive Psychology
Stopping Smoking
Relationships
Low Sexual Desire
Relationships
Sex
Family Life
Child Development
Parenting
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There are many temptations to organize our life around the experience of earlier trauma. But that may short-change the future—which starts by our envisioning something better.
Posted August 1, 2015
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Reviewed by Lybi Ma
In recent studies, more than 90 percent of women admit having had sexual fantasies , and depending on the study, some one-third to two-thirds confess at least occasional fantasies of being forced into sex. Of course, sexual assault is a horrible violation. Why would any sane woman fantasize about it? A recent study suggests that rape fantasies are most prevalent among women who are the most erotically open and adventurous, who feel most comfortable daydreaming about sexual situations way beyond what they’d ever want to experience.
Researchers at Notre Dame and the University of North Texas gave standard psychological tests to 355 women undergraduates, who formed a reasonable demographic cross-section of young Americans. Then the researchers surveyed the women’s sexual fantasies. And finally the women were asked if they’d ever fantasized:
Note: The researchers did not define “forced” or “rape,” leaving participants to use their own understanding of these terms, “forced” having somewhat less negative connotations than “rape.”
This study was far from the first to attempt to understand why some women have rape fantasies.
Decades ago, psychologists believed that dreams and fantasies (daydreams) were subconscious wishes, therefore, women who had rape fantasies actually wanted to be coerced into sex. That view has been thoroughly debunked. Fantasies don’t necessarily reflect wishes. Among those in long-term relationships, one of the most common fantasies is sex with someone else, even when the daydreamer is happy in the relationship and has no real desire to jump into another bed. Plenty of men fantasize about saving damsels in distress without the slightest real wish to face a raging fire on the 23rd floor. Wishing plays a role in some fantasies, notably dreams of striking it rich or losing weight, but having an erotic fantasy in no way means you want it to come true.
So forget wish fulfillment. Today psychologists suggest that women’s rape fantasies have three other possible explanations:
Confirming earlier studies on the prevalence of rape fantasies, 62 percent of participants admitted fantasizing at least one of the eight scenarios:
Note: The participants were considerably more likely to fantasize being “forced” than “raped,” presumably because “rape” carries more connotations of violence and harm.
The high prevalence of rape fantasies—almost two-thirds of the women—suggest that they play a significant role in the fantasy lives of college-age women, and presumably many older women as well.
Meanwhile, in line with other assessments, 15 percent of study participants reported being survivors of sexual assault. The researchers found no relationship, either direct or inverse, between real-life rape and whether participants had any type of rape fantasy.
The frequency of rape fantasies varied considerably. Among respondents who admitted fantasies of being forced by men, 33 percent had them less than once a year, 26 percent a few times a year, 20 percent once a month, 11 percent weekly, and 9 percent at least four times a week.
Among the 71 participants who reported fantasies of being forced by women, 50 said they were heterosexual.
Contrary to the conventional wisdom that rape fantasies are based on blame avoidance ( I was coerced. It wasn’t my fault. ), the researchers found this the least supported explanation. The most sexually anxious, guilty, and repressed women had the fewest rape fantasies.
The data provided the most support for sexual openness ( I’m free to fantasize anything .) followed by sexual desirability ( I’m so hot. I drive men crazy. )
The most sexually open and self-accepting women had the most rape fantasies. They also had the most fantasies of consensual sex. And they reported the most arousal from their erotic fantasies.
The women who considered themselves hotties also had frequent rape fantasies. (They were also the most likely to fantasize about being strippers.)
In fantasy, everything is permitted and nothing is wrong. Not everyone accepts this, but as sexual openness increases, so does willingness to daydream about sexual scenarios one would never really want to experience.
Women who have rape fantasies don’t want to be sexually assaulted. They feel comfortable with their own sexuality and are happy to embrace their erotic fantasies—wherever they may lead.
Bivona, JM et al. “Women’s Rape Fantasies: An Empirical Evaluation of the Major Explanations,” Archives of Sexual Behavior (2012) 41:1107.
Bivona, JM and. “The Nature of Women’s Rape Fantasies: An Analysis of Prevalence, Frequency, and Contents,” Journal of Sex Research (2009) 46:33.
Critelli, JW and JM Bivona. “Women’s Erotic Rape Fantasies: An Evaluation of Theory and Research,” Journal of Sex Research (2008) 45:57.
Shulman, JL and SG Horne. “Guilty or Not? A Path Model of Women’s Forceful Sexual Fantasies,” Journal of Sex Research (2006) 43:368.
Spitzberg, B. “An Analysis of Empirical Estimates of Sexual Aggression Victimization and Perpetration,” Violence and Victims (1999) 14:241.
Strassberg, DS and LK Lokerd,” Force in Women’s Sexual Fantasies,” Archives of Sexual Behavior (1998) 27:403.
Michael Castleman, M.A. , is a San Francisco-based journalist. He has written about sexuality for 36 years.
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Psychology Today © 2022 Sussex Publishers, LLC
There are many temptations to organize our life around the experience of earlier trauma. But that may short-change the future—which starts by our envisioning something better.
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Hey, I'm Ruwando with Gotham Club, and this is another episode of Ask Ruwando.
This question comes from Paul, and Paul writes:
“What are some kinky things that I don't know about that girls are secretly into?”
Well Paul, I’m not a woman, as you know, so I'll throw some ideas at you based on my experience.
I will say that women tend to have fantasies that are beyond what most men imagine they'd be into at least… right?
A lot of women, because of culture, or maybe it's just how women are–I do think a lot of it's cultural–they kind of hide their inner sl*t for various reasons:
Fear of shaming, sl*t-shaming, all that stuff.
But if you create a safe environment for women to share what's on their mind, you'll be surprised by how much crazy stuff most women are willing to try.
They’re into some seriously wild taboos.
I'm not the one to answer those things though, I'd go out and ask women.
However, there are some great books you can read.
There's a compilation called My Secret Garden by Nancy Friday.
It goes through a bunch of women's fantasies–and some of them are what you expect, but some of them are very far out.
If you really want to know what's on women's minds, I'd read that book because some of the far out fantasies in that book… well, I've asked women about them…
And more often than not, they're into these really extreme sexual fantasies.
I'll throw a few at you that maybe you didn't know, that maybe a lot of guys aren't aware of that are very taboo, but somewhat common.
One is the daddy-daughter fantasy (I've mentioned this in a different video).
It's particularly common and it's not just with women who have daddy issues, although I think that's pretty common. I think most people have parental issues.
It's something that touches on a person's childhood development, and if there's any pain from childhood, this is what a daddy issue is.
If there's pain from childhood related to your development, or related to a parent, we tend to eroticize these things.
Because eroticizing a past pain is a way we can kind of reclaim it.
That's one reason why the daddy-daughter fantasy is so common.
It's true even for women who don't have daddy issues necessarily, but it's common.
Side note: I just want to say that I'm not trying to shame the concept of daddy issues.
Most people have some sort of parental issue because we've all had parents, and we've all had past pain–but this fantasy is something that's pretty common for women.
Another one that's common is the “rape” fantasy.
And I've found this is true with many women, especially if they've had some sort of rape trauma in their life.
But even women who haven't, also have the rape fantasy, I found.
This is of course not all women, but this is a common one, so I'm sharing this.
Again, it's probably the most taboo thing to be raped.
A lot of these fantasies are kind of a way of reclaiming a fear or reclaiming a past pain.
A lot of women like the idea of being dominated or being taken.
Not that they actually want to be raped, but that they like the idea of being submissive.
I mean, in my experience a lot of women like to say “no” during sex, not because they don't actually want it… but because it IS so taboo.
This is a good thing to communicate that you, as the man, understand these things and don't judge her for her desires.
Because if you start judging her–if you start thinking it's weird, or if you start being weird about her expression of her desires–one, she might not want to sleep with you anymore, because it's not comfortable to be judged like that.
And two, even if she does still have a relationship with you, she's not going to want to share her real self with you, right?
Just like you probably have some taboo desires or rude stuff that you want to share, you don't want them to be judged.
If you can learn how to be a judgment-free, you will exponentially increase the pleasure available in your sex life, because she'll be able to let out more of herself.
And ultimately, this will get her to do a LOT more wild things with you in bed.
With a lot of things sex-related, there needs to be a buildup.
For example, one of my ex-girlfriends was REALLY into the daddy-daughter stuff, and getting spanked hard… like so hard I left handprints on her a**…
But I had NO idea she was into that… until one night after a few glasses of wine, we were getting hot & heavy on the couch… I grabbed her butt, and she said:
This was a girl who had never even said one thing to me during sex, not even, “Oh yeah” or “I like that.”
Most women ARE pretty f**king kinky, but as a man it’s your job to bring her kinky side out.
And you can easily do this using a few simple rough s*x moves, enjoyed by the majority of women around the world…
… including the one my ex used to go WILD for, the “S&M Spank.”
Unfortunately, I've come across many men who are too afraid to try these moves… because yeah, they are a bit rough in nature…
Women desperately want men to be rough and take control in the bedroom.
And once you can get her to open up, and feel comfortable letting you dominate her…
She’s going to come back for more and more, because men like that are just too rare to pass up on:
P.S. If you REALLY want to show her who’s boss in the bedroom… choke her like THIS.
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