Free Kinky

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Free Kinky
Up until last year, my husband and I led a fairly ho-hum existence in regards to sex and kink. It wasn’t until I accidentally found myself reading an incredibly smutty book that I realized what I was reading wasn’t gross; it was fascinating and I wanted to try everything .
It was a normal Wednesday evening when I brought the book up to my bedroom, where I nervously asked my husband to read a particularly descriptive passage about anal sex and the use of anal beads. Imagine my surprise when he wasn’t disgusted! “So, this is something — we could try? Someday? Maybe?” I said. He laughed and said “ Sure! As long as you’re comfortable with it!” By the end of the week, I was the proud owner of a very pretty butt plug, some heavy-duty lube and my husband was in possession of my butt-sex virginity.
Here’s what I’ve figured out about getting your kink on with a lover: Unless you meet on a fetish forum or get real drunk with each other, your secret desires to be spanked, whacked, choked, and manhandled will probably go unspoken. Imagine turning to your lover right now and saying, “Tonight I would like you to slap my tits until they bruise.”
What would happen? Would someone’s head explode? Would you feel judged? Would your lover even know what tit slapping was? IT’S SUCH A RISK! So how does a happy and healthy sexually active couple go about figuring out the hard and soft limits of their sexuality? If you lead a fairly vanilla life chances are you’re completely unaware to just how much pleasure there is to be had out there. But how do you go about approaching the subject?
Yes, porn is getting a bad rap lately, and it should — I’ve watched porn destroy many a relationship because it was either kept secret or abused to the point where the lines between reality and porn blur into a muddled mess of pain and confusion for everyone involved.
But I’ve learned that porn, when viewed with my husband, can actually be wonderfully beneficial to both of us. It helps that we’re both open-minded in regards to sex but we still find it easier to find new positions and ideas from porn than trying to describe what we think we’d like.
Here are some of our favorite pornographic pleasures:
1. Girl-on girl. Girls are soft, girls are pretty, girls are generally less aggressive than men are, and let’s be honest — girls know what girls like because girls have the same parts as other girls. My husband enjoys watching two girls together because he is guy; I enjoy watching because I have a pretty strong desire to make out with a girl one day.
2. Tit-slapping. I had heard of it, but never considered it until I watched it and my brain and body made the connection that “Hey, I think I’d like that.” My husband was ecstatic as it was something he had always wanted to try but was too shy to ask about. What is tit-slapping? It’s exactly what it sounds like: basically having your boobs spanked.
3. Girl/guy bondage. Preferably the guy tying up the girl. I love being submissive to my husband, so seeing other women being submissive to their lovers is a turn-on for both of us. I especially love elaborate rope ties, as it is more of a focused art form rather than just a hasty, easy-to-break-free-from handkerchief to a headboard.
4. Super-oily, naked massages. If there were one scene I would never opt out of, it would be having big warm hands all over my oiled and naked body. I don’t even care about getting knots out; I just want strong hands all over me. It’s a hard one to recreate in the bedroom because cleaning that amount of oil out of or off of anything would ruin it for me.
5. Sensual, slooooow kissing. Kissing seems so basic and boring, I mean, most of us have been doing it since we were horny teenagers. But a good kiss, one that goes slow, where you’re breathing in another person? Those are the kinds of kisses that get us all hot and bothered. Anyone can slam their body parts together but to kiss like you mean it requires a level of passion and intimacy that can’t be found with just anyone.
Now that you know what we’re into (no judgment!), here are a few helpful suggestions that have worked for us to make watching porn less awkward and more amazing:
I realize guys are audio and visual but I am visual only. Corny dialogue and music only distract me from what is really going on — plus it’s easier for my husband to tell what I’m really into when everything is quiet. I have a bad habit of doing terrible voice-overs if I don’t like what we’re watching. If I’m quiet, it’s usually a good indication that I’m interested in what’s going on.
While watching, our discussions usually involve simple statements like “Please never do that to me” or “I wouldn’t hate it if you tried that on me.” We both laugh at the outlandish positions — what is it with men going down on women who just happen to be doing a headstand? NOPE — and hum in agreement on positions we know we like.
It’s also important to go into more detail if there was something one of us would like to try: When would you want to try it? Where would you want it to happen? What toys or preparation would you need to complete before it could happen? While we’re at it, now is also a good time to discuss your safe words!
There is A LOT of porn out there, and it is categorized down to the tiniest detail. If we don’t both enjoy what we’re watching, we change the video! If one of us really likes a particular scene but the other is slightly horrified? We’ll have a discussion about what it is they like about the scene, then narrow down our searches to even more specific details.
We both agree quality is key — there’s no reason for us to watch terribly lit porn and shoddy camera work — which narrows down our choices immensely. Same goes for costuming, who really does the dishes in a tiny skirt, high heels and no underpants? We prefer our porn to be *slightly* realistic.
There is an entire world to explore on the other side of your safe search filter, when explored honestly and with healthy curiosity in mind — it can open up a whole new world to couples who believe their sex lives to be dead in the water.
Even if you don’t end up living out a real life porn scene, you’ll at least have the fodder for a spirited discussion on what each of you is into (which may very well lead to a horizontal display in the bedroom).
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Finding a one-night-stand online is a breeze when you’re looking to dine and dash. If you crave more than a few strokes in missionary, consider a BDSM dating platform to boost your chances.
The best BDSM dating sites and fetish apps can help you penetrate deeper into your local BDSM dating community.
Fetish dating sites can be browsed by roles or kinks. Whether you are a dom looking for a greedy sub, or a rope bunny looking for your rigger, they help you find your match fast.
Still, the internet is full of scams. Dodging them through trial and error is risky and exhausting. Are the best sites for BDSM dating what they claim to be?
Before we dive into the list, let’s do a recap of the BDSM basics.
BDSM is a blanket term that covers an array of activities, both in the bedroom and out. Flogging, sensory play, spanking, role-play, and bondage are a few examples of erotic BDSM exchanges.
The acronym stands for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism. But being ‘into BDSM’ doesn’t mean you have to practice all activities associated with it. Rather, you can experiment to see which ones feel best for yourself or with a partner.
Bondage and discipline is the act of consensual physical restraint during sexual activity. The purpose of this is to inflict pain, punishment, or humiliation on a willing partner, for their satisfaction.
Dominance and submission refer to the power dynamic within the kinky relationship. Whether you get your kicks from adapting to a dominant role or find yourself willing to relinquish control, D/S is all about the power.
Sadism and Masochism describe finding pleasure in inflicting or receiving physical pain. You’ve already heard of spanking, but S&M can be anything from tickling to paddle spanking or whipping.
Consent may not be part of the acronym itself, but it’s a major part of BDSM. Kinky endeavors should be practiced with consent from both (or all) parties included. This means you need to communicate your mutual goals, sexual needs, kinks, and safe words, in sort of a contractual manner.
A “safe word” is an important part of any BDSM combination. This can be an easy and arbitrary word, that you can use to stop all activity regardless of your role, no questions asked.
Dom, short for dominant, is the participant who does the binding or spanking. Sub or submissive in contrast, is the one who voluntarily gives up control to the dom, in the kinky contract. Sometimes the words “top” and “bottom” may be used instead of dom and sub. If you like to switch between roles, feel free to call yourself a proud switch.
“Play” is used to describe BDSM activities, both sexual and not. For example, sensory play can refer to any activity that has to do with challenging the five senses. Another type of experience is impact play – which focuses on inflicting pain by striking the body.
Safe, Sane, and Consensual (SSC) – This describes goals for best practices and ethical behavior of the BDSM community.
Alt.com is an online community with one of the largest groups of men and women in the BDSM lifestyle. This is an excellent place to start if you are looking to find someone for kinky dating or roleplay sexcapades. Within minutes of joining, I jumped into the chat rooms and flirted with a lady who shares my love for transparent clothing.
On alt.com, you can message anyone for online BDSM play, and the members are happy to engage in conversations. The dating site has topic rooms for all kinds of kink and fetish interests (rubber, goth, cybersex, etc.). You can also join their local, state, or regional chat groups to meet local subs, doms, or switches.
Alt.com is free to join . But of course, like most fetish sites, you are charged to get past the communicative barriers. Look around the site and if you like what you see, unlock all the features (unlimited contact, blog/video access, profile visibility) with one of the following membership deals:
On Alt.com, you may find like-minded people that you have never met in real life, not even on social media.
The popular BDSM dating site is overtly geared toward kinky people who love bondage and leather. The website layout is very similar to Alt.com, with member profiles, topic rooms, and local groups for each state, region, and continent.
When you first arrive, you will see a collage of lovers, masks, and cages. Those tools represent the entire site as a whole. I found that I fit at the moment I joined. You do not have to look for people who share your kinks and fetishes anymore. Register for the free features and then upgrade to the silver or gold membership (same membership plans and rates as alt.com).
With more than 80 million members (64m in the US), Adult Friend Finder is the most populated kinky dating site globally. With members galore, you can find anyone: straight, gay, and bi; single, swinger, and polyamorous.
Adult Friend Finder is more than just a BDSM dating site; it is an online fetish community where people chat, form kink groups, share videos, and post stories.
You can share your fantasies and erotica, both real and fictional, with other members into the same fetishes. Membership rates are as follows:
AFF is one of the most popular swinger sites for polyamorous people. If you and your partner have fantasized about trying group sex or cuckoldry, you might find willing participants here. Check the AFF member profiles, and you’re on your way to a steamy threesome.
Few dating sites are as notorious as Ashley Madison, the site for adulterous individuals. Most of its members look for some quick anonymous action, but you’ll likely find AM useful as a BDSM dating site, too.
Whether you enjoy blindfolded submissive partners squirming to your delight, or craving foxy dominant women, this dating website is filled with kinky people ready to go your way!
Ashley Madison has an easy-to-use layout. You scroll through matches that meet your essential search criteria (gender, age, location) and click on photos for more info. Most of these people seek the ride of their lives and are blunt about what they want in a fling.
There is no membership plan for Ashley Madison. To make full use of the site, buy credits at the following prices:
Ashley Madison is a libertine hookup and affair website where anything goes sexually. Just practice your utmost discretion here (after all, most of these people don’t want their partners to find out.)
Seeking Arrangement ( Seeking.com ) is a dating site where gold diggers find sugar daddies. Rich men, in turn, come here looking for arm candy. To some extent, this kink dating site facilitates the costliest of fetishes – findom, where men get teased out of their wealth by hot dominatrixes.
The site is free to join, but you will need to pay the premium to unlock conversations, filter your inbox and get your profile in front of more matches. As a sugar daddy, that will cost you the following:
If you join as a sugar baby, the rates are far lower:
Despite its reputation, the people on Seeking Arrangement run the gamut, and most of them do not even resemble tycoons or gold diggers. Still, if you join as a sugar daddy, the lowest-possible net worth you can list is $100k but there is no real verification.
As the name implies, Fetlife is a community website of members dedicated to the fetish lifestyle. It sports a micro-blogging layout that shows columns of the latest member posts and pics, where other users can comment.
Fetlife is where kinky people come to socialize with like-minded individuals. We would not call it a dating site per se, but you can find dates and hookups if you invest time and energy into the website. For unrestricted use of the site, consider the following plans:
To find kinky singles on Fetlife, join their Partner Finder group.
If you want to explore the fetish community for free, start on Reddit. While it’s one of the official BDSM dating sites, the r/BDSMpersonals subreddit is easy to use and packed with active users. Each thread header states the poster’s age, location, and preference (M4W, W4M, W4A, etc.).
To combat spam, they now make you wait four days after joining before you can post. Thoroughly moderated the subreddit rules also prohibit personal links, promotions, or any mention of findom.
Fetster is an online dating website and community for people with varying shades of kink. On Fetster, you can post videos, join interest groups, converse in forum threads, post blogs and photos, and even make confessions. An alternative take to conventional BDSM dating sites.
The Fetster community is equally about socializing and dating. If you fancy someone, you can PM them and/or add them to your friend’s list (think mainstream social media). The site puts you through a lengthy fill-in forum at signup to weed out the fakes or bots.
On Bondage.com , you can post about fetish and kink topics and find other locals with similar interests. The fetish dating site contains multiple fetish groups for each state and city.
In my area, Portland and vicinity, they have groups for hotwives, gangbangs, exhibitionists, cucks, and more. Whatever floats your boat, there’s a group for it.
Bondage.com has the format of a social media website with content feeds, comment boxes, and like buttons. The site is free to use, but with a paid membership, you can get more features such as contacting members privately, which increases your chances of finding a BDSM date.
Their Gold and Silver membership rates are the same as on alt.com and BDSM.com. (They’re all run by Magnolia Blossom Inc.)
Fetish.com is an excellent kinky social media platform that has interactive features for members to use. Similar to Facebook, you populate your profile with content to attract other users. If you like someone, give them a spank on their post. They also have live text and video chat under multiple kink categories.
While not everyone on Fetish.com is looking for dates, you can flirt with anyone. To find dates, click on the BDSM dating link under the Browse pull-down menu. The site is free to use, but you can unlock more features with their VIP or Premium membership (listed in Euros).
If you’re under 30 and your kink is older women, give cougarlife.com a try. The site offers simple search filters that let you narrow the choice down by eye color, body type, age range, hair color, location, and more.
A lot of women in the cougar scene are more aggressive than the typical online dating members. As such, women often make the first move on cougarlife.com .
It’s sometimes tricky to hook up with older or younger singles in real life because they run in different crowds. Sites like Cougar Life make it easier for younger guys to meet MILFs in that prime 35-50 range.
Yes, it is easy to meet someone on these fetish/BDSM sites, since people are serious about fetishes.
Once you join and interact with the members, you can find plenty of people happy to socialize. Depending on which hours you go online and the size of the fetish community in your area, you might find many people eager to talk at once.
Even though you can find users who enjoy the same fetishes as you in these online communities, that doesn’t mean they will meet you off
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