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SheKnows is a part of Penske Media Corporation. © 2022 SheMedia, LLC. All Rights Reserved.

As much hype and attention as we give it, sex is just another normal function of the human body — which can only mean it has the potential to get pretty darn embarrassing. While everyone has had at least one sex slip-up before, these cringe-worthy-but-totally-true stories might make you feel better about some of your more forgettable sexual encounters.
“One evening after a few drinks, this younger boy and I were lying on the ground with our pants off and making out. We removed our undies and he starts moving his hips back and forth, slowly and then faster and faster,” recalls Laura. “His breath got heavier, and then he collapsed on top of me. Mind you, this whole time I just laid there in fear of saying something that would embarrass him because he was a virgin .”
“He looked up at me sweetly and asked, ‘How w-w-was it for you?’ I replied, ‘What? You were between my thighs.’ He laughed it off, but was super embarrassed. When we finally did get around to actually [doing the deed], it was fantastic.”
It was 1969 and Dana was a senior at UCLA. “My girlfriend and I were looking for a place to make ‘nookie’ since my roommate was in my room studying. It was a few days before classes started and the room next door to her room was still vacant, so we went in there and proceeded,” Dana explains.
“Then, there was a knock on the door. We froze. Another knock, then the sound of a key going into the lock. Room was pitch dark, so it was just sounds, but we heard voices out in the hall.”
“In a panic, I threw a blanket — or something — over my girlfriend, grabbed my pants and tried to pull them on as I headed for the door to keep it from opening. I got to the door with my pants just above my knees when the door opened,” he recalls. “Standing in the hall was this sweet young freshman girl with her parents bringing her to her new dorm room! The looks on their faces were priceless. I asked them to give us a few minutes — I mean, what choice did they have?”
“My wife and I decided to add a little spice to our love life by using some aerosol whipped cream. I got the can from the fridge and brought it to our dark bedroom, sprayed it all over her boobs and started to lick it off. It tasted funny and I thought that her skin chemistry was giving the whipped cream an off taste,” says John. “It kept getting worse, so I turned on the light. It was all green from mold. She started laughing hysterically as did I. It killed the mood for the night though. I had a queasy stomach all night long.”
John, who is ironically a marriage, relationship and sexual coach, shares: “My wife and I went out with some friends for bowling and beer. We both had a little too much to drink.” However, that didn’t stop him from initiating intercourse with his wife that night. “I was happily pumping away with a full bladder. I began to feel the urge to ejaculate (or so I thought in my half drunken stupor). The problem was that I was peeing instead of ejaculating.”
Eliza recounts a story from her first year in college. “I was with my boyfriend in his dorm room. His roommate was away for the weekend (or so we thought). I’m under the covers giving him a blow job and having a good time. I don’t even hear the key turn in the door or anything — all of a sudden I just hear his roommate talking.”
“I just froze. I didn’t know what to do,” Eliza recalls. “He’s just shooting the breeze with my boyfriend, and my boyfriend is trying to just play it off and is holding a conversation like I’m not even there. So I just stayed down there, perfectly still, waiting for him to go. He talks for what seems like is eternity (probably only two minutes). Then I hear him say, ‘See ya later… you too Eliza.’ I thought I was going to die of embarrassment.”
“I am the first to admit, I’m not a pro at giving head but I try,” says Trisha. “One night, I was pleasuring my new boyfriend and I removed my mouth for a second to breathe when all of a sudden he ejaculated — right up my nose. It felt like I was drowning for a second and I began choking. He thought it was hysterical — I was mortified by the whole thing. I spent the next half hour blowing my nose.”
Updated by Bethany Ramos on 4/1/2016
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These are some of the best short stories around, and what makes them even more delightful is the fact that every one is absolutely free. If you love to read this article is just right for you.
“Mikhail lived a large portion of his life in that state of mind in which you take a risk and deny the risk at the same time, out of rage.”
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“A Tiny Feast” is for those who love fairy folk. In the story, a toddler is exchanged for a hobgoblin, but the tiny child has a very serious illness. The story is available for free from The New Yorker .
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“Lorry Raja” is a short story about children and families in India. These families were coerced into forced labor to mine for iron to build the Olympic stadium in China. It is available to read from The Narrative Magazine. You will be required to submit an email address to access the full story.
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The “Bluebell Meadow” is set during the Troubles in Ireland. It is about two teenagers that although in love have the chasm of religious ideals between them. It is available for free from Google Books .
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A normal day in a bank turns to terror very quickly. You can find “Bullet In The Brain” at no cost here.
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“Safari” is about a dysfunctional group of people who go on an African safari. The story is quite poignant in its telling. It is available from The New Yorker.
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This story is set in Spain and is a conversation between a man and a woman waiting for a train. Ernest Hemingway liked to couch his stories with analogies. This story is no different. It is available to read for free here.
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This is a coming of age story. A girl entering college questions her culture, her sexuality, and more. The story is available for free from The New Yorker .
“On a knoll in the ridge, run there by the dogs, the bobcat watched, waiting for the man to leave.”
This story is available through The Atlantic for free. The story is about a group of coal miners and the way they deal with the dangers of coal mining.
“She sat at the window watching the evening invade the avenue.”
The story is one of several short stories from Joyce’s The Dubliners and is available for free. The story is about a young woman having second thoughts about leaving her homeland of Ireland.
“In its own way this correspondence would fulfill his dream, of serving as an interpreter between nations.”
Ms. Lahiri won the Pulitzer Prize for this story in 2000. The story is about a family visiting India and their tour guide. The story is available for free here.
“The children pressed to each other like so many roses, so many weeds, intermixed, peering out for a look at the hidden sun. ”
A great read by one of the most brilliant science fiction authors ever, Ray Bradbury. The story is set on Venus and centers on the children of those who have settled there. It can be downloaded at no cost here .
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This is a story about an atypical day at the beach. The entire book can be downloaded for free here.
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The story revolves around the tumultuous teen years, although the child in the story is in her late twenties. The father reminisces about his daughter’s adolescent years. The story can be read for free here.
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Aliens make a hilarious discovery. The story was nominated for the Nebula award in 1991. The story can be read for free here.
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A story of a young woman’s descent into madness after the birth of her child. The user can choose which format to download. Available for free here.
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This is a very short story that revolves around the very beginning of the universe. The story is available for free.
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“Italy” is a bittersweet tale about a couple during many years of marriage. The story can be read for free here.
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A story about an unusual school dealing with a rather mundane subject. The story can be read for free.
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A man is condemned to die in a most unusual manner. Read the story for free .
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A story about an aunt who refuses to stay dead. The story is available for free .
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Two men awake to a very distressing morning. The story can be found here.
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