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Hattie Gladwell Thursday 28 Jul 2016 5:55 pm
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To Lee from Bournemouth, out in Brighton on Saturday night with his pals,… Tall handsome blond boy with blue eyes. Think your name is Alex…
'His attendance is not an issue, and he's actually setting a good example to the other children.'
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Can you remember back to the first time you saw an erect penis?
Probably not – and we don’t blame you, it’s probably not something you’d really feel the need to remember.
But lots of girls do and they’re talking about it over on a Reddit thread after someone asked the question: ‘ Girls, what did you think when you saw an erect penis for the first time? ’
Oh, and if you hadn’t guessed already, this article is incredibly NSFW.
1. ‘I was confused because the typical penis boys draw is very misleading. Before, I always thought that the balls were in two separate sacks. Very confusing indeed.’
2. ‘Before I saw one I’d assumed a penis became erect still pointing down. I’d never seen any porn or anything and yeah, i figured sex would be a logistical nightmare. In my head, when I saw it pointing up, I was kind of like “ohhhhhh that totally makes sense now!”‘
3. ‘I was about ten and saw it on the Internet. Thought it was a diseased finger.’
4. ‘How is that going to fit inside me?!’
5. ‘When I was 18, I walked in on my roommate’s naked boyfriend. When I saw that tiny thing sticking out, I thought ‘Is that IT!?”
6. ‘HE HAS A BONER! Wow, i must be hot after all.’
7. ‘My thought process went a little something like ‘OMG I’m at least somewhat sexually arousing. I like this penis. Wait… he shaved. He was expecting this. I wanna touch it. Yup, this thing is great. And so soft. I have no idea what to do. Why do I wanna put it in my mouth? I’m gonna put it in my mouth. Yup, this is fun.’ D*cks are awesome.’
9. ‘It looks like an alien worm protruding from his crotch.’
10. ‘Is that supposed to be hot? If so, I think I might be broken.’
11. ‘I thought it would be way further down, like where a vagina is.’
12. ‘It really does look like a lollipop.’
13. ‘Wait, is that what a boner is?’
14. ‘Huh. So that’s why I like girls more.’
Part of HuffPost News. ©2022 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved.
"I'm having an orgasm," came the shout heard around the quad. It was clear. It was unmistakable. It was unavoidably audible. And timed perfectly to cause maximum shock value.
Author, Keynote Speaker, Food Humorist©
Apr 30, 2012, 09:41 AM EDT | Updated Jun 30, 2012
This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email.
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Author, Keynote Speaker, Food Humorist©
"I'm having an orgasm," came the shout heard around the quad.
It was clear. It was unmistakable. It was unavoidably audible.
And timed perfectly to cause maximum shock value.
My teen-aged daughter and I were on our sixth and final college campus tour. By now, the routine had become familiar. After an admissions counselor dutifully presented the college's credentials and outlined the admissions requirements, a hyper-enthusiastic student, as well-practiced in the school story as in walking backwards while telling it, gave us a tour of the campus. If "admissions" was a team, the student tour guides would be its cheerleaders.
This one started innocently enough, passing venerable academic buildings, the majestic library, a state-of-the-art athletic facility. There was something so familiar, but that's because this was my alma mater . Yep, I spent four years on this campus and received my degree from Lehigh University . Indeed, as we passed Maginnes Hall, it brought back vivid memories of HR 41, formally known as Human Sexuality.
It felt good to be back after such a long absence. Now I remember: I had a really good time here. That included a certain amount of debauchery that goes with college. And I'll be damned if I'm gonna drop serious coin for my daughter to experience that.
On the other hand, being out from under her parents' wing will be one of the most enriching growth opportunities of her life, not only to learn, but to meet all types of interesting and different people.
As joyful recollections danced in my head, our group of about 20 sixteen-year-olds and 30 parents was directed by our perky guide to the campus residence halls. As a father, particularly of a daughter, I can only hope that she won't be doing what I did, right here in these same residence halls, when the drinking age was still 18.
In what sounded almost like a public address announcement delivered by a male voice from a room nearby, broadcast to the surrounding vicinity: "I'm having an orgasm."
He wasn't the kind of "interesting and different people" I had in mind.
To say that our group response was muted is an understatement. Although every single one of us heard it, silence prevailed as if trying to pretend it didn't happen. Our tour guide's reaction could best be described as mortified.
Awkward doesn't do the scene justice; this was a conspiracy of awkwardness. Or, as a teenager might say, " ewwww ." Other than walking in on a couple of students actually having sex, what could be more uncomfortable to a co-ed group of teenagers with their parents in tow, just about to enter the dormitory where they might potentially spend the next four years, than to hear someone loudly proclaim their orgasm?
I should have stayed quiet. But the former standup comedian in me instinctively took over, yelling back to the orgasmic shout-out as I would have to a heckler at a nightclub: "You're always too soon." The result was awkward on steroids.
Our tour guide led us inside the "co-ed" dorm, making sure to inform us that the bathrooms were not co-ed. Oh, what a relief.
I couldn't help but notice that she later failed to point out the health center, where I recall that they dispensed birth control as readily as band-aids.
I decided that our next tour will be women's colleges.
Author, Keynote Speaker, Food Humorist©
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